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Thread: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

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    Veteran Member Luna66's Avatar
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    Default I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I don't post here often but I need to rant and get this out because I can't talk about this to anyone in real life.

    My boyfriend and I live together and until recently he had a full-time job. His job brought in all the 'essentials' money, for rent, bills, food etc and my camming money was just for extras (meals out, movies, new clothes etc) and I just did like 4 hours a day or so and spent the rest of my time cooking, cleaning etc. It was a great situation for both of us. But then, just before Christmas 2014 he quit because his job was incredibly stressful. He was working 65+ hours every week, because of his shifts he didn't get home til like 2am and he only made enough money for the essentials, he had nothing left over to pay off his debt or spend money on anything for him. The job had completely changed him from the fun-loving, kind man I met in to an angry, sad, stressed person who had no joy in life so I supported his decision to quit and said i'd just cam a bit more than usual and we'd cut back on some non-essential spending until he found a new job. I thought it'd all be fine!

    But then I had a complete breakdown. Apparently I was misdiagnosed with clinical depression when I was 15 and i've actually been bipolar all this time with severe anxiety, and obviously i've gone completely untreated so when I broke, I really broke. I was in hospital for 3 weeks (i'm in the UK so thankfully no medical bills, but I couldn't cam for a month). When I was OK again, I restarted work, but after my breakdown i've found that I really can't take the sex industry anymore. I was happy camming for a long time, but now I just can't take the freeloaders and the fact that 6-10 hours a day I have to pretend to be this complete nympho (the meds i'm on massively suppress my libido). So I don't cam anywhere near as much as I need to because it makes me want to kill myself (literally).

    And now we're at a breaking point, financially. My boyfriend is spending practically all his time online applying for jobs, and he actually has a few things in the pipeline, but even if he got a job tomorrow, he wouldn't get his first paycheck for over a month. All our bills come out on Friday (it's monday today) and his bank account is at minus £2900 (his overdraft limit is £3000) and I have about £40 in mine. The bills will cost about £1150 which we obviously just do not have. We've been living on ramen noodles, tap water and one proper meal per week at my mum's house for a month now, and we've temporarily given our cat to my boyfriend's mum so we don't have to feed her (pretended that my "allergies" are bad because we don't want to tell our families that things are this bad, not that they could help anyway, they're broke too). We sold pretty much everything we could to pay our bills last month: both our computers (we are now sharing an awful old laptop which obviously makes camming much harder), all our games consoles and the TV, my keyboard, violin and guitar (which broke my heart), our Blu-ray collection, most of our clothes and shoes, iPads, phones (we're sharing a cheap old Nokia now). The only things we kept were the internet connection and this old laptop because I need them for camming, an old Kindle with loads of books on it so that when one of us is using the laptop, the other can entertain themselves by reading, and a diamond and platinum ring my father gave me when I turned 18 that I really really don't want to sell but I might have to if I can't raise enough money for the bills by Friday.

    I guess i'm not really asking for advice because I know what I have to do, i'm just going to have to suck it up and cam like 12 hours a day until Friday to raise the £1150 that we need to pay the bills. I've signed up to Dailypay on every site they offer and i'll be switching between the sites every few hours so I don't get bored as easily as usual. It's gonna suck but I have no choice.

    I just needed to get that off my chest, thanks for listening.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Wow....that's really tough! Work your butt off this week, you'll do fine!
    Has he considered getting a job in a fast food place, gas station, grocery store etc? Just something to bring in a little money while he looks for a better job? Some money is better then no money!

    Good luck to you....hang in there!

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    My advice might not apply b/c I don't know if UK collections agencies work like the ones in the US....but you can just let some bills go delinquent & then pay them later (when the collections agency will take a settlement amount.) Yes it hurts your credit but it's a way to put off paying the debt.

    Can you go to a food pantry to get some basics for food? I've been dieting & living off of oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches (it works for weight loss, lol)....Even a small bit of extra food can be a good thing if you're stressed out.

    & Lastly it is a bit to ask but maybe you can borrow a small sum from a relative & pay it back ASAP. It wouldn't hurt to ask.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Cam all you can for sure, but I'm wondering if you can qualify for some government assistance to help out a bit until he can get a paycheck coming in?

    I don't know much about social services assistance in the UK but perhaps some of our UK members can give some info.


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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by Addison Lynne View Post
    Wow....that's really tough! Work your butt off this week, you'll do fine!
    Has he considered getting a job in a fast food place, gas station, grocery store etc? Just something to bring in a little money while he looks for a better job? Some money is better then no money!

    Good luck to you....hang in there!
    I was going to suggest this might be a solution for both of them. Perhaps she could do something like waitress or telemarketing or other jobs like this that will work around her schedule. He could do these jobs too. One job that was often a go to job when I needed money was overnight stocking and this is a possibility for both.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Okay, so I have been in a similar situation. And I will tell you this: work your ass off. You might cry, it might suck, but you can do it. You don't want to fall behind on your bills or live in your car (I've done this before after my dog died and I paid his expensive vet bills!) Streammate is a good site, but if you need money faster I would do some Skype shows and ask them to pay through giftrocket so you can get your funds within a few days or so. Mygirlfund.com has also helped me out when I needed cash that day. Just keep replying to people and transfer the funds once you get $20 in your account---that has saved me many times for food. You're not alone. I know the struggle is very very real and life is sometimes terribly difficult. It's not an easy thing. I used to think that positive thinking would attract wonderful things to me and I would be invincible. What I've learned---life is harsh! It will kick you in the ass if you're not prepared. I'm almost finished paying off my yurt and will be buying land soon---being on the brink of being homeless at one time is a reminder to do what I can to better myself in my life. Plan for everything to go wrong---eventually it will! If you have enough money saved, it will get both of you through.

    Oh, and my car got repossessed this week, so I have to save lots of $$$ AND my boyfriend hasn't started his job yet. So again, I can relate. You can do it. We can do it. It will be okay. Don't just sit there and feel bad. Do your best and that's all you can do. If you want someone to talk to via Skype while you cam I'll be your support. Just message me for my Skype. <3 I know how hard it is. Much love!!!!
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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    BTW you can get paid in cash if you go to "day labor" places & find places to work that pay under the table. They usually have random jobs that pop up & some places pay per day.

    Can you babysit for people too? A lot of people will throw you $40-$80 just to sleep over when they have to leave the kids. It's not that hard, I used to babysit as a teen.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Plus dog sitting and house sitting as well. (and house cleaning!)

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I would communicate with the billing agencies up front to let them know that you're having a rough time this month and to ask for extensions. Be proactive and work out a payment plan with them, or try to just defer the payments that will be due in a few days. Obviously, from their perspective, if someone is simply late on bills with no communication, they have to assume the worst, and their attitudes will reflect that. However, if you're upfront with them, they might cut you a break.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by Addison Lynne View Post
    Wow....that's really tough! Work your butt off this week, you'll do fine!
    Has he considered getting a job in a fast food place, gas station, grocery store etc? Just something to bring in a little money while he looks for a better job? Some money is better then no money!
    This 100%.

    Luna, you shouldn't have to do this alone. I understand all too well working a miserable high stress, long hours job, but he really shouldn't have quit until he had something else lined up. Putting the whole thing on you was unfair and unrealistic.

    But ok, hindsight is 20/20 and what's done is done. If you two are now struggling just to eat and you've been forced to sell everything you own, then it's long past time that he gets off his ass and does something. It's been 2 months now since he earned a paycheck. He needs to man up and hustle for whatever will bring in some cash. Anything is better than nothing. I sincerely doubt that he's spending all day, every day, looking for a job as there are only so many jobs that you can sit around and apply for online. He has time to both look for his ideal job and do something else to make ends meet in the meantime. Not every job requires a full month before he gets paid.

    Now obviously you need to do what you need to do today, but you'll be in an even worse situation a couple of weeks from now if he doesn't start pitching in.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I would communicate with the billing agencies up front to let them know that you're having a rough time this month and to ask for extensions. Be proactive and work out a payment plan with them, or try to just defer the payments that will be due in a few days. Obviously, from their perspective, if someone is simply late on bills with no communication, they have to assume the worst, and their attitudes will reflect that. However, if you're upfront with them, they might cut you a break.
    all of these are great answers. But as a landlord and as a credit or I will tell you that this is the most important one. A tenant falls behind and says nothing we assume they're lying scumbag trying to take our money and make us live without income.

    If they call ahead of time and say hey here's what happened and a plan to solve it ...we will more likely to waive late fees or delay payment or work something out.

    This is why when I talk about rent to own and people who buy houses by paying me off over time the favorite and most important story I tell is a dancer who rent to own the house rebuild on it while she owned it was 6 months away from paying me off and called up to say she had no money one month.

    that phone call. that phone call might well have been the difference between assumed she was trying to skip and filing eviction on her and her losing everything she has invested

    but because she was honest upfront and presented a solution to the problem we were not worried about that month and actually crediting her for it anyway.

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    Veteran Member Luna66's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I want to say thank you so much to everyone who replied! You are all so lovely.

    I haven't been on Stripperweb for a few days as i've been spending so much time working, but thank you everyone for your support and kind messages.

    I worked my ass off, cammed 12 hours a day every day and we managed to pay them all except one! That was the water bill, we called them up a couple of days before it was due and the people were really nice and understanding when we told them what was happening and why we couldn't pay it. We managed to pay it only one day late and they waived the fees. Thanks so much for all your advice to call them in advance, I wouldn't have known to do that if I hadn't read it here and it definitely made a difference with them waiving the late fees.

    I'm not sure about the government assistance/welfare situation because i've never had to use it before, but my bf did go to a couple of food banks last week and they were really helpful! I'd rather not use assistance unless i'm literally becoming homeless because I know it stays on your record and might hinder my credit report, ability to get loans/mortgages in the future etc.

    I absolutely agree that he shouldn't have left his job without something else lined up now, I didn't realise how hard it would be. Like you said Rick, hindsight is 20/20! Where we live there aren't many (if any) independently owned petrol stations, convenience stores, restaurants etc, they're all chains and their recruitment process is just as long-winded as a 9-5 job, I looked. But I did tell him there were things he could do to make money other than working a good job in his field. I used to buy make-up in bulk really cheap online and go to the market in the city centre to sell it. It would cost about £30 a day for the make-up and there was a £20 a day fee for working at the market and I would easily make £200 in a day, often closer to £300. I still have loads of make-up left that I didn't sell back in the day, so I asked if he'd be willing to go to the market and sell it leaving me at home to cam but he said no. I don't understand why and he didn't really explain. It's not like you have to know anything about make-up, there were plenty of men selling make-up and women's clothes, toiletries etc at the market when I worked there and it's not about sales tactics either, it was all teenage girls who would come and buy 2 of everything you had on offer!

    I'm kinda pissed at him because I have worked myself so hard the past week or two, i've lost 8 pounds from the stress and not having time or money to eat, and this is TMI but my pussy is a mess and i'm in a lot of pain from camming and shoving myself full of dildos 12 hours a day and he's not doing anything to contribute. But there's nothing I can do about that really, he's incredibly stubborn.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I'm so happy to hear you were able to pull it off!

    Now for some much needed rest and perhaps contemplating singlehood? Hope he can pull himself out of that rut soon and find a way to contribute, wow.


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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I don't think that's being stubborn.. it's being selfish. VERY selfish at that! He's just sitting at home applying online and not going out to actually earn some money while you work 12 hour days to pay the bills you BOTH have? That's definitely not fair. What's the point of even living with him then? If I were in your situation and my bf was doing that I would tell him to get out and make some money or move out. Harsh but you guys can't afford to be lazy right now and he shouldn't be letting you do all the work.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by pinups4 View Post
    all of these are great answers. But as a landlord and as a credit or I will tell you that this is the most important one. A tenant falls behind and says nothing we assume they're lying scumbag trying to take our money and make us live without income.

    If they call ahead of time and say hey here's what happened and a plan to solve it ...we will more likely to waive late fees or delay payment or work something out.

    This is why when I talk about rent to own and people who buy houses by paying me off over time the favorite and most important story I tell is a dancer who rent to own the house rebuild on it while she owned it was 6 months away from paying me off and called up to say she had no money one month.

    that phone call. that phone call might well have been the difference between assumed she was trying to skip and filing eviction on her and her losing everything she has invested

    but because she was honest upfront and presented a solution to the problem we were not worried about that month and actually crediting her for it anyway.
    Here it is - creditors sometimes can seem high and mighty, but call them even if they seem standoffish. Sometimes the person on the front line is not the boss, so be firm. The real secret to creditors is they are often terrified that they've taken a risk that will go bad. Usually they're methodical people who can't stand to have a bad situation fester. Call them, have a solution, tell them exactly what you'll do, and even though they might not like it, they won't take a further step. Also, realize you are, believe it or not, lucky! Millions of people are in your situation but they have NO income. You have the solution in your hands. As for your guy? One word. Tips. Find a gig with tips.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    it's being selfish. VERY selfish at that! He's just sitting at home applying online and not going out to actually earn some money while you work 12 hour days to pay the bills you BOTH have? That's definitely not fair. What's the point of even living with him then? If I were in your situation and my bf was doing that I would tell him to get out and make some money or move out.
    ^^^ there you go !!!


    I have worked myself so hard the past week or two, i've lost 8 pounds from the stress and not having time or money to eat, and this is TMI but my pussy is a mess and i'm in a lot of pain from camming and shoving myself full of dildos 12 hours a day and he's not doing anything to contribute. But there's nothing I can do about that really, he's incredibly stubborn.
    Actually, there's a lot you could do about that !!!


    so I asked if he'd be willing to go to the market and sell it leaving me at home to cam but he said no. I don't understand why and he didn't really explain.
    this is disturbing ... since it tends to indicate that your bf is comfortable with the idea of 'blowing off' options he could do but doesn't want to do, while at the same time watching you work yourself silly.

    Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way, but ...

    You as a person have only so much energy, so much 'spirit', so much good health, and you get older with each passing day. During this 'crisis' you have given 150% ... with nothing much to show for it except a bruised vag and a case of exhaustion.

    Real relationships have to involve equal partners, making equal contributions and taking equal 'lumps'. Unfortunately, your situation sounds extremely one-sided. Anecdotal history clearly shows that certain dancers / camgirls wind up allowing themselves to be 'used' ( financially if not otherwise ) by so-called bf's ... which may trap them in a vicious cycle of zero personal progress ( financially if not otherwise ). That's a bad enough place to be when you're 20, but a horrible place to be when you're 30.

    Please take the time to sort out whether your guy is partnership or parasite material, before the next 'crisis' arises !!!
    Last edited by Melonie; 03-07-2015 at 03:23 AM.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Oh Luna66, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that- I've been there, and have also struggled with some of the really nasty repercussions of Bi-Polar. Sex work can be a trigger like nothing else, especially in high stress situations.

    I have to disagree with Melonie though- your boyfriend doesn't sound like a free loading selfish asshole at all. He sounds like he really wanted to be able to support you and keep you safe from having to push yourself too much, but then he got burnt out and maybe had a breakdown of his own. He was way overworked and you knew it. You guys made the decision to take the weight off his shoulders together but unfortunately that's not something you were able to follow through with.

    I think the next step is not getting angry that he won't peddle makeup- it's getting out there and doing it yourself. You are the expert in it, and if you made that much money a day it sounds much more profitable than camming. Doing anything besides sex work, any job that doesn't give you anxiety and trigger depression or mania is your next step here.

    I also believe in being able to support yourself. What if instead of quitting, your boyfriend had just gotten very sick? What if he'd broken up with you? People are not reliable. Are you taking medication? Do you have a plan for next time things go wrong? Can you guys cut any expenses, or live somewhere smaller? These are things to think about. You got a taste of how hard he'd been working and didn't like it. The 4hrs of camming just to fund the frills of life is a privilege you can no longer afford. Now you both need to change. That or find someone richer if you want to be a trophy wife.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    OP, I got here kind of late. I've been in your shows. Good for you for fixing it yourself instead of letting things get even worse. That said, your bf could have gotten a min. wage job for two weeks. Even if you worked twelve hours a day to fix this, the money he would have made could have given you a day or two off after this nightmare. I know he's stressed and trying to be supportive, not trying to end your relationship here, but I really feel like he should have tried harder. He could have borrowed money from friends/family, held signs for stores, sold plasma, etc..
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    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post

    Please take the time to sort out whether your guy is partnership or parasite material, before the next 'crisis' arises !!!
    On this one, I agree with Melonie. If you're working 12 hours a day to the point where you're hurting yourself, and he's not even willing to go to the market to sell makeup products, then I would give him an ultimatum to either help out, or get out.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by Luna66 View Post
    I'm kinda pissed at him because I have worked myself so hard the past week or two, i've lost 8 pounds from the stress and not having time or money to eat, and this is TMI but my pussy is a mess and i'm in a lot of pain from camming and shoving myself full of dildos 12 hours a day and he's not doing anything to contribute. But there's nothing I can do about that really, he's incredibly stubborn.
    You should be pissed. Now did he earn a little latitude by what he was doing for you before this? Of course, but it has been 2 1/2 months now and the shit has hit the fan. It is time for him to step up.

    I don't buy, for a second, that he cannot find something else to do until he finds his ideal job. He has ample time on his hands now, so if the more menial jobs require him to jump through some hoops then so be it. The more employment applications he has in the works, the sooner he will get a paycheck from somewhere.

    I'm guessing that the real problem is his pride. He worked a good job before and the thought of doing something menial, like working a cash register, stocking shelves, cleaning dishes, etc., hurts. This is completely understandable as nobody wants to backtrack in life. But if things are so bad that you are losing weight from a lack of food, need to get whatever food you DO eat from foodbanks, and need to stick sex toys into yourself for 12 hours a day just to keep a roof over your heads, then IMHO it is time for him to to stop being so selfish and to swallow his wounded pride. You are suffering and killing yourself to carry his ass as well as your own and it can't last.

    Anyway, good luck as you work through this.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I'm guessing that the real problem is his pride. He worked a good job before and the thought of doing something menial, like working a cash register, stocking shelves, cleaning dishes, etc., hurts. This is completely understandable as nobody wants to backtrack in life. But if things are so bad that you are losing weight from a lack of food, need to get whatever food you DO eat from foodbanks, and need to stick sex toys into yourself for 12 hours a day just to keep a roof over your heads, then IMHO it is time for him to to stop being so selfish and to swallow his wounded pride. You are suffering and killing yourself to carry his ass as well as your own and it can't last.
    This really spoke to me. I had these feelings of hurt pride when I transitioned out of stripping & into real work jobs. BUT reality is hard and sometimes people have to do what they have to do for a while to get where they wanna be.

    I hope it all works out. Kudos for you working your way out of a tight spot. A lot of people call up mom & dad to bum a loan. You didn't do that, and that is awesome...

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    I sympathize with you Luna. Back when I was in university I got in a ridiculous amount of debt. $80,000. The worst part was that 40% of that was credit card debt. Near the end of my program it was a constant fight to make all payments: rent, utilities, cc payments, interest on student loans, gas, car, insurance, food.... A few times I simply considered giving up. Declaring bankruptcy would have cleared my cc debt and it's not like I had any assets they could have taken. Sure, it would have haunted me for some time in terms of available credit, but financially I think it actually made sense. But I just didn't have it in me to renege on my obligations, so I struggled through. And it was one hell of a struggle.

    But the worst part about it? I struggled through solo. You have a boyfriend who I assumes loves you and will look out for you. You have family members willing to pitch in.

    I don't see any info on debt (aside from that 2900 in OD), so you aren't so bad off. Maybe you could move in with your mom short-term until your boyfriend finds a job. I don't think sucking it up and camming straight for that long is the right way to go. I think you need to fix the massive money drain problem.

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    Default Re: I'm absolutely broke and all my bills come out in 4 days.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I'm guessing that the real problem is his pride. He worked a good job before and the thought of doing something menial, like working a cash register, stocking shelves, cleaning dishes, etc., hurts. This is completely understandable as nobody wants to backtrack in life. But if things are so bad that you are losing weight from a lack of food, need to get whatever food you DO eat from foodbanks, and need to stick sex toys into yourself for 12 hours a day just to keep a roof over your heads, then IMHO it is time for him to to stop being so selfish and to swallow his wounded pride. You are suffering and killing yourself to carry his ass as well as your own and it can't last.
    This is a fantastic point, rick. When I quit my corporate job to pursue my actual passion (which required more school), I started looking for a part-time 'menial' job, and at the time, I couldn't take the pride hit to dumb down my resume. I was applying to Whole Foods and similar with a full-blown tech resume, simply because I couldn't stand glossing over my professional experience and dredging up the cashiering experience I accrued during high school. No one called me back, and I don't blame them.

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