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Thread: Isolation

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Miss_Red's Avatar
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    Default Isolation

    I've been stripping for about 3 months now. It's the best job I've ever had and I'm improving all the time. My SO is completely supportive. Shit is awesome.

    Except...

    I feel like I can't really talk to anyone anymore. I am not 'out' to friends and family and am not ready to be, and it feels like every time I talk to anyone important to me I'm constantly on my guard against letting something slip or fending off questions about employment. I feel like I'm acting all the time when I'm not talking to the SO: I'm either my stripper persona at work or lying to people I love when I talk to them. I'm turning into even more of a recluse than I usually am.

    Anyone else had this problem? How do you deal?

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  3. #2
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    Unfortunately this isolation is just kinda part of the job if you're not out to the ppl you socialise w/. I don't advertise my stripping history, & any1 I do tell, there's either a good reason for it or I've basically already written off the person as unimportant & could give a shit less abt their thoughts on the subj.

    I wouldn't consider it lying if the subj nvr comes up. If it does, say you're working in sales, since stripping is really just naked sales when you get right down to it. Say you do sm sort of occupational therapy -- it is your occupation after all, & there's a reason strippers are sm times called naked therapists. I've stretched the truth a bit & said I used to teach pole, since I did at a few clubs, by request of individual coworkers who liked my pole tricks & said I was wanting to get certified to teach -- fully true. There have been a few threads on here abt how to handle the 'job?' question, & sm of them weren't lies at all, just a little creative dancing (no pun intended) around the truth. One girl was even a bit of a smartass & would smilingly tell ppl, 'I'm an ecdysiast.'

  4. #3
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    I went through this for awhile last year when I started escorting. Not quickly, but over time, I sussed out people who I was comfortable with telling. I'm still not "out" to all of my good friends, but enough know that I at least don't feel like I'm lying to everyone all the time and I have some sort of support network. I don't know what your reasons are for not telling any of your friends about dancing, but maybe if it's something you decide you want to do for a long time, you'll start to become more comfortable with easing other close people into the secret. Honestly, most of the time I've "come out" to people, they are way nicer and more understanding and accepting than I initially would've given them credit for, and it's been really rewarding to realize I have so many friends who love me for me. But I never would have known that if I had refused to ever give anyone the chance.

    Other than that, I immerse myself in a lot of other different things so I never have to dwell on the topic of work too long. If people ask what I do, I give a vague, short answer about a crap-job I used to have, so if anyone really presses I know enough to answer basic questions. But beyond that, I deliver the job title in a very bored fashion, wave it off, shrug, and say it's "nothing exciting," and then I instantly segue into talking about independently studying other things that are more interesting, possibly going back to school, and my volunteer work. Or flip the job question around on them and ask a bunch of questions regarding their job.

    It still sucks to lie, and it's something I cringe at every time it happens. But if you know enough about a boring, crappy job to lie about it, just throw it out there, act like it's nothing interesting, and move onto other topics. There's plenty to build friendships on and talk about besides work. It's just a drop in the bucket that most people won't even ask about anymore after you give an initial boring answer and act 'meh' about it. Seriously, no one questions it when someone acts like they hate their job and shows disinterest in talking about work "off the clock." Most people will just drop it afterward and move on.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  6. #4
    Veteran Member domina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    I'm onto my 7th year of dancing, and when i first started out, no one knew except my best friend, my SO (who had a problem with it) and my roommates. That was it. No other friends or family.

    I came out very carefully over the next few years, rehearsing conversations in my head before i had them in person, weighing out possible ramifications, crying, etc… When i moved to a new city i stayed pretty isolated for 2-3 years, because i was avoiding the idea of making new friends and approaching that conversation topic. Not fun times. I have since opened up a lot, and now am more socially active and happier in general.
    Last month I had a conversation with my mother where i half came-out (i told her i was a go-go dancer), which was already hard enough to do… I'll tell her the other half in a few more years.

    By now, most of my friends know, a handful of strangers and acquaintances know, a ton of old classmates know, my vanilla job bosses and collaborators know, my brother knows, my mother kind of knows, I have a cousin who i told but i don't think she even remembers. At this point I don't even care anymore. I don't introduce myself as a stripper when i first meet someone in person, but if someone found out online or in the newspaper or from some other third-party source or even grilled me for the truth… OK, fine, I don't really care. I've invested enough time and energy to make/see myself valuable as a person and a citizen in ways outside of sex work, and if someone can't get that, oh well, fuck em. Im too busy to deal with haters.

    On my journey of coming out as a dancer so far, though, i can say this… It feels good to be open about it. With instances that i told the truth and was 100% about who i am or what i do, sometimes it was hard at first, really hard- especially if it caused me to hurt/confuse/lose a friend- but i never regretted it in retrospect. I truly value the friends and support system that i have gained in the process.
    With instances that i held back and decided i wasn't quite ready to tell them yet, I still wonder sometimes: What if i had just told them? When am i going to tell them? Would they still love me for who i really am?
    Last edited by domina; 02-21-2015 at 01:05 PM.

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    Veteran Member domina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    i just stumbled across this on the internet! and it reminded me of this conversation.

    tumblr_nk4u631i6n1u17clto1_540.jpg

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  10. #6
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    'it's lonely at the top" is one of my favorite sayings...meaning, Power is isolating. Being in the adult industry makes your whole world colored with sexual power- for better and for worse.

    You just have to keep looking for decent people to be around. I noticed men in general tend to be less judgemental/annoying/parasitic than females as friends. THAT is a generalization, but it has been my experience.

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  12. #7
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    Default Re: Isolation

    Every time I hear the word isolation this immediately pops into my head.


    Also yes, I feel kind of guilty not divulging being a dancer to nearly all of my family but at the same time it's better in the long run they don't know. Plus with regular jobs I rarely talk about them anyway so I figure it's not too bad.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    People are capable of huge hypocrisy and stupidity when it comes to sexuality and family image.

    Example- Tyra Banks does nude advertisements and gets paid to be looked at.....she's a celebrity.

    Strippers get paid to take off their tops & dance on a stage in a private bar with limited access- they are BAD and DIRTY

    Kate Upton is a celebrity because she has freakishly giant tits- she's beloved

    Strippers have freaky large tits and display them on stage- they are BAD and DIRTY


    Your family makes jokes about the strippers at your uncle's bachelor party- because "boys will be boys"

    Your family freaks when they find out you strip- yet someone in your family had to have sex to make you....

    TL ; DR - people are retarded

    & Honestly, the older you get, the more isolated everyone feels. People in your life fall away, they find their own places/grooves.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 03-02-2015 at 12:15 PM. Reason: typoes

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    Default Re: Isolation

    Just be careful who you come out to, sometimes people suprise you in a bad way. I came out to one of my closest friends from high school (in a small town) when I used to hook. She told people who told people, now although no one will say it to me all my family know.

    On the other hand I have made a few really good friends who are escorts, who I do trust.

    SnuffleUffleGRass is right though, as you get older you care less and less about interacting with people.

  17. #10
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    Quote Originally Posted by Heid009 View Post
    Just be careful who you come out to, sometimes people suprise you in a bad way. I came out to one of my closest friends from high school (in a small town) when I used to hook. She told people who told people, now although no one will say it to me all my family know.
    Yeah some people cannot resist sharing juicy gossip. I loved my late uncle to heaven and back, but he did tell his best friend I was a stripper- his best friend always looked at me funny after that. I can say strippers are treated like carnival attractions (which honestly back in the day yes, strip dancers were part of carnivals...) Anyhow you have to survive in this world & if stripping makes it happen, you are doing nothing wrong & need to "clear the decks" in your life of people who don't care about your survival...just my opinion....

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  19. #11
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    I can't advise much since I'm so closeted but can't relate. One friend didn't react well and after that I didn't think it was worth any professional ( day job industry ) risks to not tell. But I had such awesome adventures dancing I hate not talking about it!!

  20. #12
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    Default Re: Isolation

    I feel completely isolated. It pretty much kills my relationship with my parents and the rest of my family. I have so many things i would love to tell them, but i can't because they completely disapprove of dancing. they found out i did it at one point and my mom made me promise her i would never again. its like i can never be honest with them, and its so disheartening because i can't really be myself and open up.
    the same goes for a lot of my friends. i have told very few people, and a lot of my friends from my hometown don't even stay in contact with me. i know a lot of them would disapprove of it anyway. Its funny, the other day one of my friends who i had not spoken to for a couple of years called me up to ask if i was working at a club because someone said they had seen me there. She wasn't really nice about it either. I just told her no because honestly its none of her business
    with new people i meet, like outside of the club, i try to be as honest as possible about what i do with them and believe it or not new people seem to be a little bit more accepting. plus where i'm working there are some girls who are similar to me with great potential for new friends. but also im living in a more diverse city as opposed to a smaller town where everyone gossips about everyone

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Isolation

    Quote Originally Posted by domina View Post
    i just stumbled across this on the internet! and it reminded me of this conversation.

    tumblr_nk4u631i6n1u17clto1_540.jpg
    Love this^!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Isolation

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    I've been stripping for about 3 months now. It's the best job I've ever had and I'm improving all the time. My SO is completely supportive. Shit is awesome.

    Except...

    I feel like I can't really talk to anyone anymore. I am not 'out' to friends and family and am not ready to be, and it feels like every time I talk to anyone important to me I'm constantly on my guard against letting something slip or fending off questions about employment. I feel like I'm acting all the time when I'm not talking to the SO: I'm either my stripper persona at work or lying to people I love when I talk to them. I'm turning into even more of a recluse than I usually am.

    Anyone else had this problem? How do you deal?
    Consider yourself lucky you have a supportive SO. I had a deep secret that I kept hushed up for years from everyone. It was a grueling experience that I have no wish to repeat. You and your SO can bounce your occasional negativity about the situation off each other and sympathize.

    In hindsight, I think things would have been better if I fessed up earlier rather than later. I'm not recommending you do that, but definitely consider it. You have a better idea of what your family and friends would think.

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