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Thread: how long have you been single?

  1. #1
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default how long have you been single?

    I've been single for almost two years now and it's really starting to get to me. I turned 25 this year and I just feel like my outlook is so bleak. Most guys are douchebags or lazy, or the 1 in 1,000 guys that might fit the bill are either taken or we have no sexual chemistry. I'm starting to get really depressed about it. I know they say you shouldn't depend on someone else for your happiness but I think I've been alone long enough and I'm lonely. I miss having a partner, someone to have fun with and lean on

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    It's now been almost 2 years since my last bf. Before that, I went 3 1/2 years. Funnily enough, the 3 1/2 year streak ended right after I started dancing haha

    It doesn't really bother me most of the time. After breaking up with my last bf, I went about 6 months where I was really lonely, went on a lot of dates, and got super attached to this guy that I really shouldn't have and was disappointed when he didn't want to date me. But after another 6 months and a few more shitty dates later, I re-adjusted. I just wasn't used to being alone anymore, but now I'm back to my old independent self.

    Would it be nice to have someone around - someone to pick up the slack, someone to call, someone to automatically invite to fun stuff? Yeah. But unless I find someone I actually organically click with on that level, I'm at a point where the things I'm doing in my life now are more important to focus on than disturbing everything for a relationship. One of my friends keeps trying to get me to join plentyoffish with her cuz she just broke up with her bf and wants to swap bad date stories, but I have zero interest in spending my time on that.

    I think my last bf came in right at the beginning of me entering the adult industry and the guy I got attached to afterward was in that period where I had taken a long break from and just re-entered adult work after breaking up with the ex. At those points, I hadn't had time to get pissy with men yet, or had forgotten all the BS from the past. After working again for almost 2 years.... I don't know if I even could date again until I retire and have another re-adjustment period back to "vanilla" life.
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    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Thank you, Aurora Sunset. I was with a guy for 4 years when I was in college and the last 2 years of our relationship were really bad on all kinds of levels. We broke up December 2012. I started dating a guy that I was madly (and stupidly) in love with June 2013 and we broke up November 2013 and I was devastated. I mourned until about this time last year and have been "happily" single through the summer but the past couple of months I have just been so lonely. I don't need or want a perfect person, but it's so hard to find someone who is genuine and actually cares about you. I just feel like so many people are just so fake or only with you for filler until THEY get who/what they really want. It's really discouraging.

    For a while I was hanging out with these kinds of people "just for fun" and to start having sex again, but that wasn't doing much for me. Plus at one point I was really scared that I was pregnant. Thank god I wasn't, but I think I've made a decision that I can't have sex with someone unless I feel comfortable getting pregnant with them. Seems kind of irrational and overboard but I don't think I could ever get an abortion and I don't want to have a child with someone I don't want to spend the rest of my life with so I'm making a conscious decision to not set myself up for serious life consequences. Kind of like some people who are comfortable with buzzed driving then get pulled over and almost get arrested then tell themselves they know they got lucky and won't abuse that privilege and stop drinking and driving 100%.
    Last edited by miss1dancypants; 04-24-2015 at 08:48 AM.

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    Member Sansa's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Right with you, miss1dancypants. I broke up with my last boyfriend 8 months ago, but most of our 2 year relationship was spent wishing I could be single. Now that I am, I can't imagine being in another relationship. Even guys I like tend to be pretty gross once I get to know them. The idea of a good relationship/marriage sounds great in theory, but finding someone you can actually do that with is ridiculously difficult. Just be strong, go on dates with lots of different guys, and don't get serious unless you find a really good one

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I'm married, but I can relate to the feeling of insincerity amongst the dating pool. I can't begin to imagine how it feels to be disappointed by those you meet when you're looking for love but I am glad you're not settling for less. I know there are great guys out there- they probably feel the same way about the dating experience too.

    I guess I would keep the focus on the pleasurable aspects of life and self development; its a platitude but its true that love comes along when you least expect it. Hang in there and I'm sure that the lonely feelings will dim and pass and that life will feel richer again soon, life is cyclical like that. x
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Eight years for me. Also, celibate for a year then 2 years, within those 8 years. I've dated here and there, but nothing serious. There is nothing worth it out there.

    Four years after I broke up with my ex, I met a guy who I was head over heels over (more than my exbf). Turned out, he had a serious gf across country that I didn't know about. That sucked. Married her a year or two later.

    I gave up looking for men who are settling down material. That shit is draining.

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I've dated but only been boyfriend official twice, neither of which lasted longer than 6 months and the last of which ended 2 years ago.
    "There are different kinds of darkness. There is darkness that frightens, the darkness that soothes, the darkness that is restful. There is the darkness of lovers, and the darkness of assassins. It becomes what the bearer wishes it to be, needs it to be. It is not wholly bad or good."
    - The Court of Mist and Fury

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    God/dess Flickdreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    ^ thats appalling, for both you and her.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss1dancypants View Post
    but it's so hard to find someone who is genuine and actually cares about you. I just feel like so many people are just so fake or only with you for filler until THEY get who/what they really want. It's really discouraging.

    For a while I was hanging out with these kinds of people "just for fun" and to start having sex again, but that wasn't doing much for me.
    TOTALLY feel you on this. I very often feel like a "casual place holder" for guys who "love hanging out with me" (aka: fucking me? oh, and I guess I make for good conversation when they're lonely too...), but they'd never want to date me. Then they disappear when the "right" woman comes along. Like, I get it. Not everyone is gonna do it for you on that level, but if I don't want to be serious with a guy who I know has a thing for me, I don't keep texting him constantly and having sex with him. That's just selfish and immature. It makes me feel like guys are such self-centered assholes who only care about fulfilling their own immediate desires, and screw how it affects anyone else around them.

    I also went through a period of trying to just enjoy the occasional company and sex, but same thing - it really doesn't do anything for me if there's no real connection and they aren't even someone I can count on semi-consistently. I'm pretty much a loner aside from a few girlfriends and guy friends who are in relationships these days. Just can't even deal with the "casual" stupidity for a worthless lay anymore.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.







  17. #10
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    It's just so depressing. I actually did meet a guy I really liked but he lives across the country. I would totally be willing to move to be with him but that's such a big thing to do when you're not even in a relationship and don't even know if you're compatible long term so I can basically throw that out the window (even though he's willing to fly out to visit me and fly me out to visit him when he's not traveling for work). I do trust him, we text all day, he's an amazing person, just bitter that I can't have everything I want right now.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Never had a bf. Well, I am just 19,so it's normal, I guess. I was dating guys here and there but nothing serious. Until I fell in love with my FWB who never wanted to get serious with me and ignored my words about falling for him and wanting to be together. Eventually he left abroad for work. And I am waiting for him like a fucking puppy because hope that maybe he will feel something to me and will start relationships with me once he comes back. Hardly I will ever get what I want but can't get rid of these hopes yet. Kinda hurts to admit that my first love is not mutual.

    So yeah, always been single and I guess, I will be for a while
    Trying to concentrate my energy on work and making $$$ instead of crying over my sucky-ass personal life. Meh.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    3 years since my last relationship... I've been seeing a guy for over a year but we're not an official couple or anything.

    It was hard the first 1-2 years, at times I felt really lonely but now that I got used to it, i'm comfortable being single.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    It's been over 15 years since my divorce. No serious long term relationships since then, and no desire on my part to enter into one.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Most recently? Since January, that I knew of -- was apparently single since last summer, but not informed of that fact bc my asshole ex was keeping me on the hook while he fooled around

    I go thru longish periods of celibacy/singleness bc I find my own cynicism more reliable than any guy I've known so far. After the CF that was my last relationship I've pretty much given up on finding a decent guy for a relationship, & even the guys I care abt as friends I keep at arms-length bc deep down I don't feel like I can put anything fully past them. It's making me a bit nuts lately bc I've now gone almost a full yr w/o sex, but I tried the FWB route yrs ago & lost the 'friendship' when I wanted to go back to being FW/oBs -- I'd rather be alone than go thru that mess again.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss1dancypants View Post
    I've been single for almost two years now and it's really starting to get to me. I turned 25 this year and I just feel like my outlook is so bleak. Most guys are douchebags or lazy, or the 1 in 1,000 guys that might fit the bill are either taken or we have no sexual chemistry. I'm starting to get really depressed about it. I know they say you shouldn't depend on someone else for your happiness but I think I've been alone long enough and I'm lonely. I miss having a partner, someone to have fun with and lean on
    Aww, I've missed seeing your posts around here! I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but I'm glad to see you're still around. You just seem like such a sweet girl. Are you still dancing? (sorry for the threadjack)

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    Arrow Re: how long have you been single?

    Yeah!^ I was gonna say, Miss D, & everyone! You're all So Young!!! Enjoy Life!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    A little over 4 years. The last guy I was with was a psycho and before that I had a boyfriend who was a very unstable alcoholic. The only sane boyfriend I had was a little on the dorky side and just not man enough for me. I started dancing when my last relationship ended and being a stripper keeps me from having a serious relationship. I just cant do it. Most men are not strong or mature enough to have relationships with us. No matter how much I tell them I am a loyal, good girlfriend, they cant get past what I do. I've learned to love my freedom and independence though. But I would still give love a chance.

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    Featured Member EastCoastDancer01's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Even though I havent had a serious boyfriend in 4 years, I do have friends with benefits and that keeps me from getting lonely. I think it is the best thing for a single woman. You get to have fun but not deal with the shit that relationships can sometimes bring.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I've been single for 6 months now, and the idea of meeting anyone seems impossible-there are just so many stupid fish in the sea!
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    4 months. Before that, a year and a half or so, and before that a year. My last boyfriend would have been PERFECT settling down material, we had so much in common, he was actually smarter than me (don't want to toot my own horn, but I read a loooot so its rare), and had the same kind of interests as me. Phd student and in a band, liked going to art shows, like a lot of the same video games as me but...there was some serious ED. Sometimes I think about giving it another shot but we were seeing eachother for 6 months and I had to end it eventually because this one day I really NEEDED to have sex with my bf and we couldn't. And I got so mad. I actually went to the bathroom and cried. Life is so unfair sometimes, if it weren't for that we'd still be together, I tried EVERYTHING to get it to work, and in the end I just felt so guilty because I knew he cared about me and wanted to legit be in a serious relationship, but I couldn't do that because I really like sex and I knew I'd be sleeping with other people...I could feel myself starting to fall in love with him and just see the tragedy coming. It's so hard to find guys that are smart, interesting, and fun, but also moderately responsible. I had a quarter life crisis after I broke it off with that last guy and...being pretty sex starved for 6 months did...my weed dealer that lives accross the street(he turned out to be really douchey, but omg best ass ever), the bartender from the bar above my club(meh, youngins), and almost both the dj and the cook from my club (lol BAD ODETTE i know). I have my head screwed on straight again now, and maaaaan, very unimpressed with the selection. So unimpressed I contacted ex number 1 who I hadn't talked to in years. You know it's bad when.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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  36. #21
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Aww, I've missed seeing your posts around here! I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but I'm glad to see you're still around. You just seem like such a sweet girl. Are you still dancing? (sorry for the threadjack)
    Thanks Charlie. I stopped dancing for that 6 month relationship, that guy hated it and I thought he was "the one". in the end, he couldn't get over that I would even be "the kind of person" that would dance in the first place. Whatever, he's a loser.

    I've had a sales job for a year that I have been struggling with so I'm dancing at a dive bar place about once a week to pay my bills. I would dance full time but I'm really scared of not having a back up plan. Everything else is so boring and unmotivating to me. I just feel like if I danced full time I wouldn't attract the kind of partner I want, and I'd never have a solid exit plan.

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    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I just re-joined match.com and big surprise, it's all the same uninteresting people. Barf!!

    Starting my first session with a therapist today. Probably won't be able to talk about much in the first session but I honestly can't wait.

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I can relate. Not single but when I was , I found behavior infuriating . There is pretty much a 0% chance a guy will get anything physical with me without offering a relationship ( and I can sense when it's stalled and not " in motion " towards that, so that alone cuts 95% out.
    As others mentioned, I tried casual physical stuff a couple times and it is the biggest TURN OFF for me in such a passionate way !

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    I can relate. Not single but when I was , I found some dating behavior infuriating . There is pretty much a 0% chance a guy will get anything physical with me without offering a relationship ( and I can sense when it's stalled and not " in motion " towards that) , so that alone cuts 95% out.
    As others mentioned, I tried casual physical stuff a couple times and it is the biggest TURN OFF for me in such a passionate way !

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    Default Re: how long have you been single?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    It's been over 15 years since my divorce. No serious long term relationships since then, and no desire on my part to enter into one.
    Although I'm still married, if I do end up in divorce, I'll be right there with you, Melonie.

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