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Thread: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

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    Veteran Member Miss_Red's Avatar
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    Skull Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I'd had a few really good nights and I came in tonight ready to make some serious money. I walked in and there were more dancers than customers. It took me about half an hour to do my first stage set, which was followed immediately by several rejections. By about halfway through my shift the club had picked up but I was completely demoralized. The worse I did, the worse I felt, and the worse I felt the worse I did. It was some kind of vicious cycle.

    My question is: does anyone have tips on how to stop the death spiral and recover when a night is just sucking completely?

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    If it's that bad, I go home, take the night or even the next day or two to myself, and once I'm done being pissed at my job, I start to think about why I like it and what I would like to get from it. The harder you try to be happy when you are feeling miserable at work, the worse it gets. I find that if I'm doing badly at work, it helps to go meditate for about 15 minutes and succumb to the fact that I might not make any money. I realize that it's okay. It happens to everyone. This is a slow month/ day/ week. It's okay to not make hundreds of dollars every night, that is the nature of sales. There will be ups and downs and this too shall pass. Let yourself feel what you are feeling, don't try to change it. The harder you try to change it, the more it clings because your feelings of annoyance and discouragement and anger or whatever else just need to be validated.

    I think thoughts that soothe me, letting myself be angry and annoyed and frustrated. I cry a lot, which helps and is a big reason I go home because I don't cry at work.

    It helps a lot to realize that it's okay to not have a good night, it's okay. It doesn't make you a shitty stripper. The fact that you spend hours getting ready, and you go in and still dance your ass off even when no one is tipping or buying dances makes you STRONG, and the fact that you even do this job and have the ability to do it makes you STRONG and you are worthy of everything that you want to have, really you are.

    I hope you have a great night next time you go in. Treat yourself to something nice.


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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    And, sometimes it just takes that one customer who will make your night. When going home is not an option, I find just giving up trying to make money helps me more than anything. Just go up to someone who vibes well, they might make your night. Trust your gut. I've had quite a few shitty nights that were made better by just saying "fuck it", and like that a customer appears and spends money on me and I'm practically crying tears of happiness, lol.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I try to never go in with a "work hard" mindset anymore. I go in with the goal to have fun. If one day is bad there's not much I can do about it and it's likely that the next day will be better. I just keep telling myself "I have plenty of money. One bad day is no big deal..." If I can keep the laid back, I don't care attitude I usually bank on "bad" days because I'm not giving stressed out vibes like the other girls. I bring a book to read in the DR with me or focus on learning new pole tricks or whatever when it's dead. Tuesday was "awful" for everyone-but me...because I didn't care. Men approached me for dances and champagne rooms. Try to shrug it off and not take it so seriously. Look at your earnings week by week rather than day by day.


    Edit to add: If you haven't read it yet, read the Law of Attraction: Money Magnet thread. Learning to apply the law of attraction works wonders. It's all about your mindset.


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    Veteran Member Miss_Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    You both rock so hard. Thank you for taking the time to offer some encouragement--I definitely needed it . I took the day after I posted this really easy, did lots of things I'd been wanting to do, tried to think positive. I wish I could say that the nights I've worked after this haven't sucked--the holidays are murdering me--but I haven't felt as bad as I did that night and I've been able to stay positive at least. I'm definitely trying to focus less on specific money amounts and more on being sexy/fun/positive.

    Thank you.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Sometimes it helps a bit to picture yourself on the ride home from work after a bad night. If you leave work early (i.e. give up), then you'll probably be feeling pretty disappointed in yourself on the ride home...and you'll be wondering if the club might have picked up later on in the night, resulting in $$$. Leaving early can also set up a very negative pattern where that becomes what you do by default whenever the night starts off slowly - it becomes very easy to leave early for even the smallest of reasons! If you give up while you're at work but stay at work, then that ride home is going to be pretty damn grim, too. You'll not only be pissed off from having a bad night, but you'll also be going home with very little money.

    Obviously, if the night is getting you down to the point where future nights might be affected, then you should definitely leave! There truly are nights when it'd be best to leave. It takes skill to recognize the difference between "Ugh, I'd rather be watching Gilmore Girls right now..." and "Being here is damaging my psyche." But if you can convince yourself to keep trying - whether the night ends up being awesome or terrible - then at least you'll feel proud of yourself during the ride home, knowing that you tried your best.

    On these nights, sometimes it can help to picture someone who has mentored you or inspired you - whether that be a fellow dancer, someone from StripperWeb, the spastic chick from Showgirls, or someone in a completely different industry who you knew ten years ago. Have a "What would _____ do?" moment to keep yourself in that professional mindset.

    It can also help to channel your negative energy into being goofy or being angry-happy-bitchy (yes, that's a mood). If you feel your mood starting to spiral, and the money stops flowing, then try something different. Don't keep trying the same hustle over and over - try doing something that amuses you. Whether that means wearing a weird outfit, finding a bouncer with a good sense of humor and humping his leg / shooting the shit for a few minutes, putting a big fake flower in your hair (can be used to start conversations), trying a silly sales line, dancing to a song you absolutely love that everyone will probably hate, just do something different. Find an area in the club where no one can see you, and make weird / ugly faces at yourself in the mirror, impersonate a caveman, stick your belly out as far as it can go, etc. I know that sounds totally ridiculous, but sometimes this can snap you out of a mood where you're taking yourself far too seriously. Say something to yourself out loud, like "Fuck everyone!!!" with a giant smile, or "ONTO THE NEXT!" or "Let's do that AGAIN!!" or "Stripping is SO FUCKING GLAMOROUS!!" and then have that be your mantra for the rest of the night after every rejection.


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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    i definitely concur with NightGoddess. instead of going in thinking "i need to make X dollars to be happy," just go in with the hopes of having fun. it also helps to have an hourly job of some sort that you can definitely rely on so those shitty nights are even less detrimental to you.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    1. Fake an illness and go home. (Sometimes I need to bribe the manager or bouncer to get out of a shift)
    2. Contact every regular in my contacts list until someone responds. I work very hard to drag my customers into the club if it is a slow day.
    3. Help another dancer who is having a worse night than me. It's amazing how far good will and generosity will go to improving your mood.
    4. If all else fails, just ride out the rest of the shift and stop trying to even earn any money. If I'm angry/agitated about something I'll do some high energy stuff (pole work, ab exercises). If I'm low energy, I'll just go through my kindle list and read some smutty romance. Kindle usually has some stories that you'll enjoy for free. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of bad erotica just for the hilarity of reading it out loud to customers.

    ETA: You can always try having some drinks to see if that helps improve your mood. Not recommended if you don't know how to stop or don't have much experience with drinking.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Not caring what you make (I know, it's hard) helps a LOT because it reflects in your attitude. I find I get a lot more yes when I don't worry about what a customer will say when I go up to him.
    You can try reminding yourself that that ONE guy that likes you might come in any minute now. Maybe you've made $3 in the last 2 hours but for all you know, someone is on his way there that will spend $100 on you if you just stick it out until then.

    I agree with Charlie in not making a habit of leaving when you get pissy. A lot of girls at my club leave as soon as they run out of customers; they aren't willing to wait 20 minutes for a new wave of guys to come in. If they'd wait for that next influx, they'd obviously make more money for their input (gas, time driving there and getting ready).
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Senior Member Graci's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I left early one Sunday because I felt like it was a terrible day. I got home to find I had actually made $200 in about 2 1/2 hours, which is pretty good for a Sunday. Plus, I found out later that a guy had tried to book me for a VIP and was really disappointed that I had left.

    Sometimes nights feel worse than they are, and I always try to remember the times things picked up at the last minute.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I have to jump back in, to say that I've actually stuck to the hours I "scheduled" myself (aka, wrote in my planner that I was gonna do)... and while the first half of each shift was dead and I seriously contemplated leaving, both shifts I have had one or two guys toward the end make it not a total waste of time. They weren't super lucrative shifts, but making $200 beat the hell out of making nothing, and was worth waiting since I was already there.

    Sooo yes, definitely always stay a little bit longer when you're thinking of going home; even just "Fine, I'll stay one more half hour" could be the difference between taking some profit home vs. owing a house fee.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    ^True. There have been many nights where I made nothing until the last hour or two of my shift. I didn't start making any money until my last hour of work last night, and I think if I had stayed I would have made more...but by that time I was way too tired and lazy. If I get a lot of rejections I just stop trying for a while, try to relax and then the money starts to come to me. I cared too much last night and I think that's one reason I didn't make much.

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    Veteran Member littlelizard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I'm always the first one to opt out and go home when I'm having a shitty shift. But here are some things I try to think of when it's really slow or I'm constantly getting rejected or I'm just not having it.

    -You never know who is going to come in and see you. One time I told my manager I had to leave early to go "to my other job." About 30 mins after I left, my regular texted me saying that he came in looking for me wanting to get a VIP room! FML!
    -You never know when a bunch of guys are going to come in. One day me and this other dancer were talking shit about how the club is so slow and there is no money... and guess what? The moment we come out there are a bunch of guys already sitting with girls! While we were in the dressing room talking shit, a bunch guys walked in and the girls already on the floor swooped them up. This goes for other sales jobs as well. My boyfriend sells cars and one day it was really slow, so he decided to take a break and go out to lunch with me. Turns out a bunch of people looking to buy cars comes in during his break and he missed out on a $500 commission.
    -After being rejected a million times, it's good to take a break and recuperate. Sometimes just really sitting, not that sexy posing sitting we do on the floor, but the hunched over, legs wide open sitting, for whatever time you need...feels so good! After taking a nice long refreshing break, I feel like I have a new attitude and I'm ready to make some money!

    Now I just need to remember this everytime I feel like shit at work lol.

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Last night I started going down the death spiral after a couple rejections. I was feeling upset about it but then my husband called and asked how my night was. For some reason I just busted out laughing and said "Well I've been here 2 hours and made $3 so it's been a pretty awesome night." Then I was like "Fuck these guys. I give up. If they want dances they can come to ME." A couple minutes later a guy waved me over and got 10 dances. After that I sat at the bar, had a coffee and the guy sitting next to me started chatting with me and ended up buying 7 dances. Haha. So yeah, just give up and do your own thing. (and I am posting this to remind myself of this as well.)

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    I find that, every time I go in to work, if I'm having a good time, the customers will pick up on that and I'll be more magnetized to make money. I try to just have fun for the night, and bear in mind that it only takes one person to make me a pretty penny. I count my first stage set, and then I don't count my money again until the end of my shift. This keeps me from being discouraged too easily and worrying too much about how much money I'm making, which can put me in a bad mood pretty quickly.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    I'd had a few really good nights and I came in tonight ready to make some serious money. I walked in and there were more dancers than customers. It took me about half an hour to do my first stage set, which was followed immediately by several rejections. By about halfway through my shift the club had picked up but I was completely demoralized. The worse I did, the worse I felt, and the worse I felt the worse I did. It was some kind of vicious cycle.

    My question is: does anyone have tips on how to stop the death spiral and recover when a night is just sucking completely?
    I keep audio affirmations on my ipod. I go into the dressing room and pop on a Tony Robbins file or some other teacher who will get you amped in 10 minutes or less. He calls it managing your state as in your emotional state. You feel good about yourself, a reassured of the giving power of the customers and you'll begging to connect with the more positive guys in the room.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Quote Originally Posted by NightGoddess View Post
    It helps a lot to realize that it's okay to not have a good night, it's okay. It doesn't make you a shitty stripper. The fact that you spend hours getting ready, and you go in and still dance your ass off even when no one is tipping or buying dances makes you STRONG, and the fact that you even do this job and have the ability to do it makes you STRONG and you are worthy of everything that you want to have, really you are.

    I hope you have a great night next time you go in. Treat yourself to something nice.
    It's good to adjust your goal to just connecting, sharing some relaxed moments with a few custies. One of them will want to spend. Often they are certain they won't spend but as you bond they change their own mind and want to connect/dance. Just don't sit too long.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Quote Originally Posted by zorasky View Post
    I find that, every time I go in to work, if I'm having a good time, the customers will pick up on that and I'll be more magnetized to make money. I try to just have fun for the night, and bear in mind that it only takes one person to make me a pretty penny. I count my first stage set, and then I don't count my money again until the end of my shift. This keeps me from being discouraged too easily and worrying too much about how much money I'm making, which can put me in a bad mood pretty quickly.
    Waiting to count your money is a HUGE deal. Whenever I count my money in the middle of my shift, I'm much more likely to leave early, or like you said, feel discouraged. When I started working in clubs with no schedules or shift minimums, this became a big bad habit for me!

    It's best to forget about your money once it's in your purse.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    ^ That. I have a $$$ goal and no shift minimum, so you kind of HAVE to count it, but I do much better if I tell myself I have to wait until after 3 stage sets or until X time to count. Nothing will piss you off faster than counting it after an hour and being pissed that you only have $50.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Waiting to count your money is a HUGE deal. Whenever I count my money in the middle of my shift, I'm much more likely to leave early, or like you said, feel discouraged. When I started working in clubs with no schedules or shift minimums, this became a big bad habit for me!

    It's best to forget about your money once it's in your purse.
    I wish I could do this. I always know within a dollar or two how much is in my bag even without looking. I just keep a mental tally from all the years as a dancer, I guess.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    ^ I count how many dances I've sold usually... lets me know what kind of 'pace' I'm at so I don't get lazy. But I don't keep track of whether they were $10 or $20 dances, or of my stage tips, so I only know a minimum that I have, and I'm usually pleasantly surprised when I count and it's over that.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Quote Originally Posted by wednesday86 View Post
    Last night I started going down the death spiral after a couple rejections. I was feeling upset about it but then my husband called and asked how my night was. For some reason I just busted out laughing and said "Well I've been here 2 hours and made $3 so it's been a pretty awesome night." Then I was like "Fuck these guys. I give up. If they want dances they can come to ME." A couple minutes later a guy waved me over and got 10 dances. After that I sat at the bar, had a coffee and the guy sitting next to me started chatting with me and ended up buying 7 dances. Haha. So yeah, just give up and do your own thing. (and I am posting this to remind myself of this as well.)
    Yes! At my new club, the day shift is still rather slow and not many girls come in (read like...3), so when I pull those days, I've started saying "screw it. There's only two customers, and I don't feel like being rejected with no other options, so if they want me, they can ask!" I began shooting shit with the bartender and having fun (she was teaching me some stupid dance moves), and both the customers began asking for me.

    Guys really like when you're having fun and doing your own thing. I think it makes you more enticing and like you're genuinely happy to be there.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    It's super important to keep circulating the club when it's dead. If you stop moving, your energy becomes negative, stale, static. You need to keep your energy positive, dynamic, light, and active. Even if you're just walking from the dressing room, back out to the private dance area, over to the DJ booth, and back to the dressing room, creating movement is important.

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    There are some good tips here, which seems somewhat related to this thread: https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...in-a-dead-club

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    Default Re: Pulling out of the Death Spiral

    Wasn't sure where to put this tidbit. But something I've noticed I do that is fucking GOLD advice - and yes, it is ridiculously simple - is to never watch the other girls while you're working. Don't watch their stage shows, don't watch their dances, don't watch them in the dressing room. Small talk is, eh, okay...if you happen to bump into someone in the dressing room who says something to you, or if you ask someone for the time. But if you go home and can't recall any of your coworkers' faces, that's generally a good sign. Your focus should always be 100% on the customers or on yourself.

    Anything you see that other girls are doing just pollutes your mentality. You might see a girl who looks super sexy that night, and then you start feeling insecure about yourself. You might see a girl rubbing a guy's dick through his pants on the floor, and then you start feeling like you won't make any money unless you're doing the same. You might see a girl giving a dirty dance in the back rooms, and then you start feeling like you need to increase your contact levels. You might see a girl give a killer stage show, and then you start feeling like you need to change your dancing style. It's a recipe for death-spiral awfulness. And since you never know who might walk through that door, you need to keep your confidence and attitude fresh to extract maximum moneyz out of the night.

    No good comes of paying attention to them. Obviously my advice here is extreme, but it works. My SO sometimes asks me little details about my coworkers - what outfits they tend to wear, whether they have tattoos, etc. - and the vast majority of the time, (even on super slow nights!), I honestly can't answer his questions. It makes my job easier and helps keep me focused when I ignore (politely and kindly, always) the women with whom I work.

    The only exceptions I can think of here are if you're a mega-newbie (it can be good to watch the other girls when you're new), or when you're new to a club that has a drastically different hustle / stage layout / whatever than what you're used to. But you should always try to watch them work with an objective, positive, detached mindset. "Oh, she's putting her leg up on that ledge - I could do that."...rather than "Wow, she looks incredible up there. I'll never look that good / Bet I'd fall if I tried that..."

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