I've been out of (consistent) work and mostly dependent on family for a few years now because of legal issues. Now that those issues have been resolved and I'm able to work again, I have to find friends/family who will let me crash on their couch in another city while I get back on my feet. Thankfully, a girl I used to live with and her boyfriend, who I've known almost as long, fit the bill perfectly.
Everything seemed to be coming along perfectly. We were all excited about seeing each other again after spending so long just Skyping, calling, and texting. Our personalities mix wonderfully. We can maturely talk through any issues we have. Perhaps best of all, they live very near to a couple of clubs that I can comfortably walk to during the day and take a cheap cab home after my shifts. All the "amenities" I need, like laundry and specific shopping outlets are in close proximity. Even before we started discussing specific dynamics of roommating, we were totally on the same wavelength about everything: everyone pays equal portions of the rent/bills, everyone is responsible for helping with groceries, all consumables that won't be contaminated by sharing are communal, etc.
Then, a couple of days ago while more seriously discussing specific rules/expectations, A (the girlfriend) tells me "no partners at the house." I tried asking "you mean like boyfriends?" However, she logged off before answering. I assumed she just meant overnight guests in general and told my FWB in the next city that we would have to get a hotel room when he came to see me. We were peeved about it, since we'll already have to get a hotel room when I visit him, but it wasn't a big deal. It's their name on the lease and I'm grateful enough to deal with one rule that I don't particularly like.
I was willing to respect that until today.
A finally got back to me with "yeah, but girls are cool." Um, what the fuck? I tried asking her what the difference between dudes and chicks is, but she told me to ask C (the boyfriend) about it because "he explains rules better." Now I'm stuck waiting another day or two to hear back from him, and I'm going to spend that whole time pissed off and stewing about it.
This would not be a big deal, except that there will be one or two other girls living with us and every female in the household is bi/pan or lesbian. Despite being pan myself, I've been exercising mostly hetero behavior the last few years. Why the hell should their female partners or girlfriends get preferential treatment, while I'm forced to spend money going outside the home if I have a male partner, if we're all on the hook for equal portions of the rent/bills/food?
I've talked to a couple of people about it and am getting conflicting feedback. Non-mutual friends (I'm not gonna create drama by talking to people who know them about it) are telling me to suck it up because it's their place so it's their rules, and find something else if I don't like it. My family is equally as outraged as I am because, if we're all paying equal amounts, we should all get equal treatment. This is really the best arrangement I can find and I DON'T want to have to take the moral high ground by spending time finding another mediocre place.
The best idea I can come up with is that I need to demand some amount of leeway or modification on this "rule" that is clearly a double standard. The two that come to mind are that the rule should apply to BOTH genders, or I should get to "deduct" the cost of a hotel room from my portion of the rent since I'll only have to get one about once a month.
What do you guys think?



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. If not, it might be a good idea to look for another place to stay when it's an option.






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