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  1. #51
    Featured Member Magical_Hoohah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Any man who woke me up from my sleep for sex or to fight would be a dead one. Sleep is important restorative necessary for a healthy body & mind. By robbing you of sleep, he is killing you physically & emotionally.
    I'm really glad you said that, Sam. I'm one of those people that just can't function without quite a bit of sleep, and I kind of feel like a psychotic bitch sometimes for being extremely protective of it. When someone messes up my sleep schedule, whether it be my spouse, a loud neighbor, or someone calling me before I'm ready to wake up, I feel like I want to put some kind of death curse on them. (I'm willing to forgive my wonderful furbabies and the Fedex delivery guy, though, lol!)
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  3. #52
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by KimKlass View Post
    This, except it's sort of worst case scenario stuff. All of it is most certainly possible in your future, though. Also, Sam, I'm not sure it's helpful to criticize her quite so harshly right now. She's already down; don't kick her, you know?

    OP, all of us just want to help you. I hope you come back soon to let us know what you're thinking!
    It is the victim mindset she has I can't stand. Abusive relationships never have a happy ending. Yes, I am harsh, many have called me out on it, on this site. Understand why you would, but stand by my words. My words can never be as harsh as the reality of her life right now with this man. The harsh reality of how it effects her daughters is often what it takes to wake some females up for this kind of situation.

    Have often done it with many close girlfriends in the past & how it all affected their children. If needed so, I have called child protective services. These girls are grown. Predators are predators, she is letting one into her home. A man who wakes a female up in the middle of the night because she didn't suck or fuck his dick enough that day is a predator. There are NO pretty words for it. Her daughters even by hearing all his tantrums are victims in this situation. It NEVER EVER ends there does it, it affects them in the long run too.

    My advise is to get a backbone, get over being lonely & to do what is best for herself & daughters. People can't have a better life if they play victim. Known to many females from far worse situations get out of it by refusing to be a victim for a fighter for themselves.

    She doesn't need pity, or for us to feel sorry for her in a situation she created for herself. He is in her ear making her doubt all common sense into believing he is right despite reality. Predators do that to make their victims doubt their own ability to trust their instincts.

    3 months means nothing, wasting a singe day, week, month or year living with this guy is a time lost finding peace, love & happiness. Stop playing victim & letting this predator rule your life.

    She will throw our words in his face in the next fight, he will belittle us all by calling us lazy whores who are good for nothing. Her best option is to send him back home to Momma & block him on social media & phone number. Even then he will get worst before he does leave her alone. This is why she needs online abuse hotlines and phone numbers to figure out how to deal with it best.

    Predators don't go away easily. Especially with younger meat to be served up on the platter within the same home.

    http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ab...buse.htm#signs

    https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11...ut-child-abuse

    http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

    Sexual abuse

    The current research on the relationship between domestic violence and incest shows a 44.5% to 73% overlap, meaning that 44.5% to 73% of incest perpetrators also inflict some degree of abusive behavior on their partner. Nearly all the victims were young daughters or stepdaughters of these men. The sexually abusive domestic batterers in these studies tended to fall within one of two categories. Either they used a low level of physical abuse and an extremely high level of emotional and verbal abuse or they used extremely high levels of both.


    Batterers who are also perpetrators of incest do not primarily desire children as sex partners; they nearly always carry on adult sexual relations with the child’s mother at the same time. Very often these men will continue to victimize the same daughter or daughters for years. Few of these men have mental disorders or significant problems with jobs, friendships or community involvement: they “look” normal. Although these abusers generally prefer daughters, they will molest sons if there are no girls around. They consider themselves entitled to use anyone in their household in any way they choose.

    http://www.yourtango.com/experts/wen...-abuser-expert

    http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/543

    http://www.wikihow.com/Leave-an-Abusive-Relationship

    If you come back, read those links. Find professional help.

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  5. #53
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Magical_Hoohah View Post
    I'm really glad you said that, Sam. I'm one of those people that just can't function without quite a bit of sleep, and I kind of feel like a psychotic bitch sometimes for being extremely protective of it. When someone messes up my sleep schedule, whether it be my spouse, a loud neighbor, or someone calling me before I'm ready to wake up, I feel like I want to put some kind of death curse on them. (I'm willing to forgive my wonderful furbabies and the Fedex delivery guy, though, lol!)
    http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders...lts-sleep-loss

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  7. #54
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    Me and my boy friend had been talking about camming as a couple for a month or longer. Well he had a stroke last Sunday and was in the hospital for a couple of days. He s out now but he is not able to work because the stroke messed up his eye site. He can still see but he just sees double and has to wear a patch until his eyes straighten back out. Now he has to find another place to live because he was working on a farm and they furnished his house and utilities as part of the job. After asking in another thread about camming as a couple I've decided not to do it. I've got a lot of credit card debt and bills that I am trying to pay off and I need all the income I can get. I told him today that I want to cam by myself without him and he asked if he could watch. I am not really sure what I think about that or if I would be comfortable with him watching?

    I am just not sure if I am even ready for him to move in with me either cause we have only dated for 3 months and we fight all the time. A lot of our fighting has been from not spending enough time together even tho we see each other every day but just late at night because of me working so much and me having to share a car with my daughter( another thing I am trying to save up money for is her a car). We fight about other things tho too. Anytime we try to spend the whole day together, which is not many, we fight the whole time almost. The thought of him moving in freaks me out because I can barely pay the bills with me and my 2 kids (22 & 20). It would be nice and him here to keep me company and help with dishes, cooking cleaning, etc tho. Then on the other hand I really can't afford another person to support. Plus he doesn't own a vehicle so that means I would have to take him back and forth to therapy possibly and if his eye site ever did get straightened out he wouldnt have a car to go back and forth to work. I've been used by a lot of guys that move in and mooch off me and I am sick of. He is talking like he may try for disability. I feel guilty that he had a stroke but I really don't know what to do;-(

    Any of y'all ever let your bf's or husbands sit in the corner and watch? Or would you rather do it with no one watching? What would y'all do in this situation?
    You told him that you wouldn't be comfortable with him watching, and THAT was when he asked you if he can watch? *sigh* I wish he'd respect your wishes, and do what makes you comfortable. In this line of work, you do not want to be uncomfortable. In fact, you want to be as comfortable and relaxed as you possibly can be. Plus, you said that you two fight all the time. That would really suck for him to be sitting there watching you (creeping you out), and arguing with you about what you are/aren't doing. I can see something like that happening here.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Oh, wow, I didn't even read the rest until now. From what I've already read, OP, you can definitely do better! This guy sounds incredibly selfish, whiny, and inconsiderate. You've got enough to deal with. You do not need to worry about what he thinks or how he feels about your camming ALONE. Fuck him. You're got bills and expenses, and this fool got the nerve to whine about not getting sex everyday? He can jerk off just like everybody else. And that 'wanting to watch you while you work on cam' nonsense (despite the fact that you've expressed it'd make you uncomfortable) is fucking ridiculous. If this was any other job, I don't think our boyfriends/husbands would be asking to "watch us work." *rolls eyes* I'm sorry, but this guy just sounds like your typical pig. I bet he'd probably even yell at you for not showing your tits to the free chat beggars. Smh. I really think you deserve so much better than this. *HUG*
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  11. #56
    Veteran Member KimKlass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    It is the victim mindset she has I can't stand. Abusive relationships never have a happy ending. Yes, I am harsh, many have called me out on it, on this site. Understand why you would, but stand by my words. My words can never be as harsh as the reality of her life right now with this man. The harsh reality of how it effects her daughters is often what it takes to wake some females up for this kind of situation.

    Have often done it with many close girlfriends in the past & how it all affected their children. If needed so, I have called child protective services. These girls are grown. Predators are predators, she is letting one into her home. A man who wakes a female up in the middle of the night because she didn't suck or fuck his dick enough that day is a predator. There are NO pretty words for it. Her daughters even by hearing all his tantrums are victims in this situation. It NEVER EVER ends there does it, it affects them in the long run too.

    My advise is to get a backbone, get over being lonely & to do what is best for herself & daughters. People can't have a better life if they play victim. Known to many females from far worse situations get out of it by refusing to be a victim for a fighter for themselves.

    She doesn't need pity, or for us to feel sorry for her in a situation she created for herself. He is in her ear making her doubt all common sense into believing he is right despite reality. Predators do that to make their victims doubt their own ability to trust their instincts.

    3 months means nothing, wasting a singe day, week, month or year living with this guy is a time lost finding peace, love & happiness. Stop playing victim & letting this predator rule your life.

    She will throw our words in his face in the next fight, he will belittle us all by calling us lazy whores who are good for nothing. Her best option is to send him back home to Momma & block him on social media & phone number. Even then he will get worst before he does leave her alone. This is why she needs online abuse hotlines and phone numbers to figure out how to deal with it best.

    Predators don't go away easily. Especially with younger meat to be served up on the platter within the same home.

    http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ab...buse.htm#signs

    https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11...ut-child-abuse

    http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

    Sexual abuse

    The current research on the relationship between domestic violence and incest shows a 44.5% to 73% overlap, meaning that 44.5% to 73% of incest perpetrators also inflict some degree of abusive behavior on their partner. Nearly all the victims were young daughters or stepdaughters of these men. The sexually abusive domestic batterers in these studies tended to fall within one of two categories. Either they used a low level of physical abuse and an extremely high level of emotional and verbal abuse or they used extremely high levels of both.


    Batterers who are also perpetrators of incest do not primarily desire children as sex partners; they nearly always carry on adult sexual relations with the child’s mother at the same time. Very often these men will continue to victimize the same daughter or daughters for years. Few of these men have mental disorders or significant problems with jobs, friendships or community involvement: they “look” normal. Although these abusers generally prefer daughters, they will molest sons if there are no girls around. They consider themselves entitled to use anyone in their household in any way they choose.

    http://www.yourtango.com/experts/wen...-abuser-expert

    http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/543

    http://www.wikihow.com/Leave-an-Abusive-Relationship

    If you come back, read those links. Find professional help.
    Don't get me wrong, Sam, I completely agreed with everything you had said. I was only suggesting that she wasn't quite ready for that tone and that it might turn her away, that's all. I want her to hear us out and absorb what we're saying; not feel attacked (which I don't know that she does). No need to explain your bluntness haha that's one reason I usually like your comments! Good, stand by your words, you should. Because they are true. I just have a different delivery style than you do

    Like, yes, she will have to get over being a victim and get over being lonely if it means she will immerse herself and her daughters in crap situations. Agreed. But that's like ... step 2, in my opinion. I feel like first she has to learn a bit about what all of this stuff means; like WHY it's a problem, or WHAT is a problem, and what to watch out for. The light bulbs need to click on. And she has some time to learn in her case since he's not an immediate threat because he isn't in the house yet (and hopefully never). To me it's like expecting her to skip a step. She likely has very little foundation for understanding WHY she needs to get over the victim thing. She won't find her "Fuck this, I'm doing me" mindset until she understands abuse better. Again, all my opinion. I may be off-base.

    BTW, that really was a great comment you just made. And I damn sure hope she throws our words in his face!
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by audritwo View Post
    I wouldn't be okay with him sitting in a corner watching me work. That's just flat out creepy. It would break my concentration and I can think of a million things he can be doing instead of watching me cam. Like do yard work or clean.
    That.
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    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    How much do you want to bet that within a few months of moving in he will get creepy & start hitting on your daughters when you are not home?

    Then flip it around, call you a Whore & cause you don't fuck him enough. He does NOT respect you, thinks females are put on earth to service his sexual needs. Your daughters will NOT be off limits in his mind.

    You are willing to throw them under the bus because you dont want to be lonely. I feel bad for you daughters.

    Do you already defend him to them? Tell them to be nice? Never understood people who sacrifice their kids even if they are adults to abusive people, much less move them in.

    Oh, that's right you are lonely & he doesn't want to look like a loser living off his Mom so he rather live off of theirs.

    All that screaming & fighting in the middle of the night also wakes them up. But it is okay, he loves you & wants to be with you all the time.

    His own personal little harem of 3 females to cater to his every temper tantrum. All okay, cause he will do the dishes & throw a load in the dryer. Even if you are broke hiring a made would be cheaper.

    There are many men out there who have jobs & wash dishes, know how to get whites brighter & even iron them.

    Why is your being lonely more important than a peaceful, safe home for your daughters? OR finding a guy without those problems? To keep from being lonely you rather be his personal sex slave, potentially turn your daughters into his sex slaves?
    I think Sam38g nailed it. I know it's probably difficult to hear or think about, but...THESE DUDES AIN'T LOYAL! He's not a real man. He's sitting on his ass, mooching off you, arguing with you about dumb shit, bitching about not getting enough sex (you're working your ass off, and taking care of everyone)...and he's surrounded by women all the time. This is a recipe for disaster. You may think that you'll be lonely, but it's better to be lonely than to suffer through a relationship like this. Better to get out of this situation before things really get ugly.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by pebbles45112000 View Post
    He is already trying to lay a guilt trip on me because he knows that I don't want him moving in with me. He's saying that I am leaving him when he needs me the most and how he doesn't want to be 46 and living with his parents and all that!
    He just had a stroke, I think in that case living with his parents for a little while isn't such a terrible thing, it's understandable. It would be worse to move in with a gf of only 3 months who is obviously uncomfortable with it.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Hi Pebbles..
    I hope you take the advice on here..especially Kim K. & Sam..
    & especially as you've said this has happened before..
    I also come from a place of abuse, many times. I have had my sleep disturbed also, that is extremely bad for anyone. Your mind needs to rest, your body heals itself then, as someone said.
    I want to say, from my own experience, this is far worse than is know really. I can't explain that exactly but I know. I also had a mild stroke.
    Recently, I cut off all communication w/a 'friend' of many yrs., I should say a person whose bullshit I took, let abuse me, & kindly helped for many yrs w/barely a thank you.
    I had many, many signs, some obvious & not so, that I chose to ignore. Keep in mind that this (for several yrs. @ least) was communication by phone..yes it was that bad. It still affects me to this day, but I'm getting better.
    Don't do this, ok?
    Again, as was said, I think you know in your heart it's not the right thing for you to do.
    I commend you for trying to better yourself & get out of debt.
    Take care, keep updating please. Thank you.


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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Here is your life if you go through with this: He's going to move in, expect you to pay for everything and take care of him and suck his little cock whenever he wants it and continue to throw a FIT if you don't. He's immediately going to start crying "But I had a stroke. I'm in pain. I'm tired. I'm dizzy. I can't stand up long enough to do the dishes/clean/help with anything." He's going to hassle you about camming and try to tell you that you should be working constantly or what you should be doing to make more or start shaming you for the things you do in your shows. He's going to ask for money and take your car regardless of what you need to get done. He's going to "get depressed" and get mad when there's not enough money for him to participate in whatever stupid bullshit hobbies he wants to pick up to distract himself from the fact that he's a 46 year old man with nothing to show for his life.
    So, I mean... if that's what you want out of life, by all means, let him move in. Otherwise. Break up with him and stop returning his calls.

    Side note: Anyone who throws a fit about not getting sex whenever they want it needs to get kicked to the curb asap. You aren't obligated to fuck anyone ever. You're supposed to be their girlfriend, not their personal on-call prostitute.
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Use the stroke as a reason you guys should not be together. Not, as in no, not now not later and stand firm. Tell him all the fighting probably set it off and you wouldn't want to be responsible if it happened again, or worse. You don't need this guy.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    This is a fucked up situation that will not change/will get worse. I'm sorry to say but you seem like a habitual victim, which in this case, you're the only bad guy to yourself. You've been in similar situations before, you're even enabling your own adult children... I mean come on, you already did your job when they were children....My mom would let be be homeless asking for change from an empty coffee cup before she even thinks about donating to my adult ass bills. And now you're letting this half a century old, broke, unemployed, fuck face who lives with his parents and feel entitled to your home and sex dictate your life? Don't let the stroke be an excuse for him. I know plenty of people who have medical problems who aren't fucking losers. If this is the case, why not take EVERYONE who had a stroke into your home and pay their way. ...You put way too many people before yourself.

    And let me also add that abusers take their time on their victims. 3 months is just the beginning. If a strange man walked up to you and punched you in the face gave you a broken nose, you would immediately call the cops and show disgusts towards him, right? If a strange man walked up to you, talked to you, got to know you, "loved" you, slept with you and THEN punched you in the face and broke your nose, would you think the same? Or would you make 1001 excuses for him, try to over look his deal breaking qualities and take a few more hits before you realize it's wrong?? His manipulation and abuse will only get worst. His life sucks, he's down on his self for being a loser in life- more reason to direct his anger towards a target- YOU.


    I applaud everyone elses reply as they were DEAD on.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Mare View Post
    Use the stroke as a reason you guys should not be together. Not, as in no, not now not later and stand firm. Tell him all the fighting probably set it off and you wouldn't want to be responsible if it happened again, or worse. You don't need this guy.
    Great idea. Which is true. Setting him free from all the stress & arguing in order to prevent another stroke. You work all the time & can't take proper care of him.

    Do NOT hook your wagon to a man with no future. He has no savings, no retirement, no car & plenty of medical problems. There is no company that will ever hire him. He has NO ability to pull in an income for the rest of his life. He is unemployable. Double vision also cuts out any online self starter jobs. No physical labor. He has no prospects. How can any female be attracted to a man like that enough to fuck him?

    Cut ties and run.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Hey OP. I really hope you're still around and reading all this great advice. As someone who has been through the mill with abusers, I have this to say.

    I IMPLORE you, down on my knees, please do not take this man in. You have no idea just how hellish life can become at the hands of one of these people (abusers). I know it might seem hard at first, but that guilt goes away, I promise. Get out of debt, get yourself sorted and happy and THEN make a decision as to who you want for a man.

    You will only be able to net someone decent when you yourself are in the right frame of mind and are empowered. Making relationship decisions while compromised in any way will end up damaging you more than you realize.

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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    As Oprah would say:
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    well, when you know better you do better, so you need to know better bb......wtf are you doing taking care of a GROWN ASS MAN, stroke or not! ESPECIALLY when you have your own kids/house/BILLS/CAR to pay?! let him go apply for disability and make it do what it do cuz apparently you're able to make do with what you have.
    he's basically another bill and a headache on top of it. really? bitching cuz you don't suck or ride his dick enough? and you work? speaking as someone who has gone through all of this and then some, i can now say i wish i would!
    do yourself and your daughters a favor and hire yourself a maid since your only bright side is him helping out around the house. less stress, less bullshit, and everyone's a winner. best of luck to you bb

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  34. #68
    God/dess anonymous camgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    God damn I LOVE YOU SAM!... FOREVER AND ALWAYS.. SIGNED YOUR 42 YR OLD CAM GIRLFRIEND! ..LOL All the advice you give I know but in case I forget you are right there to instill it back in me ..

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Great idea. Which is true. Setting him free from all the stress & arguing in order to prevent another stroke. You work all the time & can't take proper care of him.

    Do NOT hook your wagon to a man with no future. He has no savings, no retirement, no car & plenty of medical problems. There is no company that will ever hire him. He has NO ability to pull in an income for the rest of his life. He is unemployable. Double vision also cuts out any online self starter jobs. No physical labor. He has no prospects. How can any female be attracted to a man like that enough to fuck him?

    Cut ties and run.

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  36. #69
    God/dess SimoneGray's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I'm curious as to what has developed here, if anything. OP, are you all good?

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  38. #70
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Wow. Just wow.

    OP, PLEASE FOR FUCK'S SAKE, take Sam's advice here. RUN!!!!!

    Sometimes a girl's heart is so big, that it gets beaten and bruised too easily. PROTECT that big heart of yours. DO NOT let this idiot continue to be in your life!!!!!

    There are approx. 3.5 BILLION males on this planet. Is this the one you really want to be with? Really think about that.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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  40. #71
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I hope, Pebbles that you are away from this horrible person..please, if you're offended by anything said, it's only b/c they're trying to give you the straight facts as they are, to help you.
    Edit: There was a similar thread awhile bk..this one person reeeeaallly 'came down hard' in her advice. As it turns out, she later shared she lost two close friends..to very extreme abusive circumstances. Like the kinda stuff you read in horrible true crime stories/or 'Dateline NBC'..
    I'm kinda glad to see this thread revived..I need to read this stuff too.


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  42. #72
    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    This is, you're even enabling your own adult children... I mean come on, you already did your job when they were children....My mom would let be be homeless asking for change from an empty coffee cup before she even thinks about donating to my adult ass bills.
    She's not exactly enabling her adult daughters (especially since the OP says they work and study). Also, this whole phenomenon of kicking the kids out once they're 18 is almost an exclusively American thing: most countries around the world don't do that. If your mom was an asshole (because she sounds like she was, really), it doesn't mean ALL mothers have to be that way.





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  44. #73
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I agree!.. I don't understand kicking your kids out at 18 either!.. My 24 yr old son stays at home and he contributed by going to college full time and saving his college money for us both to benefit through real estate investing. That's how he helps me. And I am BEGGING my 18 yr old to come home when he starts college or whatever. cuz he is living at his dads right now and I am sure they wanna kick him out now that he is 18 and graduating High School in May.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    She's not exactly enabling her adult daughters (especially since the OP says they work and study). Also, this whole phenomenon of kicking the kids out once they're 18 is almost an exclusively American thing: most countries around the world don't do that. If your mom was an asshole (because she sounds like she was, really), it doesn't mean ALL mothers have to be that way.

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  46. #74
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    More than likely she moved him in and we all know. In case, she comes back & reads any of this PLEASE find local agencies & plan an out strategy.

  47. #75
    Veteran Member KimKlass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice about my boyfriend

    I think the same, Sam. Predictable. Hopefully when she sees things play out exactly like we said she will snap out of it.
    Follow me on Twitter @KimKlassMFC
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