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Thread: Outing Myself?

  1. #1
    Member peppermint's Avatar
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    Default Outing Myself?

    I'm a freelance writer by day, camgirl by night. I love both my jobs and can see myself doing both for years to come.

    I'm scared of being outed to my writing clients, to my conservative father or to the college I'm planning on attending.

    But... My writing draws from my life. I'm open about everything, from what I ate for dinner, to how I feel about my (vanilla) work, to having been abused by an ex, to having arthritis that renders me immobile half the time.

    And I have a very supportive mom and best friend, who are both aware of my working in the adult industry.

    So I've been really tempted to come out. Write an article about my experiences. Let the chips fall where they may.

    I'm already discriminated against for being queer, for being plus size, for being disabled. And I don't want to work with vanilla clients or be friends with people who are bigoted against any of those things, or against sex work.

    So would I really be losing anything by outing myself? Would I be gaining anything (other than feeling relieved that someone else won't out me before I out myself)? Or am I overlooking something huge that makes even considering this an enormous mistake?

    I'd really appreciate your input.

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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    You could just write anonymously about those experiences and feelings.

    I'm not sure I agree with you about not working for (or writing for) people who are vanilla or prejudiced. The money they have is as green as the next person's, and if you limit yourself to only writing for people who are as open as you are, you may be severely limiting your income.

    I do understand the desire to be accepted no matter what, but it sounds like you have a good thing going for yourself right now. I'd think long and hard regarding outing myself if I were you.

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    I personally would leave things as they are and not out yourself because your business is not everyone's business. Aren't you already being discriminated enough? Why give anyone more ammunition to do you harm?
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    Well if you do "out" yourself then no one has the power to use this against you like blackmail you and if people find out eventually it's better to hear it from you.

    But if you're not ready for the potential consequences of coming out then do like someone mentioned before and write under a pen name.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    Don't publish anything with your cam name. Just in case! Safety always first.





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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    The first down side I see is your father, would you be alright with whatever his possible worst case reaction would be? As far as college, is it a school where acceptance is competitive or hard to get into? Are you going to school for something that would land you a career in any of the obviously adult unfriendly fields (teacher, etc)?

    How long do you plan to be in the adult industry?

    These are all things I would consider before outing yourself.

    I can totally understand wanting the relief of not having to worry about others finding out without you already being ok with being out. I've been in the adult industry for a long time and once I decided I was in it for the long haul, that's when I outed myself. For me the biggest factor was the length of time I intended to be in this. If it was only a short stint I probably wouldn't have done the same.

    As far as bringing your vanilla work and adult work together by writing about it, I'm not sure I would go that far UNLESS your writing is already on a wavelength that it wouldn't seem too much like "omg where did this come from" to your readers. What kind of writing do you do and who are the typical clients? I would consider that heavily before outing yourself to them. Also how heavily does your income rely on those clients? Could you do without them completely in some rare worst case scenario?
    xoxo ~ Sarah




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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    I'd be afraid of being pigeonholed as a writer - once you start talking about something as fascinating as sex work, it's often all people can focus on (for both better and worse). So it might actually make you more successful, but perhaps not in the way you'd like.

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  14. #8
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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I'd be afraid of being pigeonholed as a writer - once you start talking about something as fascinating as sex work, it's often all people can focus on (for both better and worse). So it might actually make you more successful, but perhaps not in the way you'd like.
    ^^^this a thousand times over. I swear, one of us could win the Nobel Prize or solve the mid-East crisis and we'd still be referred to first and foremost as sex workers

    I'm with those in this thread who are advocating discretion, at least at first. the thing about outing yourself is that once you do it you can't take it back, whereas if you proceed slowly you can make smaller decisions along the way

    Like many of the peeps above I'd suggest creating two separate writer personas, your 'real' self and then a separate 'cam chica who also writes about other aspects of her life' persona. That way you can see how writing about your cam work plays out, as an anonymous author, and the merge the two down the road if you so choose. It also may strengthen your writing to experiment with different voices, (hell, tons of writers play around with noms de plume for just that reason) and prevent you from being pigeon-holed early on, as Charlie cautioned

    but yeah, proceed slowly and carefully, and above all strategically

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    Default Re: Outing Myself?

    Another thing to think about is the fact that freelance writing and camming are both jobs where your income can fluctuate a lot, and potentially dry up. As much as none of us like relying on "bigots" for our income, someday you might be hurting for money, and you might NEED to have another source of income, in which case openly being a sex worker might hurt you.

    People may discriminate against you socially for your disability and size, but an employer is prohibited from discriminating against you for those reasons. Depending on your state and the industry, they may also be barred from discriminating against you for being queer. Being a sex worker is different because most employers can refuse to hire you for that reason.

    I realize that I'm saying that you might want to keep quiet so you can sell out later. That's not ideal, but I don't think you should blatantly close the door on money, even if it comes from prudes. Your expenses in life will probably increase over time, especially considering your health issues, and it would suck to find out that by being "out" about camming, you cut off financial avenues that you might really need one day.
    Quote Originally Posted by temptingmodel
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    I'm not other models, its not slow.

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