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Thread: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

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    Default Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    First off i have the utmost respect for Dancers. i don't go to clubs often but when i do i go to be around Beautiful Woman i could never have and give them money to pay attention to me and im ok with that but what i really want is to be verbally humiliated, degraded and laughed at. i'm just not sure how to ask and want advice? i thought about writing a short letter with my desires and handing it to a Dancer (with a tip of course) when She came over to me. im not scared She'll laugh. i want that. im scared She'll reject me. The letter would say something like if this isn't Your thing i understand but i have a small penis and was hoping You could tell me how pathetic i am. Mind You im not fat, ugly and smelly. On the contrary. im not bad looking. Always practice good hygiene and bring mints so my breath never smells. Just have low self-esteem. The letter would go on to say that im wearing a thong right now that i can pull up to show You. id love if You would slap and spit in my face. Kick or knee my balls. Make me beg to suck on Your heel like im sucking a dick while You tell me how pathetic i am and treat me like shit. im not into financial domination but im not a cheapskate either. i know special requests like this are extra and that's to be expected. i understand the game. Go do Your thing and when You get back make me feel worthless. i like to be called bitch and i love to be publicly humiliated so would like if You called me this where other Girls or Customers could hear You degrade me. my ultimate goal is to have a Dancer lock my penis in chastity which id pay Her for. This way She can charge me for dances knowing im getting no satisfaction while She teases me and i cant go home to pleasure myself and id pay Her just to hold the key. im scared to ask because id want Her to give me degrading assignments and make me humiliate myself or suffer consequences and that seems like a lot to ask... im in North Jersey not far from NYC. Any suggestions or am i kidding myself thinking this Woman is out there

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    There are plenty of women who are more than happy to humiliate you for money, but a strip club seems like a weird venue for it. You do know there are professional dominatrixes, right? And plenty of them in your area.

    Maybe part of your fantasy is having the other customers witness your humiliation, but that's the most problematic part, too. It's undoubtedly not good for business to parade fetishes around vanilla customers.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Eric, the OP wrote a similar thread recently, that had lots of responses, so I'm not sure exactly what his goals are. So I'll skip his post, but just address your question about pro dominatrixes. I'm guessing he does know ... but as someone who has done bdsm in strip clubs and lots of pro dominatrixes, I'll say that going to a pro domme is a completely different experience (NOT better or worse, just different), and someone who likes bdsm in a strip club might find it's far better than bdsm with a pro domme -- I know I do. Domination in a strip club vs pro domme is different, just like when vanilla customers decide between strip club vs escort -- the experiences are very different, there are experiences you can get with one that you can't get with the other, and they're not always replacements. I'll take bdsm in the strip club over a pro domme 9 out of 10 times

    edit: oops, the thread from a few weeks ago was from a different nick

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Thank you Eric. I've seen a couple Femdoms in NY and NJ. Guess I just want something a little different but I get your point about it not being accepted by everyone. That in mind I would want it to be something only the Girls were in on. The club i like is called titillations in North Jersey. They have private lap dance rooms and we can do most of what i want in there but good advice. Thank you

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    i agree with Radius. Its a different experience. my goal is to find out how i make it happen seeing as im very shy? i don't expect a bunch of Woman to say pick me! pick me! i just want to know how to ask where the Dancer will either say sure I can do that or no its not my thing

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Have you ever thought of finding a domme on fetlife?





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    ive done the Domme thing and liked it. There's just something about doing this at a club that covers all areas of my fetish's. ive fantasized about having a Woman cuckold me. i can scratch that itch by paying Her to dance with other Guy's and tell me how much bigger and better they are. Also i can stay for Her shift and have Her randomly humiliate me while She works where as a domme is an hour or two and i have to leave.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Quote Originally Posted by shyhumiliationjunkychris View Post
    i agree with Radius. Its a different experience. my goal is to find out how i make it happen seeing as im very shy? i don't expect a bunch of Woman to say pick me! pick me! i just want to know how to ask where the Dancer will either say sure I can do that or no its not my thing
    Go to your SC of choice & ask the first dancer you talk to that you like whether she would be willing to indulge you -- or if she isn't, ask her to recommend a coworker. I've gotten a few 'referrals' this way, via dancers who were a little more reserved, if I wasn't lucky enough to find the desiring guy on my own. You can often get a handle quite early on in the conversation, on whether the dancer you're talking to is humiliation-friendly.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    im under no illusion. The Girls are there to make money. Should i hand Her a twenty before i ask Her?

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    ^ yes
    Or more

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Aniela has the best advice. I wouldn't mind humiliating you but I would expect to be generously compensated. A lot of guys come to strip clubs with unusual "requests" but really they're just trying to get us to talk dirty and have their fantasy played out for free. As long as you show that you're a serious paying customer you have a better shot at finding a dancer to indulge you.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    I've been in the BDSM lifestyle for some time now, and I've done it in clubs quite a bit. My interests aren't the same as yours, but FWIW honest and open communication about what you want is absolutely critical for this. If you can't talk about your desires, you need to work on that because otherwise you aren't going to be happy in the long run. Why are you afraid of rejection? By and large, I think these girls are going to be far more understanding than most people - especially if they think you're serious about the money.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    To answer your question SMDH. I have low self-esteem. I think on a deeper level I'm still ashamed of my desires because its not something that's accepted by mainstream society. No one likes to be rejected. Its even worse when your offering to pay someone to basically play a role for you. If that makes sense

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Dancers may feel uncomfortable AT FIRST when a guy comes up with such requests. That's understandable. They think that you are weird (which is true) and they are afraid that you might be potentially dangerous or something unpleasant might happen. Of course you're completely harmless (I know because I'm submissive as well). So you first need to build rapport with the dancer, so she can get comfortable with you and understand that you're a good guy. I usually go for a few "regular" private dances and talk a bit and then, once a connection has been established, I playfully reveal what I like and the dancer catches on to it.

    From my experience, most dancers are perfectly fine with kicking your balls as long as you keep paying. You don't even have to talk much about it; if you simply put her shoe between your legs, she will probably understand, as you're not the first one. Also licking their shoes is usually not such a problem. Face slapping depends on the dancer. Some seem to find it amusing for a change, others don't like it. Verbal humiliation is actually quite hard to dish out for someone who is not used to it. To many girls, it feels wrong to say mean things. You need to talk about it and reassure her... but your best bet is to actually find a girl with a dominant streak who enjoys treating you like dirt.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Quote Originally Posted by foreigner View Post
    Dancers may feel uncomfortable AT FIRST when a guy comes up with such requests. That's understandable. They think that you are weird (which is true) and they are afraid that you might be potentially dangerous or something unpleasant might happen. Of course you're completely harmless (I know because I'm submissive as well). So you first need to build rapport with the dancer, so she can get comfortable with you and understand that you're a good guy. I usually go for a few "regular" private dances and talk a bit and then, once a connection has been established, I playfully reveal what I like and the dancer catches on to it.

    From my experience, most dancers are perfectly fine with kicking your balls as long as you keep paying. You don't even have to talk much about it; if you simply put her shoe between your legs, she will probably understand, as you're not the first one. Also licking their shoes is usually not such a problem. Face slapping depends on the dancer. Some seem to find it amusing for a change, others don't like it. Verbal humiliation is actually quite hard to dish out for someone who is not used to it. To many girls, it feels wrong to say mean things. You need to talk about it and reassure her... but your best bet is to actually find a girl with a dominant streak who enjoys treating you like dirt.
    Gotta disagree with you on a couple points here.

    1) Every dancer is completely familiar with submissive men; unless it's a girl's first day, she won't find it "weird."

    2) Never grab a dancer's shoe and put it between your legs. That way lies an ass-kicking.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    Quote Originally Posted by EricRRobert View Post
    Gotta disagree with you on a couple points here.

    1) Every dancer is completely familiar with submissive men; unless it's a girl's first day, she won't find it "weird."

    2) Never grab a dancer's shoe and put it between your legs. That way lies an ass-kicking.
    This. A lot of guys that go to strip clubs are submissives, and grabbing a dancer you don't know basically anywhere is a good way to get your ass handed to you by her and/or others.

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    Default Re: Fear of rejection stops me from asking for what i really want

    I think you need to analyze why you want to be degraded by a woman.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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