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    Default Need advice about my boyfriend

    Me and my boy friend had been talking about camming as a couple for a month or longer. Well he had a stroke last Sunday and was in the hospital for a couple of days. He s out now but he is not able to work because the stroke messed up his eye site. He can still see but he just sees double and has to wear a patch until his eyes straighten back out. Now he has to find another place to live because he was working on a farm and they furnished his house and utilities as part of the job. After asking in another thread about camming as a couple I've decided not to do it. I've got a lot of credit card debt and bills that I am trying to pay off and I need all the income I can get. I told him today that I want to cam by myself without him and he asked if he could watch. I am not really sure what I think about that or if I would be comfortable with him watching?

    I am just not sure if I am even ready for him to move in with me either cause we have only dated for 3 months and we fight all the time. A lot of our fighting has been from not spending enough time together even tho we see each other every day but just late at night because of me working so much and me having to share a car with my daughter( another thing I am trying to save up money for is her a car). We fight about other things tho too. Anytime we try to spend the whole day together, which is not many, we fight the whole time almost. The thought of him moving in freaks me out because I can barely pay the bills with me and my 2 kids (22 & 20). It would be nice and him here to keep me company and help with dishes, cooking cleaning, etc tho. Then on the other hand I really can't afford another person to support. Plus he doesn't own a vehicle so that means I would have to take him back and forth to therapy possibly and if his eye site ever did get straightened out he wouldnt have a car to go back and forth to work. I've been used by a lot of guys that move in and mooch off me and I am sick of. He is talking like he may try for disability. I feel guilty that he had a stroke but I really don't know what to do;-(

    Any of y'all ever let your bf's or husbands sit in the corner and watch? Or would you rather do it with no one watching? What would y'all do in this situation?

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    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Sometimes my husband comes in when I'm doing a gold show and then jump me when its finished. That's fine.

    I wouldn't be okay with him sitting in a corner watching me work. That's just flat out creepy. It would break my concentration and I can think of a million things he can be doing instead of watching me cam. Like do yard work or clean.

    It's been three months, do you feel like your relationship is strong enough to live together? You are the only one who truly knows that answer.





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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    ugh NOOOO. This is a job, not entertainment for someone else who is not even paying you.

    Help him if you can but I would not move him in and would consider breaking it off because really why would you want to be with a man who you fight with constantly? I would tell him it's not working out but you will be there for him until he can get on disability.

    Besides, he will be better off on his own if he gets disability because if he moves in with you I believe they will count your income too.


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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    All your post is a definite NO. NO NO NO.

    I don't let my husband watch as this is my job. I wouldn't want him coming in and watching if I was selling satelitte TV by cold calling in a call centre. It's exactly the same thing.

    You've been together 3 months and fight all the time, when this is the period you should be having sex all the time.

    You shouldn't live together as its been just 3 months...and you fight all the time.

    You do not need a man to live with you to help with housework. Tell your children to help out - I guess they live there with you? As you're sharing a car? They should be doing their share of chores, they aren't babies now.

    He will mooch off you AND get jealous as you "fuck" for other men instead of spending time with him AND won't do his fair share of the chores as he's disabled AND you will fight all the time AND he will resent you spending time with your children AND you will deeply regret it.

    I would never let this man live with me.


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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I completely agree with everything CatBBW has said. Take advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. He sounds incredibly draining and I'm guessing you don't need that in your life.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    From your post it sounds like you already know the right decision, your gut is screaming it at you, but it's hard to make heart & gut agree. Fighting all the time (for whatever reason) only three months into a relationship is a huge red flag. I get that he's having a tough time right now and you want to help him, but helping doesn't have to be letting him move in with you and taking care of him. Helping could be helping him find resources that are already in place for people in his situation, making sure he gets to his appointments (note I didn't say *take him to his appointments*, just ask if he's lined up a ride and if not help him find one through friends, family, or even public transit), making sure he's taking care of himself (but not taking care of him) and spending time with him. Just remember, you're NOT responsible for him or his well-being. I know that's hard to remember when you're involved with someone, but the only person you're responsible for is YOU (and your children to a lesser extent, but they're adults so I'm hoping they're self-reliant or on their way to being such).

    Listen to that instinct, it's never wrong.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Honestly I don't see a reason for him to move in or watch you on cam. Neither of those are helping or going to help anything. You guys already fight all the time its gonna be even worse if he moves in. He doesn't have a job or a car so he won't be contributing anything. I don't like burdens, to me him moving in would be one. I know he had an accident but I def feel like he's trying to use you.

    Another thing is its only been 3 months, you don't even know him that well. I wouldn't want someone that I only knew for 3 months around my kids 24/7. Also like someone else said your kids aren't babies anymore, I def think they should be helping out more. I don't have kids but ain't no way I'd be fighting over a car I bought (I'd tell her to take the bus or ask her where she needs to get dropped off at and what time she needs to be picked up.). If your daughter is 20-22 she can save up for her own car.

    I'm sorry but what is his purpose really besides dick???????? I'd honestly break things off with him and just be single.
    Last edited by Blovely; 03-06-2015 at 04:18 PM.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I also want to point out if your daughters are in their 20's and still living at home (there is nothing wrong with that) they should be helping you. You shouldn't have you boyfriend of three months who is recovering from a stroke to depend on that. You have perfectly good adults with hands at home who can do dishes, laundry, mop, ect.

    Do they work or go to school?





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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    I also want to point out if your daughters are in their 20's and still living at home (there is nothing wrong with that) they should be helping you. You shouldn't have you boyfriend of three months who is recovering from a stroke to depend on that. You have perfectly good adults with hands at home who can do dishes, laundry, mop, ect.

    Do they work or go to school?
    I agree (as I said before)...but it shouldn't matter whether they are at school, or work etc, they are fully grown adults who are capable of doing chores and physically contributing equally to the household.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    I told him today that I want to cam by myself without him and he asked if he could watch. I am not really sure what I think about that or if I would be comfortable with him watching?
    You do, though. You know that it will make you uncomfortable, and that him moving in with you is a terrible idea. I guess you probably feel guilty or like it's unreasonable to deny him or whatever, but honestly, honey, like the other girls have said: you don't owe this guy anything. Not care, not a home, not even an explanation as to why you don't to carry on with him.

    Your instincts are giving you a solid warning, follow them Good luck!


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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Havnt read all the replies, but me and my OH are 'volatile' types and even we were not arguing after 3
    Months, camming adds stress in ways you can't imagine. His predicament is awful, and I understand you wanting to help, but making yourself (and essentially him too) miserable, won't help anyone
    Xxx





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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I would like to point out several things to you, OP. You are asking the wrong questions and focusing on the wrong things.

    Your boyfriend's living situation is not your problem.
    You have been dating for a whole 90 days.
    You have been dating for a whole 90 days, and you already fight all the time.
    It sounds like you are not equipped financially or otherwise to deal with his medical issues.
    You are already supporting two other people.
    You have a history of being taken advantage of.


    What the hell could you possibly be fighting about already? You don't have kids with him and your finances aren't even tied together. This should be the sparkly rainbows phase, and it isn't. This is the part where both of you are on your best behavior in a new relationship. If there are already all of these issues, I assure you they will NOT get better if he moves in. You will regret it within like 24 hours or less. The writing's on the wall and it's so very obvious.
    Do you honestly think it's going to be "nice" to have a grown man moping around your house who can't work, doesn't have a car, and fights with you all the time? Sure, maybe he'll do the dishes or some shit, but I bet he will quickly grow to resent this and will present it as some grand favor he's done for you. Is the possibility of him doing a few chores worth the the trouble and annoyance this man will cause for you? May I ask what precisely you see as positive with this guy? What will he bring to your life? He's already shown you that he won't bring much, even from a distance. Now, somehow, you think it will turn out well to have him in your house and in your face 24/7. What is kind of alarming is that you addressed most of this, then proceeded to ask some irrelevant question about him watching you camming. Spoiler alert: THIS IS A RED FLAG FOR JEALOUS BEHAVIOR. Red flags all up in this. Nopenopenopenope.

    To be blunt; you have a house, and a vagina. If you refuse to supply one or both of those things, see how long he sticks around. If you're sick of being taken advantage of, then do NOT move this man into your house. Period. Also, break up with him immediately.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Just ask yourself, what is he going to provide for you? What purpose is he going to serve by being in your house, and your life?

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    What would y'all do in this situation?
    Dump his ass.

    Tell your daughter to save money to buy her own damn car and start contributing to bills.

    Cam until your bank account balance looks like a phone number.

    Don't feel even a little bit guilty. Everyone in this situation is a grown ass adult. Make 'em act like it.



    And above all, remember: Not your circus. Not your monkeys.



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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    P.S. I'm sure he will guilt you to within an inch of your life if you refuse to move him in or if you dump him (which I devoutly hope you do). Be prepared for this and ready to resist. He is not your problem. He really isn't. You might even feel bad for him, but you will feel much, much worse if you allow him into your house. And that's a promise. Not a "maybe". A guarantee.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I second this ^^ Do the right thing for your own sake!! x x x x x

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    The main thing we fight about is we don't get to see each other because of me working so much and that its always around 8 or 9 when I get to his house because I have to wait for my daughter to get home from work with my car. (hers tore up and its not worth fixing so she is trying to save for another car). My daughter does work and go to college and helps me with gas, pays her cell phone bill, and her part of car insurance tho. We also fight if he doesn't get sex every night. He use to wake me up in the middle of the night raising hell about it. He has gotten better about that though. Idk its like if he doesn't get his way about something, he raises hell about it.

    I guess the main thing that I was thinking is at least I would have someone here so I wouldn't be alone but my main goal is to get out of debt right now no matter what it takes or I have to do. I have over $6000 in credit card debt. I am barely getting by month to month now.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    My advice is that three months is too soon to have his problems be your problems! Take care of yourself and your kids first.... you can save the world another time !

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by KimKlass View Post
    P.S. I'm sure he will guilt you to within an inch of your life if you refuse to move him in or if you dump him (which I devoutly hope you do). Be prepared for this and ready to resist. He is not your problem. He really isn't. You might even feel bad for him, but you will feel much, much worse if you allow him into your house. And that's a promise. Not a "maybe". A guarantee.
    He is already trying to lay a guilt trip on me because he knows that I don't want him moving in with me. He's saying that I am leaving him when he needs me the most and how he doesn't want to be 46 and living with his parents and all that!

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    Featured Member Magical_Hoohah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    What other ladies have said. When you live with someone, even the tiniest things get about 1000 times more irritating. Living together + any form of financial stress can destroy a solid relationship, and once he's there, it's much more difficult to kick him out.

    Beyond that, the process for getting disability is long and painful. Even for a person that most people would agree is disabled, the process can take many months or years before you see a dime. He could be dependent on you for a very long time before you even find out whether or not he's going to get anything.

    What would be the point of him watching you? Camming involves doing a lot of things that most people are shy about doing. Adding in one more element to make you feel weird and uncomfortable will cost you money. What's going to happen when you get customers that want you to do fetishes and things that aren't conventionally sexy? If he's sitting there, and you know he's going to be freaked out by it, you'll probably turn down an otherwise profitable private. There are a lot of very good customers that want to hear about you forcing them to suck your boyfriend's cock. Could he handle listening to that? There are many that want you to beg for their cock. Will he be ok with that? Can he stand to hear you moaning some random dude's name? Will he get irritated listening to you answering the same 6 questions over and over again in free chat? Can he avoid laughing out loud when you have to answer questions about whether you're willing to fart on command? The awesome sexy stuff he thinks he's going to witness actually makes up a pretty small portion of what we do. And even if it is all fun, sexy stuff, how long will it be before he starts pestering you about turning off your cam so you can do ____ to him, too? When you're in bed together, will he be ok if you can't conjure up the same level of sluttiness for him that you do for $$?
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    That sucks..BUT Its not your problem. Everyone has issues and problems of their own. I have a heart and feel for him and his situation, but it is HIS situation to deal with and not yours. Stop focusing on him and his issues and make some money If he needs someone to talk to, tell him to call his mother!

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    We also fight if he doesn't get sex every night. He use to wake me up in the middle of the night raising hell about it. He has gotten better about that though. Idk its like if he doesn't get his way about something, he raises hell about it.
    All of this is also a big fat FUCK NO! To me, that is worth an immediate break up.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    At the end of it all, we can't help you. Only you can help yourself by doing yourself a favour and gettin rid. You don't need this in your life! No woman does. Don't make yourself miserable by staying with him out of pity.

    Also, don't stay with him just for the sake of being with someone. From the sounds of this, you'd be much happier being single.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    The main thing we fight about is we don't get to see each other because of me working so much and that its always around 8 or 9 when I get to his house because I have to wait for my daughter to get home from work with my car. (hers tore up and its not worth fixing so she is trying to save for another car). My daughter does work and go to college and helps me with gas, pays her cell phone bill, and her part of car insurance tho. We also fight if he doesn't get sex every night. He use to wake me up in the middle of the night raising hell about it. He has gotten better about that though. Idk its like if he doesn't get his way about something, he raises hell about it.

    I guess the main thing that I was thinking is at least I would have someone here so I wouldn't be alone but my main goal is to get out of debt right now no matter what it takes or I have to do. I have over $6000 in credit card debt. I am barely getting by month to month now.
    I had a feeling this would get worse the more you typed! Something you should pay particular attention to is the thing where he'd wake you up in the middle of the night and raise hell. This is such a common abuse tactic it's not even remotely funny. It's emotional terrorism. He didn't care if you had to work the next day, or if you were tired. He CHOSE, not to have an adult discussion at a normal hour, but instead to wait until you were peacefully asleep to attack you. This is NOT a characteristic of someone you want to move into your house and your bed. He may have stopped doing it for now so you don't dump him. But don't worry; he'll resume that shit as soon as he moves in.

    Another issue; he gets mad when you can't see him because you're working. What is camming? WORK. Sex work. How do you think THAT will play out with him? I hope I don't need to illustrate this.
    "You spend too much time camming. You don't have a problem fucking yourself for all those guys all night, so why can't you fuck me now?"
    "I'm tired of you spending all that time with other guys, that's why you don't fuck me enough. You're a whore. Can I have $20? Why not? I let you have internet sex with all these guys, so I should get something to make up for it."

    Yet another issue; you don't fucking owe him sex every single night. You don't OWE him SEX AT ALL. You OWE NO ONE SEX, EVER. Expecting you to fuck him every single day is irrational, selfish, and controlling. Particularly when his response to this is a literal toddler-style tantrum.

    And oh, honey, moving him in will not mean you're not alone. You will still be alone in many ways, except that you will have an irate man-child in your face 24/7. Aside from that, being alone is MUCH better than being with someone like this.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I hate even when my husb is home and I'm in my area. He can hear, he can still come in where I am and he has, and he has slammed doors, and doesn't get the fact that I like guys to think I am home alone.. I feel I am more quiet with him around
    and we have been married for 15 yrs!!! i thinks like everyone else, your daughters need to pitch in. When I lived at home (till I was married) I did things when my mom was working, I cooked dinner for my dad before
    I would even think about leaving the house. You have to take care of you and a boyfriend of only 3 months is nothing, especially that you are fighting all the time. I am taking it that you are older (like me) and this is the time
    for yourself. Tell him, that he won't get the disability that he needs living with you. Make sure he knows that it would hurt rather then help, and that you are not leaving but you need to address the issues that ypou have
    with him, address the fighting, why you do it and how you can make it better. Make sure he know how you feel too. It's a 2 way street. I wouldn't want to cam with my husband... this is My thing. Once that patch is on and his eye sight is back to almost normal he will do it.

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