I feel like I have way too much of a "sweet and innocent" GND look, and it's starting to irritate me. From friends to potential love interests, I feel like people construct this irritatingly wrong, and rather patronizing, image of me and treat me in really annoying ways because of it.
When it comes to friends, I am constantly seen as this weak little thing that needs to be protected.... from feeling this overprotective need to "shield" me during concerts so I don't get "hurt" (wtf?) to adamently blocking me from walking out the door and god-forbid walking myself down the street after dark, it is really getting on my nerves. Maybe it wouldn't so much if these people acted that way about all women, but they will blatantly comment that other women around are tougher and can handle themselves better, and I'm "tiny and weak." What's even worse is when people act like my life choices, which I'm pretty damn confident about and happy with, are me being "poor little thing, stuck in a rut cuz she clearly has no self-confidence" and then they exert all this energy trying to "pump up my self-esteem".... I literally have NO idea where people get a "low self-esteem" vibe off of me. If anything, I think I'm obnoxiosly full of myself most of the time.
When it comes to men, I feel like the only ones I ever attract are the "nice, but not really nice" guys who place me on this pedestal. I can tell that they see me as this "totally innocent madonna" or something and are viewing me as "nice little wifey with a family in the suburbs" material - which could not be further from how I really am. It makes it really awkward to have them say certain things about "the kind of girl I am" or treat me as though I'm this shining angel, and then have to be like "uhh.... where did you get that from? That's not me at all." And their fucking world shatters and they make all kinds of weird excuses for how I'm "not being myself" if I step outside this box of "good" behavior that they expected of me. I'm not saying I don't want nice men to be attracted to me - but not these overly-dependent man-children who are idealizing me as something I'm not, demanding that I be this epitome of "feminine purity," and making it overly-awkward for me to even show them who I really am after they've already pegged me as something else. (Oh, but if I show any sort of sexuality so as not to be labeled the 'innocent flower,' then I only attract guys who view and use me as a "whore" - and I am no longer viable as anything else but a fuck-buddy. Madonna/whore complex at it's fucking finest...)
People know the kind of bullshit I've dealt with from customers and clients. People know that I have always taken care of myself and never had a man do it for me. People know that I take on leadership roles helping others in my volunteer work. People know that I have traveled across the damn country by myself. People even know that I've taken martial arts. But they STILL fucking look at me and treat me like I can't handle shit and my world is about to fall apart any second... There are so many people in my life who have seen me spend a butt-load of money in the past year on trips, entertainment, and outfitting a nice, new apartment, and yet I constantly get this "Are you ok with money - I worry about your finances" shit from them constantly. Like... WTF? What. the hell. in my life. is projecting that I'm poor and need to be "worried about" by my friends who make minimum wage? It blows my mind and drives me up a wall that I apparently come off as so "weak" that even spending more in a month than they make in 6 months is not enough to "prove" that I fucking. have it. handled.
Ok, I've ranted enough lol
I can't change my size, obviously. I'll always be "tiny." And I can't even really change my general nice and helpful personality. But I have friends who are just as tiny and/or just as nice as me, and no one gives them this "you're such a sweet, innocent, delicate flower" bullshit. It has to be something about my "look."
Right now, I have long blonde hair that I usually straighten. My only visible body-mods are an occasional peek of my tongue stud or back-of-the-neck tattoo, and foot tattoo in warmer weather. I tan, get my nails done, and apply basic makeup every day. I like to dress girly casual. Nice jeans, tank tops or nicer tops, sun dresses in the warmer weather. Usually wear knee-high boots, low heels or sandals.
The problem is, I can't really go too "overboard" in making myself the "opposite" of "girly" because the big reason for the blonde hair, tanning, and nails is for money-making purposes. Is there anything subtle that I could do with these things that would make me less "innocent" looking, but still classy? What else could I change in my day-to-day look that would make me look more like someone who can take care of my damn self and less like the "fragile child" that everyone feels the need to shelter from the big bad world? I have a hair appointment in 2 days, so I'm contemplating what I could do with that right now...



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