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Thread: Issues with a regular's wife

  1. #1
    Senior Member zorasky's Avatar
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    Default Issues with a regular's wife

    Hey, everyone. So I recently met a very kind older gentleman in the club that I work at. He was with some friends, on his way home from a Blazers game (basketball) and we had some dances. He insisted that he return to see me again, and has many times. Usually, if asked nicely and I feel they will not abuse the privilege, I give regulars my phone number after a few times of seeing me so they can contact me and ask when I am on the schedule or what club I will be working at when they fancy a night on the town. A couple of them have been married, in relationships, or otherwise, though I have never run into a problem with this until now. This particular man's wife is apparently the jealous type, as she had somehow gotten a hold of his phone last night and went through his text messages. Nothing particularly incriminating...

    Him: "Hey, Zora. It was really nice meeting you tonight, would love to see you again. Talk soon."
    Me: "It was nice meeting you as well, and I look forward to it!"

    That was the end of that, and all the wife saw. However, I received multiple phone calls from a number not in my contacts list between 6-8 in the morning. Granted, when people call me at that time, I am never happy. I do not wake up until at least noon. I didn't answer, and when I woke up I had received a text from my regular saying that his wife had seen the texts, was trying to contact me, and "not to engage her", which of course I assured him no exchanges would be made between me and his wife. A couple of hours later, I received a text from the wife's number saying, "How was the Blazers game?" to which of course, I did not reply, as I did not even go and do not like basketball. It's not like I was about to try to explain to this woman that I am a stripper. I just don't know how to handle things like this. I assume that the husband will work things out with her should I keep myself out of it, though I can't help but think that my job is ruining marriages. How do you ladies deal with things like this?

  2. #2
    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    Our job is NOT ruining marriages at all! Men ruin their own marriages in their own different ways. I've personally never have been one to give out my number to anyone while at work for any reason due to the possibility of stalkers, crazy wives (such as the one you've encountered), etc. I've never been one for regulars either, they're a waste of time for the most part. From here on out if I were you, I'd just give these custys the exact days/nights you are working & that you will gladly see them then. Don't ever give out your personal info to anyone! Think of your own safety before dollar signs.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    one of the drawbacks of the job, or giving out numbers to regulars..maybe start with an emails or google voice. although when i worked at shaw's grocery store as a teenager, i had my bosses wife get ahold of my number and send me a bunch of threatening, frightening voicemails saying " i know where you live, i know where your parents live, watch your back". so psychos can happen any place, any time..let him handle it, and do not engage her at all. block the number if you can

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    I had never encountered things like this, for I had never had regulars who were married.





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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    Our job is NOT ruining marriages at all! Men ruin their own marriages in their own different ways.
    THIS! Nobody made him come into the club or get dances from you. You didn't grab him off the street and force yourself on his lap lol. Maybe if you were going outside of work to meet him and sleep with him that would be ruining his marriage but what you're doing is fine. I would be so tempted to text her back saying I was a stripper and was not interested in her husband at all so she can calm the fuck down lol but it's probably good you don't respond. He sounds like he will continue lying to his wife about where he met you and apologize to her until it blows over and then go back to being your regular, but I would stop texting him obviously lol. I hate when girls turn to the "other woman" when their man is being shady though. She needs to direct all her energy towards him.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    Quote Originally Posted by zorasky View Post
    I can't help but think that my job is ruining marriages.
    I really want to reiterate GB's point that that is not the case. Taken men come to strip clubs for a variety of reasons. Before they have even stepped foot in the club, let alone seen or spoken to you, they have made the decision to visit the club and usually to get to know a dancer and buy some dances. It has nothing to do with you. Sometimes the reasons are harmless, maybe their partner is even encouraging it, while other times it's because there is something missing in their relationship -- often in the case of those that become regulars, it's companionship, a sympathetic ear, a fun personality, etc., etc. Those go deeper than they stripper they see regularly. If it wasn't you, it'd be someone else, or maybe even something else that could fill that void or problem. The fact that this wife is blowing up your phone with calls and texts probably indicates that there's something wrong in their relationship. It's possible she's just crazy and jealous, but even with that, there's a deeper reason for those issues. Whether they're her or their issues: you aren't the root of them, so stop placing responsibility on yourself. Do not feel guilty for getting paid to dance for a man who willingly and consciously decided to spend time with you. If their marriage is unhappy, it's not because of you.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    I' d keep ignoring her. If he is middle aged she probably knows she has the upper hand in the marriage & will forget about you.

    I've had wives contact me even after doing something as derpily innocent as giving my Myspace page info to a guy who said he was "going to be deployed to Iraq." No ill intent there but she took it the wrong way. Their marriage is not your responsibility.

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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    I had never encountered things like this, for I had never had regulars who were married.
    Same here, all of the regulars I've had were lonely old or young men who were in deep need of attention.

    Maybe the wife thinks you're a random chick her husband met somewhere and she suspects he might cheat on her with you?

    It's a good thing you're ignoring her calls and text messages, is there any way you could block her number to stop receiving them? I know it's possible to do so with an iPhone or Android... I think it's best to let the guy deal with his own marital problems.

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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    I also second, third, and fourth the notion that your job is not to ruin marriages. I never internalize the guilt or shame over seeing married or taken men as customers. It's not as though I'm going out and picking married men to randomly seduce because of my own desires. When they come to me for professional services, they've already made their choice. My not existing would not change that. All sex workers and porn everywhere disappearing would not change that. These men are going to do what they want to do with the most convenient woman, and they have their reasons. The very reason that men use strippers, escorts, and camsites is precisely because they don't want to ruin their marriages by engaging with a non-professional woman who could possibly pose any threat of attachment.

    Whether it's right or wrong, it's not my problem and not my fault. I'm not the one going behind my SO's back or lying to them. And I'm not specifically targeting these guys because I want them and want to fuck up their relationships. In my personal life, married men are completely off-the-table, not even consideration for a "minor crush." And I am disgusted by them hitting on me or talking about doing anything behind their wife's back. But at work, it's not my job to discriminate and be the morality police for other people's relationships. It wouldn't make a difference for them and their ultimate choices anyway.

    I will also never understand women who would rather "attack" the girl who they perceive as a threat than to blame and face-down their man that is actually the person breaking promises and doing something wrong to them. Just block her number and ignore her. If she goes out of her way to get at you from someone else's phone and/or gets especially nasty, keep a record in case things get heated. But hopefully, if you don't give her anything to feed off of, she'll throw her little tantrum and then go away.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Veteran Member Miss_Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    This is why I use Google Voice. I text my schedule to my regulars every week, and sometimes thank them for visiting me. But the great thing about a Google Voice number is it's free and easy to change it, so if I ever run into some kind of crazybitch like the one you've described I can change it fast. It's also not connected to any of my real information (except for my actual phone number, which is hidden by default) so stalking is harder. Or that's the theory.

    That being said, it's obviously too late for that in this instance. Can you get your telephone company to block the number? A quick Google search suggests that both AT&T and Verizon will do this for no charge for a small amount of numbers, maybe she should be one of those lucky few.

    Reiterating that this isn't your fault; you don't want to marry her man or date him, you provide a service which he purchased. It would be like someone getting mad at a grocery store checkout clerk because their obese significant other bought pop and Doritos instead of following a diet.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    Quote Originally Posted by reinaroja View Post
    It would be like someone getting mad at a grocery store checkout clerk because their obese significant other bought pop and Doritos instead of following a diet.
    Love this!
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    I've only ever felt like I was "ruining a marriage" (which, btw, as everyone else has said -- you have not been doing) when I gave my number to a guy I met in the club who was really cute. We exchanged maybe 3-4 texts that night, flirtatious but G-rated, and then I forgot that he existed. He was boring. Whatever.

    A week or two later I got a text from an unknown number, saying, "Hi I know this is really weird but can you please call me I found your number in my husband's phone and I just need to know what is going on." I did call her, and I told her the truth. I was just a stripper, he wasn't wearing a ring when I met him, I never saw him or spoke to him again, nothing happened. She told me she was pregnant and had just moved to this state with him. She needed to know because she was considering leaving over the situation and going back home to her family. I have no idea what she wound up doing, but I hope she moved on. His behavior was pretty scummy.

    Obviously, if I had known he was married, there would never have been any exchange of info. I'm just glad it didn't progress any further!

    I also once had an amazing whale $$$ regular who was married. He told me about his wife and only had positive, loving things to say about her. He went to great lengths to keep his visits to the club a secret, like, he would bring a few $k in cash for VIP, he wouldn't even breathe near the girls who looked like they might get Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs on his trousers, he wouldn't take free club passes, etc. I never felt guilty about him because ... aside from being mostly naked and receiving a lot of his money, I never did anything that was "bad."

    Similarly, I don't think you've done anything wrong here. Although I don't think you'll be able to keep this guy as a customer -- chances are he'll have way too much guilt/anxiety/etc to continue to see you in a healthy way.

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  21. #13
    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Issues with a regular's wife

    I would handle it by downloading one of the many, many smart phone applications that allow you to block numbers.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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