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Thread: I want to look more "badass"

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    Default I want to look more "badass"

    I feel like I have way too much of a "sweet and innocent" GND look, and it's starting to irritate me. From friends to potential love interests, I feel like people construct this irritatingly wrong, and rather patronizing, image of me and treat me in really annoying ways because of it.

    When it comes to friends, I am constantly seen as this weak little thing that needs to be protected.... from feeling this overprotective need to "shield" me during concerts so I don't get "hurt" (wtf?) to adamently blocking me from walking out the door and god-forbid walking myself down the street after dark, it is really getting on my nerves. Maybe it wouldn't so much if these people acted that way about all women, but they will blatantly comment that other women around are tougher and can handle themselves better, and I'm "tiny and weak." What's even worse is when people act like my life choices, which I'm pretty damn confident about and happy with, are me being "poor little thing, stuck in a rut cuz she clearly has no self-confidence" and then they exert all this energy trying to "pump up my self-esteem".... I literally have NO idea where people get a "low self-esteem" vibe off of me. If anything, I think I'm obnoxiosly full of myself most of the time.

    When it comes to men, I feel like the only ones I ever attract are the "nice, but not really nice" guys who place me on this pedestal. I can tell that they see me as this "totally innocent madonna" or something and are viewing me as "nice little wifey with a family in the suburbs" material - which could not be further from how I really am. It makes it really awkward to have them say certain things about "the kind of girl I am" or treat me as though I'm this shining angel, and then have to be like "uhh.... where did you get that from? That's not me at all." And their fucking world shatters and they make all kinds of weird excuses for how I'm "not being myself" if I step outside this box of "good" behavior that they expected of me. I'm not saying I don't want nice men to be attracted to me - but not these overly-dependent man-children who are idealizing me as something I'm not, demanding that I be this epitome of "feminine purity," and making it overly-awkward for me to even show them who I really am after they've already pegged me as something else. (Oh, but if I show any sort of sexuality so as not to be labeled the 'innocent flower,' then I only attract guys who view and use me as a "whore" - and I am no longer viable as anything else but a fuck-buddy. Madonna/whore complex at it's fucking finest...)

    People know the kind of bullshit I've dealt with from customers and clients. People know that I have always taken care of myself and never had a man do it for me. People know that I take on leadership roles helping others in my volunteer work. People know that I have traveled across the damn country by myself. People even know that I've taken martial arts. But they STILL fucking look at me and treat me like I can't handle shit and my world is about to fall apart any second... There are so many people in my life who have seen me spend a butt-load of money in the past year on trips, entertainment, and outfitting a nice, new apartment, and yet I constantly get this "Are you ok with money - I worry about your finances" shit from them constantly. Like... WTF? What. the hell. in my life. is projecting that I'm poor and need to be "worried about" by my friends who make minimum wage? It blows my mind and drives me up a wall that I apparently come off as so "weak" that even spending more in a month than they make in 6 months is not enough to "prove" that I fucking. have it. handled.

    Ok, I've ranted enough lol

    I can't change my size, obviously. I'll always be "tiny." And I can't even really change my general nice and helpful personality. But I have friends who are just as tiny and/or just as nice as me, and no one gives them this "you're such a sweet, innocent, delicate flower" bullshit. It has to be something about my "look."

    Right now, I have long blonde hair that I usually straighten. My only visible body-mods are an occasional peek of my tongue stud or back-of-the-neck tattoo, and foot tattoo in warmer weather. I tan, get my nails done, and apply basic makeup every day. I like to dress girly casual. Nice jeans, tank tops or nicer tops, sun dresses in the warmer weather. Usually wear knee-high boots, low heels or sandals.

    The problem is, I can't really go too "overboard" in making myself the "opposite" of "girly" because the big reason for the blonde hair, tanning, and nails is for money-making purposes. Is there anything subtle that I could do with these things that would make me less "innocent" looking, but still classy? What else could I change in my day-to-day look that would make me look more like someone who can take care of my damn self and less like the "fragile child" that everyone feels the need to shelter from the big bad world? I have a hair appointment in 2 days, so I'm contemplating what I could do with that right now...
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    ^^ That is definitely something I need to work on. Every time I've tried, I fuck it up somehow. Maybe I'm not buying good enough products for it.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Oh girl. The problem isn't you, it's them. Petite, pretty blondes are eternally infantilized, it really doesn't matter what you do to counter it. I served in the Army and can kill a man with my hands but people still see me as a damsel in distress. People just don't see you, they see your type.

    I think the only successful things I've done to stop being treated like Little Red Riding Hood lost in the woods have been related to my body language. Having a fierce resting bitchface and taking up space like a man (standing tall, putting your hands on surfaces instead of your body or your purse, stretching your legs out when sitting down) are good. People pick up on that subconsciously, but then their socialization usually overrides it.

    But really, even though it's obnoxious as fuck to deal with, I think you need to accept it. Accept it and enjoy the perks it comes with. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy trying to appear tough when really, you will never look tough enough. Put a Hells Angel costume on a kitten and it still looks adorable. In the meantime, remember that no one ever sees the devil coming. You could probably rob a bank and casually walk away batting your eyelashes while police run past you, searching for someone who looks like a criminal.


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    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    ^ I second the body language. I'm also a petite blonde, but I have a pretty fierce resting bitch face.

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    ^ Sometimes it backfires though when men come up to you and ask, "What's wrong? Is everything okay? Can I help you?" Lol. And don't even get me started on that god-awful bullshit comment, "Smile, you're too pretty to frown!"

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    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    You could add a few bright, funky colored streaks to your hair (like red,purple,blue,black...only a few though to keep it classy). Or you could do a colorful ombre. With blonde hair, the contrast looks really nice and adds a bit of an edge. Definitely wear more dramatic makeup for an edgier look. Smoky eyes especially. I always add black eyeshadow to my creases and blend it out for a really dramatic look. Would you consider getting breast implants? I have a look just like you (blonde, petite, feminine) and when I got my boobs done, I went from little girlish to vixen. You could also add pieces like black lace, black leather jackets and black leather boots to your wardrobe.

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    I'm in the same boat and lately have been wanting to do the same thing. It seems like long blonde hair makes you look innocent automatically. I don't want to go darker either. I was thinking about getting my nips pierced maybe cause I like how it looks and I feel so plain Jane these days lol. If tattoos weren't permanent I would get some of those to spice it up but I'm not about to go the permanent route right now. I was also thinking of trying those metallic temporary tattoos that are in style right now but I'm not sure how those would work with self tanners.. But maybe more of a white/platinum blonde depending on what blonde shade you are right now? I've always been more of a golden blonde and now I'm trying to get more white blonde. I mean I guess when I think of a blonde who looks 'badass' I think of super light blonde and dark eye makeup and some piercings & tattoos.

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Well, I have to offer a devil's advocate-type of response. I have the air of....badassness that you want so badly but it does backfire a lot. Guys on dates have described me as "intimidating" & I have naturally dark coloring (black/brown hair and brown eyes, olive skin.) The crappy part of this image is 1) you have to beg for help b/c people always assume "you can find a way" and they don't think to be helpful or kind.

    Men especially don't like feeling un- needed or unwanted so they often back off without really being told to.....as a result I've had plenty of times where I had to scour Craigslist to find someone to help me move furniture or install things. No one is offering these kinds of favors to me.

    My advice- wear more black clothing and hats.

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Wear combat boots and practice the butch walk. Carry a knife around, paint your fingernails black, and give people the finger all day.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    O, that's me, riding on my elk. .^

    Op, I dunno...wear black more?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"


    Haha I actually have taken archery
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    O, that's me, riding on my elk. .^

    Op, I dunno...wear black more?
    Does it tickle riding bareback like that?

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    I second the wearing of black. Black clothing, dark nail polish, etc

    Also maybe get some visible face piercings like nose ring or eyebrow ring.

    And don't smile as much and try the smokey eye makeup.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    I wouldn't go black- too obvious IMO.
    Rich jewel toned purples/magenta reds; on lips and eyes instead of say a french manicure. How about that half shaved head undercut thingy that you can flip your own hair back over to be more discreet. Angled haircut rather than a straight or fluffy edge.

    I do believe its more about your own attitude, body language, how you feel.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

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    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Wear a men's watch, a nice one but obviously men's with a heavy band.

    Dark eye makeup as suggested.

    Pull your hair back. A tight french braid or something severe and no-nonsense.

    Dark clothing. Leather always looks tough.

    Bare arms if you are muscular.

    Heavy rings masculine looking.

    This is all relatively subtle and sub-liminal.

    For tattoos you can get patterns and do henna designs yourself, or many tatoo studios can do temporary tats that last several days. A good henna dye will still be visable up to 2 weeks.

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    Senior Member PrincessWhooty's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    I've struggled with the GND/Barbie comments and treatment my whole life and now more than ever in the club. I am 5'2", "pear" body type, ivory skin, long platinum hair,young face for my age. Every BF I've EVER had has tried relentlessly to cram me into their little box of should's and shouldn'ts. So over the years, I've went from Rebel to Renegade, to my current Barbie Bitch status. ;-)

    Rebel Phase
    -red lips & cat eyes like mentioned above (practice)
    -crop top with a g string, leotard with a deep V cut, all black


    Renegade Phase
    -red or Barbie pink lips, heavier liner
    -rhinestones, vinyl, wet-look, slingshots & other "shocking" and unusual cuts, spikes, chains, dangerous looking heels, *fishnets or diamond-nets*

    Barbie Bitch
    -Brighter than LIFE pink lips (gloss too?), heavy highlighting n blush, lashes, glitterzzz
    -valley girl pastels, grays, glamorous type outfits that look expensive n Vegas-like, bright colors, neons
    -SOME black thrown in on the outfits so as not to look TOO innocent

    So there ya have it. Depending on how moody I feel, I'm somewhere in between those looks most the time. In the Rebel n Renegade phase, I've noticed I can "demand" more things from custies/guys and am much more likely to pull of the diva thing, where everyone caters to me instead of patronizing me. In the Barbie Bitch phase, this is when everyone sees me as Barbie but really I'm a Bitch. I giggle, flirt, smile and ditz my way into VIP as the party slut..(who wouldn't drop $$$ on the life of the party?) I'm having SO much fun Ken! (..as I slide the wallet out from unda his ass)..

    I've found it's really MUCH easier to embrace the stereotype as someone else said. You'll fulfill his delusional, patriarchal fantasies with minimum effort while covertly cashing in on his ass.

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    well i'm a slightly chubby brunette and have been treated like this my whole life too ( in fact blond hair actually helped make me look LESS innocent), so i wouldn't suggest changing your basic look if its making you money, because it may not even help. in my experience, its all about your aura, and if you have it you have it no matter your weight/hair color/eye color/etc. everyone has their own "archetype" and if its the "waif' or "ingenue" and you bring out the protective side of men then that's a good thing esp if you work in this industry. as for the women being condescending twats ( which i HATE too) i find speaking with a more firm voice and telling them off * in a teasing semi-polite way* works when they start. but anyways, i would agree with those who say to embrace it because the world is full of beat, hardened looking people especially when you get past your early 20s thats more the norm

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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    Side note- I've noticed butch lesbians always have the body language of guys. (Not knocking it, just saying.) If you carry yourself like a man if gives the subconscious message of, I'm as strong as a man.

    I do have to warn against appearing too hardcore- I have such a scary resting bitch face that most of my co-workers dislike me, and strangers just kind of edge away. Get good at reading people so you know who to soften up for, and who to freeze out.

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    You can dress any way you want, but it's not going to help if you still allow people to do and say things like that. It sounds like you need to ACT more "badass".
    All black and full facepaint won't make people stop treating you like a child or outright negging you if you LET them get away with it. :\
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
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    Default Re: I want to look more "badass"

    One of my methods for dealing with people I work with who tend to annoy me/harsh on me for whatever reason- one of my favorite secret ways to categorize people is to figure out what breed of dog they would be if they were a dog (behaviorally) and imagine them as dogs. It's mentally amusing and can prevent you from getting into arguments or saying things you shouldn't say to someone. The older I get I realize I CHOOSE to come off a certain way to most people and "let my guard down" for people I can trust.

    Also studying Psychology & Neuro Linguistic Programming can help you "read" people before you let them into your life, and then you actually won't even need to put up a "hard" front......Your actions and choices will weed people out naturally.

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