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Thread: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

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    Default How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    I usually go for dances with many different girls, but there are some that I really don't want dances with. How should a gentleman behave in that situation?

    Saying "no" feels rude (and it provokes the question: "why not?"). In the past I used to say "maybe later". Some dancers understand this as a "no", but some take it literally and keep coming back. I figure it's not fair to make them waste their time if I already know it's no.

    Nowadays I usually say things like "I just arrived, I'm not ready for dances now" or "I'm taking a break from dances" or something like that. But that also sounds a bit like "later".

    If I was honest, I'd have to say things like "you are simply not my type" or "I'm not comfortable with your over-sexualized talk". But then again, some girls then get up and shout: "OMG! This guy is so rude!"

    So what's the best way to clearly and politely express a no?

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    If you give then $20 while being honest then I guarantee they won't think you're rude.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    This was meant as a serious question, although you're most probably right.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    I usually say "No, but thank you for asking" or "...for stopping by" with a $3-5 tip

    seriously

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Sometimes I do the same as Tdonuts: No thanks + tip. Or I have her sit down, give her $ and ask her to help me find someone I like. You'd be surprised how helpful the girls can be. Tell her your physical type and what personality you like. Saves time and I've been able to avoid drunk/crazy/drama girls this way.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    "No, thank you."

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    If there is one thing I've learned over the years, it is that the key to maximizing my club experiences is not to worry about what every dancer thinks of me. It is far more important to be well regarded by the girls who I want to spend time and money with. Being seen as direct or dismissive by those who I have no interest in anyway is a good thing as they usually don't re-approach me during the same visit or during subsequent visits, which saves me time and hassles.

    When responding to a dance offer from a girl I don't want, I usually say, "No, but thank you" with a smile and a direct look. About 60% of the time, that is enough. If they press, I'll usually tell them that I don't know what I'm looking for right now, but that I'll figure it out. If the rejected girl then offers to find another girl for me, I thank her but let her know that I prefer to handle it myself. With the aggressive ones, I sometimes have to say "no thank you" a few times and, perhaps once or twice a year, I have to get truly "rude" with a girl who just won't take no for an answer.

    As far as tipping girls to go away, which has been suggested by a few on here, I don't do it and I wouldn't recommend it. All this does is to encourage bad behavior as some girls will hound you every time they see you from then on. IMHO a customer's only responsibility is to enjoy himself and to pay the people who help make that happen. IMHO it is better to spend your budgeted entertainment cash on girls who truly deserve it rather than on those who you feel pressured to pay off just to get rid of them.

    Now sometimes girls will sit for a while without making the pitch, no doubt hoping to build a connection before trying to sell the dances. My feelings on this are more mixed. If she asked to sit and I agreed, then I feel some obligation to make sure that she gets something for it. How much she gets depends on how long she spends with me and how much I was entertained. If she sat uninvited, then I don't feel like I owe her anything, though I will often let a girl know fairly quickly if I have no interest in buying something from her. It is both unkind to her and a waste of your time to let a girl burn a lot of time with you if you have no interest in buying anything from her.

    Anyway, just my long winded fwiw.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    If you don't wish to buy a product, a simple "Sorry, no thanks (or a variation) " is polite-it works in this environment also.
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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by OliveJardin View Post
    If you don't wish to buy a product, a simple "Sorry, no thanks (or a variation) " is polite-it works in this environment also.
    It should be that simple, but sometimes it isn't. There are all too many girls who won't take a simple "no thank you" for an answer, which seems to be precisely what led the OP to ask the question in the first place. He seems to be looking for that polite magic refusal that will make a girl go away and stay away without her pressing the issue. Unfortunately, the reality is that some girls just make it very difficult to move them along with simple politeness, especially when they believe that they sense weakness or can shake a few bucks out of a guy before departing. IME and IMHO, when a polite refusal is not enough, a little more backbone and a thicker skin are needed. The OP probably doesn't want to hear that as he seems to want to avoid tension or ruffled feathers, but sometimes it is what it is.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    As far as tipping girls to go away, which has been suggested by a few on here, I don't do it and I wouldn't recommend it. All this does is to encourage bad behavior as some girls will hound you every time they see you from then on. IMHO a customer's only responsibility is to enjoy himself and to pay the people who help make that happen. IMHO it is better to spend your budgeted entertainment cash on girls who truly deserve it rather than on those who you feel pressured to pay off just to get rid of them.
    I agree with the rest of what you're saying but I don't have a problem with tipping them. I'm not tipping them to leave, I already said "No thank you". In most cases the girls don't come back for another tip. If they do I just say no again (with no tip). I don't have the problem with being shy so this kind of interaction falls below my radar. Having good looking women asking me for a dance has never been a bad experience, Even if I'm not interested in getting a dance from them. I think you're right that the OP may be sensitive or trying to avoid conflict. The problem is some girls have hustle for exactly that kind of guy.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    If there is one thing I've learned over the years, it is that the key to maximizing my club experiences is not to worry about what every dancer thinks of me. It is far more important to be well regarded by the girls who I want to spend time and money with. Being seen as direct or dismissive by those who I have no interest in anyway is a good thing as they usually don't re-approach me during the same visit or during subsequent visits, which saves me time and hassles.

    When responding to a dance offer from a girl I don't want, I usually say, "No, but thank you" with a smile and a direct look. About 60% of the time, that is enough. If they press, I'll usually tell them that I don't know what I'm looking for right now, but that I'll figure it out. If the rejected girl then offers to find another girl for me, I thank her but let her know that I prefer to handle it myself. With the aggressive ones, I sometimes have to say "no thank you" a few times and, perhaps once or twice a year, I have to get truly "rude" with a girl who just won't take no for an answer.

    As far as tipping girls to go away, which has been suggested by a few on here, I don't do it and I wouldn't recommend it. All this does is to encourage bad behavior as some girls will hound you every time they see you from then on. IMHO a customer's only responsibility is to enjoy himself and to pay the people who help make that happen. IMHO it is better to spend your budgeted entertainment cash on girls who truly deserve it rather than on those who you feel pressured to pay off just to get rid of them.

    Now sometimes girls will sit for a while without making the pitch, no doubt hoping to build a connection before trying to sell the dances. My feelings on this are more mixed. If she asked to sit and I agreed, then I feel some obligation to make sure that she gets something for it. How much she gets depends on how long she spends with me and how much I was entertained. If she sat uninvited, then I don't feel like I owe her anything, though I will often let a girl know fairly quickly if I have no interest in buying something from her. It is both unkind to her and a waste of your time to let a girl burn a lot of time with you if you have no interest in buying anything from her.

    Anyway, just my long winded fwiw.
    I Could see where aggressive / desperate / clueless dancers would be encouraged if you tip them when you're not really interested in them. BUT I think the savvy dancers know when a customer says thanks but no thanks with a generous tip then that is appreciated but also to move on to easier / greener pastures.

    I am grateful for the customers who are kind enough to tip (especially $20+) - even if they dont want to have vip time with me - because tip money is the only money greedy club doesn't get their hands on. Plus I don't necessarily see it as paying a dancer to leave although it could be this. But it could also be tipping for their stage show or tipping for basic entertainment.

    Even without a tip, it's better to cut to the chase vs leading a girl on.

    I've had guys purposely drag out a conversation when they had no money or no intention of buying anything. Like just say no thanks and don't play mind games or be rude.
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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    'Sorry no thank you i'm not interested (today)'. If they're pushy say 'i've got my eye on another dancer, thank you for your time though'

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    If I were drunk enough, I would say "Here's $20. If every girl in this club had to run a ten-mile race, who would win? I want you to bring that girl to me."

    If I were inadequately drunk, the whole interaction would ruin my night and I would leave dejectedly.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    I think giving a tip to a dancer you are not interested in is exactly the worst thing you can do. Tipping is providing positive reinforcement to a dancer for doing something annoying to you and other customers. She is more likely to return for tips later, and will be encouraged to try the same behavior on other customers.

    A polite, but firm, "no thanks" will usually convey that you are not interested, and they will move on. You may have to repeat this with some dancers, but it is probably the nicest way to turn them down. No reason to tell them why, that would probably just hurt their feelings.

    Read through the hustle hut section of this web site, and I think you will see that dancers, like any salespersons, will try to use various techniques to make saying no hard for you to do. That's why a simple "no thanks" is most effective. It doesn't give the dancer any other openings to try to continue the sales pitch.

    It's your money. You are there for entertainment. Never tip a dancer who isn't entertaining you (unless you are sitting at the stage--you should tip them all when sitting there). Instead, save your money for dancers you like, and tip them generously.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    I don't get offended when a guy says NO THANKS to me, but some girls hustle hard and keep coming back or they won't take no. To these girls I would say something like "No thank you. I do not wish to have a dance with you today". You are clarifying that you don't want a dance with here. You aren't leading her on by saying maybe, or I didn't chose a girl yet. Politely let her know you don't want a dance with HER. If she gets rude about it, then tough shit. Who wants to dance with a nasty rude girl anyway? Not your loss. As a matter of fact, if I were a customer and a girl ever became an instant bitch to me when politely turning down a dance, I would be sure to never dance with her or tip her more than a dollar per stage set.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    "Thank you, I'm all set" or "thank you but I'm here to see so-and-so". And you shouldn't feel obligated to give money to a girl just for trying to sell you a dance.
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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by gameover View Post
    I think giving a tip to a dancer you are not interested in is exactly the worst thing you can do. Tipping is providing positive reinforcement to a dancer for doing something annoying to you and other customers.
    What behavior are we trying to prevent here? I'm sitting at my table and a girl gets up and walks over to me and tries to sell me a dance. That's exactly why I come to a club. I would rather the girls come over to see if I'm interested than sit in the dressing room or at the bar with other girls. If I give them a tip I encourage the behavior I want. I can handle the hard sell girls, I've very direct when I need to be. You don't need to insult a girl but "I'm looking for a different type, are their any short brunettes working tonight?". If I give each girl $20 then the line for interviews forms on the left...

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by NoRegrets View Post
    What behavior are we trying to prevent here? I'm sitting at my table and a girl gets up and walks over to me and tries to sell me a dance. That's exactly why I come to a club. I would rather the girls come over to see if I'm interested than sit in the dressing room or at the bar with other girls. If I give them a tip I encourage the behavior I want. I can handle the hard sell girls, I've very direct when I need to be. You don't need to insult a girl but "I'm looking for a different type, are their any short brunettes working tonight?". If I give each girl $20 then the line for interviews forms on the left...
    The behavior I am trying to prevent is dancers (that I don't have any interest in) from continuing to attempt to get tips/dances from me through sheer persistence and refusal to leave. If I don't want her company, why should I tip her? That will just encourage her to return.

    I spend alot on dancers I like in the club. I have no problems getting dancers that I like to come over. If dancers see you spending money in the club, trust me, they will come over on their own. You don't need to offer them a $20 bounty.

    If you see a dancer you particularly like, a stage tip along with a comment like "I'd love to get a dance from you when you are free" has never failed to get the dancer to come over. Either immediately when she gets off stage, or after she is finished with her current customer.

    I'm not insulting them by telling them "no thanks" when I'm NOT interested. I'm saving their time so they can pursue a customer who IS interested in them. Plus, I become available to dancers I am interested in, and they will benefit from the money I will spend on them.

    If offering a bounty for dancers to visit you is enjoyable to you, then by all means, continue to do so. It is your money, and you are there to be entertained. I personally would rather give those twenties to a dancer I like who is plesant to spend time with and get dances from.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    Quote Originally Posted by gameover View Post
    The behavior I am trying to prevent is dancers (that I don't have any interest in) from continuing to attempt to get tips/dances from me through sheer persistence and refusal to leave. If I don't want her company, why should I tip her? That will just encourage her to return.

    I spend alot on dancers I like in the club. I have no problems getting dancers that I like to come over. If dancers see you spending money in the club, trust me, they will come over on their own. You don't need to offer them a $20 bounty.

    If you see a dancer you particularly like, a stage tip along with a comment like "I'd love to get a dance from you when you are free" has never failed to get the dancer to come over. Either immediately when she gets off stage, or after she is finished with her current customer.

    I'm not insulting them by telling them "no thanks" when I'm NOT interested. I'm saving their time so they can pursue a customer who IS interested in them. Plus, I become available to dancers I am interested in, and they will benefit from the money I will spend on them.

    If offering a bounty for dancers to visit you is enjoyable to you, then by all means, continue to do so. It is your money, and you are there to be entertained. I personally would rather give those twenties to a dancer I like who is plesant to spend time with and get dances from.
    Yup. This.

    I used to be liberal with tipping $20s, until the unintended consequences of doing so in my local clubs started to kick in. Girls who I had no interest in would continue to tie me up during subsequent visits, no doubt in the hopes of scoring at $20 and possibly more, making me less available for the girls who I wanted to sit with me. I tend to club during slower weekday nights, which didn't help matters. Lesson learned. I still do plenty of stage tipping and I am more than happy to feed 20s to girls who I enjoy, but I will no longer reward a girl simply for breathing and pitching me dances.

    Beyond the purely practical considerations though, over the years I have also developed a philosophical issue with subsidizing weaker talent at the expense of girls who legitimately entertain me. I also spend a lot of money on dancers and always walk into a club with several hundred dollars in my pocket, but I, like most club customers, do not have an unlimited budget. Every $20 I burn on a girl who does nothing for me is $20 less available for a girl who may truly deserve it.

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    My view:

    I think because of the topsy-turvey world of the strip club, where hot chicks pursue guys who often are not actually pursued by hot chicks, it's easy to get confused as to what is and is not actually rude.

    What is definitely rude: given that this is her job and her remuneration is directly related to her sales, knowing that you are not going to do a dance with a girl, but taking up a bunch of her time because you are spinelessly sending ambiguous signals so she keeps investing time in the sale, is rude
    Also rude: telling her no by being a douche -- waving her off without looking at her, etc.

    What is not rude: telling her "no thanks" with a smile. Hell, telling her "no thanks" without a smile. It's not only not rude, it's the opposite of rude: it's the nicest, most stand-up way you can interact with a stripper with whom you are definitely not going to buy a dance. Be polite and clear that her time is better spent elsewhere -- this makes you practically a hero, compared to the guy who tried to "spare her feelings" but as a result she wasted an extra 10 minutes because he was so ambiguous

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    PLEASE just tell us "No thanks, not today". Seriously. I hate when guys pull out "I'm settling in/getting my first beer down", "Maybe later", etc. That wastes our time because we file you under "check back in 20 minutes"... and in 20 minutes, you still don't want a dance and have now a) wasted my time, b) annoyed me, and c) rejected me in front of other customers, which doesn't make me look in demand.

    If you don't want a dance because the girl is not your type or whatever, just say no thanks without any excuses.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    If a polite "No, thank you" doesn't work, I will say "Thanks, but you are not my type/style". Most dancers, even if they don't say it, will appreciate you not wasting their time. As mentioned before, a quick and polite "No" is not rude in the world of strip clubs.
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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    I'm with RickDugan and Gameover. My rule of thumb is I tip every dancer when sitting at the stage/bar (in NJ). If a dancer walks up to me, asks to sit next to me and I accept, but do not get a dance, I almost always compensate her for her time. If a dancer plops down next to me uninvited, asks me for a dance and I say "no thank you" or "I'm waiting for someone." and they persist and/or demand a tip, I usually do not tip (although I must admit that once in awhile, I will tip to get rid of someone). The reason for no tip in that instance is that not only am I not interested, but their continued presence after i clearly but politely said no could cause me to miss the dancer or two or three that I do want to spend generously on.

    I do not waste a dancer's time chatting when I have no intentions on getting dances - that is not fair to her and frankly to me either. What usually works when I turn down a dancer is "I'm waiting for someone", this achieves the effect of turning down the dancer without giving the impression that I never want a dance from them ever. A simple "no thank you, thanks for asking." also works most of the time.
    '

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    Default Re: How to turn down a dancer without being rude?

    who gives a fuck about being rude tell her to kick rocks

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