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Thread: Cold Feet?

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    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Dizzy Cold Feet?

    Hi ladies!

    I posted an online ad for a sugar daddy a few days ago and the response has been overwhelming! I should be excited, flattered even. I've been texting a few of the guys, trying to feel them out of LE or creep factors. So far, so good. They are handsome, well-mannered, and understand what I'm looking for. They also seemingly understand that there is no sex on the first date. I need to further feel them out in person before we go any further.
    I don't know what my problem is, but for whatever reason, I cancelled my first two meet and greet dates. I've escorted before, so there is no reason for me to be nervous about a first meeting. Whatever it is that's bothering me, I need to cut it out and cut it out now. This isn't like me!
    And idea why I'm doing this to myself? Any advice on how to tame my nerves (if that's what this is)?

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    Veteran Member emma383's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Sounds like Anxiety...

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    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    I wish I knew why I'm anxious so I can conquer it and move on! Its ridiculous, really. I've escorted before. I've gone on dozens of online dates. I've even had sugar daddies before (sort of, more like older boyfriends with money.) I am NOT new to any of this.

    *gah* I'm going batshit crazy over nothing!

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    I wish I knew why I'm anxious so I can conquer it and move on! Its ridiculous, really. I've escorted before. I've gone on dozens of online dates. I've even had sugar daddies before (sort of, more like older boyfriends with money.) I am NOT new to any of this.

    *gah* I'm going batshit crazy over nothing!
    How about talking to another SB? May help on tips? Im sure it happens more often then you know; even to pros.
    Last edited by emma383; 04-24-2015 at 11:55 AM.

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    maybe you are over thinking it
    Last edited by livefast; 04-24-2015 at 01:29 PM.
    Many of the obstacles you once imagined are not even there.



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    Veteran Member BombshellBelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by livefast View Post
    maybe you are over thinking it
    Which wouldn't surprise me. I tend to do things like that.

    I'm taking the plunge tonight... Its now or never!

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Sugardaddies are much more taxing on your personal life than escorting, dancing, or camming (IMO and IME). I'm wondering if you're having anxiety from feeling like they're crossing a boundary into your personal life rather than staying in a clear 'work zone.' It's easier to do sex work when you're acting as a persona rather than being yourself, and with the SD/SB relationship, usually your personal life bleeds pretty heavily into your working relationship with them, simply due to the "GFE" nature of that sort of work.


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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Sugardaddies are much more taxing on your personal life than escorting, dancing, or camming (IMO and IME). I'm wondering if you're having anxiety from feeling like they're crossing a boundary into your personal life rather than staying in a clear 'work zone.' It's easier to do sex work when you're acting as a persona rather than being yourself, and with the SD/SB relationship, usually your personal life bleeds pretty heavily into your working relationship with them, simply due to the "GFE" nature of that sort of work.
    This is exactly what I was thinking. I've thought of doing sugar babying, but then I wonder if I'll just be doing more work and devoting more time for similar income and back away from the idea again. Sugar babying is not only more taxing but more "personal," so you may be having anxiety over it feeling more like a "real date" rather than a strictly professional date.
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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Sugardaddies are much more taxing on your personal life than escorting, dancing, or camming (IMO and IME). I'm wondering if you're having anxiety from feeling like they're crossing a boundary into your personal life rather than staying in a clear 'work zone.' It's easier to do sex work when you're acting as a persona rather than being yourself, and with the SD/SB relationship, usually your personal life bleeds pretty heavily into your working relationship with them, simply due to the "GFE" nature of that sort of work.
    YES! This!^


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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    Which wouldn't surprise me. I tend to do things like that.

    I'm taking the plunge tonight... Its now or never!
    You got this!
    Many of the obstacles you once imagined are not even there.



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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Thank you for the responses, ladies! The guy from last night cancelled, so whatever...

    I've been thinking though and while I can't pin-point exactly what's bothering me, I've come up with a few concerns.

    My ad is on craigslist. I thought, "Why not?" I see ads on there al the time for men looking for sugar babies, so posting my own ad looking for an SD seemed like the next logical step. I followed through and received dozens of responses that night alone from interested parties. I wouldn't respond to mesages without a picture and an introduction (I'm worth a fucking paragraph!), and I used my gut instinct on whether or not to follow through with further communication. When I told my escort friend (also a mentor of sorts), she turned up her nose and said something about craigslist "being at the bottom of the barrell, full of LE and creeps".
    That kind of burst my bubble. I mean, damn... A girl has to start somewhere, right? I'm not too concerned with LE since my ad is presenting me as an SD (as opposed to an escort) and since I'm not sleeping with these guys on our first meet and greet anyway. I've made it clear to all of them who I'm communicating with (which is 5, by the way) not to expect anything on the first meeting. Am I wrong though about the LE situation? As for the creeps, I can handle a fucking creep. I'm 5'9 and built like a brick wall. Someone would really have to come prepared to fuck my world up. But I digress.
    I'm not sure whether to feel like a jackass for posting the ad on CL to begin with or letting someone burst my bubble. But either way, right now, I'm feeling like a fucking jackass.

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Personally, I would avoid CL because I've heard it's gone downhill in terms of the people it attracts in certain categories. Sort of like how I don't use Backpage. There's certain sites I think most people associate with cheap so you get the cheap weirdos. But, OTOH, there was a woman here awhile ago who said her business was saved by using BP and it's fine as long as you're super careful with screening. I imagine CL would be a similar situation. I would say try out some of the "official" SD/SB websites, but from what a lot of girls on here have said, they're not much better sometimes.

    As long as you stick to strict standards of screening and safety with whatever you use, there are pros and cons to every site. Do what feels comfortable to you.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    An acquaintance of mine went through a break up and was devastated - she is not in the sex industry in any way and honestly she is pretty naive - she wrote this long victim letter and posted it on CL - I was completely mortified and gave her a huge lecture - not as much about posting on CL as it was about presenting herself as weak and vulnerable - I imagined every freak in our city reading this and seeing an opportunity to swoop in and take advantage of her - miracle of all miracles she immediately met a really nice professional guy - they dated for quite some time and he helped her out financially - it ended with him being transferred to another state and her not being willing to relocate - My point is that good situations can come from anywhere it may just take more work on your part in sorting through all of the bs - only you can decide if it is worth the time/effort it takes to weed'em out - screen and verify no matter where you look

    and the cold feet issue - I do that to myself too if I have been off for a bit even in taking PSO calls - In my mind I know it is ridiculous - I try to remind myself of my goals

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    An acquaintance of mine went through a break up and was devastated - she is not in the sex industry in any way and honestly she is pretty naive - she wrote this long victim letter and posted it on CL - I was completely mortified and gave her a huge lecture - not as much about posting on CL as it was about presenting herself as weak and vulnerable - I imagined every freak in our city reading this and seeing an opportunity to swoop in and take advantage of her - miracle of all miracles she immediately met a really nice professional guy - they dated for quite some time and he helped her out financially - it ended with him being transferred to another state and her not being willing to relocate - My point is that good situations can come from anywhere it may just take more work on your part in sorting through all of the bs - only you can decide if it is worth the time/effort it takes to weed'em out - screen and verify no matter where you look

    and the cold feet issue - I do that to myself too if I have been off for a bit even in taking PSO calls - In my mind I know it is ridiculous - I try to remind myself of my goals

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Having a sugar daddy is majorly invasive, I think Charlie61 is right. You realize how much work this will involve vs. an hour of escorting and not thinking about it til the next client. Also, I hope you get what you want out of it, but CL is so scummy in my area.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xStacey View Post
    Close contact, for an hour, for $40? And I guess I'll have to make conversation with them too?

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    My experience as a sugar baby was mostly bad b/c I'm too caring and patient- unfortunately that doesn't work well with a lot of these guys who are deeply troubled.

    I had one sugar daddy who was a 100% awesome find but of course all good things come to an end. He was really "The Diamond In The Rough"...the rough being all the rest of the guys I dealt with.....

    IMO your anxiety is about dreading the moment when the job gets uncomfortable. Speaking honestly, the money I made from the most crazy SD was barely worth it, after all the drama, stalking and icky memories I have of his crazy ass. Oh well. I lived and learned.

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    Arrow Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    Am I wrong though about the LE situation? As for the creeps, I can handle a fucking creep. I'm 5'9 and built like a brick wall. Someone would really have to come prepared to fuck my world up. But I digress.
    I'm not sure whether to feel like a jackass for posting the ad on CL to begin with or letting someone burst my bubble.
    Yea, I believe you are wrong..^ Le can & does use bp, cl s/a & whatever else. I believe I may have met w/one, but I'm not going into detail here. I shut it down quick. Anytime you discuss sex w/ money involved (if that's where you're going w/it) & you're not sure who exactly you're talking to..well just not a good idea.
    Also, don't be overconfident about men in any regard, but especially their strength..your size/weight aside men are almost always much stronger, & who's to say he's not armed, or a martial arts master?
    As was said, no matter what method, site, etc. BE CAREFUL. Thank you.


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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Bombshell,

    I believe your feelings are normal. Cold feet is a normal response to a new experience. Frankly, placing an ad on craigslist is just scary. However, most sugar daddy sites aren't much better than CL. Being a sugar baby is a different level of sex work. As Charile 61 and others mention, sugaring is a more personal experience that can drain you more than most other forms of sex work. In the past, I did some minor sugaring but nothing to serious.Frankly, I worked on developing my sugar persona for the past two years because I wanted to prepared. Hell, I created a "Sugar Baby" business plan for myself. Bombshell, you will be fine as long as you screen all of your sugar daddies. Remember to stay safe

    Quote Originally Posted by BombshellBelle View Post
    Thank you for the responses, ladies! The guy from last night cancelled, so whatever...

    I've been thinking though and while I can't pin-point exactly what's bothering me, I've come up with a few concerns.

    My ad is on craigslist. I thought, "Why not?" I see ads on there al the time for men looking for sugar babies, so posting my own ad looking for an SD seemed like the next logical step. I followed through and received dozens of responses that night alone from interested parties. I wouldn't respond to mesages without a picture and an introduction (I'm worth a fucking paragraph!), and I used my gut instinct on whether or not to follow through with further communication. When I told my escort friend (also a mentor of sorts), she turned up her nose and said something about craigslist "being at the bottom of the barrell, full of LE and creeps".
    That kind of burst my bubble. I mean, damn... A girl has to start somewhere, right? I'm not too concerned with LE since my ad is presenting me as an SD (as opposed to an escort) and since I'm not sleeping with these guys on our first meet and greet anyway. I've made it clear to all of them who I'm communicating with (which is 5, by the way) not to expect anything on the first meeting. Am I wrong though about the LE situation? As for the creeps, I can handle a fucking creep. I'm 5'9 and built like a brick wall. Someone would really have to come prepared to fuck my world up. But I digress.
    I'm not sure whether to feel like a jackass for posting the ad on CL to begin with or letting someone burst my bubble. But either way, right now, I'm feeling like a fucking jackass.

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    This is exactly what I was thinking. I've thought of doing sugar babying, but then I wonder if I'll just be doing more work and devoting more time for similar income and back away from the idea again. Sugar babying is not only more taxing but more "personal," so you may be having anxiety over it feeling more like a "real date" rather than a strictly professional date.
    I can see it being far too much work for what it is and the length of time it requires with that person. Plus you have to go out in public with these men, which I prefer not to do even as an escort for privacy concerns. And they can easily call you to invade in on your privacy any time just to talk. Everything I've said sounds super mean, but I LOVE my privacy and not to be called just to chat and text clients whenever I am with family or whoever . You certainly will lose it in the sugar baby world. Most importantly, it is a LONGGG time to be with another individual. I definitely think that the sugar baby world is profitable for the right type of person though. It's just a long long time with a "client" for me to do.

    Sidenote: There's also many guys who have crossed over from seeing escorts and now see ladies on those sites instead to save money because providers also post their same photos on these sugar daddy sites and charge less.
    Last edited by indiegirl; 04-27-2015 at 06:39 PM.

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    I had one experience.

    It was rough because he was demanding and too domineering. Like, he wanted to control everything despite my protests and his ostensible promises to takes things slow. His excuse was that he waited so long for me... bleh.

    But, that was my one and only experience.

    I'm actually thinking about doing it again. The SB/SD, but not with that guy.
    Last edited by PeterPan; 04-27-2015 at 08:18 PM. Reason: specificity

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    Default Re: Cold Feet?

    Last night went well! I cam too, so I told a potential SD about my stream (We've been talking for a week back and forth, so I figured it was safe!)

    He found me and I put my hustling skills to work. I asked him to take me private. He agreed for "one or two minutes", but I put on a hell of a show and kept him there for *much* longer! We're meeting Wednesday.

    Hahaha! I'm getting the hang of this!

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