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Thread: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

  1. #1
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    I needed to get this off my chest and I'm sure there are instances like these for other girls as well. Tonight was one of my worst nights ever. Of my entire career. And it wasn't even THAT terrible money wise. I was sitting with this customer chatting and drinking for about a half hour tonight before my stage show tonight, and before I was up I had asked him if he would like to go for dances when my show was done. He replied yes. With the most creepy and fucked up remark that I have ever heard in my life. He said that "Of course I'd love to go for a dance with you, you're the type of girl I'd like to rape every day of my life."

    I was floored and like WTF for about 20 seconds. And my song came on and I pointed my finger at him and just said "No. No. That is not an ok thing for you to say to someone under any context."

    To which he replied "I mean with consent, obviously."

    "Well, rape is the definition of a lack of consent you fucking moron! What the hell is wrong with you?"

    And I just walked away and did my stage show. This ruuuuiiiiined my mood for the entire night. I was already having one of those days where I didn't feel like working (the indian food had the night before was not really agreeing with my tummy) and this fucker just completely depleted my quota for customer bullshit for the night. I knew I should have left right after this happened and I mentioned it to manager and they didn't throw him out. I'm so pissed still. I should have decked him in the head with my wine glass, fuck my job, this shit is NOT ok to get away with. I have another club I sometimes work at on the weekends because it has more of a party crowd (my regular bar is mostly business types and good during the week), and I took all my stuff and I kind of just feel like taking a break from this club. I feel very strongly about consent being a huge part of what makes up a happy and healthy dancer and rape jokes/comments are the antithesis to that and I think they should be unacceptable even in this environment. It just made me feel so violated that someone would think it is even ok to say that to me. Complete lack of respect for me as a human being. I'm sure I'm not the only one that has experiences assholes like this though. Fucking men, eh?
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    That's horrible, some men boggle my mind. Maybe he did it on purpose to try and rattle you? Imo rape jokes are never acceptable as they just try to normalise the issue of embodied violence and disrespect for the autonomy of the person they are committing the crime against.

    I usually try to forget nasty comments but this one I remember as it was gross and disgusting. This old man I was talking to and trying to get a dance off said he'd rather someone a lot lot younger and for the prices of the dances at my club he could have three of them at once and do a lot more than "just" a lapdance. Previously we were talking about his frequent trips to S.E Asia and he was kind of saying in around about way that they were sex tourism trips. Him stating that he wanted someone a lot lot younger meant he would rather teenagers/children (as I was barely 21 and look about 18 at the time). :S I said he was disgusting pervert and tried so hard not to get too angry while cussing him out.

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    Senior Member SammiMinasu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    I am so sorry that happened to you... Rape in general is an uncomfortable topic because it's a realistic concern, ESPECIALLY in our industry. I've had a boyfriend joke about rape and it made me not want to have sex with him for a bit.

    The worst thing I've had was when I was finishing the 1st/starting the 2nd dance for a guy, he started talking about how he called me a "dirty slut," "fucking bitch," wanted to "fuck (my) little 19-year-old pussy" and "(he) could just rip (me) in half with (his) dick." THEN he tried to finger me. Dance ended. He paid almost triple for it.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    Jesus … I think the answer is clear to the question of 'What the hell is wrong w/ these ppl'

    You're absolutely right OP, NOTHING abt that is ok, regardless of his reasons for saying such things -- genuine rape-fantasy type, or just trying to rattle you, or just phenomenally stupid. I will applaud you for showing more restraint than I would have tho, I think when I got done w/ him he'd be choking teeth.

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    I've heard crap like this so often in this business it doesn't even phase me anymore. I'd say that 90% of the time, the customer is just stupid and is trying to show you how badass he is by saying crap of this nature. When guys say stuff like this, I turn it around on them and repeat back to them what they just said but in a more external way so he understands what I just heard him say. In this case, I'd reply with something like:

    "So, is committing violent acts against women a hobby of yours or just a fantasy?"

    Most of the time the customer is just a moron trying to appear to be a bad boy and will fall all over himself to apologize. If he is truly a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath he'll own it and you know to avoid that guy from now on.

    Keep in mind that most of what people say is not really what they mean. Customers lie constantly in conversations with dancers. Customers look down on dancers as being beneath them in a social system that devalues sex workers, and will say all kinds of crazy shit they'd never say to you if he met you at a cocktail party.

    The key is to not internalize these comments. I remember when I was a new dancer, I used to really take things personally and it would ruin my day (or month) and I'd have nightmares about the encounter with some dumbass customer. I had to learn how to change my thinking to focus on the fact that the customer being a jerk has absolutely nothing to do with me, that I am in control when I am at work, and I can turn down anyone for dances/drinks/VIP if I so choose to.

    Remember:

    • You are in control of the situation.
    • No amount of money is worth your peace of mind.
    • Resist the social norms of being polite. If you feel aghast at something a customer did or said, speak up. You won't get fired for protecting yourself (and protecting your mental health is very important in this business).

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    Accidents happen, like an ice cold drink in their lap.

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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    This didn't bother me but I found it funny. Cali guys love me. So I dance with the one and I get his friend later. We go back and he says" you're a really beautiful girl but you look horrible in this lighting, you need to tell your managers to change it"! The black light does make you look a little creepy but leave to a cali guy who thinks he's the hottest thing to say that.

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    Veteran Member domina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    A former middle-school teacher who liked my schoolgirl outfit (i don't wear it anymore). He asked me to call him "Mr. Johnson" (not his real last name), the way his former students used to. He said he knew that they were only 12-14 so "nothing ever happened," but he "knew" that "they wanted it."

    I wasn't even really thinking about it at the time because i was barely paying attention and I just wanted his money, but the more i thought about it afterwards, the more it freaked me out.

    *shudders*

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    We were chatting about people being glued to their phones... "Yeah my niece got caught sexting, but as far as I know she's still a virgin". A few minutes later... "You look just like my niece." My friend goes on stage. "That girl looks just like you, are you sisters? You both have the same body type as my niece."

    I finally cut his bs and ask for a dance and he goes "Can you pretend to be my niece?" I was shocked and a little freaked out, and he definitely knew it.
    I had to recover in the back from that one.

    Don't know why I just remembered that incident... I hope I wasn't secretly repressing it for some reason.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    One really creepy ugly old oilfield guy basically said to me that all the newfound wealth people of the oil field here would be eating food scraps and living like 3rd world beggars after the oil boom was over. I didn't say anything back to him b/c 1) it was surprising a working class-appearing guy would say something so mean about a group he probably belonged to for a long time and 2) I was able to play dumb & pretend I didn't get what he said.

    After all these years of seeing and hearing weird things in the club, my rule is - don't get mad b/c people like that are saying those things EXACTLY to get you upset. Why don't these people go up to bouncers and start talking shit? Because they know there are consequences if they bully/annoy someone who is authorized to throw them out the door onto the sidewalk.

    Oh runner up obnoxious remark- I met a guy whose family sells a luxury product to the owners of the company my dad works for- the guy didn't believe that I had association with that family b/c they are crazy rich (like rich since the Civil War rich.) Classic "this bitch in this dump is just a bitch in a dump" attitude. I actually got drunk while dealing wit this dude & had to catch a ride home to avoid getting a DUI (I made the guy buy me a bunch of drinks to make up for his ignorant-assed remarks.)

    TL ; DR Strips clubs are a Fantasy Land where you need not take things said seriously.

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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    I was talking to a customer about books and he asked me what I was reading lately. I gave him a brief summary and said it's very sad, the girl had a rough life trajectory, was raped ect. The customer replies WERE YOU RAPED?! I said no but thought that was a very inappropriate question. He replies oh good, but are you sure it never happened to you? Were you abused too? I'm glad because you're a great girl, I wouldn't want that to happen to you. Not too long after...Are you sure you were never abused?!

    What the hell, I did not go through sexual abuse in my childhood but that is not a question you ask a stranger, and why keep persisting when I tell you no?! I was so disgusted.

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    Veteran Member Miss_Red's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    ^I was in the Army for several years before I started dancing, and if I had a dollar for everyone who has learned about that and then said "Oh my god, were you sexually assaulted? I read this article about female soldiers blah blah blah", and another dollar for every time they refused to believe me when I said no, I wouldn't need to strip anymore.

    /threadjack, but seriously HOW is that an appropriate question to ask anyone? I hate people sometimes.

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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    I've heard a bunch of this stuff. My stock response is "Wow. That was totally imappropriate. I usually beat the fuck out of guys who think that shit is funny." And then leave.
    Last edited by kirakonstantin; 04-22-2015 at 01:37 PM. Reason: auto correct sucks

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    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Most Infuriating and Traumatizing Customer Remarks

    "Your body is so sexy, you look like you're 14." He then proceeded to tell me liked to pick up 14 year old girls. I was traumatized by the fact that I had no way to get him put in jail for molesting children. I have never been traumatized by anything else. Disgusted and annoyed but that situation was horrifying because I was molested and it still fucks with my head.

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