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Thread: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

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    Default Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    I'm sure there are a million threads of this nature so please point me in the direction - been off the forum for a while so have some reading to do!

    Long story short I fell in love with a man I was with until a few days ago with for 6 months and early on told him about my work because I didn't want to lie. He tried to be ok with it but ultimately he wasn't. We fought constantly, every time we fought he would call me a hoe, whore, hooker, say I had diseases, accused me of sleeping with everyone even though I was with him 5 or 6 days a week, accused me of cheating daily, say I had no life was a loser which I do feel sometimes since this wasn't really what I planned for my life and don't feel like I really belong doing this. The worst thing is while I appreciate this job immensely I do struggle with it, so not exactly rich and often barely keeping up with the rent and bills because I don't work enough, so it's not even like I can say look at my house, car, independence, I bought it all. I've been trying to get out but haven't been able to financially yet

    And i admit I would criticize him for having 5 kids with two different women because I was jealous because all I ever wanted was to get married and have kids.

    obviously it was a toxic relationship and I'm better without it, but some of the things he said hurt so bad. Like no-one would ever marry me or get me pregnant because of what I did or making me feel like my body was dirty. I know none of it is true but I'm still reeling.

    i know there are men out there who are supportive, and have no problem marrying or having kids with you when you are still stripping but it would be nice to be reminded right now. Going back to work in next few days and want to feel good. Thank you :-))
    Last edited by mistylove; 02-21-2015 at 10:23 AM.

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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    You are fortunate to have gotten rid of him before he wasted any more of your time. Now you are rid of him you can spend more time at your job.

    Look into peoples' background before getting serious about them.

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    Quote Originally Posted by mistylove View Post
    obviously it was a toxic relationship and I'm better without it, but some of the things he said hurt so bad. Like no-one would ever marry me or get me pregnant because of what I did or making me feel like my body was dirty.
    These words from a man with 5 kids from 2 different women are laughable. They actually reflect his reality- I won't go into ugly detail but his life would be easier if he used a condom.

    I'm a living breathing example of a guy wanting to have a kid with a stripper. It didn't happen for very good reasons, but that's not the point. Men can be super simplistic about having kids b/c they contribute very little to making it happen (a smear or teaspoon's worth of semen) and women are stuck with the pregnancy, the delivery, the logistics of caring for a child. It's kind of how kids enjoy a trip to DisneyLand & don't think about how their parent worked hard & drove them to the park to make it happen. Just simple-minded thinking.

    edit to add- you are far far too young to be thinking about having kids. With our "New Economy" in the US, you shouldn't even think of kids until you have career training, savings, a decent job and a partner with the same & supportive family members. I live in a very expensive region of the country and I constantly see families barely scraping by & kids going without because their parents can't pay the heat bill on time or can't afford everything they need. Families in poverty are not romantic, they are constantly struggling..

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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    I'm sorry to say but you're better off without him. He's verbally abusive and no one needs that. You'll see in time that you don't need to be abused like that. Every person deserves to be loved and treated properly.

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    Oh god. There's no excuse for the way he treated you. You may not be where you want yet, but you'll definitely never get there with an unsupportive, abusive loser like him dragging you down. Good job on getting rid of him -- think of all the amazing things you can accomplish now that you're free!

    Onward and upward, you smart sexy talented lady!

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    Quote Originally Posted by mistylove View Post
    ...say I had no life was a loser which I do feel sometimes since this wasn't really what I planned for my life and don't feel like I really belong doing this. The worst thing is while I appreciate this job immensely I do struggle with it, so not exactly rich and often barely keeping up with the rent and bills because I don't work enough, so it's not even like I can say look at my house, car, independence, I bought it all. I've been trying to get out but haven't been able to financially yet
    Misty, IMHO this is the real problem. Your self-esteem issues, whether they come from working as a stripper or somewhere else, are the reasons why a guy like this, with 5 kids from 2 different women, could fuck with your head in the first place. Many women would never let a guy like this in the door, nevermind in their heads.

    IMHO you need to stop beating yourself up. We are all just human beings trying to do the best with what we have and you are not a loser for doing what is necessary to make ends meet. Also, you are attractive enough to be getting paid to dance. How is that a bad thing? Anyone who judges how you pay your bills should go immediately into the fuck off pile. They are the ones who need to prove their worth to you, not the other way around. But until you find some way to like and accept yourself and your life choices, IMHO you're going to struggle with both work and relationship issues.

    And if you just cannot find a way to accept and embrace stripping and take fuller advantage of it, then IMHO you may want to find something else to do. Sitting on this self hater fence, where your self worth takes a beating both from what you do and from your poverty, is nothing but a road to ongoing misery. If you are going to be poor anyway, then you would probably be better off working a $9 vanilla job than doing something that makes you feel like a loser.

    Just my and all the best as you work through this.

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    Default Re: Need a pep talk - trying not to hate myself!

    Mistylove I do feel for you! I obviously don't know you but you are better off. Truly. I know it's painful and sucks now, but it will get better. Don't be me. Don't waste your precious youth and beautiful things about yourself on people who don't love and appreciate you the way you deserve. It took me a long, long time to realize that. If I only knew then what I know now.... Hugs to you, much love going out to you.

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