The title pretty much sums it up.
Since my dad is gone, I'm the only family she has close by and is leaning on my pretty heavily for support. Not that I mind that so much but... For example, I have a cold. I've made that cold worse by going into work for the past 3 days. My mom texted me this morning and asked if I'm working today, to which I responded that I'm not sure, because I feel awful. She told me that I need to see my doctor because I'm sick all the time. WTF... I have a cold. People get those and it's normal. The last time I was sick was when I had the flu a couple weeks after my dad died. Getting sick during cold and flu season... Not a big shocker. There always has to be something wrong with me.
She's also really judgemental. This sounds horrible and I'd never bring this up to her but she was really nasty to Pops right before he died. He had the flu and she was giving him shit about faking it for attention and that "feeling good is a decision." The man was dying of multiple organ failure and he'd had congestive heart failure for 10 years. His ejection fraction was 18. He was scheduled to go to Mayo clinic for an LVAD in a few days. He's going to feel like shit and no amount of deciding not to is going to change that.
She also saw something about emotional eating on Dr Oz and decided that he was an emotional eater, constantly complaining about it and giving him shit for it. He was on a LOT of medication that made him feel awful. Now that he's gone, her friend is now the emotional eater. She's done this for decades. She once saw something on Oprah about kids being "allergic" to milk, sugar and eggs, decided that it pertained to my brother and started screwing with his diet, until that phase passed and she was on some other kick.
She's also incredibly self absorbed. I didn't handle cancer as well as she thought I should, so she left in a snit. Before she left, she whined about not liking the weather in Seattle and that her knee hurt. She actually said to me "Don't you want me to feel good?" Bitch, I want to survive a potentially fatal illness and you're more concerned about your fucking knee being sore? She also threw me out of the house because I wasn't working enough for her satisfaction. It was the middle of the summer slow season and, in order not to lose money, I was picky about the shifts I worked. But, she thought that I was being lazy, so she threatened to throw my cats out in coyote country if I wasn't out of the house in an hour. I took a swing at her for that one. There I was, loading my stuff into the car, crying my eyes out and she's laughing and acting like nothing's wrong. I called her on it later and told me that it was time for me to get my own place, because they wanted yo use my room for a media room. I was homeless and living in a shitty motel for three weeks, because she wanted a media room right this minute.
Now, if I bring any of this up, she will swear up and down that she didn't do anything wrong and it's everybody elses fault. She always has an excuse and, if she gets cornered, she'll hang up, stop responding to texts or leave the room.
At this point, I don't really know why I still have anything to do with her besides the fact that she's my mother and I love her. I feel like I have to be there for her, partly because she's alone now and partly because Pops would want me to. It just wears on me and I don't know how to cope with it anymore.



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