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Thread: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

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    Question Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    I'm moving out of my very expensive apt., and downsizing so I can save money.
    I will have to put my stuff in storage, and move in with a roommate.(reluctantly).
    My question for all of You who are roommates, is... how do You set boundaries?
    I'm a loner when I am home... I'm very Quiet. I work a lot (cam and pso, clips), and a part time vanilla job, along with private party dancing.
    I need my space, and don't really want to be friends with someone in order to be their roommate.
    Just want to come and go without checking in, or even feeling the need to have 'forced' conversation, etc.

    How can I do this, without losing my mind?
    I just met with a potential roomie over the weekend, (slept over to see if id like the place,etc), and she NEVER SHUT UP!!!!!!
    She followed me around her place everywhere I would go, flipping off the lights behind me, all the while talking, talking, talking!!
    In the kitchen for a snack, she comes in.. talking, talking.
    I woke up early and quietly went to the kitchen to make coffee... she came in talking, talking, talking!!! OMG!!!
    Granted, we met because she is a friend of a relative of mine, but still!!
    Is this what a roommate situation is???

    Help!
    Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
    Glam

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    Senior Member HandSanitizer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    I've had many different kinds of roommates because there are so many different people out there.
    Some people are just more chatty than others.

    I don't have roommates for the very reason that I like to keep my private life, well, private and I find that some women are not especially keen to having a roommate who is involved in the adult entertainment industry. So just be careful about what you tell her. Jealous roommates tend to run their mouths to other people.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    2nd the reminder to be discrete, esp if you don't know this girl well, esp since she has already shown you what a motormouth she is.

    I have had problem roommates & cool roommates, but pretty much all of them accepted that I'm an introvert & need my space & respected it. My last roommate situation, one of the housemates was VERY social & would have a group of our friends over almost every damn nite. I stayed upstairs w/ my door shut & everybody left me alone, but sm times it would still get to be too much & then I would take myself out to dinner or a movie or smtg like that.

    The following you around everywhere? I would have very pointedly remarked that I found it rather strange that she was doing that, & was she going to try & follow me into the loo as well? That made me wonder if this chick has nvr had a roommate either. You can set boundaries w/o being rude, but IME you have to be kind of direct abt it.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    1) Don't leave dishes in the sink. 2) Be really quiet. 3) Lock up all your valuables- you never know who your roomies might be bringing home (we got ripped off by a guest this way, which resulted in "a couple people I know" beating up the thief.)

    If you have a rational roomie, they can overlook small room mate issues for the greater good of having half of the rent covered. If you have a crazy roomie, start socking away money so you can get out of the arrangement ASAP. There's no reason to pay money to put up with a grown adult crybaby/maniac.

    The last time I bailed a crazy roomie, I threw all my stuff in a Tupperware bin & rolled out in my car, lived in a hotel for a month. In other words don't go buying nice furniture and getting settled in until you are sure your roomie can be called a real friend. Keep your extra stuff in storage if you have to...

    edit to add- I re-read the part about the talkative roomie. Maybe you should choose someone else? Most other people I know pretend their room mates aren't even there, lol...
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 12-29-2014 at 11:37 AM.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    Don't move in with that potential roommate, you'll hate it. I'm ridiculously introverted and I HAVE to have privacy and space, but I also spent the first half of my 20s living with roommates (while supporting myself with sex work). Here's what I learned:

    The fewer inhabitants, the better. Don't live with more than two roommates if you value peace and quiet!

    Houses have thicker walls than apartments.

    Old people are the best roommates. They go to bed at 8pm and have the quietest guests.

    Pay attention to the layout of the home. It's best if the bedrooms aren't next to eachother, i.e. there's a one bedroom downstairs and the other upstairs. Look for a place that has two bathrooms! It's best if there's a front or back door someplace discrete, that way you can come or go mostly unnoticed.

    Always be polite, but set an example early on that you want to be left alone. Don't get too chatty. Send your roommate a text instead of knocking on their door.

    You live in LA right? If you want to move to the suburbs you could rent a guesthouse/granny flat (ideal for camming/pso-- could get noisy?) or an attached studio for around $700-$1k. Definitely cheaper than having your own place but still very private.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    Honey ive been living with roommates for years and i honestly need to seek therapy from it. Ive yet to live in a chill quiet apt where people have their shit together and leave each other alone. I have a year and a half until i cam afford my own place. Ive suffered living with burning man hippies who bring randoms over everyday, people with ocd, ive been robbed, male roomies whose girlfriends have hated on me, the list never ends. Ive gone as far as throwing laundry detergent at a roommate to relieve angst. Finding someone whose normal is a needle in a haystack. And LA sucks theres so many entertainment industry ppl who wanna live with other industry people and vegans who wanna live w other vegans and ppl who want live in bffs. My advice: keep looking speaking from experience this girl will drive u mad

    Kan good advice i may have to look into living w older ppl as im a serious introvert myself. The last one i met with wanted a younger live in bff so the search for normality continues.
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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    Can't you just avoid the whole roommate thing at all?!! If Possible?! I tell you...I had to deal with roommate stuff for the 1st time ever in late 2009 until 2010..and it was a mess! Never again.I had people going into my room without me being there...lets just say that I did call the cops and threw her out and after that...no more people.If you can just have a cheap place by yourself..that will be the best way to go..PERIOD!!!

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    I have had tons of roommates and honestly, spending some extra money on a one bedroom has always been worth it for me.

    If you are going to go the roommate route, the best roomie situations I've had are with people I a) am not friends with b) don't work with/go to school with and c) have no mutual friends in common. Anytime I've lived with a good friend it's blown up, as we just spent waaaaay too much time together at the end of the day.

    You can get a sense of the kind of roommate they're looking for by asking them about their old roommate. Did they hangout and spend a lot of time together? If they say yes, they probably aren't the right person for you. If they say they didn't know them very well, that may be more your style. Also asking, what things really annoy you with a flatmate, will give you a good idea-- if they say someone who spends a lot of time in their room, you probably don't want to live there. And get things like, sleeping/work schedules out of the way from the get go, since as a stripper that has been a major source of conflict with my past flatmates. I prefer living with more than one person as that can take the pressure off sometimes. One of my friends has been living with an older woman for a while now, she rents a room in her house and loves it. She says they rarely see each other as they have such different schedules/social circles and both keep to themselves.

    Above all, be very clear and open about what your boundaries are and the kind of situation you're looking for. There definitely are people who are introverts and just sharing to save money and not because they want to be social and will be totally fine with that, so it's just a question of finding the right situation.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    ^^^^ this is very good advice here. I hadn't really thought of it that way since I have nvr had the luxury of 'choosing' roommates -- it was always school-type situations, uni/trade-school where the powers-that-be assign you to sm1 or several sm1s & leave y'all alone to make it work. But Audrey is right, hold the 'test visit' like an interview, as you would when scouting a club, to get an idea of how they roll & what they might do that you can or can't live w/. Drugs are a dealbreaker for me right-off, for example, so if that's what they are into, I would want to know ASAP so I can start backing away slowly.

    Rooming w/ friends doesn't have to be a bad thing, provided you get a sufficient 'break' from each other. One girl who was a roommate of mine, I literally didn't talk to her for at least the first month when she moved in bc I was so shy. We ended up becoming best friends & later roomed together again after she had briefly left. We made it work tho, bc while she is a lot more outgoing than I am, she respects my need for solitude, & her respect for my boundaries as an introvert made me feel safe enough to go out w/ her sm times into social situations that are normally way outside of my comfort zone. Plus my protective nature tends to kick in & I would rather be there sober & watching her back while she parties.

    Apart from her, & maybe three others over the yrs (who were either extremely invasive/immature, or actually mentally ill), most of the others have been easy enough to deal w/. Our 'relationship' was built on a mutual respect for the fact that, personality-wise, we were total opposites, & the maturity to deal w/ any minor problems that surfaced instead of letting them fester.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    Honestly, she just sounds friendly and looking forward to getting to know you. As a very outgoing and social person myself, I always try to engage my company if I have some over. But if I had a quiet room mate, I'd like it if they told me they need some alone time now and again. If iy were really such a problem I'd find someone who was a better fit, sometimes you can't fix clashing personalities.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    It's too bad you can't move to a state where the cost of living is cheaper. In my area, people are always looking for roomies.

    And not sure where you live in your state, but there are extended stays that can sometimes be less expensive and still nice, where you can still live on your own cheaper to save. One extended stay I used when I was in a trade school, was a Value Place. It was pretty nice.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    ^^I looked into extended stay, and even out of the city they are over 2 grand per month.
    Believe me, I've done everything I could to avoid even moving out of my place and getting a roommate, but this is what it is. Or I will be homeless.
    Update to responding to ads for roommates--they ALL want me to be sexy and imply that will have to have sex with them!! WTF!
    My friends all told me that they ran into the same thing when they were looking for a roomie situation.
    It's craigslist after all, why am I not surprised?
    I can't wait to have the money for 3x the rent to get a place of my own. I have bad credit, and that's what they want nowadays.

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    I was always the boss, my apartment, my rules

    Had good roommates and bad ones. Worry about it as little as possible, as long as the check clears

    The most unlikely combos make good roommates, think 'the odd couple'. In fact not being particularly friendly can make it better, no stress over telling the truth.

    don't rule out opposite sex roommates, as you know how to controls us, now don't you

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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    I've had my share of roommates. For one if you already are getting annoyed by her, don't move in with her. Just a heads up.

    Label all your food. If you don't plan on sharing. I had a roommate who was bulimic who would binge eat food. I started labeling mine so she would stop eating my food. She would use the excuse "I thought it was mine." So solved that problem with a sharpie.

    Get an actual lock and key on your door. So your space is your space. You don't have to worry about snooping or theft.

    Remember you don't have to be friends with your roommate if you don't want to. Sometimes it's better to have a strict roommate relationship. But be civil at the sametime. Pick up after yourself. Make sure your things stay in your room. If you see a sink full of dishes that aren't yours, do them. But don't make a habit of it.

    Also pay your portion of rent and utilities ahead or on time. Try not to be late on anything. It's okay once in a blue moon, but don't make it a habit.

    Be friendly, don't ignore her if you guys are in the same room. Talk a little bit.

    If you ever want company over, check if it's okay beforehand. Even if it's one person. There is nothing worse then coming home to 15+ people when you've had a stressful day My ex's friends CONSTANTLY would be at our apartment when I would want peace and quiet.





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    Default Re: Advice *Please* On Being a Roommate (for the first time--Ever!)

    Honestly, I'd live in a motel before going into another roomie situation if I were you. Only bc you won't ever have to answer to anyone but yourself. i know it's more expensive but fuck it, it's sooo worth it.
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