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Thread: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

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    Veteran Member gypsy1's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

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    Last edited by gypsy1; 12-18-2015 at 05:24 PM.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    My sister is very much like this. Idk if she is like that abt my adult history in particular, but she is very much 'My way or the highway, & if you disagree, you're a stupid piece of shit.' compromise is not in her lexicon, & nothing is ever her fault. It's always bc 'other ppl' are BAD & 'I know it's not nice to talk that way but I just can't help myself'

    We used to be really close when I was little (10yr age gap, half-sisters) but between the snide self-righteousness, & several big-time-importantly shitty actions, well -- that's why even when we lived fairly close to each other last yr, I kept my visits w/ her to once a month.

    Have you tried to bring this up w/ your sister? I agree that it will probably not stop her from feeling high-&-mighty but if she knows how negatively it's affecting you, maybe she'll find sm inspiration to keep a civil tongue in her head. Otherwise, I would suggest doing what I do -- be civil, but close yourself off from her. I was really sad (tho at the point that I was no longer surprised) when I realised 'Hey, I can't handle her shit anymore, I need to stay distant from her' bc she is my sister & I love her. But I truly don't like her anymore, & I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    When I was 16 yrs old my sister called me a slut. I throttled her, as in leaped onto her. She went down and I was sitting on her punching in the face.
    I will NOT be judged or called names. She ran to my Mom, telling her what I did. Then I told my Mom, she called me a 'slut'. My Mom grounded her.

    I'm a porn star. My sister is a church lady, accountant & makes quilts. Whenever she tries to get all high & mighty, I tell her exactly what I think. Also remind her of the shop lifting arrest & lies she has been caught in. Now, we don't have any problems for many many years. Nobody is perfect. Bet you know some dirt on your sister, when she makes those snide remarks, openly call her out on it & remind her of the crap you know about her. See how fast that crap stops. LOL Now, she tells me I should do more online marketing in order to make more money. I don't agree with her lifestyle or husband, but I don't lecture her about it. It is her life.

    When someone, family member or not comes after me, I come right after them. My Dad's gold digging girlfriend, HATES me. She waits till he is out of the room to whisper nasty things to me. I call her out on it right in front of my Dad. He always takes my side. He also brags about how I am getting everything and she is just getting a used car if he dies. I laugh, also tell him to spend it all & have a good time. I love my Dad for him, not his money. Funny to watch her try to manipulate him into spending more money on her, then have my Dad call her out on it. LMAO He didn't get to be rich, by being stupid. Nor is it his first gold digger.

    Best way to deal with it is head on & honestly. YOU teach people how to deal with you in life. Don't let it continue or fester.

    Smooches,
    Sam

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    Featured Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    I agree with Sam

    I would add one thing...

    Remember none of this really has anything to do with you personally. People, even family, will treat you like shit to make themselves feel superior. It is their coping mechanism in life and they don't care who they hurt.

    My family expects me to put up with a lot of shit. I had to make the decision that I wasn't going to be their scapegoat. This isn't my circus and it isn't my monkeys. They have a choice .... keep up their insanity or have me in their lives. Many prefer their insanity. Set personal boundaries and stick to them. They cross that boundary, they have made their decision.

    I saw a great quote on twitter today ....... when someone leaves don't ask "what about me" because you were not pare of the equation to begin with.....
    Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them. ~ Mark Twain


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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    I cut my sister out of my life. I was completely shocked at how insane and hateful she has become (not just to me but to anyone she has a problem with...) She is truly toxic. I have also saved all the insane sounding emails and texts she wrote so I have proof of this- she has more opportunities to slander me so I have to hold onto that material to prove I had good reason for cutting ties when I did.

    The sad thing is, growing up we both knew we'd grow apart. So I don't dwell on it. Just because someone has the same genetics as you does not mean they have your best interests at heart.

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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    I reached the point I did w/ mine after numerous times calling her out, & numerous fights resulting from it. It's just a losing battle w/ sm1 like her.

    I have become a lot more assertive after my yrs of dancing. Believe me, I am not confrontational by nature, but back me into a corner & all bets are off But if you haven't ever said anything to her, well no wonder nothing's changed! The nxt time she starts to get her ass on her shoulders, shut her the fk down. Tell her firmly but reasonably that her ignorant judgmental bs is no longer going to be tolerated … if that doesn't work then go Sam38g on her … then finally just cut her out if the magic that is Sam's approach doesn't work.

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    Veteran Member ~*SwanPrincess*~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    Sometimes you have to cut family members out of your life, or at least limit your contact if you are being treated poorly. My mom, dad and sister are judgemental about things and have been since I very first started dancing. My sister is the worst of all of them, and guess who asked to borrow $500 yesterday?
    It takes a lot of courage to live life outside the box, and not everyone is going to understand it.

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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    NEVER brush off rude remarks. Otherwise they'll never stop because you're basically letting them know it's acceptable.

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    Veteran Member DorienG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with ignorant sister/snide remarks

    My sister and I don't have anything in common. When we were younger (me 22 and her 1, I had to come back and live at home for a few months. Her then boyfriend convinced her that I was Satan. He was living at my parent's house too....in MY old room. So, I had to share with her. She locked me out of her room. She wouldn't speak or look at me. This was before I even thought of dancing! I had to sleep in the hall in a sleeping bag. I knew it was just temporary, so I just let it slide and didn't say anything.

    One day, she came home from school, nobody else was home. She called me all kinds of names, 'slut' included and we got into a nasty physical fight. She scratched me so deeply with her talons (beauty school), it took a few weeks to heal. I moved out pretty quickly.

    It has never been as bad as that day, but over the years if she has been drinking and we're at an event, she'll find some reason to physically push me; then say she was just joking.

    She's had issues with her weight a lot over the years and has been obese, but that's not my problem.

    We've lived in different states for years now. We get along better that way.

    To the OP: Please say something to her about your feelings. If you keep them bottled up, something more negative could happen. I'm sure not as violent as what happended between my sister and I, but it's better to be honest, imo.

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