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Thread: Female Friend of Boyfriend

  1. #1
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Female Friend of Boyfriend

    So my boyfriend and I are rife with problems. Let me let you in on one:

    He has this female friend from work who he does things with, and documents them with pictures on his Facebook. Totally fine in a relationship. People are allowed to have friends. This girl is aware that we are together however and never asks if he wants to bring me anything. Thanksgiving dinner at her house, not invited. Easter dinner at her house, not invited. Dinner out of town, not invited. Whiskey bar crawl out of town, not invited. The holiday dinners are the only two of those things that he has actually gone to. They've done other stuff together with usually other people around. The only thing I know of them doing just the two of them was playing magic the gathering at a store with a bunch of other dudes then dinner after (just to give some background).

    So when he told me the other day that he was invited to her house for Easter dinner (I had to work during this so even if I was invited I couldn't have gone) I asked why she never invites me to anything. The answer was basically I don't know. Fine.

    So today he tells me that she invited him to dinner out of town Saturday and he didn't want to go. Fine. I asked if I was invited. He said he didn't ask. So I said the answer was no then. He said (this is all through text btw) "You know it's perfectly alright for me to have friends you know. You have friends..." So I says "Don't take me wrong. I don't have a problem with you having friends it just bugs me that she never invites me to anything. It's not your fault". He says "That solves that." I was like "Well I hope."

    I felt the need to elaborate so I told him that I never really got the vibe that she liked me much anyway (she doesn't fucking invite me anywhere) and that if he wanted me to do things with them I'm sure he'd invite me (I'm sure he would). I'm sure he took this in a negative way. Do I expect him to invite me? No. Will I be disappointed if he never does? Yes. Will I be pissed at him? I would hope not. Did I get a chance to say all this to him yet to clarify? No. He is now "fucking disgusted with the conversation" and says I should leave him alone for the time being.

    Am I crazy or is he just a dick? And what's up with this bitch? Everyone's different but holiday meals? Don't you normally ask if someone wants to bring their significant other?

    She is single.

    Blast me with your opinions please and thank you.
    Last edited by Juliette25; 04-08-2015 at 05:00 PM.


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  3. #2
    Senior Member Money_Worshipper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    I don't need guy friends so I expect my boyfriend to not need friends that are girls. When it comes to love, I'm all or nothing. You can have male friends but you can't have female friends. Enough said
    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain."

    "Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

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  5. #3
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    ^^Interesting take thank you.


  6. #4
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Oh by the way. We are fucking swingers I've watched him with other women with no problem.

    Just to give you a little more context.


  7. #5
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Also he gets pissed about guys that talk to me on my facebook that don't even live here. And I don't remember the last time I did anything with a guy friend.


  8. #6
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    the fact that he gets pissed that you TALK to other guys ( not even hanging out) that's a huge red flag. its another red flag that he was so defensive that he had to say he was "disgusted" with the conversation. i mean really? so yes, i absolutely think he's being a dick.


  9. #7
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Agreed with simone. It doesn't sound like you were being overly accusatory toward him about it, so his extreme defensiveness seems way out of proportion. I would never be able to make a definitive judgment call just off an anonymous post on the internet, but the fact that he gets so mad about you talking to other men, yet gets overly pissed and shuts you out when you simply try to discuss his female friend is a big disconnect and red flag.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  11. #8
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    I also think it's pretty inappropriate to invite someone to a holiday meal and not include an invite to their SO. A one-on-one, friendly dinner, fine, SO's don't need to butt in everywhere. But holiday celebrations...? That's just common manners. I would feel slighted and disrespected too.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  13. #9
    Veteran Member HoolaTwister's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    He's being a total dick and the girl is being a dick as well. Really disrespectful.

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  15. #10
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    I'm all for my husband having his own friends and same with me. We do though include each other on some group activities, but it's okay to go out separately. I couldn't imagine being excluded from outings. I'm sorry OP. It's disrespectful too not to include you, his SO, on special occasions.





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  17. #11
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Thanks guys. I'm pissed. Not looking forward to the conversation that I'm sure is ahead of me. He's so irrational.


  18. #12
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Having friends is one thing, everyone should have friends of either sex. Frankly not having any friends of the opposite sex would be a red flag. But that particular friend is pretty rude, and holidays should be spent with either your girlfriend or your family, not a friend.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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  20. #13
    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    You have every right to be pissed off, that girl sounds like a rude bitch! Why wouldn't she invite you? It's common courtesy to not only you, but to your boyfriend. If I'm friends with a guy in a relationship, I make it a point to include his girlfriend in everything and get to know them as a couple. You are a big part of his life, so if she wants him in her life, she needs to include you. If she knows you're a swinger, thus not the jealous type, she shouldn't have any problem having you around. It sounds like she doesn't like you and wants your man all to herself, which is selfish and disrespectful of her. I would casually pop up around her one day, even just passing by, and say hi to her. Be really friendly, and if she acts rude to you, then you have a reason to make your boyfriend choose. As someone else said, a man doesn't need female friends, especially one that's rude to his girlfriend.

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  22. #14
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Well I stood up for myself and we're broken up? I guess? Would not be the first time. He is insisting that I was trying to make him feel bad for having friends and I refuse to give into that or apologize for anything.

    Oh and get this! Well into the conversation after I had been standing my ground HE SAID THAT SHE ACTUALLY HAS INVITED ME TO STUFF. SO THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING WAS HIS FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
    Last edited by Juliette25; 04-09-2015 at 09:48 AM.


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  24. #15
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    If it wouldn't be such a huge waste of time I'd post screenshots of the conversation to show how ridiculous he is.


  25. #16
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Wow, so basically she was inviting you to stuff and he just never passed along the invitation because he didn't want you there? That's even more shady than him just not standing up for you when she disrespects you - which is still inappropriate. If he's willing to break up because you asking why you're never invited anywhere with a particular person, especially to holiday things, apparently = you making him "feel bad" for having friends, he sounds like a completely shady, immature douche. Seems like he's overly defensive about his time with another woman that he doesn't want his girlfriend to "interrupt." My most recent ex had similar issues regarding his ex-gf, and it was bullshit. And I've seen a couple other open-relationship couples break up because of one of them starting to "date" someone else and getting pissy over having their primary partner "disrupt" their time with the new, exciting person. Good riddance.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  27. #17
    Banned zeke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Quote Originally Posted by Juliette25 View Post
    Am I crazy or is he just a dick?
    Hes a dick.

  28. #18
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    No shit man. And he was trying to bring other issues into the conversation while continuing to say that I was out to "make him feel bad". I'm not playing that fucking game. We can talk about other issues but I refuse to entertain a conversation where you not only NOT own up to your own wrongdoing but try to say that I've done wrong while bringing other, already WELL gone over issues into it.


  29. #19
    Senior Member culitos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    ^ I've noticed that guys who try to make their gf think that she's crazy are usually doing something behind her back. Fuck him, he's a scumbag. You don't need that negativity in your life.

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  31. #20
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    He was using guilt to make you feel bad which is NOT talking issues out especially as a swinger's couple. What I do suggest is you go out on the town, go have fun. Take selfies with every cute girl & cute guy & post it on FB. Have the time of your life.

    This is what I do when I travel. I get all dressed up. Go to an expensive & great steak house, sit at the bar. I order a glass of wine & a salad to keep the bill under $30. Before I'm done with my salad a nice gentleman will be paying the bill & ordering me another glass or 3 of wine & a nice juicy steak.

    Soon he will be a distant memory.

    Sam

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  33. #21
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    Thank you Sam

    I'm trying to stay strong! I'm getting past the yay me feeling and toward the woe is me. I know I'm much better off without him though.


  34. #22
    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    You are way better off without him! He sounds immature, sneaky and manipulative. Fuck him, it's good he told you that so now you know what a loser he really is. Tell him he can have the other girl and they can both be losers together.

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  36. #23
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    The reason he didn't invite you is because he wants her more than he is willing to admit. He wants to be in a relationship with her. Cause if he attends every holiday at her place & such, BUT she may just consider him JUST A FRIEND. He wants out of the friend zone, he can't openly flirt, desire her in front of you. Open relationship or NOT!

    How can it be an open relationship if he was jealous of men on your facebook account? So he wanted his cake & eat it too.

    If you don't have friends to do things with, join a few classes from groupon for painting & wine classes, go to a movie by yourself, go to happy hour at a local place, try new places to eat, go to the gym & hop on a machine next to the cutest girl or guy.

    Don't sit at home and dwell. Go have fun, you deserve it.

    Sam


  37. #24
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    He fed me some bullshit that having her friendship helped him to be in a relationship with me because im a single mom and have to work so much and can't be with him all the time. It's an "outlet" for him. And how dare I try to make him feel guilty for something that makes it easier for him to put up with the things he has to put up with to be my boyfriend.


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  39. #25
    God/dess Juliette25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Female Friend of Boyfriend

    He also tried to bring up guy friends that I have that I've slept with in the past, but I haven't hung out with those guys nor have they invited me a million fucking places without inviting him (or without me making it seem as though they haven't invited him as we all know was actually the case in this situation).


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