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Thread: SD warning signs?

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default SD warning signs?

    I'm going to keep this quick for now...

    I met a guy last night who is quite a bit older than me (early 60s) and a very successful lawyer. We met online and we met up last night, I got dinner and he just got a drink since he was meeting someone else for dinner after. Went pretty well. He dropped me off (not my place). Anyway so in the car I went to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and he says "is that all I get?" So I gestured just to give him a hug again and he kissed me quickly on the lips, and then again at which point I didn't really care but I was like okkkk we are done now. He texted me "sweet dreams" last night and then got all butthurt today when I said I couldn't meet for dinner tomorrow night (I finally conceded to getting lunch). But now about 20 minutes ago he texted me "miss me?" and I cannot tell if he is actually fucking serious. Like what would I say to that? He definitely has money, he already feels so needy...I don't know if I can handle it. I am super gfe/gnd style which is fine in the club when it mostly stays in the club but I think if he is going to feel a need to be so much in my space on a daily basis the money is not worth it to me (and we don't even have a set arrangement yet, which also concerns me).

    So, girls, who have done the SD/SB thing before, is this kind of thing normal? Already feels overbearing to me.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    It seems as though this guy is looking for something serious right off the bat. It would probably set my warning signs off immediately if he started texting me like that immediately. I think you did the right thing by denying dinner, but measure yourself carefully when you do lunch. Maybe have a friend available as an out if things get weird during lunch?

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by newbie0667 View Post
    It seems as though this guy is looking for something serious right off the bat.
    Yeah I am afraid he is telling himself he is regular dating a much younger woman. He told me that a couple years ago he was dating a 29 year old even though it was obvious to me she was hustling him. And he is a nice guy, seemingly normal and I can tell very wealthy but we didn't meet on a SD based website which I think is confusing things. We actually met on ashleymadison (don't ask) and I had been ignoring everyone's messages until another guy offered me a SD/SB situation and then whenever seemingly well off guys messaged me I told them this was all that I was interested in and this lawyer said he's very generous but there needs to be chemistry. But I don't know if this is going to work really...money is really not *that* important to me, I don't need any extra it's just nice to have. And it makes me feel like there's no point in making an effort at all in my own personal life, which I really want.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    He sounds so needy and like he's gonna need daily maintainance .
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    "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn!"-C.S. Lewis
    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    I may be stating the obvious, so ignore me if i do, but if he has something to offer, why deny him? If he gets too pushy, just be solid, come right out, and tell him the situation as it is...he has the money....the real question here becomes are you willing to get into a physical relationship(however casual on your part) if the money is right? The fact that he is "nice" is irrelevant. You need to do what is right for you.

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    We just got off the phone. I'm going to go to lunch tomorrow and see how it goes. He said no one wants to feel used and this should kind of develop as a real relationship and he takes care of people he is close to. He did also ask me my clothing sizes so I guess he's planning on getting me something. Also I'm afraid he'd get really pissed if he found out what he thinks is my real name is not my real name and he only has my disposable cell number.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    darlin...only you can make things happen....are you willing to start a relationship with someone 40 years older than you? where do you want to start things here? I wish only the best for you and if you need advice you can always dm me

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Actually, it seems like he will get very serious too quickly. However, you guys need to talk about boundaries and allowances soon Just make sure this arrangement feels right to you. I hope this helps you

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    ^That. It sounds like he wants to talk about the "relationship" and conveniently forgetting to mention money.
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    "Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn!"-C.S. Lewis
    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Sounds dodgy to me. He hasn't given you anything.

    I find these needy guys really want something real and resent the conditions of having to pay for it and seek their revenge through playing games and holding off on the money and guilt tripping.

    "I don't want to be used"

    My generous regs/sugar daddies are super upfront. What will it cost/when/show up - thanks. Their too busy to want to hear from me outside of the occasional text.

    I do give them a fake real name though. Makes them feel special.


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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    I agree with amberlly, this situation seems a bit sus.

    "Is that all I get?" After a first date and dinner. Sounds (and I could be mistaken, maybe it didn't sound so bad in person) like although he may have money he may be expecting too much. He probably going to get more and more demanding.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Yuck, he sounds just yuck. He also sounds like he's uncomfortable with the money side of the arrangement offering vague suggestions that he looks after the people who are close to him. He can then call the shots on whether he feel close enough to you... It seriously sounds like you are being blinded by the possibility of money instead of setting some rules and getting paid; which is the ONLY reason you want to spend time with him.

    Seriously, If I spent time with every guy who might spend money on me and made vague promises of payment I would be broke and on my arse on the street. No jokes.
    That first lunch should have been a discussion of fees with a generous gift from him to you not you kissing/hugging for the price of lunch. Cmon, if you don't value your time why would he? Read post #10

    Get paid for your time.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    I've never had a sugar daddy, but I agree with everything amberlly said. Honestly he doesn't even sound like a sad, lonely, needy guy to me-- the "is that all I get?" is just a rude and gross thing to say to someone and makes me feel like he knows his game. I sense you are new to this and that he probably does as well and may be playing games to string you along. He'll want to 'develop the relationship' and once it's developed and money needs to be discussed, your calls and texts aren't answered.

    I have also never had a client text me things like "miss me?" or just want to talk outside, even my best clients only ever contacted me to set up an appointment. I know it's a bit different with an SD but I don't know why you are giving this man your time for free? Talk money or don't talk anymore.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    I've never had a sugar daddy, but I agree with everything amberlly said. Honestly he doesn't even sound like a sad, lonely, needy guy to me-- the "is that all I get?" is just a rude and gross thing to say to someone and makes me feel like he knows his game. I sense you are new to this and that he probably does as well and may be playing games to string you along. He'll want to 'develop the relationship' and once it's developed and money needs to be discussed, your calls and texts aren't answered.

    I have also never had a client text me things like "miss me?" or just want to talk outside, even my best clients only ever contacted me to set up an appointment. I know it's a bit different with an SD but I don't know why you are giving this man your time for free? Talk money or don't talk anymore.
    THIS^!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Thanks everyone. I was traveling this weekend or would have responded sooner. I am going to tell him if he's not going to go for a more set arrangement then I'm not interested any longer - which I'm sure will be the end of it. I was really hoping he'd at least pay for my first graduate class asap (3k) so that I could start this semester but he got all butthurt last night when I didn't respond to a text within 5 minutes and that's def. the end of me playing along with this.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Well, he wants to fuck without paying. So it looks like. I wouldn't even bother entertaining him. Unless you're good and patient playing those guys off.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    It's so fucking gross to think of these parasitic, desperate, manipulative old men out there who are probably relatively successful at scoring the occasional hot piece of naive ass. (thank goodness you aren't one of them, lynn!)

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    It's so fucking gross to think of these parasitic, desperate, manipulative old men out there who are probably relatively successful at scoring the occasional hot piece of naive ass. (thank goodness you aren't one of them, lynn!)
    I don't know if anyone else looks at postsecret but this in particular reminded me of one from today that broke my heart.

    http://postsecret.com/2015/01/18/sun...derstand/#main

    I haven't texted him yet because I hadn't decided exactly what to say to maximize my odds of him agreeing to something more solid and it's probably too late now anyway.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    It's so fucking gross to think of these parasitic, desperate, manipulative old men out there who are probably relatively successful at scoring the occasional hot piece of naive ass. (thank goodness you aren't one of them, lynn!)
    Trust me, it's not worth it to even take a "minimum amount" from a wannabe sugar daddy if the idea of dealing with him makes you physically SICK or upset. I cut ties with one guy after a regular date because he was just so crazy and disgusting. & My last one still texts me but all the crazy things he did make me want to throw up when I imagine taking his money again (& he has enough of it.) That's all I am going to say. Dealing with a SD isn't a CandyLand dream good time, it's work.

    As soon as warning bells start ringing, start talking to other SDs. You will click with someone else.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by lynn2009 View Post
    I don't know if anyone else looks at postsecret but this in particular reminded me of one from today that broke my heart.

    http://postsecret.com/2015/01/18/sun...derstand/#main

    I haven't texted him yet because I hadn't decided exactly what to say to maximize my odds of him agreeing to something more solid and it's probably too late now anyway.
    Is this even a real post?





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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    Is this even a real post?
    Even if the person who wrote the postsecret didn't actually do that, there are thousands of girls out there who have. :/

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    Quote Originally Posted by lynn2009 View Post
    I don't know if anyone else looks at postsecret but this in particular reminded me of one from today that broke my heart.



    I haven't texted him yet because I hadn't decided exactly what to say to maximize my odds of him agreeing to something more solid and it's probably too late now anyway.
    Wow......You've let your heart be compromised... I'm asssuming your lunch the other day went well....if it did , let things go as they will....

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    The best way to look at the Sugar Daddy game is, it's a "chicken and egg" type thing and you can't always win.

    Also most of the guys who do indeed pay up at some point do it willingly because they know deep down they HAVE to.....they don't want to fuck women who look like them (overweight, ugly, or old, or a combo of all three things) & they want someone nicer than a track girl/streetwalker who is probably going to give them herpes or worse (this is their mode of thinking.)
    So feel zero guilt for taking money for a dinner meeting. You ARE earning it. There are plenty of reasons these guys are not "living the dream."

    Remember that gross old sugardaddy of mine I mentioned upthread? I tried to be a friend to him & be a positive influence. I gave him some workout gear as a gift and encouraged him to get in shape. You know what he said? "That's.....too hard." He actually sat in his fucking recliner in his house and looked at the TV while he said that. Despite all the silly shit he would tell me that was BS, deep down he knew it was easier to pay for my company and be lazy than to change his life and earn the things he wanted.
    My point? You can't change people. You can try to help them. Taking payment for a service is not wrong. Just don't let these guys lie to you and waste your time.

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  40. #24
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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    ^Yep. One of the big sugar daddy rules of thumb is that there is ALWAYS a reason these people aren't able to attract the kind of women they want to attract: there is ALWAYS a reason why they are in a position where they're paying for your company. In my experience, SDs tend to have some pretty serious social issues. One of my SDs had both social issues and was horribly unfortunate looking as well. You earn EVERY PENNY you make when you're a sugar baby.

    The money can be good if your hustle is on point, but it is hard, hard work (made even more exhausting by the high-maintenance, 24/7 nature of the job). Unless you're dealing with super high rollers and are also willing to sleep with your SDs (I was a very prude SB), it'd usually be a better use of your time and energy to work an extra shift or two in the club every week. Then you go home with cash in hand and no one nagging you for attention / validation.

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    Default Re: SD warning signs?

    I've never had a SD text me "miss me?" In fact....mine replied to my last text with "i'll be in Mexico till the 13th" that's his code for 'leave me alone, I'm working'. LOL We literally text for 5 minutes a week just to set up the time/date. Then I'll get a text when I'm on my way to make sure our time table is still in sync. None of that mushy stuff. I think your guy may have been a SD for the other girl he mentioned, but he's trying to play you this time. If he balks at your offer for an arrangement walk away. He'll come back.

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