Let me preface this by saying that I do like my roommate. We get along well and she does a lot of nice things for me. This is the one major issue though...
My boyfriend is basically everything a girl could ever hope for. I live with him and a female roommate, but his job takes him out of town for at least 6 months out of the year so that he's often gone for weeks or months at a time. Just a few of his awesome qualities are that we share the same sense of humor, he cooks, he pays for everything so that I can focus on school and not feel pressured to work more hours than I can really handle, he has an insanely busy schedule but always makes sure to make time for me, he has zero issues with my job (I actually met him at work, and when he's around he drops me off and picks me up from my shifts so that I won't have to drive in case I've been drinking), he takes care of my little dog when I'm not around (this actually includes dressing him in a coat and boots when it's cold and taking him for a walk) - I could go on and on forever. All my friends like him, and even my family likes him (which is huge cuz they've never liked ANYONE I've dated.)
My roommate is single and it seems like almost everything she does is centered around trying to find a man. She doesn't know that I dance. "Social status" is of major importance to her. She and I (for different reasons) share an interest in name brands and doing things to maintain the best possible appearance like getting our nails & hair done, tanning, makeup, etc. She teaches at the same school I go to, we have similar levels of "book smarts" and education - lots of superficial points to relate on, basically. My boyfriend does not fit into her ideal at all. He grew up in a poor inter-city neighborhood and didn't even finish high school, which is pretty evident in the way he talks. He's covered in tattoos, hardly cares what he wears, and uses curse words in informal speech when he's at home, which offends her because "it's just common sense" that "normal people don't need to use that kind of language." He's very clean, stays in our bedroom most of the time playing video games when he's home, and is always happy and willing to help out with anything my roommate ever needs, including sitting and listening to her talk about herself for hours (literally) if she's had an especially rough day. My roommate is careless, and does stupid stuff all the time like not cleaning up after herself, leaving lights on, constantly using our groceries by mistake because she thought they were hers, etc. I know that my boyfriend has issues with these things and has brought it up to her several times, but other than that, I can't see any valid reason for her to dislike him.
She makes these sideways little comments all the time that make it obvious that she doesn't think my boyfriend is good enough for me. She has asked me on several occasions what I like about him. At about the second or third time, I thought it would help her to accept him if I pointed out more of his positive superficial qualities, since that's what she seems to care so much about. So, I told her how he has a successful (albeit non-traditional) career and makes a ton of $$, flies me all over the world on vacation, and knows a lot of famous celebrities (whom I often also get to meet.) Her response was just, "Oh, so you're just using him for his money and connections then. Well, every relationship has a trade-off of some kind, I guess." He and I both just let it go for the past 6 months or so, but eventually I did sit down with her and say in a very non-confrontational way, "Maybe you don't mean it this way, but you've said X, Y, and Z in the past, and it really makes it seem like you don't support our relationship. Even if you don't mean it that way, can you see how it could come across like that? We're really happy together, and it's hurtful to hear these things." That was honestly the best way I could think of to address it, because she's so self-centered that she sees virtually everything as a personal attack and then immediately goes on the defensive. If I had been more direct, she probably would have just been upset and not listened at all. She denied everything and made excuses and, while I didn't believe anything she said, it did seem like she changed her behavior after knowing that we were aware of what was going on.
This year, I accepted her invitation to have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her family and family's friends, since I had no other plans. At one point, almost everyone got up from the dinner table and started dancing. They were really trying to get me to join, but I politely declined each time because it's really not my thing. There was a guy about my same age who also chose not to dance, so I ended up spending pretty much the rest of the night talking to him. (Partially because there wasn't really anything else for me to do, and partially to try to look busy so that maybe I wouldn't get asked to dance anymore.) The next day, my roommate seemed genuinely worried that I didn't have a good time - she kept asking me. I assured her that I really did, and told her that I was perfectly entertained by talking to (the family friend) all night, because we ended up having a lot in common and he was really cool. I said (to emphasize the point, although this was true) that actually, he seemed like he would make a good friend, and under other circumstances I might suggest hanging out with him, but I felt that it would be inappropriate since I'm in a relationship, and I didn't want to have ANY chance that he could get the wrong impression (even though I already told him about my bf.)
Well, she latched onto this info and I can now see that she's trying to launch an all-out campaign to get me to break up with my boyfriend and date this guy instead. She actually CALLED HIS MOM, and ended up giving her my phone number to give to him - and of course he texted me right away. Now she keeps trying to insist that I text him, that we go out, that it's not at all inappropriate but I "don't have to tell (my boyfriend.)" I honestly want NO part of this and wish I never even said anything, but it feels like there is nothing I can do that will make her give this idea up and stop harassing me, now that she's got it in her head. It's causing so much additional stress in my life, I really just want to be left alone - WTF can I do??!!



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