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Thread: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    I used to have extreme social anxiety up until I took psilocybin for the first time in 2011. After that experience, my social anxiety disorder was completely cured.
    Interesting. Wish I'd seen this post before my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. Not that it's something she could prescribe, but it would have been fun to hear what she thought about it. A previous therapist tried to get me to look into medicinal marijuana (I live in WA State), but what I've read indicates that it can worsen anxiety for those prone to panic attacks. So it's more of that good old fashioned lithium for me!

    Alot of introverts get drained because most of us are very high self-monitoring. We tend to exhaust ourselves just by monitoring our own body language, facial expressions, and what we say, constantly.
    Exactly. I always have to go over and over my mental script when I'm talking to somebody. And then I over-analyze everything I said, thinking of what I should have said instead. And then I wonder about my tone, facial expressions, and so on. Every time I say "excuse me" to someone, I can't help but worry that I sound sarcastic...

    The other thing that gets to me is how incredibly artificial people seem to be. People are always wearing a mask, faking some part of their personality in order to "fit in" or manipulate or seem normal to others.
    It's like the phony banter between network news anchors, or the forced laughter at a bad joke. It's very hard for me to put on a mask, which is a little ironic since I'm such a Batman fan. Oh, and this scene from "The Princess Bride" just popped into my head. Socializing would be much easier if we could wear literal masks...

    ETA: Aaand here I am again, first post of a new page. I feel so conspicuous...
    Last edited by R-209; 05-15-2015 at 07:22 PM.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by kaninchen View Post
    I'm pathologically introverted. If I have a stretch of 3-4 days where I have no outside obligations, I won't go farther than my yard. In fact, I usually go inside if I see my neighbors. But yeah, it's very easy for me to spend all day indoors with my cat. I prefer it that way, at least until I have nothing but mustard and bonito flakes in my fridge and then I have to face the dreaded grocery store. I spent $30 on pizza delivery last week rather than go a mile to the store to get a week's worth of groceries for the same price!

    It's not that I don't like people, but human contact is immensely stressful for me. I have a few friends that I absolutely adore, but I can't hang out with them for longer than an hour or two before my mind starts going blank and I get anxious and cranky. Yep. I'm basically a toddler who gets overwhelmed and needs frequent naps!

    Trufax though, one of the reasons I love SW is that it provides necessary girl-type human contact without all the anxiety that face-to-face communication brings me.
    Haven't even read all the replies yet, but have to say that this ^^^^ is like holding up a mirror in front of myself -- w/ the exception of 'It's not that I don't like people'. I reached a point sm time ago where I realised that I truly don't like most ppl. 'People' to me means 'interaction' & while you could argue that 'oh, Aniela just hates the interaction part' I've grown to be much more cynical than almost anyone I've met in my age group seen & heard too much of the horrible things humans are capable of. I don't trust most interactions anymore & just don't want to deal w/ any of it, at least not in person. God Bless SW.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Me.
    I got depressed though from too much hermitting and I'm looking for balance again so I've got myself on a pretty busy " out of the house " routine lately.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I usually diffuse it by being honest that I'm in sales too and what I'd really like is " xyz " . I'm generally a sucker though because I love really fast moving transactions.
    I actually drive a car that's way older than what I want / can afford because I'm scared to go. Haha.
    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    Yes, all that!

    Does anyone else get really stressed out by other salespeople? When I was buying a car, at one place I got super anxious and upset and almost called the cab to take me home, because they were just asking so many questions/in my business/being really kinda condescending and pushy. I ended up buying from a place that doesn't haggle prices and the salesman didn't give a shit what car, because he got a flat commission (it was SO much better!) I probably paid $500 over Blue Book, but the low stress was worth it. Last night, we were at a couple of jewelers looking at rings, and they pulled the split-the-couple-up tactic, which became immediately stressful as I had no one to back me up. When I objected to the $3000 diamonds they were pushing and said I wanted to look at white sapphires, they got condescending and "No you don't want those blah blah blah". Of course I don't, they're only $300... ugh. They knew my other half would just sign the credit card slip for whatever I wanted, but I was being the 'difficult' one, and they didn't like that. I almost cried after escaping the first store.

    It's like it stresses me out because I KNOW what they are doing, and it just comes off as very rude and it's like, seriously? Is that how you treat people all the time? Or does your job just tell you to be a condescending asshole? Like, I AM a salesperson too, but I only treat people that way if they're assholes to me. Even when trying to hustle one of those guys that wants to prove his net worth by spending it, I'm reasonably sweet.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    One trick I use is getting out of the house 3-6 hours. I'll elaborate later but I find that time chunk to be the perfect mix of the not going crazy at home but also not getting into anxiety mode like being out all day .
    Quote Originally Posted by kaninchen View Post
    I really do not want to leave the house today. Stupid non-negotiable obligations... This morning I'm really, really tempted to blow off everything so I can be alone.

    I have a dorky mantra for when I feel this way. I tell myself, "Choose life!" Not because I'm anti-abortion (I'm not) but because introversion can be deadly in combination with depression and anxiety. It gets way too easy to hide indoors and completely miss out on living your life. I want my solitude, but I want good solitude!

    Anyone else struggle with keeping productive introversion from turning into harmful introversion?

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Reading all of these posts makes me feel so much better. I have danced on and off for years, and when I first started I was so social. Now that I have gotten older, I am very much more of a hermit. Has anyone experienced this, from being so social to later on in life doing a complete 160? A lot of times for me its even hard to get my butt into the gym or the grocery store.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by theonewho View Post
    Reading all of these posts makes me feel so much better. I have danced on and off for years, and when I first started I was so social. Now that I have gotten older, I am very much more of a hermit. Has anyone experienced this, from being so social to later on in life doing a complete 160? A lot of times for me its even hard to get my butt into the gym or the grocery store.
    Yes, I'm EXACTLY like this now. I wrote all about it in another thread some time ago. At first I really couldn't understand why I felt this way, and tried very hard to ignore it, and forced myself to be my 'old' self, and go out all the time.
    I mean, how could I go from always wanting to be out, and be around lots of people, to never wanting to be out at all?
    I've now come to terms with it, and accept it for what it is. I've made peace with it, and am way happier with my decision to just 'go with it.'
    I ventured out yesterday to the city, and met up with a friend for an art show, and as I sit here writing this, my entire body feels achy. I have a headache, and feel very drained. I love my friend, but it's clear that the city energy is not good for me to be around. the drive was an hr. and a half each way, in traffic. Nope, the days of all of that being fun are long gone.


    eebf2c927faff16d65f6d190b4fb1bc1.jpg

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I usually diffuse it by being honest that I'm in sales too and what I'd really like is " xyz " . I'm generally a sucker though because I love really fast moving transactions.
    I actually drive a car that's way older than what I want / can afford because I'm scared to go. Haha.
    I seriously contemplated multiple times just buying another old car for cash and avoiding the whole situation. I don't really know how to tell them I'm in sales without them thinking it's like a combative thing... I know I immediately file guys under 'time waster' if they drop that line on me at work.

    Becoming anti-social is kind of a good thing too though; I no longer have any qualms about not doing things I don't feel like doing. I don't do stuff bc I feel bad for canceling. I hate making plans a week in advance bc chances are I won't feel like going when the day comes. I used to just go out of obligation, and now I have no issue being like "Ya know, I don't feel like doing xyz today". I used to get annoyed at my friend (who has severe social anxiety) for doing that, but I get it now. I guess it's probably selfish, but I don't give a shit.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I like the idea of the flat commission car place ! Sounds easy.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Ugh, today is one of those days where leaving the house is a serious struggle. To be totally honest, some mornings I get dressed, get my purse and keys, and then sit by my front door procrastinating as hard as possible because I really really really don't want to go out.

    Nothing to it but to do it, I guess.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    "Have a nice day!"

    "You're welcome!"

    DAMMIT.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I'm slowly learning to become more social because I had come to the realization that humans are simply meant to be social animals. When I was a hermit, my major depression was at its worse. Now that I socializing, I don't feel like that. My mental health is slowly improving. Every week, I meet with a group of other women who are knitters (I recently learned how to knit).





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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    I seriously contemplated multiple times just buying another old car for cash and avoiding the whole situation. I don't really know how to tell them I'm in sales without them thinking it's like a combative thing... I know I immediately file guys under 'time waster' if they drop that line on me at work.

    Becoming anti-social is kind of a good thing too though; I no longer have any qualms about not doing things I don't feel like doing. I don't do stuff bc I feel bad for canceling. I hate making plans a week in advance bc chances are I won't feel like going when the day comes. I used to just go out of obligation, and now I have no issue being like "Ya know, I don't feel like doing xyz today". I used to get annoyed at my friend (who has severe social anxiety) for doing that, but I get it now. I guess it's probably selfish, but I don't give a shit.


    I despise most sales people, but I will tell you that there is one way to fight back: Know what you want when you walk in the door.

    Example.

    Hi, slimy sales guy in the lime green sport jacket with donut jelly on your tie, I am here to look at a 2015 mustang V6, standard. No V8 no turbo 4, no auto. If it is on the lot we can talk color but if we are going to order it I want the midnight blue, no damn stripes. 4 year loan, period

    So now it is just about price, you did your research and you already know invoice and list and all the incentives.

    Now you know what? There are good sales people. Maybe mister sales guy cleans the jelly off his tie and thinks for a moment. he knows he has a midnight blue V8 on the lot.
    'how much do you drive a year?'
    'about 8k'
    'Just so you know,the v6 only gets 2 mpg more than the v8'
    'well...'
    'and that is lemee see, about 120 bucks a year in gas'
    "and while I know you are buying, I can tell you that I can lease the v8 to you for the same as the V6, which means that the v8 is worth more in 3 years than the v6, just so you know'

    'hmmm'

    'And I have a midnight blue on the lot. '

    Did he just make a sale? Maybe. That is real sales not the high pressure bs that passes as sales.

    My point is that good sales people can actually be useful, even though they are rare, and that if you plan ahead you can avoid the pitfalls of bad salespeople without losing the advantage of good salespeople.

    And lower your stress level.

    I have come to enjoy a really good salesperson. Like a stripper when her hustle is fine tuned just so. You are not going to buy anything you do not want, but you can feel yourself reeled in just a little and smile a little smile thinking 'wow she is good'

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Having to go out 2 days in a row...Oh, the anxiety....e3c2f2991c882f099c95cc56fef20c9b.jpg

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I see that one of the "similar threads" below contains my very first post to SW, so many years ago. I was looking for information about social anxiety and actually found this forum quite by chance. So there's a positive side to it.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    A lot of what strippers face is C-PTSD. In many clubs, it's just too much random sudden intrusiveness physically and emotionally.
    Using techniques to address that level of overload is helpful.
    Symptoms:
    Reliving the event (also called reexperiencing):
    Memories of the trauma can come back at any time. You may have nightmares or feel like you are going through it again. This is called a flashback.

    Avoiding situations that remind you of the event:
    You may try to avoid situations or people that bring back memories of the event.

    Negative changes in beliefs and feelings:
    The way you think about yourself and others changes because of the trauma. You may have trouble experiencing your emotions, think no one can be trusted, or feel guilt or shame.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    ^^Optimist, you hit the nail on the head with "too much random sudden intrusiveness physically and emotionally." I would love to hear your techniques in dealing with this.

    I feel like I've traded in my social anxiety disorder for PTSD, and I'm not sure which is worse. Now it's PTSD that causes me to be a hermit. I have no anxiety talking to people face to face, engaging with them, etc., but my patience for socialization has been shot. On top of that, it's hard to relate to anyone now. People who have no experience with the sex industry don't understand. And it's so difficult for me to be friends with someone when they have no idea what I do. I HATE lying to people, especially my own friends and family. It's isolating being a stripper/ sex worker if you have no stripper/sex worker friends in real life.
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourmilf View Post
    So glad to be out of there! Omg! I hate this feeling! Why does it have to be like this?
    Oh, sidebar......I past a strip club after I dropped him off, and I was so shook up, I almost wanted to duck in there to be on familiar territory. How f'd up is that?
    No judgment here … def been That Guy it IS phenomenally fkd up that sm times, curled in the foetal position in a dark corner of the SC feels like The Safest Place In The Whole Wide Universe just bc it's so familiar. I say, whatever gets you thru it.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletKitten View Post
    ^^Optimist, you hit the nail on the head with "too much random sudden intrusiveness physically and emotionally." I would love to hear your techniques in dealing with this.

    I feel like I've traded in my social anxiety disorder for PTSD, and I'm not sure which is worse. Now it's PTSD that causes me to be a hermit. I have no anxiety talking to people face to face, engaging with them, etc., but my patience for socialization has been shot. On top of that, it's hard to relate to anyone now. People who have no experience with the sex industry don't understand. And it's so difficult for me to be friends with someone when they have no idea what I do. I HATE lying to people, especially my own friends and family. It's isolating being a stripper/ sex worker if you have no stripper/sex worker friends in real life.

    Recovery from PTSD does not mean forgetting the past trauma. It does mean that you learn how to not have the bad physical and emotional reactions in response to memories so that you can fully live your life. Recovery is not a cure. It helps you believe that you can reach your goals and learn new things to help yourself. It helps you gain self-confidence and respect for yourself.

    The 10 principles of recovery make you the most important part of your recovery. Your counselor, doctor, family, and medicines can help you, but you're the one who makes the decisions. In the recovery process, you learn to cope with your symptoms and challenges and to develop social support.

    Positive coping skills

    Coping is about dealing with your symptoms. When you cope with your symptoms in a positive way, you often feel more in control. You accept what the traumatic event did and take steps to improve your life.
    Rest your nerves by sitting in a quiet place at home, in nature, until the nervousness and exhaustion stop. It may take days or weeks but it will stop.
    Then begin writing down everything that triggers you (causes intense fear, anger, sadness). Begin to think about what happened to upset you now or what happened in the past that you are being reminded of now.
    You can feel physical fear, financial insecurity, shaming of the job, gender, net worth shaming, and anything from childhood like power issues or being unfairly compared with others, being used/abused, etc. There's a million possible triggers with a job like this.
    Find things to do to ease your memories and reactions. Consider channeling your emotions into activities or sports, painting or writing, or a rewarding job. Relieve stress to relax and feel less anxious.
    Exercise and be active to reduce how tense you feel. People who are fit usually have less anxiety, depression, and stress than people who aren't active.
    Get enough sleep to help your mood and make you feel less stressed. Many people with PTSD have trouble sleeping because they feel nervous and anxious or can't stop thinking about the traumatic event.
    Eat a balanced diet to help your body deal with tension and stress. Whole grains, dairy products, fruits, vegetables, and protein are part of a balanced diet.

    Negative coping skills

    Negative coping skills are certain ways you may try to deal with your symptoms and problems that cause more harm than good. These are quick fixes that don't improve your situation in the long run. They include drinking too much, avoiding others, and lashing out.
    You don't want to get into any habits that mask or suppress your unpleasant emotions. Drinking or drugging away feelings keeps you stuck. So does sexing it away or shopping it away.

    Support groups and social support

    There are times when you may need a shoulder to cry on or a ride to the doctor. You may want to learn more about PTSD or talk with others who have PTSD. You need people who understand what you are going through and will help you and care about you. This is your support network.

    Support takes many forms. You can find it in seminars and groups led by professionals, in groups made up of others with PTSD, and in your relationships with family and friends.
    Identify your beliefs to keep you balanced. PTSD can cause a spiritual crisis. You may begin to question your own beliefs and values and ask yourself why war or disasters happen. If this happens to you, talk to a family member, friend, or spiritual advisor. Consider spiritual study, prayer, or meditation. http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/t...rder-recovery?

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    You are not alone. Dancing, working in clubs, etc, and constantly getting stared at.... of course you are going to want to be a hermit. Life needs a balancing act. When I used to dance, I would just hole up for weeks and if I did go out it was hat and sweats. I still can't walk into a loud club or go to a restaurant late night. It is just part of the type of work. Enjoy the silence and alone time. Best time to just do a spa day and catch up on movies

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by oldster View Post
    I despise most sales people, but I will tell you that there is one way to fight back: Know what you want when you walk in the door.

    I have come to enjoy a really good salesperson. Like a stripper when her hustle is fine tuned just so. You are not going to buy anything you do not want, but you can feel yourself reeled in just a little and smile a little smile thinking 'wow she is good'
    That is basically what I did... I went in (Carmax) and said "I'm self-employed without pay stubs, can you finance me yes or no" and he ran my info right there. I then said "Ok I want either a Mustang or a Camaro, in black or white" and those are what we looked at. I did let him show me a Hyundai, because he genuinely seemed to think I might like it. But he didn't go "Ooh stripper! Look at the BMWs and Mercedes!" Done deal in 3 hours.
    I think it was slightly different than a dealership in that what is on the lot is it, they can't order you a car, so they can't upsell you leather seats or w/e, and of course the salespeople get a flat rate regardless of the car's price. Hell, I thought about applying for a job there, low stress sales without trying to swindle people

    Agreed that it can be fun to be sold on things, IF you are ready to buy anyway. That's why I would never go into a club without the intention of buying dances, or onto a car lot without a serious intention to possibly buy, otherwise it just becomes high pressure tug-o-war between you and the sales person.

    /end Sales Threadjack


    I think I'm coming out of my anti-social phase. I'd like to. It's been getting painfully negative, hating people all the time.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I think we all want some balance in our lives. I'm helping a client who works in a club do exactly that - learn to reduce stress away from work, and try not to get too stressed out at work. Sometimes that's easier said than done, and it can sometimes lead to what you're experiencing.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    My anxiety is kicking so hard my chest hurts. I could use a drink right now, I really could. But I won't. It's been over a year since I've had a drink. I don't know why; I've never really had a problem with it. The warning labels on the medication say not to use alcohol while I'm taking it, but I'm not too worried about that. I guess it's just stubbornness. Like, if I drink, I'll give the anxiety a "win." So I'm just having some Tension Tamer tea instead.

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  42. #49
    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourmilf View Post
    I had to go to the supermarket this afternoon, which is never one of my favorite chores, because it's usually so crowded, esp. On a Saturday.
    Was so happy that there were only a handful of poeple in there, so for once it felt kinda relaxing.
    Even the screaming children were not that annoying today.
    Ugh I do NOT like the grocery store. I get bad anxiety from things like traffic jams, crowds not moving, etc. because I am very impatient. The way people saunter around the grocery store, block aisles, blah blah, makes me want to scream.
    I'm about this close to ordering online at Walmart and just picking it up... I just always forget to do it the night before and you can't order day-of :/
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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  44. #50
    God/dess Elektra Luxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    I'm about this close to ordering online at Walmart and just picking it up.
    I didn't know you could order groceries? That's great.

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