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Thread: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

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    Default Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    *I took a sleeping pill that's kicking in, so sorry for any typos. And skip to the third paragraph if you just want to read what I need advice on.*

    Last post I made here was last year and I got some genuinely amazing responses and PMs from people who genuinely cared. In my other post I said how I found out about this forum from a friend who was a dancer and regular on here years ago. Anyways, as a guy, I genuinely get along with women who are upfront and unapologetic yet kind. It's a great paradox. I think that's why I always enjoyed randomly checking our this forum.

    I'm on here again because I'm fucking desperate and need to rant. Since last year I've had to move in with my mom who has some health issues and needs someone to take care of her. Our health care here is free, but not everything is covered, and taking care of her is costing me just under 3k, not including living expenses. I'm back in school, but I have enough to cover her costs, rent, basic living needs, and all that good stuff for two years. I had to give up a lot, like going out, clothes, and basically having any social life. Lost practically all my friends because of this. Oh, and I got stabbed and nearly died during the summer. Fun times, especially when I already have health problems.

    I don't know anyone in the school I'm in and everyone is 18-22. I'm 29. As a guy who used to do standup and used to be the life of the party (I know, my writing doesn't show it, but blame that on my schooling), I can't even start a conversation with men or women I don't know. I was at the point in my life where I didn't really have to make any new friends by putting myself out there and now I forgot what that's like. Especially with women. Once I get to know someone I'm the guy who says the most inappropriate things. I can get away with that though because the women understand that that's just my sense of humour. I can't do that with a woman I've never met before though. I'm big on comfort. Sound corny. That's my biggest priority around women though.

    Guess I'm trying to ask how I could start a conversation with someone that would seem natural and not like I'm trying to hit on them, because god knows I can't afford a relationship right now nor do I have the time. I just need to meet some new people.

    Alright, gonna stop before I keep going on.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Best way is to get involved with activities you enjoy and the conversations will happen.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    are there any particular causes that you feel strongly about? volunteering can be a great way to meet peeps you wouldn't otherwise, and beyond that it feels good to work towards a common goal with a group of like-minded peeps

    another suggestion, join a running group, yoga center, pick up basketball if it's offered in your area. Lots of physical type groups need not be expensive, perhaps check out local community centers? Beyond offering a chance to meet people, exercise can also help in coping with anxiety-like when you're talking to a new chica

    if I were you I'd start with the guys though. from your OP it doesn't sound like you talk to many people period, and getting comfortable with yourself in social situations with peeps you have no intention of dating might be a good way to break through the mental barrier. That won't work if you're bi, obv, but if you're a straight dude work on meeting some new guys; that'll help you regain your social skills.

    so yeah, my suggestions would be to work on rebuilding some male friendships, take care of your body and do work that feels important to you, even if it's a few unpaid volunteer hours a week. everything else will flow from that because you'll feel good about who you are.

    and props for being there for your mom

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    It kinda sounds like a support group might be a good place for you. My wife has a couple of life threatening health issues, and I pay about $8,000 a year between insurance and copays and meds.

    You should be able to find a group online of people in similar circumstances.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Quote Originally Posted by MrSmith View Post
    Guess I'm trying to ask how I could start a conversation with someone that would seem natural and not like I'm trying to hit on them, because god knows I can't afford a relationship right now nor do I have the time. I just need to meet some new people.
    1. Talk about the weather. It effects everyone equally.
    2. Talk about a shared hardship. (The bus is late again, the traffic was awful, this assignment is kicking my ass etc.)
    3. Genuinely ask for help with something, but don't be creepy. ("Excuse me, do you have a pencil I can use?") People feel good about helping others out and will feel endeared to you if you are in genuine need. (Even if you are just pretending, but the need seems genuine enough to be plausible. I actually do this at work all the time. "I don't want to look like a loser if no one is tipping me. Will you come to the stage so I don't look so lonely?") A creepy request would be anything that requests she leave with you.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    I swap between miss bubbly socialite to hermit. I hear you.

    Sometimes I just smile at people. No one in particular, just as I am out

    I.e. the person serving my coffee
    The girl next to me on the train, people on the bus driving past etc

    From there talking to people around you is easier. You broke the internal barrier.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkle Fuzzy View Post
    It kinda sounds like a support group might be a good place for you. My wife has a couple of life threatening health issues, and I pay about $8,000 a year between insurance and copays and meds.

    You should be able to find a group online of people in similar circumstances.
    That. I think part of the reason you're having a hard time talking to people now is because your circumstances differ from theirs. A support group would be so beneficial. My grandfather died in March. Try having that in the back of your head while working. But yes, people on here are incredibly supportive. Sorry about your mom. I've worked in LTC/end of life care the majority of my nursing experience, you're in the five percent that doesn't just dump a sick relative at a nursing home and drive off. If you're not ready for a support group, maybe try an online support forum. As many as you want, one for each issue you struggle with. Also, don't worry about being 29 around younger students. I'm the same age and they always think I'm their age, try to see it as a positive. For the financial issues, I DO have a few suggestions, but won't threadjack. Just look into camming if you haven't yet. It may prove to be too difficult under such tragic circumstances, I managed, but everyone's different. Best of luck.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Meet people through volunteer efforts and music related gatherings.

    I hate to admit this myself but I am not good at socializing due to different factors in my past (& caring for my mother was one of the factors. It is a buzzkill to deal with...)

    So I don't have a ton of good advice but I will say- anything you do for an animal shelter will bring good people into your life....Most shelters need help all the time (dog walking, picking up donations, cleaning, etc.) & Anyone who will go out of their way to help dependent domesticated creatures has some good in them.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Finally had some free time and wanted to thank everyone who responded. Everyone's advice helped out, a lot.

    It took me a long time, but I finally came to the realization that even after all the shit I've gone through nothing bad has happened to me (I mean, I'm still alive and capable of diddy bopping) and almost everything I was afraid of happening to me has happened. Now that I have nothing to lose I think I can actually start doing what I want and enjoying myself.

    If I ever win the money or have some miracle happen, I'm flying all of you down for a night out. And you won't even have to give me any advice or listen to me bitch and complain.

    Seriously, thank you.
    Last edited by MrSmith; 01-24-2015 at 10:47 PM.

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    Default Re: Last Time I Posted Here I Got Great Advice. Desperately Need to Rant/Talk

    Aww. I didn't contribute, but glad you could be helped!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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