Hi there!
I have been lurking and reading like crazy on here for the past two months. I Just wanted to introduce myself and get some shit off my chest. If someone reads this long ass post and wants to give me any advice or support then thanks in advance!
I just had a baby, yay! I have been a cam model I guess technically for over a year now. Before I got pregnant I was battling depression and anxiety at least that's what my doctor calls it. I was self medicating with alcohol and my life was shit. Lost my apartment, lost my car lost almost everything. I could of avoided all of that if I would of logged on and put the time in. Back then and now I average $25 per hour on SM putting little effort in( not great because I can't afford good lighting need to upgrade my cam extra) I didn't though, and I watched everything crumble. Blah blah, fast forward a little bit and BOOM I got pregnant. It was a HUGE wake up call probably saved my life the little bugger. I got a vanilla shitty paying job that treated me like shit and said worse things to me than trolls online. My pregnancy came with a pile of high risk complications, baby was born and in the NICU for a few scary weeks and fast forward three months he's healthy, Im trying to cam and left those assholes at the vanilla job. So I guess my question is does anyone have depression, anxiety (or ADD which is what I belive I actually have that's causing the depression and anxiety). If so how the fuck do you get past it. I Think only people that have one of these things will really get what I mean. Dissociation is deteriorating my life and I can't let it happen like it did before. Any personal success or advice from anyone?
Ok ok so here's some other stuff that I have kind of seen asked before by doing a search but not much insight on this taboo subject. I'm lactating and guys are all about it on SM. My problem is, 'ok want to see it, let me sit here and moan while I hand express'. Seems like that wouldn't be very entertaining, anyone do something creative or found that guys like a certain thing about it. Im good at faking enthusiasm and confidence if I know what to do. I Mean I'll pump it into a cup and dump it over my head if it pays good lol.
Im considering clips4sale on top of camming to hopefully help supplement me when I have my problems with dissociation. My doctor won't listen when I tell her I think I have ADD probably because so many people just want the stimulants, but she loves to prescribe me drugs for depression where all they do is either make me shit my pants or not shit for two weeks. Do people on here really like clips4sale? I know that's a stupid question but I'll ask it anyway. It doesn't seem like you can block certain states from seeing content, anyone know if I'm wrong about this? I want to weigh out if the money is worth the exposure.
I don't have family to worry about finding out about what I do but If I can avoid friends finding out (what few I have left) than I would like at least attempt to conceal. Surprisingly I'm more worried about the fact I'm out of shape and don't want people I know seeing me like this. Shallow but true.
I have more more questions but I will start with this because I have started this post like ten times in the past two months and my mind won't let me focus enough to finish and put this out there.
Im really struggling with the focus part. I lose hours everyday if anyone has something that's helped them through that it would be awesome.
The other thing is a name I need to come up with a better stage name. Mainly just putting this in here as a commitment to figure that out. I'm on SM with the performer name Reinababy and I hate that name I came up with it back in my drinking era and didn't even put though into it. It sounds so stupid. I contacted SM support to ask if I could change it and didn't get a response.
Thanks for your help.



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