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Thread: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

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    Senior Member zorasky's Avatar
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    Sad So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    So, I want to start off by saying that my boyfriend and I have been in a substantial and committed relationship for just over a year now. We don't have many relationship problems, and we have almost always gotten along. Our relationship is in no way one-sided, and he contributes to it just as much as I do. Where I pick up the slack financially, he does emotionally, and vice versa. I am 19 years old, and he turned 21 today. I'm not sure if it is common in relationships with age difference like this for the younger party to have worries and fears about the other coming of age, but I do. I don't consider myself insecure, but for some reason I worry about him going out to party, getting effed up and doing things he shouldn't. IE, making out with other girls, being irresponsible, drinking and driving. It's an agreement between both of us that, if we find ourselves sexually attracted to someone else, we will discuss the situation, and consider partaking in sexual acts as a group. Some of you may find this odd, but we are both very sexually explorative, and I find it helps to keep a great deal of excitement in our relationship. This kind of thing has only ever happened once or twice, and was always a good experience for everyone involved. I wouldn't go so far as to say we are swingers, but...you get the gist. We do live in a party city. I have had a fake ID (before our relationship) and I know what it's like to go out and struggle in a committed relationship while everyone else is getting wild. I also know that many people would rather attempt driving home drunk than taking a cab and picking the car up the next day. My roommates were often dumb enough, and somehow successful, in doing this multiple times. I am just worried because...what if he meets someone else while out without me and I have to find out about it later? What if he gets a DUI? What if he fails to tell the thirsty women up in the club that he's taken? Which I can guarantee, there will come a time when this is necessary. He is very attractive, a ladies man, and was never into commitment at all before we got together. Has anyone here ever dealt with similar fears? I need a reality check, or something to ease my mind. Thank you ladies for all your help.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    if you can't trust your boyfriend then i have to ask what the point of your relationship is. i've been in a relationship like that too, and if you cannot trust the other person then its really NOT worth it. and being tipsy is really no excuse to cheat or go outside the confines of your relationship. whether or not you guys are the same age, i'm sure the day will come when an attractive girl comes onto him when you are not with him. so i guess either trust him and trust that he will make the right decision, or drop him as a boyfriend if he's done things that make you doubt he's loyalty.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    ^I agree. My boyfriend is sort of similar, he loves to party and before we got together he had only had a couple semi-serious relationships and he's in his mid 30s, has never lived with anyone but me, and basically was just a partying ladies man. Some of the stories he has told me make me roll my eyes and cringe at the same time (seriously he was horrible).

    But, I trust that he has changed since we got together for a number of reasons which I won't bore you with. And I think it's important that we have our own things to do every once and a while, which sometimes means he goes out with his friends alone, and I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me at all if he has a guys night out-- I'm honestly sometimes relieved since I'm not really into going to big clubs and whatnot. If you feel like you can't trust that your boyfriend has changed, then you really shouldn't be with him, because there's nothing that he can do to make you trust him, that's something that has to come from within YOU. Yes people make bad choices with alcohol, but it sounds like the two of you have been going out and partying since you got together and you've never had an issue with him cheating (you have a fake ID so I'm assuming he does) so what is the difference with him now being 21?

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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    Agree esp w/ Audrey here. Age is pretty far down the list of relevant factors to look at when deciding whether a person is likely to misbehave, esp when alcohol is added to the mix. If he wants to get fkd up & cheat, or drive, or go cow-tipping, or anything else, the fact that he's now reached legal drinking age is probably not going to have a helluva lot to do w/ it.

    It sounds to me like your concern is at least partly bc of the fact that, being underage yourself, you can't go to as many places w/ him anymore to keep an eye on him. If that's got anything to do w/ it, well, like you said, you have a fake ID. & the use of that expression 'thirsty women'? Please. If a person is of a mind to stray, they aren't necessarily going to wait around for a target to come to them. Don't psychic-stink-eye every imaginary female in every club in town that happens to glance at your bf just bc you're insecure. The relevant factors to examine here are his current & past behaviours(i.e. Has he given you reason in the past to doubt him?) & your own mindset -- examining the sources of your insecurity that may not actually have anything to do w/ him.

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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    If they get married she can probably accompany him where alcohol is served.

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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    Its normal to get worried about things. To have a nagging voice in ones head. Just don't let it control your life.

    Examine it for truth and if there is none let it go.

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    Senior Member zorasky's Avatar
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    Default Re: So, my boyfriend just turned 21.

    Thanks for all your help, ladies. I've come to realize that my fears were rather irrational, mute points based on past relationship experiences. I do trust him, and I believe he values that trust. As much as I worry about the choices he will make while out having fun, I know he is his own person and must learn lessons as such. Lessons like the one he learned laat night, when he mixed 5 different beers, whiskey, and tequila. Didn't turn out to be the greatest night when he wound up with alcohol poisoning and an IV in his arm. But he's fine now, just so you know. Again, thanks ladies

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