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Thread: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

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    Default What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I am catching hell from some coworkers, even a bouncer about this.

    Last night a guy in his late 30's was highly intoxicated sitting at the bar. When I came around for tips, about my 4th set I asked him why he didn't go home yet. He was now drinking water because they stopped serving him. He said he wanted a lap dance with me. Ok. I was hesitant because he was mexican, and where I live they are notoriously gropy.

    So after the 1st dance he wanted another. He proceeded to take out a pocket full of crumpled ones. He had all the 20's in his wallet but a dance is $25. He asked me to take out 5 ones and go pay for the next dance. ok. I pull out the ones and he crumples them back up and puts them in his pocket.

    I come back in and he asks about a champagne dance upstairs. I told him he was too intoxicated, it wasn't a good idea and he wasn't going to get his $200 worth because I don't do extras. SO he says he wants another dance. He pulls out the crumpled ones out again and a fresh 20 from the wallet. I squatted down to help him get the ones out of his crumpled pile he was dropping everywhere. I saw 3 crumpled up 20's in that pile. I easily could have taken them and said they were ones. But instead I uncrumpled them and told him to put them in his wallet because they were 20 dollar bills, not ones. I ten got out my phone for a flashlight so he could see. He said oh, ok thanks, but then put them back in his pocket all waded up. I went out and paid for the 3rd dance. He was a bit grabby during all of the dances but I just moved his hands to my thighs and he was ok with it. He also kept licking my back and shoulder (YUK). On the 4th dance we went through the crumpled ones thing again and I went out and told the dj to call the guy a cab and do not let him go upstairs with anyone for a dance and explained that he was too intoxicated to handle his money. He opened his wallet when I had out my phone flashlight and he had about 400 in twenties in there and when he bent forward they almost all fell out. I refuse to let some money grubbing bitch take advantage of a highly intoxicated man.

    The manager on duty and the DJ told me I was awesome. The bouncer and 3 dancers standing around that area told me I was stupid and should have taken the crumbled 20's and all of his money upstairs.

    I may be a "stripper" but I have morals. I have children and a husband and a family. If that was my brother or my grown child in there that had too much to drink, I would hope no one would take advantage of him like that. I know we all need money, but damn. I am disgusted by my coworkers. They are calling me stupid and saying things like "god meant for you to have that money". I actually called off work tonight because I am so disgusted with the human race.

    Would any of you have taken the 20's or taken him to VIP?


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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    ^^^ I would have most likely done the exact same thing which you did. If a customer is too 'inebriated' to make responsible decisions, one of which is managing his own money, IMHO that does NOT provide license for dancers, bouncers, or anybody else to ... well, let's call it what the law might call it ... rob or defraud that 'inebriated' customer.

    I'm actually surprised that the club manager praised your actions. Given the number of clubs these days who only care about profits, you were probably lucky to see your 'good deed' go 'unpunished'. Indeed it isn't surprising in the least to hear that bouncers and other dancers would have taken advantage of this 'inebriated' customer to the maximum degree possible. Unfortunately, the exotic dancing industry has been gradually migrating in this direction over the past few years ... which was one of the contributing factors to my own decision to retire from live dancing.

    But my own probably old fashioned viewpoint is 'what goes around comes around'. Hopefully your 'good deed' will pay 'dividends' some day. And in the meantime, you have a clear conscience.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I have often been in similar situations in my niche of the industry both now that I have my own place and the early days when I operated within clubs etc-this happens quite a bit, often with literally thousands in cash and a customer would want to be "shown the ropes" of the BDSM world-I could have literally just waved a whip around had a laugh and taken the money they wouldnt have known the difference.

    But I think it definitely DOES matter to have your own inner set of ethics when you run a business, even for peace of mind as you never feel like you need to look over your shoulder.
    Knowing you do a good nights work matters internally even if other people might tell you otherwise.

    You are obviously a "salt of the earth" type and good on you for sticking to your beliefs, at the end of the day its all that matters.

    Each club seems to have its own vibe around the level of what is acceptable.
    You are your own boss and how you choose to operate "ethically" is no ones business.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I would have taken him into VIP, absolutely. I also would have gotten highly irritated by being licked, and the second he licked me, taken the VIP money and walked. It's not my fault he got so drunk, and being licked deserves some extra compensation. Honestly, I would have either gotten my money or just walked away. Not my problem. Just last week I convinced a guy to give me a $200 tip for a $60 dance. If they're willing to pay, I'm willing to take it. Handle your booze and act like a grown up.


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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I would take him to VIP.

    I did it couple of times with drunk guys - not really proud of it but my greed was stronger.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I'm of two minds about this. I would have done the VIP. It's really not my place to babysit drunk customers and it's not my job to make sure they won't have buyers remorse with their hangover. It'd be like the cashier at a clothing store making sure customers can afford what they're buying and not be late on any of their bills. Getting drunk is a choice. While we are free to make choices, we aren't free of the consequences of the choices we make.

    I wouldn't have taken the $20's though. That's just straight up stealing.
    Last edited by kirakonstantin; 05-05-2015 at 08:04 PM.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    What I don't understand is how this "I come back in and he asks about a champagne dance upstairs. I told him he was too intoxicated, it wasn't a good idea and he wasn't going to get his $200 worth because I don't do extras"
    Just because you don't do extras doesn't mean he wouldn't get his moneys worth. Despite his drunken state, you could have given him an awesome dance and conversation. If you were able to tolerate giving lap dances to him, I don't understand why you weren't able to take him to the champagne room. I would have taken him to the champagne room/vip or whatever upwell your club has. But I wouldn't have stolen from him because I believe in karma.


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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Quote Originally Posted by Eban'ko View Post
    I would take him to VIP.

    I did it couple of times with drunk guys - not really proud of it but my greed was stronger.
    How is it GREED when you're at work to make money, they're there to get drunk and party and pay? Do you only take sober guys to VIP? I can't remember the last sober guy I met in a SC.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Whatever you are comfortable with its your own decision. It's your income so you can just pick and choose who you want to do business with. It's not your job to take care of careless customers he's a grown man .if he wants to spend money let him .but once he licked you or grabbed you you should have just gotten up and moved on to the next customer.if you chose to stay and put up with all of that you should have taken all the money you could get. Get disrespected and not get enough money?you might as well work a 9-5

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Quote Originally Posted by Vackra View Post
    How is it GREED when you're at work to make money, they're there to get drunk and party and pay? Do you only take sober guys to VIP? I can't remember the last sober guy I met in a SC.
    This. The only time I'll stop dancing or question the customers intoxication level is if the customer is falling asleep and can't say yes to more dances. Other than that, they're responsible for their own decisions.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I would not have stolen the money but I would have definitely sold him a VIP as I don't see how that's taking advantage. I would've been absolutely furious and disgusted about the licking and demanded more for that. That is unacceptable and gross behavior to me but we all have different thresholds.

    I'm also a little confused why you told him a VIP would not be worth his money BC you don't do extras. He's paying for a nicer, longer dance I'm guessing so why wouldn't it be worth his money? I'm not trying to disrespect in the slightest, I think you handled it very well. $200 is not enough for extras anyway though I never do extras either.
    Last edited by KikiGem; 05-05-2015 at 07:59 PM. Reason: forgot something
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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I would have taken him to VIP, but not helped myself to the 20s on the floor.

    I had a guy 2 weeks ago who was so drunk, he literally toppled over onto the floor. He wanted to be in the club, and if I didn't get him, some other girl would have. I got $500 off him. Nobody was gonna take care of him and pack him safely into a cab.

    These are grownass men and if they made the choice to do 10 shots of tequila, they can deal with the consequences of making drunken decisions.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I'd be conflicted but in the end I'd say no. That's because I'm a firm believer in karma.
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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I think you handled the situation beautifully. The only thing I would have done differently is ended the dance when he started licking my back and shoulders. Otherwise, good for you for having morals and being the better person in this situation! I'm a big believer in karma, and no matter how fucked up someone is, you never have the right to take advantage or steal from them. That would make you the bad guy. Personally, I like the feeling of a clear conscience. You can always make money by doing it the honest way. Your good karma will come back to you, so keep it up

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Wait a second here... all of this talk about not "taking advantage" of a drunk customer and that dancing for a drunk guy is dishonest or bad karma is a bunch of bullshit. It totally puts unwarranted blame on the dancer and completely absolves the customer of any responsibility for getting too drunk or making stupid decisions while intoxicated.

    We don't force customers to get wasted. We don't force them to spend more money than they should have or wanted to. They get themselves fucked up and they choose to blow their money. If someone is old enough to drink, they're old enough to deal with the consequences. I'm sure we wouldn't be blaming a casino for someone gambling away their money. Why are we blaming dancers?

    I refuse to be shamed for doing my job or to take responsibility for other people's stupidity. It's great if other dancers want to do that, but it doesn't make other dancers bad people or mean that they're doing something wrong.

    These are big boys and they can deal with the consequences of doing stupid shit. If they need a babysitter, perhaps they're not mature enough to be using alcohol in the first place.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    i would have done the vip. and if he was getting repeat dances i would have not given him back the 20s so i wouldnt have to deal with the crumpled bs between each song.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    as long as YOU felt comfortable with what you did, then you did the right thing. trust and believe that whatever money you "lost" by not taking advantage will come back to you.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Honestly, it depends-if he was REALLY drunk and my (like your's did) instincts told you that the VIP wasn't a good idea then I would have just done the few dances you did. If he was drunk, but seemingly harmless-I would have suggested VIP or a string of dances to use up the $ in his wallet (or asked for a tip after the initial dances). It sounds like the other girls pretty much suggested that you should have "stolen" the $, which I wouldn't have done and really respect you for not doing. A lot of girls would have ripped him off! Regardless, it's none of the other girls business, if they knew he had money then they could have intercepted him and tried to extract it from him when he finished his time with you.

    At the end of the day, you did what you felt was best and still made $-so it's a win .
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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Honestly you put up with his drunk ass and baby sat him because he couldn't get his own money out and un crumple it. You probably spent more time and haslte then if you'd just taken him to vip and got him a water to sober up. Of course you don't steal someones money but you could have made twice as much with less hastle taking him to vip you probably could of just sat and got him a water and helped him sober up and still felt good about the whole scenerio.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Ha hassle. I'm still sleep deprived.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    And I've had several guys fall asleep in vip after being on there for 4 hours or so. One was so grabby and annoying I just sat and smoked and I don't really smoke. Ha. It's not our job to moniter their drinking.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    On the VIP issue, I can't say. I have sold VIP to more drunk customers than I can count, but I have occasionally turned down customers who seemed too impaired to understand what they were doing. An adult has the right to get as wasted as he wants and deal with the consequence of "buyer's remorse" the next day, but no one should be taken advantage of when they're too intoxicated to understand what they're doing.

    I hate to open this door, but I can't leave it closed after kira's comment about blame shifting: It's almost like date rape. An intoxicated woman has the right the get drunk and choose to have sex she might regret the next morning. However, there comes a point when she may be too intoxicated to give knowledgeable consent, and what do we call "sex" without consent? In that scenario, we place the blame where it rightfully belongs - on the rapist and not on the girl who chose to get that drunk. It's the same premise, no matter how nicely we try to wrap the package, and it's never okay to take advantage of any person in any way when we know they're too inebriated to understand what's going on.

    As for the money, I'm right there with you. Taking the 20s that he thought were 1s without telling him would have been theft in my eyes.

    At the end of the day, fuck everyone else. Only you have to live with your conscience. Make sure that you are comfortable with the "man in the mirror" when all is said and done.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
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    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    I mean... It's great that you have such a strong sense of altruism. But I don't understand why you were so protective of some jerk who groped you and licked you. I would certainly have done the VIP and asked for a huge tip.

    After all, he was in the club to have fun, buy dances, and spend money. How does facilitating that make you an immoral greedy bitch?
    Last edited by kaninchen; 05-05-2015 at 10:42 PM.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    The tricky part is determining which customers are too intoxicated to consent to spending money and which one's aren't. My ex seemed completely coherent with a .20+ blood alcohol level. He couldn't make a good decision, but you wouldn't know it by the way he acted. I've known others who seemed wasted but could not only make good decisions but had no problem discussing complex physics, mathematics and philosophy.

    Equating spending money foolishly with rape... Being assaulted and emotionally scarred for life just does not compare with spending money on a VIP and regretting it. Whole 'nother order of magnitude there.

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    Default Re: What would you have done? (Be Honest)

    Quote Originally Posted by kirakonstantin View Post
    The tricky part is determining which customers are too intoxicated to consent to spending money and which one's aren't. My ex seemed completely coherent with a .20+ blood alcohol level. He couldn't make a good decision, but you wouldn't know it by the way he acted. I've known others who seemed wasted but could not only make good decisions but had no problem discussing complex physics, mathematics and philosophy.

    Equating spending money foolishly with rape... Being assaulted and emotionally scarred for life just does not compare with spending money on a VIP and regretting it. Whole 'nother order of magnitude there.
    Obviously it's not the best comparison because, you're right, rape is a whole 'nother ball game of fucked up. I used it for comparison, though, because - having experienced date rape myself - your post had all the arguing points of people who shift the blame of it onto the victim and otherwise pretend it's "not really rape." The basic idea is that a person has a right to be secure in their person and possessions no matter how intoxicated they are and, while rape is worse because it directly violates the person, it's still wrong to take advantage of someone monetarily.

    As for determining which customers - I agree that it can be a hard call. I have friends exactly like your ex and it's only because of knowing them like I do that I know when to say, "Fuck yeah, let's do the damn thing," versus "B, that's not a good idea. We'll talk about it when you sober up."
    We'll never be 100% certain that we're not taking advantage of someone without knowing them personally or absolutely not dancing for intoxicated customers. We can, however, make the best judgment call available to us and remember that the more inebriated a person appears, the less likely they are to make good decisions most of the time.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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