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Thread: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

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    Default Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I remember finding out santa clause was not real about age 9 or 10. I happened to land upon my christmas presents 'hidden' in my parent's room and written in my parents handwriting. So I put two and two together and realized santa was not real. I don't think I was terribly distraught about it.

    How old are most kids when they realize santa clause, tooth fairy, etc. is not real?

    Do they discover this or do you tell them? Did your parents just tell you or did you find out?

    Is this considered lying to kids?
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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I found out when I was 5 years old because my grandpa had brought a doll and told my uncle to act like it was from santa but also from him lol. My kid is 5 shes too smart for her own good anyway but I think she knows but plays along I just kept believing in make believe I knew there was no santa but I liked the concept.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    My parents always asked me directly what I wanted for Christmas. We never had a Christmas tree, my presents weren't wrapped, we did not prepare chocolate chip cookies and milk for santa claus, we didn't celebrate, my parents didn't tell me stories.

    I don't remember how old I was when I received a sparkly and colorful book as a gift. There was a really pretty shiny tiny bag that came with it, with a story about the tooth fairy. Later on, I had a tooth that came off by itself without having to go to the dentist so I decided to put the tooth in the little bag. My parents didn't know about it and I slept with the little bag under my pillow all night and would wake up several times in the middle of the night hoping to find something... When I woke up in the morning the tooth was still in the little bag and it wasn't replaced by anything else. I was so sad lol, I didn't understand why it worked for every kids besides me, I thought tooth fairy didn't like me.

    I would tell my kids about these mythical creatures if I ever become a parent. I don't think letting kids believe about santa claus and the tooth fairy is necessarily lying to them, I didn't have a great childhood but I think it must be so magical believing elves, santa, dragons, ect. exist as a child...

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    i was never made to believe in santa, and i never told my child either..i've always been upfront and honest with him about things. and yes i would consider it lying to a child..some of them are genuinely heart broken when they find out. plus i'm not letting some fat guy in a red suit take all the credit for all the gifts i buy! lol

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I would love to have them have that magic about santa clause. Maybe they will look at movies about christmas differently if they think that there is no santa...

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    My parents used to go all out with the Santa stuff. We wrote letters to Santa, footprints on the floor in soot coming and going to the fireplace, milk and cookies. I know they did it because Christmas is supposed to be fun and magical and wondrous for kids. I knew Santa wasn't real by the time I was 7. I accidentally found our gifts unwrapped in a closet, but still I pretended to believe for my little sister and I know our older sister pretended for us.

    Yes, it's lying, but it's a little white lie. Kind of like when someone you care about asks if you like their haircut and it doesn't look that good, but you still say "Wow, you look so good", because you care about them and you want them to be happy. It's never good to lie, but this is different.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I don't see anything wrong with letting our children have a little magic in their lives for as long as possible. Christmas is really special for my kids and the whole Santa Claus thing is a big part of it. They write letters to Santa, watch Christmas specials featuring Santa, and ask a lot of questions that we can't really answer, lol. They also leave milk and cookies out for "Santa" and giggle when they see the remains on the table in the morning.

    I think my 8 year old is starting to wise up to it now, but she's playing along as she is still happy about getting the presents and what her parents are doing for her. I believe that the discovery is most distressing for a child when it happens prematurely due to some stupid and selfish action of a parent.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I think around 8 or 9 is the average age. I was 8 and I figured it out myself when I began seeing wrapped Christmas gifts around the house before Christmas. My parents admitted it to me when they realized I had figured it out. It's not lying, it's just a way to maintain Christmas traditions for young children and give them something to look forward to.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    My mom is a huge fan of Santa and wanted my brother and I to believe in Santa as long as possible. I learned how to read pretty young, and recognized my parent's hand writing on the packages. My grandmother's did the same thing, and I recognized their individual hand writing, too. Combined with other kids at school saying that Santa isn't real and it's just our parents pretending, I put the evidence together and realized that there probably isn't a Santa, or at least not any more. Combine that with advertisements for toy drives for less fortunate kids that my family participated in, I had to wonder why Santa didn't bring toys to poor kids?

    I was probably in 1st or 2nd grade when it dawned on me that Santa was a fantasy.

    I don't think my parents lying to me about fantasy characters did any damage to me. I have a scientific brain and have always asked a lot of questions about things, so I figured it out on my own.

    I think some kids, who are very taken with fantasy, can be damaged by this kind of "lying." My mom remembers herself going into a pretty deep depression when her parents told her that there was no Santa. She felt betrayed by her family because she fell in love with the idea of this benevolent spirit who looked after children.

    I guess it just depends on the child as to how they are going to respond.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I resently told my boys that I was Santa ages 8 & 10 & my ex got mad at me for doing so. I thought it was about time to let them know.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    i didn't really care that much. so it happened in the 2nd or 3rd grade in school

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I was 9 and I was very upset. I had just recieved a pottery wheel on christmas morning and was taking it out of the box and commented on how heavy it was and my dad replied "Yeah it was heavy to wrap too." To which I gave him a stunned look and said "But this was my present from Santa..." Oh man I cried and cried, I was pissed about getting lied too. But my parents explained to me that I needed to be a big girl, put on a happy face, and keep that shit to myself as the oldest of me, my sister, and 5 cousins in the family that we were seeing later that day. I deduced that the tooth fairy, easter bunny, etc were all not real as well, and joined in the grown up style fun by writing letters and eating cookies for my little sister for a couple years afterwards. When I have kids and they find out, I'm just going to use it as an opportunity to explain the difference between a white lie and a bad lie. And also inform them that people lie all the time...this is about that age when they need to start learning about the media and fact checking, so I think using Santa as a segue could make good use of a key uncomfortable but inevitable moment of childhood.
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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    My mother had very beautiful and handwriting. There was always one present from Santa, that sure looked like it was in Mom's hand writing. I still remember her laughing when she knew I figured it out, great moment.

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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    I was 7, almost 8, when I finally realized and accepted that Santa wasn't real. I had my doubts, but then I read the "note from Santa" my mom wrote where she didn't disguise her handwriting at all! I thought wtf does she think I'm dumb? After that I just knew the toothfairy and easter bunny were also make-believe.

    I think it's best to let kids find out on their own unless I guess if they're getting to an age where you feel they should know. I feel like if a kid is young and believes in all that stuff, let them have their magic and believe what they want. Chances are when they find out the truth they'll eventually get over it like we all do.
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    Default Re: Lying To Kids Or Nah?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tourdefranzia View Post
    Combine that with advertisements for toy drives for less fortunate kids that my family participated in, I had to wonder why Santa didn't bring toys to poor kids?
    Maybe I'm a terrible person but I laughed really hard at this.

    On topic though, my brother and I never believed. I also don't remember any kids at school or teachers talking about Santa either.

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