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Last edited by dancingdiva1; 03-03-2016 at 05:59 AM.





He sounds like he's got other issues that would come into play even if you weren't a stripper... if his ego is that colossal, he probably won't be satisfied until he's got another doctor for a girlfriend, and then he'll probably get jealous if she's more successful or something *eyeroll* He sounds like an asshole, not a "dream man".
It is definitely hard to date in this industry. I wouldn't say you should close off entirely, but just keep in mind that you are probably going to need to find a very open-minded guy who is secure in himself and doesn't have baggage he can't let go of. Those are rare. I think a lot of men were raised with the Madonna/Whore Complex and other anti-stripping values and it's kind of engrained into them, and they are essentially lost causes on the dating-a-stripper front.
When you find someone who has potential to be okay with it... be patient with him. I think all of us who are in relationships have had to overcome some kind of issue with the guy vs. stripping. I know it's sometimes a knee-jerk reaction to be like "You don't like my job? Fuck off!" because we kind of HAVE to be defensive because of the amount of shit we get on a regular basis. Sometimes they are just insecure from something that's happened in the past, and talking it out can really help.
"People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."





Not ALL men.... #NotAllMen
I don't know when you decide to mention the whole stripping thing to the guys you date.... maybe you only mention it after you start envisioning weddings and babies... at that point you may be waiting till it's too late.
I am fairly upfront about my job to potential life partners. I tell them how it is... and they can decide to be cool with it or get on with their lives... way, way, waaaay before dreams of future babies can even materialize.
Look, some guys just aren't cool with the work we do. That's okay. The guys you want to be with are the dudes that are okay with the job.... and support your choices.
~~~ P.S. This guy sounds like he wanted to have a good time with you... he didn't ever want to marry you... unless there is something you haven't mentioned. I don't know. The moment you started thinking about the relationship "seriously", he jumped ship.





I got told the same thing by a rich boy Air Force pilot. Oh well.
Look, there are plenty of dancers in normal relationships that play out the same as if the woman wasn't a stripper.
I now regret all the years I stayed at home at night instead of going out and meeting guys to date. Not all guys are the same. Keep trying. I promise you will have more regret on missing out on romances than you will dating around and witnessing typical male ego insecurity. I'd also advise dating older men- they don't have some of the issues that young bucks do.



It takes a strong man to date us, and they are out there! I know a few, I should hook you up![]()





^It's hard to find someone who is accepting of this job, some people do manage to find partners who are supportive though. I've given up, I don't even want to date again until I finish dancing (I will be in my early 30's then probably) because the types of guys I'm attracted to wouldn't date a stripper (at least not seriously, or long term).
Maybe next time you shouldn't divulge the fact that you are a part time stripper until it's really serious? I've thought about this, other girls I know don't tell guys until it's long term. Or, quit when it gets serious, if you are worried it will be an issue (if it isn't serious, it's none of their business).
“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe
"True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese



It takes a certain man to accept his SO is a dancer...just like there are alot of dancers who can't accept that customers can also be true regular friends/lovers/etc. It's a sad cycle, but human nature.
For me, dating dancers/models/etc is kinda standard. I am around them alot, so it's partly that, and partly because I figure "if you choose the tiger, don't expect a housecat" attitude. Take the person for who they are...
My logic extends to the fact that, when dating an entertainer - if i came in the club - I spent on her and others as any other customers. Rules were hers (whether VIPs were OK, etc.) but I didn't try to be the free ride..
and inversely...unless she mentioned or wanted to discuss work, I never probed. Don't need to know unless she needs to share.
it's hard. but dont give up. The balanced man is out there.
he may not be the typical "hot" you expect. You might have to look under the surface.





I waited until he was far enough down the rabbit hole until i told mine I was a dancer. He didn't like it at first but he was so into me & knew me for who I really was aside from my "stripper" persona, that he didn't want to split up or leave me bc I was a dancer.. We are still together but he still def has his times where he dislikes what I do but still helps me whenever he can with money or whatever if I'm having a dry spell. There are good guys out there, like what the others said, you just need to get out more & date. Go on 3 dates a week if you wanted. Try to not put all of your eggs in one basket when you first meet them until you're pretty sure they're hooked on you as much as you are on them.
"Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna
"Respect is a dying art"
"Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box"





He mentioned how this could potentially jeopardize his career and his reputation as a physician if one of his "colleagues" were to see me working ectUnfortunately, this is the 'real world' situation these days with lots of guys. Stripping and camming are considered to be 'unsavory' professions by a whole lot of potential employers, patrons, lenders etc. Thus 'professional' guys who have made a large investment in their education, building up their professional reputation, investing in their own business, etc. can be affected by the same 'stigma' which strippers and camgirls face if they allow a stripper or camgirl to become an 'official' part of their life. And, unlike most strippers or camgirls themselves, that 'stigma' can have VERY significant repurcussions in regard to the 'professional' guy's future career path / earnings potential.I got told the same thing by a rich boy Air Force pilot
This is actually becoming more of a problem today than it used to be, for two reasons. The first is the ongoing poor economy, which allows employers, patrons, lenders etc. to reject even 'professional' guys ... since there are lots of other 'professional' guys to consider without an 'unsavory' wife / SO coming into the equation. The second is the ongoing loss of 'anonymity' for the dancer or camgirl, thanks to IRS 1099 forms issued by 'adult' industry related companies, thanks to facial recognition search capability matching a wife's driver's license photo to an 'adult' internet image posted on a tube site, upload site, etc., which increases the probability of a wife / SO's 'unsavory' work history showing up months or years later during an in-depth background check of her husband. This is a huge risk for camgirls, but is also an increasing risk for dancers thanks to club website pics, club customer 'stealth' pics taken inside the club and posted to upload sites, etc.
I get around this problem by limiting my 'relationships' to guys who are already rich and successful enough that their career and financial situation are 100% 'secure'. I also relocated 'way south of the border' to virtually eliminate the possibility of 'local' recognition by the guy's employer / business acquaintances. I also totally rule out the possibility of any 'official' future connection. But that's just me.
Last edited by Melonie; 12-10-2014 at 09:48 AM.





This morning my Manager at work said something that really was revealing about the average male mentality- he mentioned a lot of my female co-workers have boyfriends who break things off (to chase other tail) and then magically re-appear when they are not getting sex from anyone. My Manager strikes me as the cheating kind of guy & his opinion was "a guy should keep that tail on lockdown" to avoid having his "snatch" snatched away by another dude. (This is a non-stripclub job btw.) In other words some guys will cheat once in a while BUT insist on keeping an LTR b/c the benefits outweigh the minuses...EVEN if the guy gets caught cheating.
In short, a lot of guys whose balls shrivel up when they think of an LTR with a stripper are more common than you think. The male ego is a fragile thing. Our society doesn't help the issue but obssessing over who is hitting hot tail & promoting nosiness.
You might want to rethink about what your "Dream" Man is. It might be that your dream guy type you think you want are all assholes. There is a thing called if it's too good to be true it probably is. This goes for what most girls believe to be "the One" Trust me I come from a lot of experience with men. Don't go for the uber successful A personality type. THEY ALL CHEAT. Try looking for a guy that you wouldn't normally date and that personality type will most likely have less of an ego and more open to your job.
Being a massage therapist on the side I see all types of the "professional" "Dreamy" type they are all egotistical fucktards that think very lowly of woman and relationships. To them it is all about what the relationship looks like to others for appearances. 10/10 they all have their model wife then about 10 girls they see on the side.
Just my 2 cents.





I'm not saying there are no good men out there, but it is tough as fuck to meet decent ones. Whether stripping or not. Thank God with this job, I have more red flag senses. If I were you, just keep stripping if you want to.
Honestly I've always preferred dating blue collar guys or sweet nerdy IT guys over the "dream catches." So many of them have their heads up their asses.





He was having fun. He never thought of you as a serious life partner. Men have no problem wasting years of a girls life because he is getting his needs met. Once he knows you want & more importantly expect marriage & kids they are gone.
Your job was always his out. Even though they say in the beginning they are cool with it, that is where they met you. Men will LIE to get what they want.
So you have to be smarter. Did you met his family, his co-workers. Go to dinner & holiday parties he got invited too?
I totally understand what Melonie wrote about how much money & time they invest into their careers & how marrying a stripper or whatever puts that in jeopardy, but then he knows that before the first date, so why waste your time. He was being selfish. So next time you need to be selfish & get cars & jewelry out of the deal.
Even with their degrees you need to vet them more. Make them jump through your hoops. Of course, you would have quit for him but he never was in it for the long haul. Show up at their jobs for a surprise lunch.
Don't stop dating before you quit dancing, up it. Date several of them & vet them well, then see how it works out with each one of them. Finding the right one is sometimes a numbers game. They count on you feeling ashamed of your job, NEVER feel quilt or shame for earning a living.
That quilt is what you let him get away with when you were in love with him. You let him pull a fast one instead of calling him out on his bullshit. He won't marry a stripper but had no problem when you fucked him. When you spent time with him... Flip the mother fucking script on him.
Sam





Been there, I know how you feel.
Still they use it as an out. Men lie, to get what they want. You have every right to be upset & angry. He was a douche bag, plain & simple. He made you feel guilty over your job to get out of the relationship. What he did was a low blow. He didn't play fare or ethically. Which means in the long run he did you a good deed.
Guys who are like that will divorce a girl & hide all the assets & never pay child support.
Good Luck,
Sam





Unfortunately there are a lot of assholes out there. You have to kiss some frogs to find a prince. All you can do is try to learn from the situation and not make the same mistakes.
But don't let him ruin the possibility of you finding love with a great man by letting him get you so upset you give up on all men, that's just giving him all your power.
Last edited by audrey_k; 12-11-2014 at 06:16 AM.





If it's any comfort to you ladies, one of my psychopathic exes is still unmarried at age 42. He has everything going for him but his personality and ethics. I almost felt bad for him for a minute but then I remembered how creepy and mean he is, and was suddenly not surprised he is a lonely alcoholic.
Yeah, the hell with him and guys like him. A lot of them end up alone...





YUP!!! This is what gets me thru the lonely nights of wishing I had someone there with me whenever I wasn't seeing anyone. It really is true that MOST will all end up alone due to the way they treat us. I totally know what the OP is going thru bc I went thru that about a year ago & then fell for another jerk just like him not long after. It sucks, but in the end I will say that it always lifted my spirits to know that I was making MY own living & they weren't gonna end up happier without me.
"Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna
"Respect is a dying art"
"Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box"





Amen, sister !!! Personally speaking, I dispense with all 'romantic' bullshit from the git-go, and head straight for the cars and jewelry !!!I totally understand what Melonie wrote about how much money & time they invest into their careers & how marrying a stripper or whatever puts that in jeopardy, but then he knows that before the first date, so why waste your time. He was being selfish. So next time you need to be selfish & get cars & jewelry out of the deal.





Been through this more times than I can count. It is fucked up. Cause how can you feel love, a connection & then him walk away making you feel like a fool for feeling those things. How can you now not trust your own heart.
He did, he never planned on it, but he did. It scared him, cause he never planned on marriage & kids with you. He is still a total douche bag.
He will be BACK! He will want that connection, that pussy, that fun you bring in his life. Not a relationship, he will want all that you can give without giving you want you need & deserve. That is when you have the power, to get what you need. Jewelry, cars, money all without fucking him.
Guarantee 100% he will be back & still a douche bag. So you have to figure out what you want instead of love & marriage. He will NEVER give that to you. I have a whole list of ex's married with kids who still jump through my hoops when I need something because they did me wrong. To this day, they still love me, want me. I get the best revenge. They will never ever be able to watch big boobie porn on any given site without me being front & center.
NOBODY has the right to make another fall in love with them & then turn around & tell them it was all a lie. How manipulative, cold hearted, how mean can another person be. When you dance, it is horny men wanting to be closer to a sexy female, it is HONEST. He is way worse than any man in a strip club you dance for. So how dare he look down upon you for that kind of job.
He stole time, he stole emotion, he stole life from you in order to get off. Know this, he does it to every female he dates. You being a stripper was just his out with you. Others he might tell them they were to clingy. These guys do it to all kind of girls, no matter what they do for a living.
The person he fools the most is himself. He walked away from love for a lame ass reason. Girls he does this to, will find fault with themselves & not him, just like you are doing right now.
You say he is a doctor. He took an oath, "Do no harm". He can't even stay true to the mission statement for all care givers. He doesn't have the ability to put his needs above another's. That is NOT good father material.
Many men use this tactic of you are not good enough to guilt females into not calling them out on their bullshit. When we fall for it, shame on us. Cause we sure were good enough to stick their dicks in us. He slut shamed you. He made you feel bad about the very sexuality that attracted him to you. You have every right to be as sexy as you want to be & to earn a living off of it.
Revenge is having a wonderful full life without him.Then when he comes back with a text or a phone call, work him for all the money you can with no guilt or reservation. Make him jump through hoops for the promise of pussy he will never get again.
Smooches,
Sam





When he comes sniffing back around, meet him at the mall. You don't trust yourself around him & not jump his bones, but still hurt by his actions.
Once you get there, good, lay a little guilt trip on him & how he hurt you. How you want to change for him. Be good enough. Aka shopping trip for a new wardrobe for your future plans out of stripping.
After maxing out his credit card, he will want to fuck. "oh no, baby, I got a class to go to, can't miss out. Told you I want to be good enough for you. Improve my life, not be a dirty stripper anymore." I don't care if you do or don't have a class to, hell, get back to the club & back to making money.
Give it a few days, he will want a late night booty call. Can't to tired got to get up early & study, next week. Then next week hit him up for money for bills, after all you are working less in the club & busy studying for your next career.
Either he will give up the money or never bother you again knowing it will be to costly. Cause now it cost him more than lies of what you want to hear to give up the pussy. Get as much as you can out of him without sex, cause you are still to hurt to go there again without building up the trust.
Men lie. You were a challenge. You deal with men who bullshit you all day long, yet he fooled you into giving it up with just words. He has done it to many girls before but a stripper, now that is a feather in a players cap. Not easy to fool a stripper, now if he were to get you back with the same lies of a fake future even more bragging rights.
Go to the jewelry store & pick out a few things, you just can't live without.He found no value in you, now it is time you did. I have much fonder memories of the men who bought me jewelry than the ones who didn't.
Guys like him have done this many times & believe they can easily do it again & again. Girls who flip the script on them are the ones they marry, but you have to keep that script flipped or they will cheat & leave you.
Time you focus on what you want out of a man & out of life. Never put their needs above yours. See how they fall in line & don't pull that bullshit again.
Good luck,
Sam


You could marry a doctor, I did, but not while you are still dancing. That's just how it is, and women are going to be jealous and want to take your place fyi, now imagine what they would be like if you were also a dancer.
I don't think money and jewelry will fix a truly broken heart, I would go "no contact "with him, change your phone number. Move on.
Last edited by Ninelives; 12-14-2014 at 01:17 AM.
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