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Thread: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    In escorting, I feel like one of the most common "problems" encountered is guys not being able to get or stay hard. Whether this is due to age, some form of ED/injury, or just plain nervousness - especially with younger, "newbie" clients. At this point, it really doesn't bother me, it's nothing new, and I can work around it to make the experience still as pleasurable as possible.


    But men never seem to believe it's truly that common. They stress and apologize profusely. Even make self-degredading comments like "I'll bet you've never had to deal with this before..." And no matter how much I try to tell them that it's way more common than they think, I don't think they ever believe me.


    What really trips me up is how to respond when they inevitably repeat over and over: "It's not you. I swear, it's nothing to do with you." I don't know how to respond to that in a way that's comforting and makes it clear that I believe them - but without sounding either completely self-centered or blaming. I feel like when I say anything along the lines of "I know," it comes across super vain or, worse, it sounds like I'm saying, "Yeah, I know, it's YOU who has the problem, loser!"


    How do others handle this sensitive issue?
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    I had a boyfriend once who had severe ED. He couldn't get an erection at all without taking Cialis, and even then he struggled with it. It was some psychological issue. He was only, like, 25. Anyway, I learned to treat his ED like it was a panic attack, basically. If I noticed him starting to waver or if he started to make excuses for his body, I would tell him, "It's okay, babe, just breathe. Can I do anything for you?" or "You're fine, chill out," in the most soothing, gentle tone possible.

    Similarly, I bet you could respond to customers when they say it's not you, like, "It's okay, it's fine, it's nobody's fault. Don't even worry about it. Would you like it if I did xyz?" And xyz could be anything from a back rub to dirty talk, or whatever he finds relaxing.

    I think dealing with ED is almost like a role reversal for women. Normally we're the ones who have finicky body parts and emotions that have to be sexed just right or it doesn't work for us.

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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    A big part of the reaction you are seeing is the man's own ego. "What I couldn't get it up, might as well turn in my man card and go live in a cave somewhere." Then there is also the rest of the male culture playing into that. Viagra was Pfizer's biggest selling drug for years. It did not cure any life threating disease, and yet made billions for the company.

    As far as any advice on a response, that is extremely difficult to give. For one ED is sometimes caused by an underlying medical problem, sometimes it caused by physical, mental or emotional stress. It also depends upon how sensitive the guy is about the issue. Each one requires a different kind of response. A thing you might try is just let the guy hold you for a bit without saying anything, sometimes holding someone and hearing their breathing can be very soothing, plus the fact you are not running away over the issue my also let him relax a little so that things function as he would like them to.

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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    Mmm thats k babe, make it upto me by doing x.

    My older client has this a lot, I ignore it. Just let him ramble and play myself and smile. Before moving onto something else.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    Tracey Cox taught me to gently push the flacid penis into the vagina (kinda like stuffing a bird) and it usually hardens up then... but as to the rest of it, the other posters have said and used similar approaches to me over the years. When it's severe it can be so debilitating in the relationship.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    If it's mental, the pressure of the clock can be a big factor. Nothing like the little bugger taking a break when the meter is running! ;-)
    Originally Posted by
    I don't know what it is about me that says "wife me up." Everyone wants to choke me or date me. Or both. This job is weird.


    Originally Posted by Nocturnelle
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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    ..."I'll bet you've never had to deal with this before..." And no matter how much I try to tell them that it's way more common than they think, I don't think they ever believe me.
    I wouldn't directly answer the question because like you said, what can you say that doesn't make them feel like a "loser". When the "I'll bet you've never had to deal with this before..." comes and it always does, that's when you go into ultra GFE mode. Try to be extra, extra nice and say something like "It's OK, it happens and It's OK, no worrys". Maybe say "Let me help you relax" and try to make the best of your time together. I going to PM you.

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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    Thanks for the info. I have one friend that has such a hard time. I know he feels bad, and so do I. I actually don't watch the clock closely on that one as he is so nice.

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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    Quote Originally Posted by amberlly View Post
    Mmm thats k babe, make it upto me by doing x.

    My older client has this a lot, I ignore it. Just let him ramble and play myself and smile. Before moving onto something else.
    Me personally I'm not sure that I would say this. "Make it up to me by..." is communicating disappointment and reinforces the idea that a stiff dick is the ultimate thing that women want/men have to offer (ha! The ultimate is actually their wallets! ) which could easily add to the psychological component of the problem in both the short and long term.


    I

    Quote Originally Posted by Renton View Post
    Him: we could meet... im 5ft 9 sexy italian with a 8 inch love stick...imagine playing with me... how would you do it
    Me: I would cut off your dick and feed it to the pigs

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    Default Re: How to respond to "I swear it's not you"

    I had this problem once and GF had the ultimate answer: Well, little ones never have that problem but with a big dick like yours it takes more blood and energy ... :-) of course she was blowing smoke but the problem was gone in 2 mins and I still miss her

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