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Thread: Living Alone

  1. #1
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Mind Blowing Living Alone

    So I posted in another thread about my boyfriend of almost three years and I splitting up, I've recently signed a lease to a new place and am in the middle of moving into it from my old house that I shared with him. This is the first time I will ever have lived completely alone, no one but myself and my son. I was wondering if you ladies had any tips for moving into a first place or living alone as a female or single mom in general? I'm really excited but nervous at the same time... like what if I screw this up?
    Thankfully I found a private landlord that doesn't mind the fact that my credit isn't the best and my income fluctuates. And I know the part of town I'm living in very well.
    I'm also literally starting from scratch, no furniture or dishes or anything. All I have are my belongings and my sons belongings/his furniture.
    Last edited by SkyeSabrina; 02-24-2015 at 03:37 PM.

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    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Always lock your doors and windows.

    Craigslist can be wonderful for cheap furniture.

    Ross/TJ maxx/Marshalls is awesome for cheap, but still nice, bathroom and kitchen stuff.


    I lived alone for awhile before I got married. While it was kind of lonely, it was nice because I got privacy and the dishes in the sink were always mine. Lol. Maybe think about camming on the side? Then you can log a few hours a week if you get lonely/need money/are awake or bored while the club is closed.

    Maybe also consider getting a pet?


    Good luck!!

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    Moderator PhatGirlDynomite!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Congratulations! Enjoy your new independence. I suggest buying light timers. From the outside it makes it appear that multiple people live in the house if lights are going off and on. I change the time on mine every few days.

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Living as a single woman and even a single mom can be cool as you run the house and call the shots with no partner to consult with first.

    Definitely get some type of inexpensive alarm system set up or at the least those security door blockers that keep others from forcing entry.

    And i second craigslist for inexpensive furniture maybe even Salvation Army store. Or wait till Walmart discounts their home goods.
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    You can secure sliding doors and windows cheaply by putting wood sticks in the track trough....

    I've also learned how to be observant when leaving the house to run errands- is anyone hanging around? Anything out of place?

    Also- shred all your paperwork when you trash it.

    I've noticed neighbors tend to be genuinely interested in looking out for each other- if anyone is going to foil a burglary or attack, it's going to be someone nearby, or someone who can see your property all the time. Be nice to neighbors.

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    It is going to be an uphill learning curve.
    It will be scary at times.
    It will help your self confidence.
    It will be a life lesson that you value later in life.

    Buy and keep a reliable unit of pepper spray.
    +1 for keeping locked up.
    Get a big dog. (Often the bigger the dog, the better they are at being house dogs)
    A security system with a panic button will make you feel much safer.
    If you can swing it, a self defense course for both you and your son.

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    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    ^ All of these are possible except for the pet. I'm not allowed to own animals in the new place
    And I own a can of mace as well as a taser. I was considering buying a gun once I have had time to go out to the range more than a few times.

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Ooof really think about the gun idea. This should be an exciting and fun time in your life, but like everyone is saying be alert. Not sure about the gun idea though? You better be skilled as fuck before you get one of those. Add a self defense class along with that idea. They could get the gun from you and then turn the tables if you know what I mean? Also I know you may be excited but try not to talk about living alone for the first time in public. I tell people that my cousin lives with me and works irregular hours if they get too nosey.


    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeSabrina View Post
    ^ All of these are possible except for the pet. I'm not allowed to own animals in the new place
    And I own a can of mace as well as a taser. I was considering buying a gun once I have had time to go out to the range more than a few times.

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    I always change the locks in a new rental property in case former tenants kept copies of the keys.
    I also like to do a sage clearing, chant, play some spiritual tunes and dance through the house to clear and radiate new energy.

    You could have a recording of a big dog barking on hand to play when someone unexpected comes knocking- or even keep some dog toys/waterbowl in sight of the entry.

    I'm sure you are going to be safe though so don't focus on the security issues only, feel the pleasure of your independence and enjoy!
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    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Definitely consider the gun issue before you commit. In order for a gun to be of use to you, it'd have to be available to you at a moment's notice. And if it's available to you, it'll also be available to your son (not to mention, any intruders).

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Congratulations! Living alone for the first time is a great moment. You get to learn so much about how to take care of yourself, which will give you a lot of confidence.

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    Ooof really think about the gun idea. This should be an exciting and fun time in your life, but like everyone is saying be alert. Not sure about the gun idea though? You better be skilled as fuck before you get one of those. Add a self defense class along with that idea. They could get the gun from you and then turn the tables if you know what I mean? Also I know you may be excited but try not to talk about living alone for the first time in public. I tell people that my cousin lives with me and works irregular hours if they get too nosey.
    I totally agree with the necessity of training if you're going to use a firearm, however, to be honest I have never ever felt so safe as I do when I'm holding a loaded rifle. So I 100% understand your desire to get a gun. I wish I had one at my current place because this neighborhood is fucking awful, but I don't have the necessary secure storage. Oh well.

    Try not to get too caught up in the whole safety rabbit hole, though. It's good to be alert, but don't let yourself become paranoid.

    Anyway, you won't screw it up! You'll do great. When I first lived on my own, I had, like, a coffee cup, a frying pan, a vanity, and some bath towels. You don't need to run out and buy an entire set of furniture Take your time, get a feel for the house, figure out how you use it, and when you realize, "Oh man, I really need a desk/floor-length curtains/area rug for right here," you can go get it. If you want to get anything in a hurry, it'll be stuff like Windex, sponges, a broom, and other cleaning supplies.

    And if you feel really spooked your first night in the new place, that's normal. I remember that every sound I heard, I thought that a homeless man or a crackhead was about to break in. Needless to say that didn't happen to me (and it won't happen to you!).

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    I've lived alone before for 2 years. It's not as scary as people make it out to be. Just don't live in a rough neighborhood. I lived in a really shitty apt. in a rough area of town. I heard gunshots outside on a weekly basis. My car got stolen. I had to be really careful walking alone, especially at night. I carried a knife on me at all times.

    I actually enjoyed living alone, though. I was the queen of my own space. It was awesome. You can decorate your place however the hell you want. Noone can tell you what to do. Enjoy it!

    I also agree with buying furniture on craigslist. I bought a really big, comfy, clean couch for only $40 through craigslist.
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Have big dogs (or at least loud, barking ones). You can even get a recording of barking dogs if you don't want a real one.
    Be observant of people around you... if some guy is watching you walk down the street, don't go back to your house until he's gone.
    I like to leave lights on when I'm not home at night so potential burglars think someone might be home.

    You'll probably find a lot of random things you need that you don't think about regularly, for example a clothes iron, blender, cleaning supplies, etc. Starting a list and then buying 1 or 2 things off it every week when you do your shopping is good, that way you aren't running to Walmart every time you think of something, nor are you dropping several hundred $$ up front on non-everyday necessity stuff.
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    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    UPDATE: Got my keys, am moving my stuff in this weekend. Still have to get the electric on but we're waiting till the last minute to transfer the account. I love it, it's gorgeous.
    I have a male friend staying with me the first week so I don't get lonely or feel scared. He's also bringing me groceries and a baseball bat. ^_^

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Hey as a single mom you probably qualify for a lower rate for utilities charges. Worth checking into...

    eta- you can also use hornet spray the same way as bear mace, if you feel the need to be armed like that. Baseball bats & machetes work too, but in some states machetes are considered illegal weapons (no kidding) so check the laws for all your weapons, make sure you are in the clear. Landlords are not too helpful in cases where you have to use force to defend yourself at an apartment complex...

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Maybe if there is like a neighbourhood watch group (if america has that sorta stuff) let them know you've moved in and are a single parent?

    make sure you get a really good safe if you use them normally (or even not!). Suss the hell out of all your closest neighbours too.

    otherwise incense the hell out of your new place and doing whatever the hell you want!

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    With a young child in the house I would not suggest getting a gun. So many accidents happen and realistically if you have the pepper spray, an alarm system, a taser, and take security measures like locking doors and windows, I don't think a gun will add much safety. It's a shame you can't have pets because there's another better to scare off a burglar than a loud dog.

    I've lived alone a couple times and it was kind of lonely, but with a young son I doubt you will have much time to be bored! I would really try to focus on developing a support network. One of the hardest things for me was simple stuff like electric problems, needing to assemble or move heavy furniture, shower not working, whatever-- landlords are supposed to deal with that crap but sometimes they aren't very persistent, and it can get expensive wasting money on handymen, so having a guy friend who will come over at short notice to help with that kind of thing is great. Also trying to make friends with neighbours to help out as babysitters was really helpful for my mum as a single parent. And reaching out to family and friends-- most people know how much of a struggle it is to take care of a child on your own and if you ask for help you'll get it.

    It's a lot more stressful financially when you're alone as well, not just even because you're not splitting bills anymore, but if something should happen you don't have a partner to pick up the slack. So definitely focus even more on building up your savings.

    Above all, try to be excited. I know from your posts you're leaving an unhealthy relationship, be proud of yourself starting out on your own, it takes guts. xx

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    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Things took a turn for the worst and it snowed (again) yesterday so now I can't move or work (folks in Texas shut everything down when it snows, the clubs become a ghost town in my city). So now I'm freaking out because I can't move anything or work to get grocery money till it thaws, I can't get the electricity turned on either. It's going to be like this all week and I just want to move god dammmmit.
    This has been the worst move I've ever been through and my ex is being a snarky douche the whole time talking about "you should have waited a few months before trying to leave me hahaha" And not to mention I'm stuck in a house with no heating right now, in below freezing weather.
    (Sorry I'm just having a really rough day and have no one to vent to. It feels like no matter how hard I work, things are going to happen that make it impossible to leave him and move on with my life. Sometimes I feel like he is right and I'm just stuck with him, why bother even trying to get away?)

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeSabrina View Post
    It feels like no matter how hard I work, things are going to happen that make it impossible to leave him and move on with my life. Sometimes I feel like he is right and I'm just stuck with him, why bother even trying to get away?)
    ^Even though you are literally stuck with him right now due to the snow, you are not "stuck" with him! As soon as the snow clears and you are in your peaceful, loser-less place you will remember that you deserve to be comfortable, independent and happy. Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time and I hope the weather fines up soon.
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    ^ Nice avatar
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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  39. #21
    Veteran Member SkyeSabrina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Thanks guys. I'm scheduled to move Sunday when the temp hits 50 and things thaw out a bit. Getting the electric transferred that day too. So hopefully by the first everything will be good.

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    I know it's really stressful for you right now, but I'm really happy for you! I'm going to be moving out of state in 2 months, so I'm very impatient and stressed as well. But I wanted to wish you well & hope everything goes well on Sunday! So excited for you! That first night you get settled might feel weird at first, but it's so awesome to embrace change.
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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Quote Originally Posted by SkyeSabrina View Post
    ^ All of these are possible except for the pet. I'm not allowed to own animals in the new place
    And I own a can of mace as well as a taser. I was considering buying a gun once I have had time to go out to the range more than a few times.
    Go on Amazon and search for "burglar deterrent" devices. You'll find one of a loud barking dog, plus a fake tv for when you're not home.

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    OH another security pro-tip if you use a baseball bat for self-defense- keep a catcher's mitt with the baseball bat so NO ONE can argue you used premeditation in hitting him or her with the bat. When the cops get called over something, everyone gets really fishy. Keeping your bat like that prevents anyone from getting ambitious with their statements to cops.

    Re- your ex. Ugh. You need a kindhearted sugar daddy or a quick loan from a relative or friend. I wouldn't go back to your ex though...

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    Default Re: Living Alone

    Hey Skye, how did the move-in go? I hope it went well and that you feel safe and happy in your new house!
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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