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Thread: Another vent about toxic "friends'

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    Veteran Member thatgingercamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Another vent about toxic "friends'

    I so very much need to vent about this, and I have no one in my personal life that I want to burden with this ugliness and drama. So here goes.

    So yeah, I have no idea what to do. But in the past, I have made the mistake of not taking care of myself in situations like this, and it backfired horribly for me. I love my fiance, but this situation is incredibly shitty.

    Edit: Thank you for your advice....
    Last edited by thatgingercamgirl; 01-08-2015 at 12:01 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member hamdinger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another vent about toxic "friends'

    I'm so sorry you're trapped in this stressful fucked up situation. And you are really doing a good thing by handling this calmly, asking to talk openly, rather than reacting with anger even though you probably just want to never see her again. It shows how much you care for your fiancee.

    I know this type of person, who can't/won't control her manipulative impulses and then denies that anything has been going on when their shit hits the fan all over everyone. It sounds like she's insecure. Needing a back-up man to give her attention and validation when hers is on the outs. Do you think she sees you as a threat (like females sometimes do...) and wants to keep you feeling uncomfortable and unwanted?

    I hope your fiancee sees where you're coming from, but based on the intensity of the argument, maybe that's not the case. Hopefully the two of you calling her out in person will be enough to break her denial down. Does her man know about her behavior with your fiancee when they were living together? Discussing that with him might help your case.

    It sounds like she has been fucking up all three of y'all's shit. Not to suggest conspiring against her or backing her into a corner, but maybe if the three of you speak up together about her childish behavior, she might break down? Who knows if she will actually change, but if you can at least clarify and point out what she is doing to you all, it might be a lot easier to handle.

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    Veteran Member thatgingercamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another vent about toxic "friends'

    Quote Originally Posted by hamdinger View Post
    I'm so sorry you're trapped in this stressful fucked up situation. And you are really doing a good thing by handling this calmly, asking to talk openly, rather than reacting with anger even though you probably just want to never see her again. It shows how much you care for your fiancee.

    I know this type of person, who can't/won't control her manipulative impulses and then denies that anything has been going on when their shit hits the fan all over everyone. It sounds like she's insecure. Needing a back-up man to give her attention and validation when hers is on the outs. Do you think she sees you as a threat (like females sometimes do...) and wants to keep you feeling uncomfortable and unwanted?

    I hope your fiancee sees where you're coming from, but based on the intensity of the argument, maybe that's not the case. Hopefully the two of you calling her out in person will be enough to break her denial down. Does her man know about her behavior with your fiancee when they were living together? Discussing that with him might help your case.

    It sounds like she has been fucking up all three of y'all's shit. Not to suggest conspiring against her or backing her into a corner, but maybe if the three of you speak up together about her childish behavior, she might break down? Who knows if she will actually change, but if you can at least clarify and point out what she is doing to you all, it might be a lot easier to handle.
    Thank you, I really appreciate that. And yeah, I've been getting that vibe from her since day one. My fiance mostly sees where I am coming from, but we have these intense arguments because he feels like I am coming down too hard on her. At lunch we fought because I feel that the apology she sent this morning doesn't undo her blowing up his phone after we clearly told her no, and he does. I have more experience with this type of person, and am more likely to dig in my heels and say no, whereas he is more likely to try to compromise even if it puts him in a bad situation. He is willing to do almost anything to keep his friend, and I am not. I am willing to be civil to her, but that's it. It doesn't help that a part of me worries that some part of him is still buying into her crap like he did in the beginning. When I talk about her manipulation and need to control things, he says, "No, no, she is just an insecure, neurotic girl". I've known a lot of neurotic, insecure people, but that doesn't mean that they are fucking with other people's lives or that it is somehow okay. I feel like we've been feeding into her denial of these situations and that we need to finally call her on her crap.When she tried to break us up, both my fiance and his friend more or less told me that I had to go along with the situation and what she said, and just try to act like nothing had happened. I think that has backfired pretty badly, and it definitely made me feel like shit in the moment to be denied my say in things. I was still pretty fresh from my divorce, and in a bad place mentally. We have been fighting about it ever since. He agrees that I should have gotten my say back then, but...we're still fighting :/
    Last edited by thatgingercamgirl; 01-06-2015 at 04:08 PM.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Another vent about toxic "friends'

    Your fiance is right, he is going to lose either his fiance or his best friend. Sooner the better. Broken people don't get fixed over a little chat.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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