So its another bitching rant but also want to hear some positive responses if any. I wrote I was going through some shitty time a few months ago. Long story short, I fucking lost primary custody of my child. I only get to see him on the weekends. My first reaction was to storm into court and whine and demand all orders reversed. That didnt happen. I left my husband and moved in with my mom. My moms reaction to losing custody was that I get a job and get a place and move out to get custody back. I went into major fckng depression, to the point where I ordered coffee from target so I didnt have to leave my house. I went to see a psychiatrist as advised. I confessed to her I have NO DESIRE to look for work and I dont care. I am going back to school in less than a month and nothing is going to stop me from getting a degree. I told this to my mother and she said that I didnt care for my child, since Im focused on accomplishing my goals and not regaining custody. I explained Im thinking long term not short term. She suggested I go back to husband to prove stability, and I am not going to do that. So for now, I get to be labeled as the selfish bitch that isnt being selfless for the children. I am camming now but this whole criticism is making me feel like crap and i cant even work. I even considered dancing again since I made more money there. I still dont have a car, but I will get a bucket that could potentially get me to and from a club.
I have been sober for almost 6 months and all this shit has been fckng hard to deal but I feel I finally have clarity in what I want out of life. Since I have to work to earn a living its going to be something meaningful. I know its corny but I really cant get my mind around working towards something that will not make this world a better place. As idealistic and silly this may sound I dont want a fucking job that will not make a difference. I want to change lives or at least impact them in a positive way. My dream career is to teach music to children, because out of all the experiences in my life, music was the only thing that I was taught that changed my life.
So now I dont know what to do. Im so confused. Should i dance and risk relapsing to alcohol? Should I cam and try to survive off of that? Idk. Please no flaming, ive had it from several ppl in my real life already. I guess I want some good vibes?



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and I hope things shake out well for you.


) and had only 30 credits left to have her bachelors degree - I wanted her to finish school while she was in the program and they wanted her to get a 10 an hour job - this was not specific to her but to all of the ladies there -- but here was my problem with that agenda - you go out get a crappy ass low paying job - and in my opinion 10.00 an hour is not enough to live on - if you have kids you are really screwed trying to live on that - then you end up hooking up/moving in with some guy because you cant make it on your own - maybe he is a nice guy maybe not - many ladies I have seen that are addicts have issues in picking partners who are healthy relationship partners - life gets tough when you cant pay your bills and are in a relationship of convenience then you are using again - not saying a higher paying job keeps you sober but having enough money to eat - keep a roof over your head - and not HAVE to have a partner to make it sure makes you function at a higher level mentally - My argument to the counselor was that they were setting these ladies up to fail by not requiring them to learn a trade or get some sort of education to be able to support themselves long term - I guess the moral of my rambling is being able to support your self COMFORTABLY is important - please choose your career wisely - as you know there are many people with a college education and the massive debt that goes with it who cannot support themselves -
wow. 
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