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Thread: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I've been a cam girl for nearly 4 years and I while I still want to cam, I don't want to do rely on it fully. I've been looking forward to stripping and my husband said it didn't bother him when I talked about it months ago. I told him then I wouldn't if he didn't feel comfortable with it. But now he suddenly is bothered about it and I don't know how to handle it. This was my chance to get out of the house and away from the things I don't enjoy about camming. I feel stuck here. How can I convince my husband that stripping is fine again? I'm honestly considering divorce over this....

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Why did you tell him you wouldn't do it if it bothered him, if it's this important to you?

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    When I saw in your Uber thread how your hubby suddenly wasn't ok w/ the idea of you stripping, my first thought was, 'Sounds like he was only ok w/ it bc you weren't actually able to go do it.' I realise how judgmental that sounds, but when I went back & reread your post here, & saw where you mentioned the idea of divorcing him over this, I am guessing there is a lot more to it than sm sudden random 'ehhhhhh ... idk honey, I just don't wanna'

    Have you guys had any discussion as to why he is suddenly revoking the green light?

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I said that months ago when we first talked about it. He said he had no problem with it then and didn't see why he would. I didn't want to buy shoes and outfits if I wasn't going to use them. But now that I've spent $100s on new stuff for stripping and had plans of auditioning this week, he suddenly has a problem with it.

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I think that is the case as well. He was perfectly ok with it until I had a way to do it.

    I tried to ask him why he didn't feel comfortable with it. He says that he is worried about someone hurting me. I told him that we can check out the clubs in the area together so he can check them out for himself and he wouldn't have any part of it. I just wish he could have said he wasn't ok with it before now.

    edit: I meant to reply with Aniela's post but it didn't work oops.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    His reasons against it are just as important as your reasons for doing it, I think. It doesn't make either of you bad ppl, or wrong, but this is a pretty big thing to disagree over. Sit his happy ass down & get to the bottom of his reasoning, you guys can't really go anywhere on this until you both get heard. You both have a right to have your concerns addressed here. It's very easy for us Internet strangers to get uppity & write him off as just a judgmental, possessive asshole who doesn't get it, but we can't really advise you further if we don't know more abt where he is coming from.

    ETA fear for your safety is a valid concern. Shit happens in the best jobs. You're right in wanting to go check out clubs, I think the best way to choose a club is to go as a customer. You get to learn abt dress codes, stage setups, dance/VIP pricing, etc. Buy a few dances from different girls so you can see how they actually work at that club, & get a feel for how seriously the security takes their jobs.

    Does he think that the second an attractive female steps into the club, they snatch her up & force her to work? The whole point of going as customers is for both of you to get a feel for how the place operates.
    Last edited by Aniela; 11-28-2014 at 10:17 AM. Reason: Read OP followup

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I agree. He says he doesn't want to talk to me about it anymore. I suppose that's why I'm so upset, he just doesn't want to hear me out at all.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Im dealing with something similar where my husband thinks stripping is the nastiest thing ever but camming is ok, but i travel alot sometimes up 2-3 weeks so i dance anyways when im away. Im not suggesting this but if i wasnt able to do this idk how welll i would enjoy our relationship bc i enjoy dancing alot. Our motto has always been when we are not around each other what we do is none of the other persons business.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hysterical View Post
    I agree. He says he doesn't want to talk to me about it anymore. I suppose that's why I'm so upset, he just doesn't want to hear me out at all.
    I think, here you have two options.

    A) drop it for the moment & come back to it when he's simmered down a bit. My impression is that he got himself a bit worked up. Describe going as a customer, the way I explained it, if you haven't already. Being in the industry as long as we have (5+ yrs for me) it can be easy to take certain things for granted that a person who is not as immersed in it might not even think to consider. Print out the 'Safety Tips for Newbies' & maybe the 'New Dancers & Those Who Help Them' threads & show them to him to bolster your case. A lot can go wrong in this job, but there are also TONS of things you can do to minimise the risks to yourself.

    B) put on your Bitch Gstring & tell him if he won't hear you out, tough shit, you're going to go by yourself to check out clubs. Mention that if he were really that concerned for your safety, he might join your exploration party so he can see for himself exactly what you might be getting yourself into. You might be able to tell from this suggestion that I am not married myself

    Here's another thing to consider: since you've been camming for so long, I am guessing neither of you is worried abt you being recognised, or being tracked thru your camming? I have nvr cammed myself but there are many girls here who discuss being outed, or otherwise traced when trying to get vanilla work, for example. Did you or your husband know that photography in strip clubs is actually illegal? It typically falls under 'distribution of pornography' laws. This is not to say you won't ever get wankers who try to take stealth pics/video of you onstage, but a club w/ good security will take the necessary steps to minimise that, & the risk of being recorded w/o your consent is a lot more reduced w/ dancing than w/ camming.

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I actually have a g string that says bitch

    I told him that I'm gonna check out clubs by myself but I'd rather have him join. He just said "fine, do whatever you want, my opinion doesn't matter." -__-

    I'm not really worried about being recognized, I didn't even think about it. I didn't think about it cutting down the chances of me getting recorded. I'm allll over tube sites unfortunately. If he ever talks to me about it again that is something I can bring up.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Why do you want to strip? Does he not make enough money? My husband didn't like it either at first but HE refused to get a better job so..........he got over it. If he was able to completely support us and provide then I wouldn't strip.

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    He's a manager at a pizza place. I make at least 2x as much as he does with camming.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    He might be insecure about you making more money.

    And his little comment about not caring about his opinion... ignore it. It's a guilt trip tactic. He sounds like he's being a selfish baby about it.

    (Can you tell I have NO patience for men telling us women what to do?)
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Senior Member Hysterical's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    I agree he definitely was trying to guilt trip me. I think I'm just gonna do it but I'll wait a few days before I audition. He says he doesn't care now.
    I hope that whatever doubts he has will go away after I've actually started stripping. He thinks that I won't be as successful stripping as I am camming because I don't have experience stripping. I mean sure camming and stripping are pretty different, but I think my camming experience will help me stripping.

    In fact, I think that hustling for dances would be easier than privates on a cam site because it's an in person thing and custies in a club are more likely to spend than some guy just casually browsing a cam site. Any ladies here that have been successful at both?

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Funny, my husband is fine with stripping but against camming, which actually works out great as I have no desire to cam. I echo the sentiments here; probably he was ok with it in theory, but not in practice. I really don't think there's any way to change his mind. People feel how they feel about things. But would I risk my marriage over stripping? For me, not a chance. But maybe for you, is different.

    This is the first thing you need to decide.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Actually...if i am the husband i also wouldn't want my wife to become stripper...

    Camming is okay since your customers can't touch you and you can control who will see you and still be able to protect yourself and your identity from the people who know you.

    But if you become a stripper, some of those customers will be able to touch you and what if someone you knew or someone who knew your husband accidentally came in the club your are going to work in...then it will be very very bad for him.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Quote Originally Posted by Coffee View Post
    Actually...if i am the husband i also wouldn't want my wife to become stripper...

    Camming is okay since your customers can't touch you and you can control who will see you and still be able to protect yourself and your identity from the people who know you.

    But if you become a stripper, some of those customers will be able to touch you and what if someone you knew or someone who knew your husband accidentally came in the club your are going to work in...then it will be very very bad for him.
    Contact varies by area, & if she's already a camgirl she's a lot more likely to be recognised that way, since her activities are literally being broadcasted. There are a lot of ways to adjust your appearance while dancing, just like w/ camming, & he doesn't really have the 'but sm1 might SEE you!' high ground since she's already been boobs-deep in camming for yrs.

    It would only 'be very bad for him' should one of his friends find out, if he's only got the backbone of a jellyfish & can't back-up his wife.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    • Fear of having his wife climb on other guys (clubs in the Carolinas are contact clubs);
    • Fear of customers sexually assaulting her;
    • Fear of club management trying to pressure her for sex;
    • Fear of having her like a customer and the contact with him (jealousy is not always rational, lol);
    • Fear of pimps and drug dealers trying to influence her;
    • Fear that the job will change her in some negative way; and
    • Fear of all the things that he cannot foresee or even attempt to influence.


    And that's just for starters.

    Truth be told, some or all of these fears are not exactly irrational in this industry. Many girls come out the back-end of this thing very changed. I think it also bears noting that a lot of marriages don't seem to survive when a girl starts dancing for the first time after she is already married.

    I also have to say though that, when the OP indicated that she was considering divorce over this, I for one suspected that there is a lot more going on here besides just her desire to dance. I have lost count now of how many women have come on here over the years who have started a "my SO won't let me dance - I think I'm going to leave him" thread, where in reality the dancing justification was really just the last push from a relationship that was failing anyway. Idk if that is the case here, but it is just a thought.

    It is what it is. I'm not going to bother trying to come up with some rational way to explain this to her husband because it will all sound like horseshit to him anyway. Some of his fears may be justified and others not so much, but either way he doesn't want to hear it. He just wants his wife not to work in something that could have so many bad outcomes for her and/or for their relationship.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    Whenever this kind of thread comes up, I cringe. Then I always say the same thing.

    Being married is a bunch of comprimising. Yes, independence is important, but you have chosen to live your life with another person, so they DO get a say in what you do. HIS opinion in this kind of work is just as important as yours.

    Does it suck that you dropped money on it just to find out he said no? Ya it sucks, take the outfits and shoes and incorporate them into your webshows or clips for now (if possible). I think you should drop it for now, come back to it in a month or so. You said it has been a while since you originally brought it up, well that has given him time to think about it. It seems he has dwelled on the bad side of dancing. Take a month to think of your 'plan of attack'. Perhaps you can settle on an agreement of 1 or 2 days a week for x amount of time. If he isn't comfortable with it you will stop. Or if you make x $ a month you get to keep dancing. Something.

    I agree with the idea of him scouting clubs with you. That way you guys can talk to dancers together, buy him some dances, buy yourself some dances, just find out how it will all work. Go during a slow time and a busy time. You don't know, you may hate dancing. I bounce back and forth with online work, but have danced pretty steady for 6 years. I love online because I don't have to be in physical contact with my customers and I have my passive income from C4S. It's hard for me to stick with it though because I always find an excuse not to work and I have no one to 'make' me do it. At the club, my boss texts me 3 days a week asking if I'm working. I'm not on a set schedule right now, so if I have no good reason tho not work I feel guilty if I don't go in. There are pros and cons to each. No one can say which would work best for you.

    If he really sticks to his decision, but your main thing is getting out of the house, keep camming and get a part time vanilla job.

    IMO, if you want a divorce over a job, there are deeper issues that need worked on.

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    Default Re: Husband not OK with stripping anymore, but ok with camming?

    ^I totally agree with Aurora. My marriage and family comes FIRST, my job comes SECOND and that's the reason I dance. I was a dancer before I met my husband and while we were dating (he was fine with it then.) Once we were married and had a baby together he got a little weird about it, BUT he wasn't willing to step it up for our family so I had to do what I had to do. If I was already making $1500 a week camming, or doing any other job that still allowed me time to spend with my family, I would choose that over stripping. In fact if my circumstances allowed it I would cam instead, But that's just me. I would never divorce my husband over a job. And honestly Hysterical, stripping is not like camming at all, and the money won't necessarily be better. In fact from the research I've done it's much more inconsistent than camming. You WILL be touched, groped, have to deal with shitty managers and bouncers trying to sleep with you, girls and floor hosts trying to fuck you over, everyone in the club trying to suck as much $ out of you as they can. The grass isn't always greener.

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