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Thread: My daddy is gone

  1. #1
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    Default My daddy is gone

    I can't believe he's gone. He was fine this morning, felt awful after the game and... he was gone a gew hours later. WTF...

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Aww babe I am so sorry for your loss. Try to focus on the good memories, there's no rhyme or reason they these things happen and you'll make yourself crazy trying to figure one out. Stay with family and friends right now for support. Sending you hugs.
    Xxx

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Oh wow Kira, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say.
    If you need anything, SW is here for you *hugs*
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I am so very sorry for your Loss..take care hon.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I am sorry to hear of this. My love and hugs. Treasure the memories. oxooxxo

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Sending much love to you & your family. So sry for your loss. PM me any time if you need to unwind.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Hope you like this poem, I don't know the author

    We Thought of you w/Love Today

    We thought of you w/with love today
    but that is nothing new
    we thought of you w/love yesterday & the day b/4 that too
    we think of you in silence
    we often speak your name
    now all we have is your picture in a frame
    your memory is a keepsake
    with which we'll never part
    God has you in his keeping
    we have you in our heart


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Wow I'm so sorry for your loss That is crazy. I hope you're doing okay and have people around you for support. Like Selina said you always have us at SW.

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    Featured Member wish's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Sorry to hear this hun. My condolences.

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I'm sorry for your loss.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Thanks everybody. My mom and I are just... Stunned. He was just nauseated and dizzy. Crashed about an hour after he got to the ER and his heart just gave out. This wasn't supposed to happen so soon. We're sitting here at the house, expecting him to walk through the door and tell an off color joke or something. Instead, I'm sitting here with urn catalogs and trying to figure out when to tell my brothers to get here.

    This is so wrong.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I'm so sorry girl. Stay strong.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Quote Originally Posted by kirakonstantin View Post
    Thanks everybody. My mom and I are just... Stunned ... This wasn't supposed to happen so soon. We're sitting here at the house, expecting him to walk through the door and tell an off color joke or something. Instead, I'm sitting here with urn catalogs and trying to figure out when to tell my brothers to get here.

    This is so wrong.
    I know the feeling. An ex of mine died suddenly 18mo ago. I went over to his family's house that afternoon & it was that same feeling, any min you just KNOW you're going to hear them pull into the drive, then they will come thru the door & it will have all been sm kind of horrific dream. I was sitting w/ his brother at their kitchen table, hugging his dog while his brother worked on a playlist for the funeral, & his mother trying to get arrangements organised ... so surreal. For months after the funeral, I could swear if I just rang his mobile(altho I nvr gave into it), he would answer. It's such a twisted mindfk when your logical mind realises they are gone, but the non-logical side just isn't having it & holds onto those kind of sensations.

    Tell your brothers to come ASAP, if you can handle having the extra ppl around immediately. They can help w/ making arrangements. Otherwise, get all the dates sorted out & then just tell them 'Services will be held at X location, Y time.'

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Sorry for your loss
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    My brothers all have limited bereavement leave time and live all over the place, so being here now AND for the memorial isn't possible. We don't know when to even have the service. This weekend is too soon, as he's being cremated. The next weekend is the Super Bowl and plane tickets are all kinds of expensive. The 7 th might work. After that is Valentine's Day, which would be a shit day for a memorial and I'm making plans to do something special with Mom. The weekend after is impossible for all of my brothers to get time off. March maybe? Would everyone be able to get bereavement time that far off? Is it so far off that we'll break our hearts all over again? My parents' friends are snowbirds, so if we wait much longer, everyone will start heading back north.

    I don't know how to do this. Mom doesn't either. When my adoptive father died, my aunt amd grandfather dealt with it. I only went for my mom, because of family drama, and never shed a tear for the asshole.

    We're going to have the service in one of the community rooms at their resort and we have no idea how to book it or what it costs or how big it needs to be. Or whether/ how much to give the chaplain. Who gives a eulogy? My mom can't emotionally do it. Does she have to? I probably can, with a minimum of emotional breakdown. Pops was irreverent just like me, which led people to believe that he was my bio father (I'm his adopted stepdaughter.) How much of that mutual smartassery is ok? Should I ask my step brothers if they want to or let them bring it up? How do we ask for charitable donations, instead of flowers? Is that even appropriate? How do we even know how many people will be coming?

    Who do I even ask about all this stuff? Chaplain? Funeral home staff? My mom's cousin, who's a county coroner? My pastor? Is there even an answer to any of these questions, above "whatever you want is the right choice?"

    And this is just the memorial service. The nuts and bolts of how Mom is going to pay bills and take care of things is another matter.

    I'm buying my mom prepaid funeral and a life insurance policy for my next birthday.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I would minimise the advice you take directly from funeral home ppl. It's an industry after all, & there are a lot of unscrupulous types out there. Shop around a bit as prices can vary significantly, even among funeral homes in close proximity to each other.

    First off, your coroner relative would be able to give you the legal/financial ins&outs of handling/storing the remains. Consult w/ the coroner relative, & the pastor. Idk abt 'funeral tipping policies', but IME $50-$100 is a standard donation to the chaplain/chapel for military weddings.

    As for which relatives take on what roles during the service, there is no 'right' answer really, IMO. There are certainly traditional routes, but really, you should worry more abt who can emotionally handle a 'big speaking part' such as the eulogy, for example. Mum can't do it? No problem! Definitely ask your relatives how they want to participate, & if they don't, that's ok too. Even if you are the main organiser, it can be good to get input from the others who will (presumably) be there. Since they are a little bit more removed from the stress of trying to arrange everything, they may be able to suggest or otherwise help cover small details that you could have otherwise overlooked.

    Would you be able to have the memorial nxt wk sm time, b4 the Super Bowl madness kicks off? Otherwise, if the service ends up being delayed for a month or more, your brothers may have to just sit down w/ their bosses & explain the situation & hope for the best. This is another thing that you should consult w/ the family on, rather than trying to play 'guess the most convenient date'.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Holy shit. I am SO sorry. I can't even imagine what that must feel like. I had a friend whose father died very similarly not too long ago. It makes you realize how much we take for granted on a daily basis..

    I know it isn't the right time for someone to say this, but at least it happened quickly. I would rather a loved one go quickly than be in a nursing home, fading away for 20 years...

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    The funeral home is only handling the cremation and we picked them simply because we felt comfortable with the staff, regardless of the higher price. We're having the memorial at the retirement resort they live in, as most of the potential guests live in or around it. So, no financial incentive for the funeral home to try to sell me stuff.

    The chaplain is the church pastor at the resort. I'm sure he does plenty of memorial services, so I'll probably just give him what he tells me is the standard honorarium.

    The big issue with the Super Bowl is the fact that everyone would be flying into Phoenix and... that'll be nuts, price wise and Super Bowl insanity wise.

    I think I'm going to call my step brothers and tell them that, if they'd like to give a eulogy, feel free to prepare something. If they do, great. If not, great. I'll do it, for sure, so there will be a eulogy.

    I think I'm going to sit down with the counseling staff at church sometime this week. Maybe they can tell me why I hear him laughing right now.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Holy shit. I am SO sorry. I can't even imagine what that must feel like. I had a friend whose father died very similarly not too long ago. It makes you realize how much we take for granted on a daily basis..

    I know it isn't the right time for someone to say this, but at least it happened quickly. I would rather a loved one go quickly than be in a nursing home, fading away for 20 years...
    I'm grateful that he didn't suffer much. I just wish we'd realized that we didn't have the time we thought we did. We got to tell him we love him before he crashed but I never got to tell him that I'd have chosen him to be my dad any day. Never got to pay him the $200 I owe him. We'll never get to see the last Hunger Games movie. He'll never get to fly first class, like he always wanted to. He'll never meet his youngest grandson. So much was left undone.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    He's flying 1st class right now babe.

    The chaplain can give you a lot of help as far as eulogy and proceedings. There really aren't a lot of set traditions except religious and ethnic ones.

    I really do know how you feel. Eight years ago this May my dad collapsed at work, and regardless the fact he worked in a sheriff's department, and had AEDs available, he wasn't able to be revived. I got a call, at work, from my step mom, and the hospital kept him on life support until all my siblings that could travel, were there. Being the oldest, I got to be the one to make the call to remove life support. You did get to speak to him, and he knew you were there. He is fine, it's you and your mom you have to see to now.

    I'm sorry this happened, and just know that the SW gang is here for you.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    My condolences on your sudden loss.

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I don't have any answers for you, but I wanted to let you know that I keep checking this thread for updates, and I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you're working through this with at least some peace and sanity.

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    Default Re: My daddy is gone

    I can't really say that it's getting better or easier. We're getting used to living with the pain. We did set a date for the celebration. Pops wasn't a funeral kind of guy so we're having a party for him. One of my brothers was in seminary and he's going to lead us in a prayer, probably with his oldest son. My dad's best friend is going to emcee and anyone with a fond memory or story is welcome to share it. One of my mom's close friends is in a gospel trio and they're going to sing. We're going to have the band that my parents have at their Christmas party every year play before and after the service. All of his favorite things will be with him on a memory table, like his Detroit Lions pillow, a bottle of Jamesons and his Jimmy Buffet parrot.

    We're going to have helium balloons with cards, so we can write memories, prayers, etc and release them to heaven. And... we're giving him a parade through the resort. He LOVED riding in my car with the top down, so mom and I are going to drive him around the park, with whomever wants to join us, while we play some of his favorite music. One last ride before we take him home.

    Writing the obituary was so emotional that I nearly threw up, but we wrote a nice, slightly smartassy, tribute. He was more than slightly smartassy, so I think he'd like it.

    Mom and I are... Ok. We're eating, bathing and doing the basics so... We're ok. Tentatively ok.

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