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Thread: are any lies off-limits

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    Default are any lies off-limits

    I have gone to a handful of clubs for several years now. Too often, really. And it has been a long time since a dancer has been able to get under my skin. But one has. All these posts are all versions of that same issue - I want her, does she want me.

    But I accept that she does not.

    I am genuinely interested in what lies or acts or hustles or whatever you would not put on the string a guy along? If he expressed genuine emotion for you, would you take advantage? If he's depressed, do you have bipolar? Do you tell him stories about how shitty your childhood or old boyfriends were? Is there a line you would not cross, personally?

    For what it's worth, I don't ask as a bitter thing or a judgmental thing, I just want to better understand the creature so that I don't find myself in so unpleasant a place again.

    It hurts, wanting, and wanting something when you can't tell if is a dream or not, even more.

    Appreciate it.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Your asking a question that each dancer can only answer for herself. Every dancer has different lines they will not cross, some have no boundaries when it comes to earning money. Remember what you are seeing in the club is a persona, not the real person. Just get her out of your system and move on. Everything in the strip club is ephemeral, you cannot hold on to something that disappears as soon as you walk out of the door.


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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    We don't know her, so we can speculate all you like but probably can't tell you anything helpful. Unfortunately, same as there are unscrupulous customers or club staff, there are unscrupulous dancers. It just comes w/ the territory.

    I will say this tho: the best liars are the ones who can seamlessly blend lies w/ truth, & a SC is the best IRL example I can think of to describe this point. The best salespeople are the ones who tailor their approach to what best suits each individual customer. It sounds like that's exactly what this girl did -- she sussed out what you were personally looking for & gave it to you. That's really all there is to understand.

    Assuming upfront that 99% of what a stripper tells you is, at best, 'a lie based on fact' will save you a lot of hurt going forward.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I think I get that. She is what she is. I don't know that she lied or not, and it largely doesn't matter. Walk away from something when it gets that fucked and half way real with being solid, lin or not. But like you said, 99% lie sounds like a good rule of thumb. And I muddied the waters by mentioning her and my mistake in forgetting where I was.

    But I was really asking out of curiosity as much as anything else. I mean, what is this thing to you personally? How much are customers to be fucked with? And are there things you hold sacred independent of any kind of respect for the guy in front of you trying to molest you for dollar bills? Would you tell a piece of shit your kid had cancer if it would get you a bigger tip? That sort of thing.

    Again, just kind of wondering. I have a tendency to make things about me and I am beginning to see I don't really know about other people, in general.

    But thanks for responding. I did appreciate the no shit answer without being mean about it.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    There's no real 'need to know' re: the personal lives of dancers, or re: any dancer's personal truth:bs ratio. I assure you, you're much more worried abt this than any dancer! stop making it so personal & just enjoy it for what it is! It's naked customer service.

    Like Salz said above, sm girls will say whatever they feel is necessary to clean a guy out. Sm, like me, minimalise the details of our private lives, or leave them entirely off the table & weave a backstory that's pure fiction. I have VERY RARELY commiserated w/ a customer re: depression/broken relationship, or smtg very personal, but if you think abt it, doing so can be dicey or even dangerous for the dancer. Nvr know if you might be talking to an 'emotional barnacle' or God forbid a sociopath.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    For me personally I mainly lie about personal data for privacy reasons.

    when I spend time with customers who are paying me, I like us both sides to feel a win/win. I like to have at least a few regulars come back and spend money with me.

    I never lie about the type of service I provide in VIP, like a bait and switch, just get the customer to the back to get some cash.

    some girls do use a type of pity sympathy hustle to get more cash. Whether they're lying or truthful, who knows.

    I will say I do stretch the truth. Especially when a customer is paying me good money, I will tell him more of what he wants to hear but i don't ever make promises I know i won't keep just for the sake of money.

    Take what you hear in the strip club with a grain of salt.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Are any lies off limit? Nope. Everyone lies - customers, staff and entertainers.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I tell the customers what they want to hear.

    I keep it light and my backstory is fictional. I don't ever discuss my personal problems or ask about theirs.

    There have been soo many times though when customers try to create a situation or drama for me. Here is a tip to help with school/your situation. Your obviously here because your vulnerable.

    I think its coz that way they are being helpful and generous to a young girl rather than paying for company.

    This conversation needs to take into account the customers role in the exchange too.
    Last edited by amberlly; 01-06-2015 at 12:05 AM.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I think it's worth emphasizing the nature of the business you're entering.

    If you went to a restaurant and the hostess was a jerk to you, you'd be pretty upset. It's her job to make you feel welcomed to the establishment and as comfortable as possible. This is true whether she was having a bad day or not.

    Dancers aren't strictly dancers -- they're providing an experience through contact and communication as well. It's an experience the patrons are expecting and appreciate. They become experts on making you feel good (and that includes feeling desired and admired). You can look at this cynically and focus on the hustle aspect of it ("it's an unreal", "it's fake", etc.), and many get their feelings hurt when they feel there's a genuine attraction that they want to take outside the club.

    But I don't think enough people appreciate that there's already an implicit agreement you make by coming there in the first place. You came for a show -- and that show comes in a large variety of ways from a large variety of personalities. If you want something with less illusion, go to a bar or night club. (Not that there isn't a good share of illusion there too, to be sure)

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Ok 3rd post but I do like and appreciate a lot of my customers and regulars. The guys who tip, treat me with respect and I want them to have a good time. I want them to be entertained and relaxed. Its not just some cold hard set of lies.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I feel ya. It's really hard to distinguish the truth in the club. I like hanging with a certain dancer and we coordinate when ill be in the club, etc. We talk about a variety of things, well, i asked her what she likes. Just in general, what she likes about life. She was really taken aback and she actually looked upset and sad. Now ive seen guys and girls get emotional, and this girl truly looked emotional and had to wipe a few tears. She said no one has asked her that before, someone (maybe a customer) who was truly interested in what she likes. Fake tears? Might never know since i do pay for her time.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Quote Originally Posted by billjoet View Post
    I have gone to a handful of clubs for several years now. Too often, really. And it has been a long time since a dancer has been able to get under my skin. But one has. All these posts are all versions of that same issue - I want her, does she want me.

    But I accept that she does not.

    I am genuinely interested in what lies or acts or hustles or whatever you would not put on the string a guy along? If he expressed genuine emotion for you, would you take advantage? If he's depressed, do you have bipolar? Do you tell him stories about how shitty your childhood or old boyfriends were? Is there a line you would not cross, personally?

    For what it's worth, I don't ask as a bitter thing or a judgmental thing, I just want to better understand the creature so that I don't find myself in so unpleasant a place again.

    It hurts, wanting, and wanting something when you can't tell if is a dream or not, even more.

    Appreciate it.
    I've been in your shoes with a partner & the only difference between a web of lies or a web of truth you are trapped in is- you feel sorrier for the person when it's all lies. You feel as if they are dead to you & it's a colder sting than a situation where you can extend some real empathy to someone who just had exceptionally bad luck.

    People lie all the time in regular relationships, remember that.

    At work I don't lie about cancer. That's it.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    From Wikipedia:

    Suspension of disbelief or willing suspension of disbelief is a term coined in 1817 by the poet and aesthetic philosopher Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who suggested that if a writer could infuse a "human interest and a semblance of truth" into a fantastic tale, the reader would suspend judgement concerning the implausibility of the narrative. Suspension of disbelief often applies to fictional works of the action, comedy, fantasy, and horror genres


    It is not about the dancer lying, it is ones own failure to keep ones brain engaged.

    Whenever someone talks about a dancer lying, it is evidence they have failed to keep perspective.

    Does this mean I do not entertain silly thoughts now and then? Hell no, I am lucky enough to be old enough that a glance in the mirror brings me back to earth.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I would never go to the extent of lying about my kid (if I had one) having cancer, just because I'd be afraid karma would then give my kid cancer.

    I only ever find it necessary to lie about personal information, because hell no I am not telling some guy where in the city I live, or what high school I went to, either because it's overly personal or it could be used to stalk me. I will often tell white lies that fit in with my persona as well (i.e., that I'm from a rich part of town when I'm playing spoiled princess). I don't have to lie about other things to commiserate with the customer, just because I don't ever volunteer to talk about myself, and I'm too busy playing the guy so that HE will talk about HIMself and thus feel special (which I suppose is lying as well technically, but then you might as well go get mad at anyone in sales).

    Though I must say that if you're getting butthurt that a stripper may or may not have lied to you... you need to get your head out of another orifice. It's pretty common knowledge that strippers can and will lie to customers.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Sadly, people in general lie all the time. IME no more lying goes on in the strip club than goes on when you meet someone at a bar, about performance in the workplace, you name it. Anywhere you go, people lie. If anything, I've run across more dancers being straight up with me about things than lying to get me to spend more money. The lies I've encountered, I really don't care that much about. I assume that dancers are going to tell me the story they want to tell me. While once in awhile, I'll get the times are tough pitch in an effort to get me to spend a little, but no dancer has ever lied about anything significant to me (that I know about).

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Thanks for the replies.

    I would acknowledge the part of the customer in all this. I come in for the lie. I want a girl to be nicer to me than she would be in any other setting, and I expect a certain type of performance. And I use the word lie as a broad, vague idea. I don't mean it harshly. Hustle or act or persona works just as well. And I lie to you when I'm there. Not about factual things, like my name or job or anything, because why bother? But I might tell you that I think you are a lot prettier and more interesting than you are, just like you do for me. That was an important point amberlly and aarong made.

    As for being butthurt that I was lied to, I don't know that I am. I mentioned my girl to try to be honest about the inspiration for the question. And to be honest, I don't really think she lied about a whole lot. She did a number on me, but I don't think she did it on purpose. I'm still kind of in love with her. If I'm butthurt, it is at myself for getting attached to a girl where neither one of us is good for the other one. And for losing perspective. But as I spend time away from it, I start thinking more and more because I have that kind of sickness. And one of the things was about the depth and breadth of the lies we both tell, customer and dancer.

    And I have met dancers who are very honest about everything. One of the dancers I was most impressed with was a girl who was very friendly, but very professional. Didn't try to feed you shit, but smiled and showed interest, but in a calm, sales person kind of way. It's hard to explain. But I felt great when I saw her. I've had other girls who first night carry on about how handsome or big I am, both of which are just objectively untrue, and try to plant seeds about being alone, and I appreciate that as an act, but a clumsy, unnecessary one. For me. It might work better with other guys.

    But the ones you fall in love with, well like some have said, that fucks you up dancer or civilian.

    We all lie some.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    When we pay girls to take their clothes off and to feign interest in us, it really should come as no surprise to us that some of those good feelings are not genuine.

    IMHO they lie, to varying degrees, because it is necessary to:


    1. Protect themselves from guys who they really don't know very well, if at all. Any swinging dick can walk into a club and it's not like they're running background checks at the door; and

    2. Maintain the belief that they really enjoy spending time with us. Imagine if hot 20-something year old dancers actually made a habit of telling customers who are old, fat, ugly, stupid, pathetic, arrogant, something else bad or some combination of these, how they really feel? You might as well not open the clubs at all, lol.


    Bill, it sounds like you just paid some financial and emotional tuition. Almost every guy who frequents strip clubs for their entertainment goes through this at least once. IME and IMO, you will enjoy clubs a lot more when you learn not to take what you hear in them too seriously and understand that a strip club is a very bad place in which to fall in love.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    You want closure.

    You want her to explain why she didn't fall head over heels in love for you & not your money.

    Seek help, seriously get help. You are in a spiral here. No one here can give you the one on one help you need to pick up & move on. Getting answers from us or even her won't resolve your inner dialog going on in your head. You can NEVER expect to get the truth from a LIAR, so to keep seeking it is Pointless.

    You can get professional help to move on & prevent it from happening again. I am sure it has happened before in relationships outside the strip club setting. There will always be liars & con artist, healing yourself so that you can spot them faster & walk away is the goal you need to focus on.

    Sam

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Men go to Strip clubs to BE lied to, cause if you wanted a real relationship in Real life, you don't go where the females are naked or nearly so.

    You aren't there to get to know the 'real' them but the fantasy of a hot sexy nearly naked female dancing all over you, paying attention to you without the effort of dating, being friends & building trust the old fashioned way. You went in being superficial and thus it is what you got back.

    Men go to strip clubs for their egos. Females there know it & cater to it. Men lie to get sex all the time. Men lie just as much as females do. There are plenty of honest men & women in the world & in strip clubs. Look at how many Married men on dating sites pretending to be single.

    If you are a 10 in looks then you can pull a 5 to 10 kind of gal. If you are a 3 in looks, unless you have $$$ or a good game, you are NOT going to pull a 7 to 10 kind of gal. You go to strip clubs to have 7 to 10s feed your ego. You knew all this before walking in the door. You bought into her lies, her game cause you wanted it to be true. It wasn't. We all have been there.

    You get back what you put out in the world. Like a guy who brags about his big expensive car then gets upset that females are ONLY interested in him because of that car & not Him. I have big boobs, I make money off of those big boobs. Not going to be upset that men ONLY want me for those big boobs. LOL

    Get help so you can find real love in real life with real females and not ones who you pay to stroke your ego because you don't want to put in the effort it takes in Real life. There are NO short cuts.

    Sam


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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I'm there to entertain you and stroke your ego. Even if I'm being paid for 'the girlfriend experience' it's still ENTERTAINMENT at its core. The product we are selling is "fantasy." A strip club is not a pick up bar. It's an entertainment venue. The time you spend with a dancer isn't a date. We are there to make money not find boyfriends. As to limits on what I lie about-it varies from customer to customer. In general no customer is going to hear about my husband or child, where I really live, my real name or even most of my real hobbies. I even lie about where I get my tattoos done because i don't want to run into customers there. They aren't really meeting the real me...they're meeting "Leah" who has an entirely made up back story and life. I may tell some true stories that are exciting, funny, or relate to my customer in some way (for example one of my regulars was going through a divorce so I talked about my own divorce--which some made up details) but that's about as real as it gets.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Nothing is off limits. Absolutely everything I tell a customer is a lie. Every last detail.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    All good points. And true. I guess that's why it was a bit of a shock, and hit me funny, that I went in for a lie and then forgot. Thought I found something real. And she, or at least fantasy she, was really amazing. I'm just sort of that kind of obsessive, low self esteem. And I should probably get help, or at least not look for it on random forums.

    I do think the closure thing is true to. Not the why she didn't love me part. I get that. I'm a lititle confused and angry at the idea she would have lied about some of it, but I should be, and am, more mad at myself and the situation. I sound like I haven't seen this before, but I've been around and have seen a lot of girls and guys do their thing in these places. I don't begrudge her her act. I'm just pissy I got took, not the guy I thought.

    And part of why I have stopped going is because when I got caught on her, I realized I didn't really want the lie and that was all I would likely find. I didn't go in looking for a girlfriend, not consciously. But deep down, probably was. Or at least an easy, fake version of one I didn't have to try at and ended when I left the club, which is just lazy.

    Thanks for the responses. This has been helpful. I did honestly think it was just a good question, even with all my shit behind it, but I probably asked it the wrong way. But I'll let my part go.

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Frankly, I don't give a fuck about these guys & their sob stories , I'll say whatever they wanna hear just to get their money, then guess what??? I'm gone Most of us don't really care about you OR your life issues, we only see you as money. For me personally, you'll be lucky if I spend more than 2 songs bullshitting with you, if you don't go for a dance or VIP when I ask then I'm walking away & working someone else. Cheers~
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    Hey, it happens to all of us at some point in our life.
    etddd
    I see it on Dr phil all the time. Men wanting a sexy, I do anything for you, please you 24/7, stroke your ego girlfriend or wife. He tells them to "GET REAL, BUDDY" shock look on man's face. Followed by Dr Phil saying "You are only get that by the hour from a hooker, even she can't do that for more than an hour"

    Of course you want that, going into a strip club & doing that kind of role playing is fun, good for the ego. Just NOT real or even sustainable in REAL life for you or her. My idea is George Clooney kissing my ass 24/7 & buying me lots of diamonds, cars & houses. REality is NO man will ever be that. LOL

    You want fantasy, then you got to be that fantasy for them in return. Are you? ARe you wealthy beyond belief? ARe you handsome, strong, fit? Are you witty, charming? Can you be those things 24/7? NO, nobody can. You go to a club, play the fantasy for a bit, cause it is fun then go back to real life. If it becomes what you expect out of a girl in your life, then you need to STAY OUT of the clubs.

    Sam

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    Default Re: are any lies off-limits

    I do expect to be lied to in a strip club. That is expected, and part of the appeal. A good stripper's job is to make me believe the fantasy for an hour or two.

    However, I am disappointed to read that at least some dancers here would lie about anything, even go so far as to lie about something as serious as cancer, in order to get money from a custy. To me that is crossing a line. That has moved beyond being good at your job, to being truly evil. I don't know how you could face yourself in the morning doing that. That's some bad karma you are building up.

    I have never had a dancer try this on me, but my opinion on humanity has dropped a notch.

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