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Thread: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

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    Default Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    I have been feeling so depressed lately.
    I feel so lonely, sad. Really depressed. I keep crying everyday.
    I want to work. I want to go online. I want to earn money but then i couldn't get myself to go online because i feel so depressed. Whenever i start to go online i start to feel anxious.

    I always feel like Customers are secretly talking to each other about me and making fun of me or laughing at me, playing at me. I always feel like that whenever i go online. Even though i want to go online i always end up feeling depressed and start to get irritated and so i close my cam.

    Has this ever happen to any of you? I don't know what to do. Because i need to work and want to earn money but i can't help but feel depressed and paranoid.

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    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    First, big hugs, you are not alone, we have all been there and you will get through this because you are a strong, desirable, incredible woman who has the wisdom to know when it is time to protect herself.

    Listen and trust your depression. I know that sounds weird because most books/people will tell you to snap out of it or use distraction. I suggest talking to it like it is an entity. Face it, and ask your depression why it is doing this to you and bringing you down and making life difficult. Then wait for answers and clues. You will just have a knowing and you will get answers. Sometimes it helps to journal or just record yourself on your phone.

    As for the paranoia, that is also your depression. Right now you are feeling weak because you are struggling to get to the next level up from your current state which is anger. Depression is inward anger so feeling angry is actually a good sign. Get to angry and then it becomes easier. Argue back to the paranoia, these guys are in your cam room because they are horny motherfuckers who are turned on by your gorgeousness and you are going to drain those dicks and have the moneys!

    I am sure you know it is best not to cam while in depression. But, there is a way to do it regardless. Some have the ability to put the depression in a mental container for awhile and cam with a "happy" facade. If you really need the money and you feel camming is the only way then you could try that method. You tell your depression to go into a corner for awhile and that you will come back to it and deal. Of course, this is a temporary measure. You do what you have to do.

    Keep us up to date on your progress. You have a huge network of support here. You came to the right place.
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    Veteran Member Morrigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    what she said is a good point. Beating things and overcoming them goes hand in hand with actually understanding them. You can't understand something when your numbed to it. Being mindful to what those deeper thoughts are, tracing them back to a source point ( since there is always a core - other things gradually get contaminated as things like fear or anger fester. When one understands at least the root issue, it can be addressed, and or allowed to fall to the side and you can carry forward.

    That is on the thoughts and some of the side issues, I sadly can't say much about the overall issue, there could be a vitamin/dietary imbalance there that can help trigger or spur on depressions ( IE too little estrogen and or testosterone ( since we all need both) or too much of one or the other, or too little vitamin D, some of the B and C complexes, etc etc can really cause problems. Same goes for messed up sleep cycles, throwing off the Melatonin/Serotonin levels can also have major chain reactions like that.

    My own depression and axiety got really bad not long ago and just taking a B2 supplement actually went a loooooong way in softening things.

    so on that level I can suggest that, look at your diet and see if you may majorly be missing something from it, if need be see a DR and get your hormones ( all of them) checked, THEN if there is nothing go for other sorts of help/medication if needed ( I always suggest the diet and lab work firsrt since Ive known waaaaaay to many people get destroyed by antidepressants thrown at them, and in the end it turned out just to be a simple dietary or fatigue issue)
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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    The first step in overcoming and working through anything is to acknowledge it. What exactly is it that's making you depressed and paranoid? Maybe there's something about camming that triggers some of the deeper issues that you haven't sorted out or healed from? You don't have to write them out on here.
    It's important to separate what you feel from what you KNOW to be true because feelings can be deceiving. I don't think the customers are talking about you and if they are, so what? People don't talk about ordinary people, they talk about extraordinary people. They are in your room for a reason, they like what they see. This also applies to real life, people will talk about you until the day you die.

    It sounds like you are in a very vulnerable stage and I would advice going to see a therapist if that helps. Sometimes it's vital to talk to a professional who is investing in your well being to help you sort things out. I am a big advocate for therapy.
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    I'm a stripper, not a camgirl but I'm experiencing the same severe depression that you've described. I can't stop crying, I can't concentrate on anything, I can't go to the gym, I can't clean my house, and I definitely can't work like this. It's fucking awful. I feel like I fell down a rabbit hole to hell.

    Can you get professional help? And can you reach out to your friends and family about this? I'm seeing a doctor today and that's only because I mentioned my state of mind to my sister, and she did all the legwork of making an appointment for me. Honestly the logistics of healthcare can be absolutely impossible to navigate when you're depressed, I don't think I could do this alone.

    Hugs to you and I hope you can resume being awesome and happy ASAP.

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Acknowledge the anxiety and fears out loud to yourself .. And that they are just that only in YOUR HEAD!
    Positive affirmations
    Passion flower tea (immediate relief from panic/anxiety)

    Do this daily

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    I had a similar period in my life that in really just starting to recover from. A major cause for me was nutrient deficiencies, my vitamin D was so low their tests wouldn't pick it up. My depression and anxiety were crippling and my body was a wreck (I was overweight and felt like I had fibromyalgia). I saw at least two doctors who basically told me I was "just depressed" (obviously because I'm a female, and with kids to boot... Chauvinistic doctors...) and here's some drugs. I knew it was more than that so I found another doctor who took five seconds to order blood tests and once I knew the problem and corrected it (go with vitamin D3 supplements of you get them, they're more absorbable than D2) my life suddenly felt like I could start to breathe again. It wasn't perfect right away, I felt very fragile for months, but it got steadily better.

    So my advice echoes the ladies above me, have your vitamin, mineral and hormone levels checked!

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by sheshe View Post
    I have been feeling so depressed lately.
    I feel so lonely, sad. Really depressed. I keep crying everyday.
    I want to work. I want to go online. I want to earn money but then i couldn't get myself to go online because i feel so depressed. Whenever i start to go online i start to feel anxious.

    I always feel like Customers are secretly talking to each other about me and making fun of me or laughing at me, playing at me. I always feel like that whenever i go online. Even though i want to go online i always end up feeling depressed and start to get irritated and so i close my cam.

    Has this ever happen to any of you? I don't know what to do. Because i need to work and want to earn money but i can't help but feel depressed and paranoid.
    First, the depression-have you struggled with this over time or has it developed recently because of a personal trauma?
    If it's plagued you for years, have you tried medication or therapy. If you have, maybe a different combination is necessary. If you haven't, now's the time to start. Living followed by a black cloud diminishes your quality of life and crushes the amazing things you contribute to the world. Customers are there because they want to see you. Most are lonely, some have issues with women they take out on sex workers. As someone who's stripped with depression, believe me when I say it's better to deal with it virtually than in person. None of them know who you are and don't have enough information on you to tell you who you are. Here's something that works for me: Make a list of what comprises you. If you're particularly down on yourself, it may be easier to start by listing things you aren't that are negative. Ex: I'm not racist, I'm not able to turn my back on peoples' emotional pain, I'm not a thief, I'm not violent-usually, etc.. When you identify what you aren't, it leaves what you are. Seeing who you are in print cements your worth and makes it easier to disregard those who throw negatives in your direction. Anxiolytics can be very beneficial, but, for example-it took me ten years to find the right one. And then, I found a natural one that worked better, go figure. Whatever you do, please don't start drinking. Your mindset when you drink absolutely affects your ability to control your intake. When my engagement broke off-on a Christmas years ago, great timing-I swore I'd only have a few and woke up in the ER with a .34. It didn't fix anything,the problems and depression were still there. For the best therapy option as far as price and anonymity, A free clinic a few counties away is far enough to avoid running into anyone you know and cheap-or free-enough for you to not be able to use cost as a reason not to go. Best of luck.
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    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    I can say it's really difficult to get online when one feels very sad/depressed. I, too, have been feeling like this lately and it makes it very hard to keep moving forward. For me, sometimes it takes a day of silence with nothing to trigger me into sadness and then I'll listen to some good music, smoke a little herb (before or after camming) and then get into there. I avoid checking how much I'm making until I'm online by a certain time to keep my hopes up. I believe it gets better. Winter is also a hard time.

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Antidepressants are medications utilized for the treatment of mild depression and different conditions. Including anxiety, dietary, and even the feeling of constant torment of some sought. Check with your doctor. S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is also a very common problem this time of the year as well.

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Also, I forgot to add that psychedelic mushrooms are proven to help against depression. There's a lot of information online, but here's a link anyway! I've tried them before and they're amazing (for me). http://howtousepsychedelics.org/depression/

    I'm trying to get some this week. I personally avoid all pharm drugs, but I know some people may feel they need them to cope. I went to a therapist a while back and was told that I should be on them, but really I've been fine/happy after that until around now (2 years later). Usually, for me, it's a personal growing type thing. If I mask that feeling with drugs I think it would be more detrimental, not only for my body, but my mind as well. I think depression can be a catalyst for great change in one's life. I'm also at a very, very low point so I don't say this lightly. But I'm going to try mushrooms and let you know if things get better. <3
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by missyamaya View Post
    Also, I forgot to add that psychedelic mushrooms are proven to help against depression. There's a lot of information online, but here's a link anyway! I've tried them before and they're amazing (for me). http://howtousepsychedelics.org/depression/

    I'm trying to get some this week. I personally avoid all pharm drugs, but I know some people may feel they need them to cope. I went to a therapist a while back and was told that I should be on them, but really I've been fine/happy after that until around now (2 years later). Usually, for me, it's a personal growing type thing. If I mask that feeling with drugs I think it would be more detrimental, not only for my body, but my mind as well. I think depression can be a catalyst for great change in one's life. I'm also at a very, very low point so I don't say this lightly. But I'm going to try mushrooms and let you know if things get better. <3

    I agree. Psilocybin can have enduring positive enthusiastic mental effects no doubt. Hallucinogenic are known encounters that can make people more liberal, and I agree it can be medically helpful. Nevertheless, It's essential to note, notwithstanding, that while the danger of overdose is greatly low (you would need to ingest more than 35 pounds of crisp mushrooms to achieve deadly levels of poisonous quality), trying different things with the substance doesn't come without danger. you could encounter more apprehension then you already feel with more uneasiness and suspicion while stumbling about- sometimes, if the frenzy response is incredible enough, they may represent a risk to you or others. Psilocybin can also deliver a psychosis rush or intensify emotional wellness to levels of schizophrenia! But as long as you can handle it, i'm all for it! Yes..keep tabs with the group.

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Sorry you're feeling that way, I too get little bursts of depression occasionally too. However I don't mope too long because I have a responsibility as an adult to take care of myself and pay my bills. This job is for bbs who can control things like depression whilst on cam. Have you thought about seeking professional or medical help for it? We all have our ups and downs but I don't condone camming if you feel anxious and depressed by the mere thought of camming. Perhaps you should look for another job?




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    Featured Member SophiaSylvan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    No judgment here, but I was wondering if you often feel paranoid, like in other situations or just when you are on cam? That would help determine if it's the job or something else going on psychologically. I remember when I first started camming I slept in the same room as I cammed from and I would dream I was still on cam and people were watching me. I got over that quickly though. Now after years my problem is simply burnout and low tolerance for bullshit and timewasters. Clips are a great backup for those who have a block about camming (I'm in that group for the past many months).


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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by SophiaSylvan View Post
    No judgment here, but I was wondering if you often feel paranoid, like in other situations or just when you are on cam? That would help determine if it's the job or something else going on psychologically. I remember when I first started camming I slept in the same room as I cammed from and I would dream I was still on cam and people were watching me. I got over that quickly though. Now after years my problem is simply burnout and low tolerance for bullshit and timewasters. Clips are a great backup for those who have a block about camming (I'm in that group for the past many months).
    That's interesting...A group? Do you mean a specific one or as in clips help with not having to always cam?

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    Featured Member SophiaSylvan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    No I didn't mean any specific online group or anything


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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    All aboard the psychedelic train! I've experienced psychedelic mushrooms 3 times now, and every time was amazing. It does help tremendously with both anxiety and depression (at least it did for me.) Not everyone has a good experience with these mushrooms, though. But even a bad trip can be beneficial if you are ready to receive it as a lesson to be learned or purging of repressed bad thoughts/ bad events.

    I have just recently came out of a depression, myself. The only way I could really pull myself out of it was just to throw myself into my work (I'm a stripper). I just filtered out everything else, no longer paying attention to the pending bills, the pending doom feeling, all the fear and anxiety screaming at my mind. I took control of it and conquered it. The first day I decided to go back to work, I just woke up, listened to some Britney Spears, force-fed myself slowly (when I'm depressed it's hard to eat), and started to put on makeup. I just took my sweet-ass time applying the makeup, trying to remain calm about it. I just focused on that, and let all the other anxious thoughts melt away. They didn't matter. The bills will get paid, inevitably. I just got into the flow, then went into work, and faked being happy until I actually did feel happy. My brain started lighting up with happiness, gratitude, appreciation, etc. The depression has slowly faded away and has been replaced by feelings of gratitude. The anxiousness has been replaced by excitement.

    I wrote something to myself the other day that helped me envision my depression/anxiety as a wall I had to conquer:

    "The main problem I have is getting out of my comfort zone. It’s hard to pull yourself out of the corner in your mind where you sat and wallowed in your depression. It gets to a point where your depression becomes synonymous with your comfort zone, which is ironic. But having motivation is the opposite of depression, which results in not even having motivation to get better. But we must get better. Things do change. The universe has gifts, waiting. Even if your entire life has been nothing but hardships and battles, the possibility of peace and happiness exists around the corner. Even if you don’t see it. You have to look around that wall that is blocking your view. We all have walls. That wall doesn’t go on forever. You have to walk around whatever wall you’ve built up to see the other side. Or if you can’t find an end to that wall, you have to BREAK through it. It’s hard, it’s painful, but it’s necessary. Conquer yourself, and then you find that nothing can conquer you."
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Also, here is a video that could help alot for those struggling w/ depression:



    His name is Ralph Smart, and he's an amazing guru. He has tons of videos on how to overcome obstacles in life, how to apply positive thinking, etc.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    OP - Yes, I've felt like that. The first summer after I started camming, I ended up not working at all because of similar issues. At first, I thought it was depression, but it was weird, because I was already on meds for depression, and I could feel that they were working. What I was feeling wasn't like the serious depression that I had felt before. Before, it had been a constant, inexplicable, overwhelming, drowning depression.

    This time, sometimes I couldn't cam because I was just incredibly nervous and felt like I didn't know what I was doing on cam. Other times, if I fucked up the slightest thing with my makeup or hair, I would panic, and I just couldn't do it. Other times, I just couldn't get up - my brain felt like it was whirring in circles so much that it would run out of steam, and I could barely move or get out of bed for days. It was bad, because I knew I needed to be working, and that thought just made me so much more nervous, and made the pressure to be perfect so much worse. All of this would just go round and round in a vicious cycle.

    I finally figured out that it was anxiety, not depression. When I had had my worst depression, it felt like "Nothing will ever be ok, and I can't make myself give a shit. I give up, and I just want to cry and grieve the fact that life will never be alright." The anxiety felt like "I can't do this right. I can't do anything right. If I can't do anything right, then [some really shitty outcome] will happen. Fuck! How can I fix this? I can't, because I can't do anything right," and repeat that over and over, getting worse and worse, until I just gave up on everything and would pass out marathoning some random show on Netflix. Getting treatment (in my case, meds) for anxiety made a HUGE difference, and I was able to get back to work.

    The point being, that it kind of sounds like you're having issues with both depression and anxiety.


    The other thing that I would add is regarding treatment. I agree that you should try to rule out other health issues that could be causing these problems. I also agree that there are a ton of non-medication ways to improve your mental health, especially exercise, good nutrition, and positive thinking exercises. And I agree that you shouldn't rely on meds alone if there are other things you can do to benefit your condition. Some people are at a point with their depression/anxiety that they can see improvement from changing their habits, taking supplements, and/or doing positive thinking exercises.

    BUT... these issues can seriously fuck with your ability to take care of yourself because a) you're so upset or fatigued that you can't get out of bed, b) you're so distracted by the shit going on in your mind that you forget about the healthy things you're supposed to be doing, c) you're too depressed or anxious to give a shit about doing self-care, and/or d) you're too depressed or anxious to believe that self-care can help you, so you don't bother. If you're in that kind of cycle, don't beat yourself up, and don't try to fix yourself by yourself. You need a lot of support and most likely professional assistance. It's not weakness, lack of discipline, or that you "don't want it enough" - the problem is that you have a serious health issue. It can be just like a crippling physical injury; you can't just fix it with some rehab exercises at home, because you actually need to see a doctor and get patched up before you can physically do the rehab stuff. If that's where you are, please be kind to yourself and see someone that can help you get stable enough to help yourself.
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    It is that time of year for shroomies...

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.


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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Hey. I had my first night of camming last night and I think it'll be tougher than I realize. I was extremely nervous, finally bit the bullet. Then I watched as people came in and left. One asked how my night was and then left after I answered. Another asked if I had tattoos and left when I said no. Another asked if I wanted to go private and said he had to know how big my nipples were first, and could he get a sneak peek? I guess I have this need to please everyone because I flashed my nipple, and then he left. (Not sure if they were too big or not big enough? Haha) Then I was disconnected twice as people were filling my room and that left me too discouraged and I was really sleepy anyway. But I experienced all of those moments as rejection. I woke up pretty depressed. I hope I can get used to the little rejections. People are looking for their fantasy girl, you CAN'T please everybody.

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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    With customers, remember who's in control. You're making money off being hot, they pay. Some insult you and can't get a girl in real life. Some are low on funds. Some want to see how far they can push you. They'll do this whether or not you're on. This means they have the problem, not you. You're gorgeous, you make money from being hot, so hot you don't even have to touch anyone to make money. You make your own hours, it's legal, and you have unlimited income. I go on with the mindset that I'm the hottest thing there. If they sit and don't talk, it's cuz they've never seen anyone so gorgeous. If they leave not saying anything, it's cuz I'm so hot their computer melted. If they buy, it's to spend their money on a goddess at a per minute rate. When they come back, it's cuz I got them addicted. That's how you should look at it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?


  40. #24
    God/dess hyori's Avatar
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by SweetJulia View Post
    With customers, remember who's in control. You're making money off being hot, they pay. Some insult you and can't get a girl in real life. Some are low on funds. Some want to see how far they can push you. They'll do this whether or not you're on. This means they have the problem, not you. You're gorgeous, you make money from being hot, so hot you don't even have to touch anyone to make money. You make your own hours, it's legal, and you have unlimited income. I go on with the mindset that I'm the hottest thing there. If they sit and don't talk, it's cuz they've never seen anyone so gorgeous. If they leave not saying anything, it's cuz I'm so hot their computer melted. If they buy, it's to spend their money on a goddess at a per minute rate. When they come back, it's cuz I got them addicted. That's how you should look at it.
    Amen!!
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    Default Re: Depressed and getting Paranoid. I cannot go online. Please Help.

    Quote Originally Posted by maven View Post
    Hey. I had my first night of camming last night and I think it'll be tougher than I realize. I was extremely nervous, finally bit the bullet. Then I watched as people came in and left. One asked how my night was and then left after I answered. Another asked if I had tattoos and left when I said no. Another asked if I wanted to go private and said he had to know how big my nipples were first, and could he get a sneak peek? I guess I have this need to please everyone because I flashed my nipple, and then he left. (Not sure if they were too big or not big enough? Haha)
    He left because he was a freeloader. Instead of paying you $10 for a flash or going private he got it for free. He never intended to pay.

    This work can be difficult but gotta look at the guys who don't buy as background noise, not rejection. Focus on finding your groove and ignore the broke beggars like him because they are not your target audience at all.

    In time you'll be able to pick out the ones who will buy and those who won't.


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