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Thread: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

  1. #101
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I worked in a crowded environment today for my day job. I feel so depleted! I've been wavering on getting another assistant ( the current one just does sales ) and the main thing I'll need is crowd control. I always feel like it is this awkward clusterfuck at a certain key time at events and I need people to Stay Back ( away from me mostly !). I'll have to figure out a smooth way to integrate them even though their main job is just clearing a 6 -7 foot bubble around me. I guess I'm making the decision now that this is happening and I won't be working again at this place without crowd control assistance. I've already taken a salt bath , had food, and I still feel so angry !

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  3. #102
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Could...really...use...drink...rightnow.

    Crap.

    I'm sure this chamomile tea will work just as well.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Ughh! After a week long of comfortably being my nice hermit self while I was staying at my friend's place while she was out of town, I had to drive back home in the middle of the night last night, after she got back. (I wish she offered to have me sleep over till morning, but whatevs).
    I really hate that drive, cause it's all dark freeway, and country roads with no cell reception, but I'm very proud of myself for braving it.
    Thank goodness that I made it home safe, albeit at 2 a.m, but still...c9d9c947e357fa6b63d277284b53cb0e.jpg

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    I can NOT do that. Learned that the hard way. I did very, very well for several shifts in a row back in April and decided to 'reward myself' with like 5 days off... and could not drag my ass back in. I gave myself burnout because I had time to sit at home and think about the negatives of the club. I stewed that so hard that I decided to get a freaking teaching job, and essentially quit working except for 3-4 hrs/week until I came to my senses 2 months later.

    I'm still digging out of the hole

    Now I make a point to never, ever not go in if I've marked it as a day I was going to work. I've caught myself several times about to not go. Bailing out is a death spiral and a bad habit to get into!
    Well for me it actually helps me to regroup enough that when I do go back I'm in a much better state of mind & usually do better. I can see how it might be counter productive to some though. I have little side jobs that I do that pay the same as dancing would which has helped me immensley. I think all in all it boiled down to me just hating that dead ass club & wanting to go elsewhere.
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by R-209 View Post
    Could...really...use...drink...rightnow.

    Crap.

    I'm sure this chamomile tea will work just as well.
    Meeeeee Toooooooo!!! I'm buying, Margaritas on the rocks with a double shot of Cuervo.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elektra Luxx View Post
    Meeeeee Toooooooo!!! I'm buying, Margaritas on the rocks with a double shot of Cuervo.
    Awesome! Except I'm not drinking right now for some reason. I don't know why, exactly. It's not because I ever had a problem with alcohol. Maybe I'm a bit worried about mixing liquor with my meds, but surely one drink once in a while couldn't hurt (could it?). Maybe I'm afraid if I start again, I'll use it as a crutch. Maybe it's my increasingly apparent OCD tendencies; I haven't had a drink since May of last year and I simply can't bring myself to break the streak.

    Or maybe it's because Washington State's liquor taxes are ridiculously high.

    Whatever the reason, the compromise I've made with myself is that I will permit a drink to celebrate when something suitably good happens. This may take a while. Hopefully it won't cause a reaction with the lithium. If it doesn't, then I may cautiously approach a glass of red wine on occasion. Perfectly reasonable.

    Know what one of my favorite drinks was? Marshmallow vodka. It sounds very "unmanly," but it was sooo good. I also liked Old Crow, because it was said to be Mark Twain's favorite and it is also very inexpensive.

    Anyway, I've been making further efforts to conquer my social anxiety so that I may one day function in the real world. I went to one community gathering which was a little awkward, but brief. But that got me invited to a bigger event next Sunday, which I could not find any way of declining. I must become more proficient at this so-called "small talk" that the Normals speak of...

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    ^^^^^Well, that's progress. Good for you!

    Im proud of myself that I drove up to my friends house and back tonight. Im pissed though that she didnt ask me to stay over, esp. Since she texted me when I got home that I could use her place to work tomorrow. What??
    Shes one of those friends that doesnt get the whole needing to hermit, and the driving anxiety I have.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by R-209 View Post
    Know what one of my favorite drinks was? Marshmallow vodka. It sounds very "unmanly," but it was sooo good. I also liked Old Crow, because it was said to be Mark Twain's favorite and it is also very inexpensive.
    As of this weekend, I'm going to stay away from alcohol for a while too and switch to chamomile tea, I don't drink a lot, but when I do I don't know when to stop and it gets me into trouble. I've never had a Marshmallow Vodka. I think you're a totally manly, regardless of the name of your favorite drink.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elektra Luxx View Post
    I think you're a totally manly, regardless of the name of your favorite drink.
    Aw, thanks!

    Coincidentally, after I typed that last post, I went to the kitchen and discovered I'd accidentally left the Valerian tea out again. Yikes. The cats were pretty nutty for a while.

    I also like the "Tension Tamer" tea, in part because there's a dragon on the box. I think I'm going to make an effort to drink more green tea in the morning instead of coffee.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Last night's meeting was pretty intense. I always get there about half an hour early to unlock the door and set everything up. I was surprised when our guest speaker showed up early, too. So I had to talk to her for about fifteen minutes while surreptitiously glancing at the clock, hoping that the far more extroverted members would arrive soon. I am still lacking in my "small talk" skills and speaking extemporaneously. Online, I can (and do) edit and re-edit a post or e-mail dozens of times, look up proper grammar (what's the difference between "further" and "farther" again?), research facts and figures, and so on.

    In person, I just nod and say "Uh-huh" and "Mmm" a lot, while my brain is screaming at me to think of something clever to say. And I'm like, "Isn't that YOUR job, brain?"

    I'm also very self-conscious about my facial expressions. Am I making too little or too much eye contact? Do I look bored? Am I scowling? Should I be smiling? Does my fake smile look fake?

    And while I'm thinking about all this, I've completely missed what the other person was saying. Oh, well. I guess it's practice, practice, practice. :shudder:

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  19. #111
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Don't feel to bad, I'm the same way too. Maybe you could adopt a persona. Some people in this forum adopt a persona while working. This persona is strong, cool, confident and always knows what to say. I try to mimic my older sister in certain situations. She could have been the captain of a starship. PM me if you need more dets.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elektra Luxx View Post
    Maybe you could adopt a persona. Some people in this forum adopt a persona while working. This persona is strong, cool, confident and always knows what to say.
    YES. Depending on who I'm dealing with, I either want to be William Wallace or Raylan Givens.

    I've half-seriously considered a disguise, like a pair of Clark Kent style glasses. Perhaps a hat of some kind...

    It would be fun to be a master of disguise.

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  23. #113
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by R-209 View Post
    I went to one community gathering which was a little awkward, but brief. But that got me invited to a bigger event next Sunday, which I could not find any way of declining.
    You guys... That other event?

    IT WAS A TRAP!

    Actually, it was an awards ceremony for community volunteers. I had no idea I was getting one (for starting the support group) until I read the program. I certainly appreciated the gesture, but standing up in front of a big crowd while people are taking pictures of you can raise that social anxiety just a bit. Afterward, I had to "mingle" with people asking me questions and wanting to know about the group. I talked to one guy for about 45 minutes, but he looked a lot like LeVar Burton so it was okay. After that, I was ready to retreat to my solitude. Good practice, though.

    And they gave me a plaque! No one's ever given me a plaque before.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I found a supermarket in the new town I live in that never is crowded, and even has the bank I now go to inside. Since food shopping gives me such anxiety, I felt it was a God send.... Until the other day.
    It's close to a high school, and school apparently had just started last week.
    I got caught in the middle of school letting out, and it not only was crowded with rowdy kids inside, but all of the surrounding streets were clogged and bumper to bumper with parents cars who were picking them up. I just did my banking and got the frig outta there. You know it's bad, when the teller comments on it.3eb90605fc991e4cf9e5b5df061e481a.jpg

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by R-209 View Post
    I also like the "Tension Tamer" tea, in part because there's a dragon on the box.
    I have that stuff! We identify all the teas by the pictures on the box, haha... if my SO asks what kind of tea I want, I say "dragon" He's a very calm dragon somehow, lol

    I think I'm gonna go grocery shopping at the 24 hr Walmart after work... I'm sure it'll be empty at 1 am. I'm becoming very anal about grocery shopping.... I go to Walmart bc it doesn't feel as crowded and tight as a Frys, and they have self checkout, where I don't have to chat with a cashier and can take my sweet ass time and bag things in an organized manner. I want this bag to be all frozen, and this to be all baking goods, etc. Easier to unpack.

    My phone has like 4 voicemails I won't listen to. They're from the car insurance companies (because I was livid at being blamed and demanded they have a higher up adjuster look at it), but now I don't want to deal with talking to people and the stress it puts on me. I'm going to stick a money order under the office door at my apt for the bullshit they're charging me for, write that I want an emailed receipt, that if they tow my car I will report it stolen and sue, and to please not call me about anything for the remainder of my lease. I think the system fucked up and thinks my fiancé is on the lease, so maybe I'll send him down there. He's level headed and doesn't dissolve into fits of rage and frustration tears.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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  28. #116
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Yeah, my Safeway is across from a high school. Whenever I make the mistake of going around the time it lets out, I fear for the future.

    And apparently people no longer feel the need to look behind them when backing out of a parking space. Or yield to pedestrians in the crosswalk. I nearly had to jump out of the way last week.

    My latest SA story: I had an appointment with the psych nurse for the first time in almost a year. Usually, I face other appointments with either dread or indifference, but the SA kicks in with the nurse because she is amazingly beautiful. She looks a bit like Emilia Clarke. She's actually quite sweet and easy to talk to, but I find myself feeling very self-conscious about everything I say and do. Like, am I making too much or too little eye contact? And I'm a bit more guarded than I would be with the psychiatrist. I was grateful that I'm not the mess of a human being I was last year, because I got to have a pretty pleasant visit. She has a painting of "Starry Night" in her office now, so I talked with her about the Van Gogh bio I've been reading (what a coincidence, by the way).

    I think I made a mistake when I showed her the plaque I mentioned above. That probably made me look like a little kid trying to impress a pretty teacher. Or a total creeper.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    I have that stuff! We identify all the teas by the pictures on the box, haha... if my SO asks what kind of tea I want, I say "dragon" He's a very calm dragon somehow, lol
    Hmmm. He doesn't look that calm. Or maybe I've been prejudiced by "Game of Thrones." I also like the one with the teddy bear in his night cap, but I haven't tried the one with the wizard and unicorn for some reason.

    Tension-Tamer-20.jpg

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    [QUOTE=R-209;2795066]Yeah, my Safeway is across from a high school. Whenever I make the mistake of going around the time it lets out, I fear for the future.

    Idkw but this made me lol so hard! Its the same feeling for me, like I hear the dreaded 'do do do do' music playing.
    Oh yeah, I agree with them roaming around mindless of anyone else being around. They are #selfobsorbed.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I'm really having a hard time dealing with stupid people and anyone who irritates me. It's hard bc at work I can just roll my eyes and leave. In real life I have to be polite. If I know someone is going to say something to make me angry or is just an idiot, I won't deal with them in person. It's like a weird form of social anxiety; I'm not anxious about talking to the person, I'm agitated that I know they'll piss me off and set my OCD in motion (which makes me dwell on the offending thing and waste a whole day), so I avoid them.

    I just sent my SO down with a check to this crap apt complex, bc I knew I would lose my shit if I had to look at the smug finance woman's face. He told them to leave me alone for the rest of my lease. He's going to have to deal with them from now on. I'm making him stay home tomorrow morning to deal with selling my car as well. I have issues with doing any kind of sales deal with people that's not in a strip club. Idk what I would do without him to be the mediator for me. Probably hide in bed from the world.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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  35. #120
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    ^^ Oh my God I didn't know you were homeless, I thought you got a place worked out I hope something gets turned around for you!

    Eviction/their power is totally why I didn't immediately have a lawyer send them a letter; I had a nasty feeling they'd retaliate. I'm not sure if they're ignorant to my bf not being on the lease or not; one girl knows he's not and tries to hush it up, not sure about the rest. He does get all the same emails/rent reminders that I do, has an online acct to pay rent, and they address things to both of us.... but all I need is for them to get mad, pull my file and figure out he never actually signed the lease and have me evicted over him being here.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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  37. #121
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    ^^^^^Not that You asked for my advice, but if I can save even 1 person from what I've gone through, it would be.....Stay Invisible. (With landlords, with anyone that annoys You)...Stay Invisible.
    You'll have a much more peaceful life.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourmilf View Post
    ^^^^^Not that You asked for my advice, but if I can save even 1 person from what I've gone through, it would be.....Stay Invisible. (With landlords, with anyone that annoys You)...Stay Invisible.
    You'll have a much more peaceful life.
    With vindictive people, that's the only way to do it.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamourmilf View Post
    ^^^^^Not that You asked for my advice, but if I can save even 1 person from what I've gone through, it would be.....Stay Invisible. (With landlords, with anyone that annoys You)...Stay Invisible.
    You'll have a much more peaceful life.
    With vindictive people, that's the only way to do it.

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  42. #124
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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    ^^ Thank You. I only went out of obligation, but never again!
    Thank God my best friend couldn't make the long drive out to go with me. She would've kicked my ass if I put her through that.
    I will be hanging out with his neighbors in the future, however, so not all is lost.
    But I'm not going to make any social plans until winter, whenever THAT will be.

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    Default Re: Am I THE only one that has turned into a hermit & suffers social anxiety?

    I went downtown with my roomie tonight for a walk & didn't feel I looked my best so I hid behind sunglasses all afternoon & fought the overwhelming social awkwardness creeping up & feeling as if everyone was staring at me . I hated it!
    "Don't go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs"

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