We likely won't be getting back together, but in the interest of personal development, I'd really like some input. My club and personal friends can often be a hugbox when it comes to this kind of thing because they just assume I'm being reasonable.
Last weekend, my mom asked my fiance to help put up the outdoor Christmas decorations. My parents can't physically do it and I'm terrified of heights. They had a long conversation about it, she told him that it's really important and he told her he would help this weekend.
He came down for Thanksgiving and she asked him about his plans for the weekend. He said that he was working and didn't say a word about the lights. After he got home, we talked and I mentioned that, since he was working, I was going to try to get them done after work on Friday. He told me that he totally forgot and said that maybe he can do it next weekend. He has my mom's number and they're also Facebook friends. I said to let her know and I also mentioned it to her on Friday.
She's really upset and told me so Saturday morning when I went over to finish up. They've been really good to him and they felt blown off because he never said a word to them about it. I told him that they were disappointed and he came up with excuse after excuse (he forgot, he's stressed over work, he lives really far away, we're expecting him to be perfect, we're making a big deal out of nothing, etc.) without offering up much of an apology or a sincere acknowledgement of fault. He also said "I say things. Doesn't mean a promise." I hit the roof pretty hard, admittedly and, as I had to work, I stopped the discussion.
I didn't text him Sunday as I had a lot going on and didn't have time to deal with the drama. He sent me a pithy text at 5, complaining about it and giving me a bunch of shit. Then he wanted to go on like nothing had happened. No. We got into it again with him calling me crazy, that I'm being controlling for not understanding that he's forgetful and getting mad at him. He also texted my mom, saying that he was sorry, he told me that he could do everything next weekend and please dont be mad at him. Eventually, he ripped into me about my job, and this came off of a " we're totally breaking up comment.
Him:Well find someone else
Me: If youd rather I do that than look beyond your own needs... That's your choice.
Him: I don't give a fuck anymore...I always think where you work. Dancing on guys and them looking at you half naked. This really hard for me. And you have no intentions on stopping soon.
Him:Your smart
Him:Sure you find one at work
Me: Did I or did I not tell you what I did for a living before we ever met? And let you choose whether you could deal with it?Throwing my job in my face is low. Especially when I never EVER lied to you about it.
Him: Well I can't anymore. ...you said you would look for other stuff. I would help with money if have too. But don't want you in that inviorment anymore. I want to pull you away from that place. But seems like you like it. Sometimes when we are in bed...I think on what guy you were dancing on or whatever. Doesn't make me feel good at all.
My position is that this is evidence that his streak of irresponsibility has not ended. He's has 3 felony DUI's and continues to drink, this is not the first time he's broken a promise to me and he regularly fails to consider the consequences of his actions or own up to the ramifications of the choices he makes. He drinks excessively to the point that he passes out or acts obnoxious in public. I had to ban alcohol at my house to get him to stop chugging a 5th everytime he came over.
I also think that this is a good sign that he's incredibly inconsiderate and self centered. He knew that he forgot his agreement with my parents three days before he even bothered to say anything about it and his complaints about my job were soley how he feels about it, rather than any negative effects it may have on me. He knew, he said it was ok and... now he expects me to quit because he changed his mind.
I'm a pretty regimented, controlled person and I know I can be hard on people because I'm incredibly hard on myself. I'm really just wondering if I overreacted. Everybody swears that I didn't but... I still wonder if my standards are just too high.



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