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Thread: Switching hairstylists

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    Veteran Member Laylalust's Avatar
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    Sad Switching hairstylists

    I have been going to the same hair gal for probably 5-6 years now and I just adore her but lately I haven't been very thrilled with my hair. Well, frankly, I'm never thrilled with my hair but in the past year I feel like she hasn't been doing what I ask. I always bring in pictures of what I want in terms of color and lately I leave the salon looking nothing like what I asked for. The results I'm getting are too subtle for my taste; I've been trying to get blonder and blonder from my naturally dark blonde/mousy brown shade and it still just isn't blonde enough. At one point I asked for different shades of gold, platinum, and some reddish tones and I left just my typical golden-y dark blonde somehow. It always looks OK when I leave the salon after she's done it but a few washes later I'm just like "Is there even a difference at all?" I'm really wanting to get to a cool, ashy blonde shade but I'm wondering if it's time to find a new hairstylist. The problem is I am sooooo super loyal and I feel kind of guilty and like I'm cheating on her wanting to find a new hair lady! I know that's silly. I have given her many chances in the last year to do what I want and I'm not getting it. How many ways can I say "I WANT TO BE BLONDER. STRIPPER BLONDE. NO, EVEN BLONDER THAN THAT." She'll give me a quick explanation of what colors she'll use and it all sounds fine but then I just look blah afterwards. I've gotten a few recommendations from others on new hair ladies to try but it's scary to go to someone new. The hair gal I go to now is practically my therapist; she knows all about my relationship, me, stripping. She gives me great prices and wine when she does my hair and listens to me babble and is just awesome all around...except my hair is not exciting me anymore. So it really bums me out that I'm even having to consider trying someone new.

    Does anyone have experience with this kind of situation? I would really like to stay with her; I just don't know if I'm not being clear enough about what I want or if she privately thinks what I want isn't reasonable or wouldn't look good on me so she alters what I ask for. I don't know if I should be straight up and say "Look, I'm thinking about going to another hair stylist because I don't feel like I'm getting what I want here in terms of my hair color." Would that wake her up maybe? In terms of my look, I have very fair skin that I spray tan, and light blue eyes so I think light, cool blonde would look good on me. I know it will be a lot of upkeep but I've always felt more like myself being blonde. What should I do?

    What I have: 20080228_101643_sarah-jessica-p.jpg

    What I want: hair.jpg
    Last edited by Laylalust; 12-10-2014 at 08:16 PM. Reason: added images


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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    If she's at a salon don't move out of the chair until you speak to management and tell them. Show them the pic. Those hair colors are nothing alike.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Yea. I know what you mean. Hmm, can you maybe book a consultation w/her, & just be honest telling her what you said above? Without saying you're thinking of changing stylists, but you just not satisfied, see what she says.
    You're entitled to a look you want that you're paying for.
    Good luck


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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    I'm with Whirlerz - be honest. You could try telling her that you absolutely adore her but you really want the colour in the pic and you are hoping she can do it, but you are worried because the other times you showed a pic the hair was too different and if she feels it's a process she's not comfortable doing for whatever reason (insert the above!) then would she prefer if you have someone else do this particular colour and stay with her for your regular look.

    This is a somewhat gentle way of letting her know you will get your blonde with or without her. Also, if you talk to her and it still turns out wrong let her know it.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Cherished wins Tactful and direct whilst pointing out what you love about your stylist.

    Please keep this thread active and show us a photo of your beautiful new color xx
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    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Have you been honest with her about how unhappy you are? I have only had two instances of stylists not doing what I wanted and they were both very adamant about me coming back and giving them another chance to fix it, at no cost. But I'm not shy-- I was polite but firm. She may assume you're happy with your hair if you've been having her do it this way for a year and haven't outright told her you're unhappy?

    I would sit her down and have a conversation about it. She may think you're pleased with it, or perhaps there is another reason she has been doing it differently. I can tell you I used to have the color you want and I had go in every 3 weeks to get toner done and every 5 for roots. If she really just doesn't know how to do the color, that's not your faut-- you aren't asking for something strange and unusual-- and you shouldn't feel bad about moving on.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Stylists want to do a good job and they want you to have the hair that you want! She probably enjoys your company as well and doesn't want to loose your patronage! Tell her what you really think.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Thanks for all of the suggestions, ladies...I direct messaged her with pictures of exactly what I wanted andI clearly stated "Is this blonde something you can do for me? Will it take a few sessions? I'm willing to come in more frequently since it is higher maintenance blonde." She seemed completely open to doing it, and the pics I sent are pretty clearly a pale, cool blonde. I have an appointment with her on Friday so hopefully I will leave happy. I will post pics of the final results.


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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    So I figured I'd update on this. I got my hair colored on the 19th and I'm still not happy with it. I again showed my hair lady the pic of what I wanted (the picture here in my first post) and she again said that would be do-able and that she would bleach first and then tone. She does all of this and at the end while she's blow drying my hair looks really blonde, so I'm getting all excited thinking I finally got what I wanted. When I looked through my hair it was definitely blonder but she she had left the dark parts of my hair underneath as well as the yellowish gold tone underneath. When I asked her about it she said that the dark was really hard to lift and that she would do it next time but that it added a nice "dimension" for now. I left pretty happy but kind of confused about why it wasn't completely finished.

    The more I wore it, the less happy I was with the remaining dark underneath. Attached is a picture. I texted her and asked again about the dark part underneath. I said "Is that why we will need two sessions? I want it to be all a uniformly cool ash blonde." Her reply was "Ya that's why we need another session. It's darker on the ends and not on the root so it doesn't lift out as easily, and we still need to preserve the integrity of your hair. You could lighten it again soon, but it's better to do it in a couple stages to keep hair healthy. Another bleach and tone and it should be uniform."

    So, I mean, that sounds legit. I have another appt. with her on 1/9 to finish it all and hopefully that will seal the deal. I don't know. It's just another somewhat frustrating experience because I still do not have what I want. However, I appreciate that she is trying to ensure she doesn't damage my hair. But you can see in the pic all the gold and brown still at the ends and it looks weird to me. Ugh.

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by Laylalust; 01-11-2015 at 02:24 PM. Reason: removed image


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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    That looks nothing like what you have been asking her for. I'd end up just doing it myself OR taking it to another person in another salon with what you want. If you were to do it yourself at home you could just mix a heavy diluted light purple color in with tons of conditioner & apply it to your hair. Rinse, shampoo out, then dry. It should be a greyish blonde by now. If it's too dark or too purple, mix bleach w/ developer along with shampoo & warm water and apply all over your hair. Allow it to sit for about 15-20 mins depending on your desired color of blonde. Rinse & use shimmer lights shampoo. That should tone your hair to a greyish pale blonde that you want.

    I did this same trick to my long human hair wig that I wanted a paler blonde form a bright golden yellow blonde & it turned out great. Good Luck!
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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    The blonde that you posted for your 'want' looks really unnatural to me, almost grayish, so honestly she may think what you have right now is more what you want, just a natural really ashy blonde, so if you're unhappy with the color on top I would just be really clear about that to her. I personally think the top color looks great on you and better than what you posted earlier, but it's your hair of course. I've never had hair that grey-ish but just maintaining the ash blonde you have right now for me was a pain in the ass, so imagine the grey-ish blonde will be a nightmare.

    As for the bottom color... well, I'm not a hairdresser so I can't say this from a professional perspective, but I have been told by my hairdresser, who is amazing and I was willing to not get my hair done for 2 and a half months so that she could do it when I got home, what yours told you-- so I would let her do it on the 9th and see how it goes. I know you want what you want and you deserve to have your hair the way you want it, but lightening hair that's damaged can be a tricky and dangerous process and sometimes it's better to do it in stages, as I've seen hair break off or become so damaged it has to be cut-- or even worse, major thinning of hair! It's just another week, I once had to wait almost 4 months to get to a platinum blonde going from black!
    Last edited by audrey_k; 01-01-2015 at 02:10 AM.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    I personally love the color on top. Also, I know from experience that what she's saying is legit. I had stubborn ends that just would not budge beyond yellow. Sometimes that just happens. Unfortunately the last round of bleach a colorist used on them (of probably dozens) melted off a good half of the ends. The remaining pieces were still yellow. She said my hair had just sort of given up and strongly advised a cut.

    The easiest solution would be to cut the ends off and wear extensions if the shorter length bothers you. But you may receive an unintentional chemical cut if you push it if the next round doesn't work. Best to be prepared. And as for extensions, just buy the palest ones you see even if they look yellow. It's very easy to tone them with either Wella's T-18 or Shimmer Lights shampoo. If you're uncomfortable your stylist can do it for you, but it's difficult to mess up. If you overtone, just wash with a harsh shampoo until it lifts.

    If you're absolutely unwilling to cut your hair or face a chemical cut, another option would be to ask her to tone the ends with a separate, more blue based toner. I've done this in the past (I started doing my own hair) and while it doesn't leave you with perfect color, it's much less jarring than a warm/cool contrast. Then you can cut at your leisure and eventually wind up with both the length and color you want.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    PS: As others have mentioned the greyish tone is very difficult to maintain. I eventually gave up on my dream of gray blonde after literally a year of trying and settled for a more neutral shade because it was so frustrating to think I'd finally gotten it just to have it wash out completely. Shimmer Lights isn't the best solution either because it can come out sort of splotchy, so you'll either drive yourself nuts toning all the time or resign to having grayish blonde just some of the time. Also, get used to not washing your hair much at all!

    Sorry for the info dump. I could probably write a novel about gray blonde and love every second of it. It was pretty much an all consuming obsession of mine. I'm kind of embarrassed in retrospect, lol.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    lol1337a, I am obsessed with it! I'm just dying for an almost silver blonde and I'm being quite impatient about it. But, the last time I was super blonde (a long time ago with a different hair stylist) my hair did end up getting pretty fried and had to be cut too short for my liking so I'm trying to chill out and just follow the direction of my hair lady. And I don't wash my hair much at all, 1-2 times a week, and I'm using a Sally's brand (it's called Ion or something) of purple shampoo that I let sit in my hair for 5 minutes. When she did my hair she also cut off two inches so the picture you're seeing is my hair two inches shorter and I'm not willing to part with any more length. I intend on getting extensions anyway after she completes the color so I can truly have the length I want. It's good to know I can tone the extensions myself too.

    What are some good brands of blue-based toner so that I might do it myself? Are they available at Sally's?

    I suppose the color on top isn't bad, it's probably just seeing it still with the yellow and dark blonde that is throwing me. I've only washed my hair twice since getting this color and I feel like it's already a little faded. I sure wish I knew how to do hair so I could manage and maintain it myself. How did you gals teach yourself? I feel like trial and error with coloring hair could end up devastating so that's why I shell out my money to someone to do professionally but I don't want to be doing that if I'm not getting what I ask for. I will go to my appt. on 1/9 and just see. But you're right, it's a process that shouldn't be rushed.

    I just want to look like this, why can't I has?
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by Laylalust; 01-01-2015 at 02:52 PM.


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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    I was in Sydney a few months ago and I noticed that this grayish/ashy blonde is really popular. I kinda liked it and I asked a girl how her hairdresser got it like that. She told me that she would get the color and the highlights from a hairdresser but that she put a toner in it once a month. It was Fudge brands lighter shade of pale. And it was similar to this pic.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    I made a mistake. She put the fudge toner in it once a week.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    T-10 or T-14 with a capful of drabber if you use the T-10 (all Wella) was what I did. I think you should leave the toning option to your stylist, she'll be better at it probably.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    This hairstylist is bullsh*it. Find another one, stat. The color you wanted is not very hard to achieve, unless you've got thick African American hair or Indian.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Also, I think you should go to someone new to do your hair. Ibe had this problem before. And i've been to beauty school for a bit. It looks as though she isn't lifting enough. And leaving a lot of your natural color in there. Plus it looks as though you have a different color on the bottom. Befor you use the fudge toner you are maybe going to have to get a color your happy with first. Are you in the LA area by any chance?

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    If not try to find someone who's hair color you like and find out the name of their colorist. If you can't find someone with color you like, go to a beauty schools open salon hours a find a willing student who will listen to what you want. I had good luck finding a student who was willing to listen to me. And he gave me some of the best blonde I ever had in my hair.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Quote Originally Posted by HoolaTwister View Post
    This hairstylist is bullsh*it. Find another one, stat. The color you wanted is not very hard to achieve, unless you've got thick African American hair or Indian.
    ^ Exactly!!! I took cosmetology a few years back & I too use to rock the pale blonde look for awhile & my hair is dark & thick and I had no troubles achieving this color. As for getting rid of the yellow tones, try that glamour shampoo I mentioned above. It will lift out any yellow brassy tones without doing too much damage.
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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Layla, I started doing my own blonde because I went through the same thing you are right now, although your salon experiences haven't ended in disaster like mine did (crossing my fingers for you!). I spent thousands going blonde from almost black in a bunch of high end salons and was happy only four times. Those four times each cost around $350, lol. I have basically no trust in stylists when it comes to my hair. Other people seem to have better luck, but I don't.

    I've only ever bleached my roots myself (on virgin hair) so I can't advise you on your ends confidently. If you ever had dark dye on the ends I'd really leave it up to a pro because even then it can melt off. I just watched a ton of youtube tutorials. Here are two that I found helpful:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmGlwXvtCgU (sorry for bad formatting) is good because it shows someone doing it herself and lists products and times. She leaves hers on for something like 45 minutes, but everyone requires a different amount of time to reach pale yellow. I also like that she stresses that pale yellow is the goal for sustainable hair. Her final color goal was a warmer shade than yours, but you can just leave the toner on longer, use 20 volume, and add a capful of drabber.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCg9A7pUl1o is better for demonstrating how to break up the hair and make sure everything's covered. I follow his method and it's very efficient.

    The most important thing is to have a good mirror setup. You need at least two decent ones that are joined together at an angle. Absolutely don't do your own hair with just your bathroom mirror and a hand held compact like my dumb ass did the first time. You need both hands and a ton of visibility.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Oh, you may want to experiment with a blend of T-14/Silver Lady and T-18 for a darker gray. Just using T-18 will give you an icy, silver platinum.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    Quote Originally Posted by Laylalust View Post
    So I figured I'd update on this. I got my hair colored on the 19th and I'm still not happy with it. I again showed my hair lady the pic of what I wanted (the picture here in my first post) and she again said that would be do-able and that she would bleach first and then tone. She does all of this and at the end while she's blow drying my hair looks really blonde, so I'm getting all excited thinking I finally got what I wanted. When I looked through my hair it was definitely blonder but she she had left the dark parts of my hair underneath as well as the yellowish gold tone underneath. When I asked her about it she said that the dark was really hard to lift and that she would do it next time but that it added a nice "dimension" for now. I left pretty happy but kind of confused about why it wasn't completely finished.

    The more I wore it, the less happy I was with the remaining dark underneath. Attached is a picture. I texted her and asked again about the dark part underneath. I said "Is that why we will need two sessions? I want it to be all a uniformly cool ash blonde." Her reply was "Ya that's why we need another session. It's darker on the ends and not on the root so it doesn't lift out as easily, and we still need to preserve the integrity of your hair. You could lighten it again soon, but it's better to do it in a couple stages to keep hair healthy. Another bleach and tone and it should be uniform."

    So, I mean, that sounds legit. I have another appt. with her on 1/9 to finish it all and hopefully that will seal the deal. I don't know. It's just another somewhat frustrating experience because I still do not have what I want. However, I appreciate that she is trying to ensure she doesn't damage my hair. But you can see in the pic all the gold and brown still at the ends and it looks weird to me. Ugh.

    Thoughts?



    Attachment 40129
    I'm sorry I didn't read the whole thread but It is ashy on top. Use a gold tone shampoo for a while and it will match the bottom more if you want that color.

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    Default Re: Switching hairstylists

    If it makes you feel any better no one has ever gotten my hair exactly like I want. I found a lady that does it close and when i walked into my last app she wasn't there( they never called and were like this girl is going to do your hair). I was pissed. The girl did ok. I find after a few days I get use to it and I like it better.

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