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Thread: Stress!

  1. #1
    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Duh Stress!

    So I haven't danced in almost 2 months due to severe burn out, but my desire to move ASAP is quickly overtaking my desire to not get groped on by nasty dudes all night. The longer we stay with my in laws, the more I can't stand it. They're good people and I really do appreciate them letting us stay here, but it's almost been a year and I just can't do it anymore.

    In an effort to phase out of dancing for good I've started an amazon/ebay business--mostly going to thrift stores and outlets and buying things I can resell for a profit. I've also started making jewelry to sell on etsy but that shop isn't live yet. I've been working my ASS OFF from home whilst also taking care of my toddler all day while my husband works his 12 hour a day job...I've maxed out my credit card on goods and supplies/shipping, etc and have had to dip into my savings to pay bills. I still have enough saved to move though.

    I'm beginning to see a small profit from my online business but it's slow...It's clear now that I'm going to have to dance until things take off. Soon I'll be taking care of the kid all day, working from home every spare minute I can, AND dancing on weekends.

    Meanwhile my husband---after a year----has not saved a dime. He's been working 12 hour days for....I don't know what? He doesn't make enough for us to live on. He pays the internet bill and his credit card bills. He usually buys diapers and sometimes groceries. His parents pay his insurance and phone bill. I bought him a new phone when his old one broke because he couldn't afford it. He orders pizza and fast food at least 2 times a week, buys video games. He used to pay a couple of my bills for me but then 'couldn't afford to' so I pay 100% of my own bills and help him out when he's broke.

    Yet I still have several thousand in savings and a small passive income coming in every day from investing.

    When you observe these facts, you would assume that I'm the more financially stable one right? That I should be making the financial decisions for the family.

    So when I told him we'd actually be better off if he just quit his job---that can't support his family---and helped me with my online business, took care of the kid so I can dance more, we'd actually have a lot more $$$$ in the bank and more coming in every day.

    But according to him, he has "a steady job that he isn't giving up" and that "we can't rely on my income" because I've taken a few weeks off dancing. And what I done during my "break"? Built 3 businesses up from scratch.

    I told him that I'm ready to move NOW. I have the money, so why wait? I need my own space. I feel like I have no privacy here...I can't even work out of the garage without being questioned. I have my father in law doing bathroom checks every day to make sure I cleaned it. I have my mother in law overriding my parenting decisions and getting into my business. Basically I'm tired of being treated like a child....but as long as we're living like children under someone elses roof, what can I expect? It's clear we just need to MOVE.

    He freaked out and said he's not ready. We got into a big fight about it and haven't talked about it in days. I said I'm moving with him or without him. I can't keep putting my life on hold to make him comfortable. I am so stressed out that my hair is thinning out and I've started chain smoking (I've never smoked before other than the occasional cigarette.) I've lost 7lbs in two weeks.

    I love my husband very much. He's a good person and a wonderful father, but I think this might be the beginning of the end. I'm planning to save another grand over the next couple weeks and I'm out as soon as I find an apartment. He can come if he wants.

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  3. #2
    Veteran Member HoolaTwister's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stress!

    You definitely need to move out, that's not a healthy environment for you and how much longer are you going to be able to take it? Your husband sound kind of immature and he probably sees nothing wrong with staying at his parents because it suits him and he's only thinking of himself. F that. He's a husband and a father! He should do everything to better your little families situation, be a man and not waste money on stuff like video games.

    And kudos to you for being such a hard worker and ambitious, you're gonna make it!
    With or without him

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  5. #3
    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stress!

    thanks lady! that actually brought tears to my eyes. I feel like no one sees how hard I work, or they don't care. His mom just says I should cook for him more and try to be a better wife because "he works so hard". (?!?) I'll cook when I get my own kitchen...in my own house, and I'm not hustling my ass off every minute of the day to make ends meet.

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  7. #4
    God/dess ScarletKitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stress!

    Oh man, I feel ya. It's good that you have some money saved up though. You are a very ambitious, smart, hard-working, and strong woman. You deserve to have your own space and be happy in your life. I know you love your husband, but he doesn't seem to care about saving for the future. I hope he can come to his senses soon. He needs to realize that the living situation is just not working out for you guys anymore. And his parents always looking over your shoulder & criticizing you? UGH! That would get on my nerves. You have alot of patience, but obviously you are at your breaking point. I am so sorry you're so stressed out. Losing your hair over stress is never a good sign.

    I'm proud of you for starting up your own business(es) online. That is really impressive, and I hope it can sustain you. I haven't worked at the club in a long time either, but I need to go back as well, because my funds have completely run out. I don't want to go back, but like you said, the desire to GTFO of my living situation is becoming greater than my desire to not be in the club. So, I can relate so much to you in this!!! Maybe try working at a new club?

    I hope you can find a place to move into soon! Stay strong! Love to you babe! *hugs*

    Here's to us & improving our lives soon!!!
    Last edited by ScarletKitten; 04-14-2015 at 12:37 PM.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Featured Member wednesday86's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stress!

    Thank you Beautiful! I broke down in tears last night from all the stress and we finally had a -long- conversation about it. He basically said he doesn't feel like he can do any better than his job, and that he's afraid to think about the future.

    I have come to realize that this man is just not a leader. Great father, lover, great emotional support (usually), hard worker and good at following orders--but he just isn't the kind of person that's going to lead our family, so I guess I'm in the "man's role."

    I told him that I'm still moving but I'll give it to the end of May and hopefully he'll be ready by then. If not, oh well. The kid and I are still moving. I already have friends there I've talked to ready to help out and babysit if I need to work at the clubs down there. I have another friend helping me apartment search. I know that's where I'm supposed to be.

    Honestly I think once we move he'll follow, but we will see. If this marriage doesn't work out I'm getting a RICH sugar daddy on the side and living by myself!

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    Default Re: Stress!

    Kudos to the independence! You sound like a strong woman. I sympathize a little with your husband. I don't think men like to seem vulnerable and instead of being honest they make themselves look worse by doing things like refusing to move or quit his job. I used to fight with my boyfriend about him going back to school and working towards a career that could help support a family and I kept thinking how lazy and immature he was. Then one day he said he was scared he would fail and was too embarrassed to tell me. Well now he's back in school and doing what he should be doing because I pretty much gave him an ultimatum as well. I think your husband will follow you. Maybe just be supportive emotionally and he'll be more confident about himself and the future. But if he doesn't then oh well, you will clearly be okay either way!

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    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stress!

    Oh god, is your husband my boyfriend? They sound exactly the same! Men!

    I think what it comes down to is that you need to make the best decision for you and your child. And that looks like it's going to be moving out and supporting yourself. You have a proven track record of having good ideas money-wise and bringing them to fruition. Your husband, while he may be an excellent person, lacks that. So I think you're making a good choice here, good for you!

    Also, I totally sympathize with you on the spot you're in. I realized that my boyfriend will never be the one to lead the way financially when/if we get married. I'll never be able to stay home with kids, I'll always need to be working to take care of us. He has a solid career and a good salary, but like, his dad manages his bank accounts and he has NO drive whatsoever to advance in his field. He's just not money-minded and IMO that kind of naivety can be deadly.

    It's kind of isolating to feel all that weight on your shoulders.

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