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Thread: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

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    Veteran Member domina's Avatar
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    Default coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    My mom gave me some pressure this afternoon about how she constantly worries about how I'll make money and support myself, and how it's disrespectful for me to keep secrets from her.
    I've been wanting to tell her since I started, but my idea was to do it after I retired. A few years ago I asked her, "What if i worked as a go-go dancer?" and she freaked out saying that she'd worry too much, about my being in a "dangerous" environment. So I said OK, I won't do it then.

    Well, today, I somehow felt like the timing was right, I felt a strong urge to do it this year, and since she seemed to be digging for information, I decided to give up on all the lies (so exhausting) and just tell her I'm a dancer. And that it has been my main source of income for the past seven years. And that I'm happy and safe, so everything is fine.

    But I couldn't go through with it completely, so I told her "go-go dancer" instead of "stripper."

    And she seemed OK with it!

    She said that she's glad I told her, she appreciates my honesty (ack), and then she immediately started talking about my investing in real estate with a sense of optimism… she just didn't believe me before when i said I was saving up for a house, she didn't think my part-time gigs could ever really afford it.

    Do you think it's ok that I lied about a minor detail? "Yes I dance with clothes ON"

    Maybe I'll still tell her the whole truth in the future? Baby steps, right? I still feel like I made a huge breakthrough today, and that a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    I think maybe your mother will figure it out on her own, or maybe she already has and is pretending not to know.

    Don't feel like you need to tell her that it's without clothes. She understands that you dance, that you're fine financially, and now everything is better than before. If at some point you want to make it clear that it's adult work, that's your decision. I think your mother is wonderful though, and you too!!

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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    I think maybe your mother will figure it out on her own, or maybe she already has and is pretending not to know.

    Don't feel like you need to tell her that it's without clothes. She understands that you dance, that you're fine financially, and now everything is better than before. If at some point you want to make it clear that it's adult work, that's your decision. I think your mother is wonderful though, and you too!!

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    Veteran Member domina's Avatar
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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    I can't sleep though, i'm the one who's worried now! She asked questions like "what kind of dresses" and "what kind of dance" and "can i see where you work sometime" AHHHH!!!! !!!!

    Feels like it's only a matter of time before she asks the name of my workplace so that she can google it… or if she asks my godmother to go and check in on me sometime. I don't even know what to tell her.

    Where are there places in New York where "go-go dancers" dance on stages, and make decent regular money, and all genders and ages attend (18/ 21 and over)? I have to see if i can get hired there!

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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    Hey now, you weren't lying abt dancing w/o clothes -- unless you're dropping your threads b4 you even get onstage, you've got clothes on until you start taking them off

    Re: the 'can I come see you at work ????' Bs -- I had a similar problem a few yrs ago w/ my dad prying into my personal/work life. I wasn't out to my family abt dancing & didn't want to be. He actually planned to drive 6hrs to see me on the pretext of 'quality time' but was digging for info. I had to flat-out tell him not to come if all he was interested in was a fishing expedition … it pissed him off, but guess what … he backed off. I started a thread abt it at the time & got sm good advice, among which was the pointing-out of how unprofessional it would be in any job to have family/friends randomly 'popping in to check out my workplace'

    You don't owe your family free passes in any form to visit you at work, regardless of what you're doing. Put your foot down. Tell them you already have a 'safe call' person in place if smtg goes wrong, if that's their main worry, but beyond that, they need to stay away from your job.

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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    I'm really happy for you. My mom made a huge mess of drama when she found out I was a dancer but she's really mentally ill so no one could have expected her to deal with it in any rational way.

    & Yes on real estate, I personally feel this is the smartest move a dancer can make money-wise while she is earning great money.

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    Default Re: coming out to my mom about being a dancer

    It is never easy when people in your family don't like what you do for a living. My maternal grandmother, who raised me, was less than pleased with my career choice. It was tough for me as a young man to tell her that I had decided to join the military. She had always hoped I would be the one that would break the family tradition and told me so many times as I was growing up. However as hard as it was to tell her I am pleased I did so before I signed I papers. It made the day I swore in much easier, because it was one less thing that was weighing on my mind that day. While she never fully accepted it, after I had been in for about 8 years and she saw that I enjoyed my job, she finally stopped trying to get me to leave and go do something else. Despite the flak I took for many years, I would say honesty is probably the best thing here, no matter how difficult. Life is hard enough with creating your own unnecessary burdens by lying about your job.

    I have had a few parents of soldiers come and visit, and that rarely turns well. No matter whether they had a positive or negative reaction, it usually goes to an extreme. I would try to dissuade any thoughts of any kind of a visit as best as you can.

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