Results 1 to 20 of 20

Thread: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

  1. #1
    Veteran Member hf487's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    729
    Thanks
    2,256
    Thanked 704 Times in 265 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    So like the title says, my boyfriend has a bad temper and isnegative a lot of the time. It's driving me nuts and sucking the life out of me, I grew up in an unhappy home so to me this is just unexceptable. But I'm living in it. We just signed a 5 yr rental lease on a home and 2 of his 3 Boys live with us, so me leaving the relationship won't only effect us. The lease is also pretty expensive so how will we figure out what's fair if I go? He can't afford the lifestyle we've built together n the last 5 yrs alone. But then again we aren't married. we actually just signed this lease about 4 months ago so it makes matters even worse.I'm no longer attracted to him mostly because of his temper and bad attitude but I'm just so stuck. We have accumulated a lot together and there would b a major guilt trip if/when we break up. Part of this is my fault. I was very much so for the move and long term lease, so now I'm kicking myself. Urghhh dk what to do im pretty unhappy and find myself fantasizing about being alone. Anywho vent over. Anyone dealt with this? I'm not married but sure feels it with how difficult it would be for me to leave Since we split everything 50/50
    They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?"
    She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

  2. #2
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    57
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 72 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Did you both sign the lease or was your boyfriend the only one who signed the lease?

  3. #3
    Veteran Member hf487's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    729
    Thanks
    2,256
    Thanked 704 Times in 265 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    He was the only one who signed
    They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?"
    She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

  4. #4
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Crossfingers Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Not a legal expert, but all leases are breakable?

    Not exactly the same sitch, but close..please read this, thank you.

    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...t-my-boyfriend


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  5. #5
    Veteran Member hf487's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    729
    Thanks
    2,256
    Thanked 704 Times in 265 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Thanks so much I'm going to read over this now, ya I think it's over I just want out now like hop on a flight tomorrow now, is that irrational seeing as we live with his boys? Idk I tend to think irrationally sometimes.
    They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?"
    She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

  6. #6
    Senior Member skripper's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    198
    Thanks
    465
    Thanked 294 Times in 122 Posts
    My Mood
    Tired

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    As much guilt or loyalty you feel I think your ultimate happiness is what's important. It's not fair to stay with someone you're no longer interested in either. Things will just keep getting worse. If I were you, I'd make alternative arrangements and get out of there before it goes any further.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to skripper For This Useful Post:


  8. #7
    God/dess Zofia's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Durham, North Carolina
    Posts
    2,417
    Thanks
    2,964
    Thanked 2,371 Times in 935 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    If you are not signed on the lease, then no legal obligation to the landlord. If you live in a common law marriage jurisdiction, you need to see a family lawyer about your rights to leave him and his rights to support, if any. In general though, since you are not on the lease, and you two are not married, and don't have children together, the breakup is just about $. A family lawyer can probably answer your questions.

    Z

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Zofia For This Useful Post:


  10. #8
    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Omicron Persei 8
    Posts
    4,508
    Thanks
    12,529
    Thanked 13,934 Times in 3,720 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Your happiness needs to come first. If you're not on the lease, leave. As far as possessions go, not sure what the laws are in your state, but check into that. A friend of mine just went through a breakup of a similar sort though, and when she tried to keep expensive items he had bought, he had to show credit card receipts to prove he had purchased it (and was then allowed to keep the TV/entertainment system in question). May be a similar situation for you, so gather any proof like that in case you need to take anything to court.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

  11. #9
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,028 Times in 13,271 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Quote Originally Posted by hf487 View Post
    Thanks so much I'm going to read over this now, ya I think it's over I just want out now like hop on a flight tomorrow now, is that irrational seeing as we live with his boys? Idk I tend to think irrationally sometimes.
    No, it's not. I know you care about the boys, but please take care of yourself, & it seems your are. Thank you.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  12. #10
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    If you two were married and/or those were your kids, that would be one thing. But neither is the case. You have the right to build a life of your own. I'm guessing that he's somewhat older than you, at least if his 3 kids to your none is any indication. I could be wrong, but even if I am, you still have the right to pursue your own path. You are miserable, yet you are not married and his kids are not your responsibility. I don't really think there is more to it than that.

    Now the common law marriage issue was mentioned, but in all honestly I doubt this will come into play. There are only 9 states that still recognize them and among the requirements for recognition are that you have been presenting yourselves as married to other parties and that you are on bills, insurance policies, bank accounts, etc., jointly. It doesn't hurt to speak with a lawyer to discuss all of the issues that could arise in a departure, but the hurdles are pretty high for a cohabitation situation to be considered a common law marriage. I suspect that your guilt and emotional drawbacks will weigh in far more heavily than any legal requirements.

    In terms of your guilt, I hate to sound mercenary here, but he and his kids are not your responsibility to support. You have to take care of yourself here. Remember, he is doing this to himself with his temper and bad attitude. I understand that you were part of the reason that he signed the lease, but you can't allow that to make you a prisoner. Leases can be broken and the landlord is not likely to go too far in pursuing it if he is just going to be trying to get blood from a stone. Your BF is just going to have to find a cheaper place to live.

    In terms of the "stuff" that you've accumulated, that's a more difficult issue. In an ideal world, you could sit down like adults and divvy everything up, but that doesn't sound possible here. I have been where you are 3 times and, since I was making more money than them in each instance, I let them have most of the stuff, but I don't know if that is practical or feasible for you. Worst case scenario, if you need some of that stuff and don't think that he will be reasonable, then you just move out when he is not home and take (1) what you need; and (2) anything else of sentimental or other value that is clearly yours. After all, most stuff, like cookware, furniture, electronics, etc., can be replaced.

    I know this sucks, but IMHO you would be doing the right thing by ending it if you are so miserable. This will eventually allow you both to move on to better circumstances.

    Good luck!

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  14. #11
    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Miami/ Ft. Lauderdale
    Posts
    3,337
    Thanks
    4,235
    Thanked 3,664 Times in 1,451 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheerful

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Sorry about your situation. It IS true that your happiness comes first but also, negative people are TOXIC as hell and he is going to suck the life out of you as well as hold you back from your full potential and growth as a person. Get out now! It's like ripping off a Band-Aid. Just do it.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Gia2608 For This Useful Post:


  16. #12
    Veteran Member hf487's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    729
    Thanks
    2,256
    Thanked 704 Times in 265 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Thank you guys so so much i really appreciate all of the advice!!!
    He is older than me, by about 13 years for those who were curious. Im actually not concerned with the
    "things" we have gotten together as long as i have my everyday items and my cam equiptment/clothes etc. Im good. Its more so the guilt of it all..... And my puppy he's only 5 months old. We also just got him together... Urghhh how do u split up animals that is so tough....... Idk he does suck the life outta me tho at times and then calls me "miserable" im like how am i supposed to NOT be??? I dont think he sees the effect he has on ppl around him with his negativity.... I saw the signs early on and his temper but ignored it. I came to the conclusion last night that he is who he is, Now either i become "OK" with that or i leave because he is not changing..... he really isnt.... We have talked about his bad attitude and temper for years and claims he has gotten "better" well maybe its just not good enough because although he has improved it is still very upsetting to me.... Wow.... i HATE i am in this position
    They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?"
    She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to hf487 For This Useful Post:


  18. #13
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    HF, don't you deserve the same chance to live a full life that he has had? If I am reading my timelines right, you two got together when you were in your early 20s and he was already in his mid-30s. You were at the beginning of your adulthood, while he was already well along, with 3 children and I'm guessing at least one failed marriage. Now maybe it would still all be worth it if he made you happy, but should you be miserable and miss out on all of the opportunities that lie ahead of you? It's not your fault that things have fallen apart for him on so many fronts and it's not your responsibility to suffer for the rest of your life to pay for his mistakes.

    You are still young enough to build your life the way you want it, but you also don't have forever. Adult work, mothering years, etc., all have a limited lifespan. If you want to take advantage of all that you can do before it's too late, then IMHO you need to pull the trigger soon. If you wait too long, you could find that this miserable guy has taken all of the best years of your life, along with all of your earnings, and left you with nothing to show for any of it.

    Now as someone who has been through plenty of breakups over the years, I'll guarantee that it's going to hurt for a while, probably a lot. The guilt and loneliness will suck and will take time to go away. The worst one for me involved a GF with two little girls, one of whom already wanted to call me Daddy. That one fucked me up for a solid year as far as dating was concerned. But eventually I healed and so will you. Today I have a beautiful family with three children that I love more than life itself, none of which would have happened if I had let guilt hold me in bad situations.

    I will stop typing long winded posts now, but good luck as you work through all of this.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 03-16-2015 at 11:00 AM.

  19. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  20. #14
    Senior Member salzsieder67's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2014
    Location
    New England (at the moment)
    Posts
    176
    Thanks
    176
    Thanked 220 Times in 106 Posts
    My Mood
    Brooding

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Rick is absolutely right. Another thing to think about is when the adults are miserable in their relationship the children suffer just as much. You are not doing them any favours by sticking around and being miserable, and feeling trapped. Kids pick-up on that stuff.

  21. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to salzsieder67 For This Useful Post:


  22. #15
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    5,067
    Thanks
    6,589
    Thanked 26,854 Times in 4,529 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Nickie Minaj "Selfish People live longer."
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0ByH_zWUls

  23. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sam38g For This Useful Post:


  24. #16
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    You aren't married so I see no reason to stick together if you are miserable. Why aren't you on the lease? His kids aren't your responsibility and you shouldn't consider them at all.

  25. #17
    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Look behind you....
    Posts
    3,406
    Thanks
    5,155
    Thanked 4,132 Times in 1,638 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Have only read OPS comment but here goes...

    1) He cant afford the lifestyle you've been living for the last 5 years without you ie. He is dependent on you (if not totally then at least to some extent).

    2) You are no longer attracted to him, look, this can ebb and flow in relationships but there has to be a desire to reconnect... Do you feel that desire inside OP?

    You don't have to 'fuck him over' but you can gracefully plan an exit and I would recommend speaking to someone (counsellor or such) who can offer practical and kind advice to help you extricate yourself and not get burned yourself.

    Keep in mind though, they are just physical possessions- your own emotional and mental health is what counts and sometimes its the simpler choice to just cut ties. Others have spoken of legal side of things, is there a clause in the lease or tenancies act which allows you to cancel? dissolution of a long term relationship may be one... best of luck to you and I hope that this helps.

    ETA: Salzsieder is right. My sister and I picked up on our parents wanting to divorce 2 years before it happened She was 6 and I was 10 when we figured it out. Sometimes the best example we can give to children is how to end messy situations with as much love and respect (for ourselves and others) as possible.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




  26. The Following User Says Thank You to Flickdreams For This Useful Post:


  27. #18
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    57
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 72 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    Quote Originally Posted by hf487 View Post
    Idk he does suck the life outta me tho at times and then calls me "miserable" im like how am i supposed to NOT be??? I dont think he sees the effect he has on ppl around him with his negativity.... I saw the signs early on and his temper but ignored it. I came to the conclusion last night that he is who he is, Now either i become "OK" with that or i leave because he is not changing..... he really isnt.... We have talked about his bad attitude and temper for years and claims he has gotten "better" well maybe its just not good enough because although he has improved it is still very upsetting to me.... Wow.... i HATE i am in this position
    Have you ever considered that your exit from this toxic relationship might be just what your boyfriend needs to re-evaluate how he treats others who love him and decide to change for the better?

  28. #19
    Veteran Member hf487's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    729
    Thanks
    2,256
    Thanked 704 Times in 265 Posts
    My Mood
    Inspired

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    You guys really are some of the smartest ppl, I'm lucky to have this as an outlet because I can't talk to my family about this (I know they want me out of this relationship and closer to home ) and my best friend is sick of heari NH and has a really busy life of her own to deal with. As much as I think I should start the process I almost feel as if I'm being lazy with putting my feelings on hold and staying for wrong reasons for example I really like our new home. It's bs I know. The good thing is, I'm going home on April 2nd for a whole week to be with family and clear my head so that is something to look forward to. Thank u all really, it warms my heart that u all would take the time to respond. I know I want better right now I'm just existing, most days I am unhappy and have to talk myself into being happy and being grateful. I think I put on a good front but deep down I want an effortless relationship (I know there will always be struggle) I want affection and attraction and someone who just loves me. Most of all tho I want to be alone so I can do the things I want without someone else in my ear who thinks they know whats best for me.
    They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do ya do?"
    She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

  29. The Following User Says Thank You to hf487 For This Useful Post:


  30. #20
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: boyfriends negativity driving me nuts, just signed a 5 yr lease :(

    My neighbors are going through an ugly breakup & part of the "ugly" is fighting over getting the woman's name off the house note. In other words...don't make any more long term contracts with Boyfriend after this point. It's for your own protection...

Similar Threads

  1. Boyfriend is driving me nuts!
    By cherriebomb in forum Other Work
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 02-17-2011, 06:37 AM
  2. I'm driving myself nuts
    By Lena in forum Body Business
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-11-2007, 02:56 AM
  3. Fire Alarm Driving me Nuts!
    By Cally in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-08-2005, 12:26 AM
  4. Excuse me BUT ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!
    By ToriBaltimore in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 06-05-2004, 10:30 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •