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Thread: I knew this would happen...

  1. #1
    Senior Member SarahM91's Avatar
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    Default I knew this would happen...

    Even though my ex and I are no longer together as a couple, we both agreed to be civil towards one another for the sake of our children. He doesn't seem to understand that in order for us to be civil, there needs to be respect from both ends. He is free from our toxic relationship but I'm not. He is still very verbally and emotionally abuse. Last night he threatened to take me to court for sole custody of our shared daughter and child support. Every single fucking time I have a gut feeling about something it comes true. I confronted him about this feeling I had weeks ago and he ensured me that he wouldn't take me to family court.

    I refuse to give this man money when he lives in his mother's house and no longer has to pay for hydro, rent, groceries, and entertainment (phone, internet...). He still expects for me to contribute towards $3000 of debt (in his name). On top of dealing with all of these expenses on my own, I have to worry about family court for my first born. He wanted to adopt my daughter and yet, he plans on complicating things for all of us. Was splitting our family apart not enough???

    I have never made threats to take these children away from him. The only time I have mentioned discontinue his relationship with my first daughter is because of his inability to treat both girls the same. His back and forth and unpredictability has me worried that one day he could change his mind about raising her. That's a legit fear I as her mother can have and it's being used against me.

    He is the most irresponsible tool and the meanest bully I have known. I have fallen in and out of depression because of how he has treated me. The stress he puts my body and mind through are literally killing me. I have severe chest pains, and migraine headaches every time he acts poorly towards me. He knows I make good money dancing, and now plans on using that to ruin my life when I started dancing for him to begin with. Funny how he'll go after my money and at the same time complain about how I "mess around" and don't bring home enough.

    The only reason he is threatening to take me to court is because I blocked him on all my social media and told him I'd be changing the home phone. If he needs to get a hold of me, he can email, but aside from that, I don't want to hear from him, and I don't want to see him. Would the court give a father sole custody if the mother was stable (financially, etc.)? I mean he lives in a room in his mother's house, smokes pot everyday, feeds the girls too much junk (the tooth in my oldest daughter's mouth that was rotting broke)...



  2. #2
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    Girl get a good lawyer to consult with and possibly retain so his a$$ will stop blackmailing you.

    I have been in that boat and was depressed and anxious for years until I said no more.

    The whole purpose of breaking up means being happier apart but dudes get bitter and want to use kids for leverage in the payback game - even though though the relationship is over and you live apart.

    Sucks but you may have to spend some money to get this dude off your back.

    Best thing for the kids is when the parents can get along and make decisions together. Before you get courts involved try mediation with lawyers. At least this way you both have some leeway in decision making. When the courts step in, it's up in the air as to what a complete stranger aka the judge will decide what's right for you and your family and then you're legally bound to do what they tell you or be in contempt of court.

    unfortunately you can't control his behavior. Main thing you can do is document EVERYTHING so you have proof he is acting like an idiot. Also make sure YOU operate within the law and that the things you do don't intefere with his parental rights so that you don't give him any ammunition to use against you.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    Sarah, he's threatening you because he knows you're afraid of him trying to do just that. It is an empty threat IMHO. No family court that I know of is going to take custody away from a mother unless there is clear evidence of criminal activity, drug abuse, child abuse or negligence or some other pretty serious issue.

    In fact, if I were you, I would turn the threat around. For starters, he has no legal claim whatsoever on your oldest daughter, so if he doesn't cut the crap, then he doesn't get to see her. Period. There is nothing that he can do about it - the kid is not his.

    As for the youngest, you could let him know that if he doesn't cut it out, then you will sue for sole custody and child support. If he cannot even pay his own way or clear a lousy $3,000 in debt, then I'm guessing that he doesn't have much money for a lawyer. IMHO you need to get one quickly and start documenting everything.

    IMHO, if you want to shut this crap down, you need to stop letting your insecurities and fears give him leverage to use against you and start going on the offensive. If he doesn't cut it out, you are probably well positioned to fuck his world up. IMHO it is time that he started understanding that he doesn't get to dictate the terms.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    You are playing victim. He will continue to victimize you cause He CAN.

    You picked him, now will have to deal with him for a LIFE TIME. Do NOT warn him, Do NOT discuss it with him, Do NOT use it to get him to do right by you & the kids. JUST go TO COURT. Oh, please the guilt over being a stripper is STUPID. Have plenty of stripper friends who won custody & child support in court. Maybe 20, 30 years ago that was an issue, but not today.

    1. Never EVER meet or talk to him without credible witnesses.

    2. Do NOT take phone calls from him. Make him text or email you ALL conversations so you can use it as evidence in a court room.

    3. You are being nice, fair. He is NOT playing by those same rules. Oh, he counts on you bending over backwards to be nice, to be fair. Even will call you out on it, in order to get over on you. HE is using it against you,which makes him even more evil.

    4. Since he can NOT be counted on to keep his word. Face it, he is NOT capable of it. YOU go to court, this is why it exist. YOU get it all in written terms of what you expect from him.

    5. Do NOT let him adopt, he will angle for child support on that kid too. He is NEVER going to treat them fairly, so get the professional help, read books in how to help the children deal with it.

    6. One can ONLY manipulate the willing. Document EVERYThing, the courts see people like him everyday. They will see right through his game, especially if you have direct evidence of it.

    7. Buck the fuck up. Your hurt feelings MEANS nothing, you have to protect your kids in every way from the damage he is doing now & in the future.

    8. MOVE! move to another state. Go to court first, get it in writing that you can move out of the city, county, state before he does to keep you from doing so. Of course, a father is important to a child's development, but not if he is a liar, manipulating evil person. Hence why we should be more careful who we fuck & have kids with in life.

    9. After taking care of business & limiting his access, his destructive ways with the kids. Get the help you need to pick a better man next time around & find them a GREAT DAD to replace him.

    10. Mandatory drug testing before he get to spend time with his kid. You may know about the pot, but there maybe other drugs involved that makes him unfit & unable to care for the child by himself. He has money for pot, he has money for child support. If YOU smoke pot,drink or do other drugs STOP now.. I don't care what he does, in a court room, you smoking pot or drinking casually looks bad on YOU> You want HIM to be the drugged out loser in the court room. YOU need to be able to pass a hair test to prove how clean you are on a long term basis.

    Good Luck,
    Sam

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    Senior Member SarahM91's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    I really appreciate everyone's advice. Sam, your tough love is what I needed. These are my children. I'm done being victimized. I need to protect them. He tries to act like this behaviour won't affect them but it has. I will speak with my lawyer as soon as possible. I'll update everyone as soon as I'm able.

    Really don't know what I would do without you all.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahM91 View Post
    I really appreciate everyone's advice. Sam, your tough love is what I needed. These are my children. I'm done being victimized. I need to protect them. He tries to act like this behaviour won't affect them but it has. I will speak with my lawyer as soon as possible. I'll update everyone as soon as I'm able.

    Really don't know what I would do without you all.
    Good for you.

    Remember, how they see him treat you & them is HOW they will expect every man to treat them when they are grown.

    Keep that in mind, when going through all of this. You want better for them, he just gives that lip service in order to get his way. No matter how he spins it, that is PURE EVIL! It destroys you & them in so many ways.

    Only reason he got you into stripping is so he could do all of this to you. Knocked you up, to keep you under his thumb, don't get me wrong you both had sex willingly. Just wanted to show how manipulative & evil people can be while claiming to love you. We have all been there in some way or seen others go through it.

    Much love,
    Sam

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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    He couldn't take custody of your oldest, at all. He won't be considered for custody of the younger unlessvhe can provide a home with a separate bedroom for the child.

    He doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

  13. #8
    Senior Member SarahM91's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    You guys are relieving my anxiety. Thank you. This is what he does to my body. You know that feeling when you've been startled? It normally goes away shortly after occurring. After he hits me where it hurts, it takes days to get rid of that startled, anxious, uneasy feeling in my gut.

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  15. #9
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahM91 View Post
    You guys are relieving my anxiety. Thank you. This is what he does to my body. You know that feeling when you've been startled? It normally goes away shortly after occurring. After he hits me where it hurts, it takes days to get rid of that startled, anxious, uneasy feeling in my gut.
    Glad to hear you're feeling better. Dealing with custody issues myself I used to get full on panic attacks that would last up to a day. Remember to do things (like eating good, exercise, music, heck even therapy or a life coach) to take care of yourself so you can be better equipped to give back to your children and others.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    He could be homeless and get custody if the courts found he was the "primary" parent. I'm not trying to scare you, but the courts today look at a lot more things than they have in the past. The biggest thing they take into account at this time is who cares for the kids the most? Who has the most overnights, who takes the kids to the doctor, and who feeds them and helps with homework. Him living with his parents will not be a consideration.

    If you are not now the "primary" parent (the one who almost always does the things I listed above) get yourself in a position where you are. Then, and only then, go to court. Also, if you do go to court, request that all communication between the two of you be done only on "My Family Wizard". It will cost the two of you $100 per year each, but you can share schedules, grades, doctor visits, etc. over this program and it also has like an email app that the court will be able to see every word of. It tends to cut down on passive aggressive bs, and game playing. (and worse things)

    Good luck to you. (I do tend to agree that this guy is playing on your fears, and the best way to fix that is to turn them right back on him.)

  17. #11
    Senior Member SarahM91's Avatar
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    Default Re: I knew this would happen...

    You're right, Red Velvette.

    I would say based on your suggestions that I am already the primary parent. I pack their lunches, take them to their appointments, do drop off/pick ups...

    Thank you for informing me about "My Family Wizard"...I had no idea websites like that existed.

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