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Thread: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dancing

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dancing

    There's been a lot of talk about extras on the board lately, and I have a theory that has been influenced by both my own experiences and friends' in the dating world. Everyone has that friend that is super promiscuous, on all the online dating sites, and has a new guy in her life every 5 minutes. Let's talk about her. She's basically the "extras" girl of the vanilla sex world, if you will. She dates guys for 1 week to years with no commitments expected. She does "friends with benefits" or is in an "open relationship", or just plain doesn't care because she's averaging 3 guys in the sack a week. She expects nothing except maybe a starbucks coffee, or dinner, or maybe just some wine and netflix. She might even be "that" chick who is so "modern" she expects--and will insist if the situation demands--to pay for her own stuff on the first date. But still promptly follow said dude home and fuck/blow their brains out. I have lots of friends like this. Hell, I've been like this for short periods of time in my life where I either didn't give a fuck, or was too young and stupid to know better. As I've aged up and smartened up, now that I try to demand a certain level of respect from men, and as a result, a form of "compensation" for my sexuality, I'm frequently met with shock, accused of being a prude, or just flat out ignored. These reactions remind me of the reactions of men in the extras clubs I worked in during university. The facial expressions, the asking of "why not?", the refusal to take "no" as an answer and not enter into debate, the inability for me to dictate the terms of my sexuality without question.

    Does anyone else feel that modern sexual culture has experienced a huuuuuuge deterioration in the last few years? I'm talking since 2008ish and when smartphones and streaming went mainstream. I'm talking deterioration quality wise. Like intimacy and realness as well as commitment. When I started seeing my first boyfriend in 2010 we had a couple "talks" about the status of our relationship and gradually committed, and he would (shocker) actually call me on the phone a few times a week. Now it seems like the "norm" is casual relationships and people (men and women) get this ghastly, shocked look on their face when you bring up the word "relationship". People flat out tell you they are seeing other people with no shame, and if you're not ok with that kind of arrangement, screw you, there's 200 more girls on tinder or pof or whatever else site just waiting to fuck them and demand nothing in return. The standard of communication is texts, snaps, and facebook messages, all of which are essentially scripted. To meet up with someone in person takes weeks because everyone is so "busy" (myself included) working 2 jobs, answering emails, blogging, social media-ing, etc. It's like people in general are so overwhelmed by so many different things that they can't focus on one person for more than a few hours a week, and the idea of having to do that for a long period of time is just like...no. It's like when we as a society stopped being able to consume copious amounts of consumer goods after the recession and credit crunch, we switched to consuming people. It's like everyone's a celebrity/commodity in their own social mediasphere, and it's like Heidi Fleiss once said "everyone is for sale." Except in a lot of cases, it shouldn't really be called a "sale" because modern young girls aren't getting much out of the deal.

    I feel like this phenomenon has a lot to do with the underlying trend in the industry towards extras that's been happening in recent years. People being commodifed is becoming the norm. I think a lot of young girls are starting to see extras as a way to be "compensated" for their sexuality because the traditional forms of compensation have disappeared: love, commitment, intimacy, TRUST. I know I go through phases after particularly terrible casual encounters that end up meaning nothing at all, where I seriously debate trying sugaring as the logic of "well if it's a choice between casual sex that I get nothing out of and casual sex I get something out of..." comes out of the woodwork and I want to smack myself for continuing to try the modern dating phenomenon of casual sex just hoping it will go somewhere nice. I can't be the only female who has these thoughts, and certainly if many other women have thought this, some have acted. People on SW like to blame the economy, LE, and politics for rampant extras. Nope, I blame Tinder and every other app/site like it. For training men that women are sexually available to meet their needs: their needs being sex for nothing, not even respect. It goes back to the days when women were just expected to cater to mens' sexual needs in return for shelter, protection, food, etc. Except now we are expected to cater for NOTHING. Sometimes I don't blame the extras girls for doing what they do, sometimes I think they're damn smart for exploiting one of the last strongholds of female sexuality (or so it seems). I hate extras in the club as much as the next clean dancer but in this modern environment of sexuality? I can't really see things going another way unless there is a massive growing of lady balls in the female population. Thoughts?
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles


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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I hesitate to comment at all on this topic because of the societal overtones, but ... Arguably today's situation can be at least partially attributable to ...

    - successful feminism - females aren't supposed to place themselves in a position of 'depending on' male partners ... which has arguably led from lifelong monogamy to multiple short term monogamies to the de-facto death of monogamy.

    - decreased personal responsibility - the classic necessity of long term mutually supportive relationships has been mitigated by a wide array of modern 'changes' ... from 'free' birth control and abortions, to social welfare benefits, to family support extending well past age 18.

    - societal acceptance - the classic stigma a la 'the scarlet letter' is completely dead in modern society. Additionally, holding 'conservative' views toward sex or anything else is frowned upon by mainstream media, the 'rich and famous' etc.

    - commodification of sex - from the situation of 50 years ago of Playboy magazine and porno movie houses, today sex is virtually everywhere ... viewing it is essentially free, and engaging in it is comparatively 'cheap' if not free under many circumstances.


    A light bulb lit up in my head the first time I heard the now famous Charlie Sheen quote ... 'I don't pay girls to have sex with me. I pay them to LEAVE afterwards !"
    Last edited by Melonie; 05-17-2015 at 04:47 PM.

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    There is nothing new about men demanding sexual access to women's bodies based on the men's belief they have purchased access via paying for a date or paying for a dance. Men have demanded possession and access to women's bodies for all of recorded history. Before there were "extras" at the strip clubs (before there were strip clubs) there were brothels. In the 18th and 19th centuries women began performing on stage and those women occupied the role of courtesan.

    If women wanted to engage with men sexually, all though human history they had 2 choices, marriage or sex work. There was no such thing as a single woman. Someone owned that woman's body, father or pimp or husband or slave owner.

    What is new is that women are choosing to have sex on their own terms instead of based on what men tell them they can and can't do. When women sell sexual access to their bodies, they have 100% rights to whom they do business with and how much they are willing to accept in exchange for access.

    Women who have sex as a recreational activity don't charge because they feel the activity is mutually agreed upon for the pleasure of the participants.

    Restaurants will cook your meals for money. Mom will feed you for free. This doesn't mean that Mom is devaluing the service the restaurant provides and isn't likely to put restaurants out of business. In fact, most people would agree that the food Mom cooks is better than any you can get in a restaurant, anyway.

    Women who like having recreational sex are akin to Mom's cooking. People will still go to restaurants no matter how good a cook mom happens to be.
    Last edited by Tourdefranzia; 05-18-2015 at 07:09 AM.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I totally agree with you. I'm 22 but if I were to break up with my boyfriend, I would only date men who were late 30's and over. I don't like the entitled attitude that most guys my age have. It seems like only older guys have a since of respect and class still. I'd go after the guys who are more out of the technology loop and don't know about the booty call culture.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Hmm. I don't think that the fundamentals of our sexual culture have changed much since the 60s when the women's rights movement and access to birth control revolutionized it. People have been having casual sex for a long time! The internet and dating apps have only changed it as much as they've changed any other type of communication and interaction -- they've made it simpler, briefer, and faster. Plus, while marriage rates are declining, old-fashioned marriage is still prevalent at 50% of households in 2012.

    I'm not gonna pretend that I know why extras have become a thing in strip clubs, it's just in this case I don't see the correlation. Thumbs up on starting this thread though, I'm excited to hear everyone's opinion!

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I don't think that the fundamentals of our sexual culture have changed much since the 60s when the women's rights movement and access to birth control revolutionized it. People have been having casual sex for a long time! The internet and dating apps have only changed it as much as they've changed any other type of communication and interaction -- they've made it simpler, briefer, and faster.
    Granted that the initial introduction of birth control, in combination with rising feminism as well as the 'war mentality' of the time ( i.e. guys being sent to Vietnam, thus rendering long term relationships dicey at best ), created huge difference in attitudes toward casual sex from 1959 to 1969 from the point of view of young Americans. However, this did little to change the attitudes of their parents / grandparents / society in general. Arguably, it has taken two generations = ~40 years for the young people of 1969 to gradually 'age' their way throughout American society ... and in doing so gaining the economic and political 'power' to effect a permanent change in societal attitudes and constructs.


    I don't like the entitled attitude that most guys my age have. It seems like only older guys have a since of respect and class still.
    Arguably, such guys are only one generation removed ... thus they retain more of the 'traditional' values than younger guys who are two generations removed. However, demographics dictates that such guys will become fewer and fewer in number.


    * not all men can get "virtually free unlimited sex". That's still a trophy for rich guys, athletes and really pretty boys with good game
    If you look toward the 'leading edge' in this area ( i.e. Japan which is supposedly 10 years ahead of the USA / Western countries ), you find a disturbing phenomenon of 'Mendokusai'. From

    (snip)Mendokusai translates loosely as "Too troublesome" or "I can't be bothered". It's the word I hear both sexes use most often when they talk about their relationship phobia. Romantic commitment seems to represent burden and drudgery, from the exorbitant costs of buying property in Japan to the uncertain expectations of a spouse and in-laws. And the centuries-old belief that the purpose of marriage is to produce children endures. Japan's Institute of Population and Social Security reports an astonishing 90% of young women believe that staying single is "preferable to what they imagine marriage to be like".

    The sense of crushing obligation affects men just as much. Satoru Kishino, 31, belongs to a large tribe of men under 40 who are engaging in a kind of passive rebellion against traditional Japanese masculinity. Amid the recession and unsteady wages, men like Kishino feel that the pressure on them to be breadwinning economic warriors for a wife and family is unrealistic. They are rejecting the pursuit of both career and romantic success.

    "It's too troublesome," says Kishino, when I ask why he's not interested in having a girlfriend. "I don't earn a huge salary to go on dates and I don't want the responsibility of a woman hoping it might lead to marriage." Japan's media, which has a name for every social kink, refers to men like Kishino as "herbivores" or soshoku danshi (literally, "grass-eating men"). Kishino says he doesn't mind the label because it's become so commonplace. He defines it as "a heterosexual man for whom relationships and sex are unimportant".

    The phenomenon emerged a few years ago with the airing of a Japanese manga-turned-TV show. The lead character in Otomen ("Girly Men") was a tall martial arts champion, the king of tough-guy cool. Secretly, he loved baking cakes, collecting "pink sparkly things" and knitting clothes for his stuffed animals.(snip)

    ... thus if Japan truly is the leading indicator, stagnant economies ... and the side effect of rendering many young men incapable of landing a steady job with enough income to provide for a family ... is causing many young men to simply 'give up' on sex / relationships. Well at least sex / relationships with real live women !!! However, there is a lot of evidence that, for some number of younger Japanese guys, 'virtual' women are taking the place of real live women ... see

    Trying to make logical sense out of all of this, I'm taken back to the Charlie Sheen quote. It's likely that younger guys on limited budgets ... who still have sex drive but do not have expectations of relationships ... see the availability of reasonably priced 'extras' in strip clubs as a worthwhile expenditure. However, where dancers providing a 'fantasy' experience is concerned, those younger guys can easily substitute 'virtual' options at a far lower cost.
    Last edited by Melonie; 05-19-2015 at 02:27 AM.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Quote Originally Posted by NakedNicole View Post
    I totally agree with you. I'm 22 but if I were to break up with my boyfriend, I would only date men who were late 30's and over. I don't like the entitled attitude that most guys my age have. It seems like only older guys have a since of respect and class still. I'd go after the guys who are more out of the technology loop and don't know about the booty call culture.
    As someone in their 30s I'm not so sure you'd be any better off. Men my age seem to be just as taken by 'booty call culture' they are just more slick about it, refusing to commit, always in search of the bigger better deal.

    Thanks Odette for the original post. It definitely strikes a chord with my experience. I have lamented the same thing both in strip club and relationship terms.
    "People flat out tell you they are seeing other people with no shame, and if you're not ok with that kind of arrangement, screw you, there's 200 more girls on tinder or pof or whatever else site just waiting to fuck them and demand nothing in return." <--- and the same n the clubs. By not holding up your value as a woman you are leading everyone in a race to the bottom.

    When it comes to relationships i have struck gold and found the metaphorical unicorn: a man who wants a committed monogamous relationship. But he admits that a couple of years ago even he didn't see the value in that (he's 30). So many girls if you are a man and so many girls hoping that one of their casual things will turn into a thing are never going to lead to a high number of successful relationships.

    I saw an article this week quoting the beautiful, talented, sexy and successful Kylie Minogue saying "I guess love and a family just weren't on the cards for me" - which is pretty much how i was feeling at 39 and single until i met my boyfriend.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I think everyone's life goes in cycles. I've had periods of monogamy, celibacy, and casual sex. I wasn't selling myself short because I wasn't ready for more than a hookup. I tend to think society is in the middle of a shift where women will have to date more guys to find the right one. Change the way we date. Show more interest and initiate more conversations. Pretty much do a bit more of what guys traditionally do.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Odette I agree with everything you said. Only a couple of months ago I was in a casual tinder relationship. I told myself I wasn't ready for a serious commitment but a big part of it was that I didn't feel entitled to ask for a commitment. Our culture has made sex so available that we no longer feel entitled to ask for commitment/ support/ care in a relationship. It is totally fucked up. Your post has totally clarified a lot of things I was slowly working out in my head so thanks. I am definately not going to de-value myself and think I don't deserve or can't ask for the things I want in a relationship.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who is in mid-life (late 30s).....casual sex really is the lesser of two evils. A long term relationship with the wrong person will wreck your life. Or at least run your life off the tracks long enough to fuck everything up.

    One is better off being painfully aware of how alone each individual is in this world.

    I tire of this topic easily b/c I think my view is the minority view. I didn't grow up with a "sugar and spice" view of LTRs b/c my parents had a bad marriage and a vicious divorce. In the long run I was better off for thinking that way, in my opinion.....

    & I can't be the only person who totally cringes at Romantic Comedies and associated Romantic movies. If life were only that cute or merciful.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    I can't be the only person who totally cringes at Romantic Comedies and associated Romantic movies. If life were only that cute or merciful.
    Here Here!! I've seen controlling abusive types creep up on me and friends and family. A few years of living together and meshing your lives and you look up one day and see they've been running an agenda. Relationships are no guarantee of committed stability. It's all a gamble and not everyone wants to play at various times in their life. Sometimes you want companionship without obligation or formality. But women who sometimes just want to have fun have no responsibility for he choices of men who decide they never want to commit. That's their individual choice. And they have the right to make that choice. I'd rather see them be honest than 'have to ' pretend in order to get laid or be respected professionally. That doesn't do anyone any favors. Who wants to unexpectedly find you're expecting with a guy you thought was invested, just to find he's not really all in. If only Tiger Woods had learned that lesson instead of wasting Elin's time with his worldwide sex tours.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I want to clarify: I hold no ill will against women who decide to pursue casual relationships. If that is one's choice, so be it, there are many circumstances I can understand where this makes so much sense. The last time I swore off committed relationships I was in my last year of university and did not want the distraction or extra comittment, at the time, all I had time for was school. Even now, though my eventual goal is to find a more long-term partner, I'm much more concerned about personality compatibility, short term and long term goals, and passion, than immediate commitment. I just think it should be more of an eventual possibility than it seems like it is...I've been in enough short committed relationships by now, that I know you have to really know a person for a few months before the truth in these things becomes clear. The way I date now, personally, is casually, and if someone sparks my interest, I will see them casually until I determine that we are or are not compatible via real life interactions over time. People lie their asses off in the "honeymoon" phase, committed or not, in order to impress people, and in some cases even, trick people, and only time really shows how compatible you are, and what the other person's agenda really is, so it's best to not be too invested too soon.

    However: I DETEST this...what I call a "Sex Only" box that modern dating has created via things like Tinder and hookup culture run amok. I have had flings that were soooo fun and awesome, we got along great, had things in common, great sex, etc., in some cases some pretty intimate moments, even expressed feelings on the man's part, which in this case gets me thinking "this is pretty sweet, I wonder if this will go anywhere, I'm starting to feel comfortable opening up and relaxing a bit" and then (without saying anything to provoke it, no mention of the commitment talk, no gushy expressions of feelings) out of nowhere, these dudes feel the need to be all "so what we're doing is just sex--ok?" This is without the context of them indicating such at the beginning of a fling (which is a whole other thing altogether--I usually will bounce these ones entirely at this point in my life). This is also without the context of my voicing desiring commitment from them. It's just like...this sex only box...it's the BIGGEST LADY BONER KILLER EVER. Like, dude, what are you doing? So I'm like, what, a walking vagina to you now, when two seconds ago you told me you were getting feelings for me? Was I asking you to be my boyfriend? No! I just wanted to happily continue spending time with someone cool and keep having nice sex occaisonally. They completely ruin the magic. Excuse my cheese, ladies, but you all know what I mean. For me it messes up the attraction I feel towards the person. Maybe it's frustration because it's basically my JOB to be someone's sex doll, and valued only for my body, and I really REALLY don't want to do it in my personal life, thanks. If people want just sex, that's cool, being upfront about it is definitely needed, mentioning it a few weeks in is irritating for the other person. But it seems like actual dating, like where you meet someone and they ask you to hang out a few times, and it's all casual (obviously) while you're getting to know eachother, has fallen prey to tinderitis...

    Just because our sexuality has been liberated thanks to feminism doesn't mean that we still don't get to dictate the terms of it, and that those terms shouldn't be able to be fluid over time as one gets to know another individual and decides what we want. I get the impression that just because there is no stigma against casual sex anymore, men feel entitled to it, regardless of how the woman might feel about it in each particular instance.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    My friend just fwd me this and it reminded me of this thread. http://elitedaily.com/dating/generat...p-love/989885/

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    ^^^ Thanks Vyanka ! That article makes so many good points about the differences between today and 10-20 years ago ...

    (snip)
    1. We care more about instant gratification than we do anything else.

    2. We’ve built a culture driven by drugs and booze.

    3. We sleep around — a lot.

    4. We’re becoming even more egocentric.

    5. We date for the sake of dating.

    6. We aren’t fans of making compromises.

    7. We believe in fairytale endings.

    8. We’ve been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.

    9. We’re goal driven, but often forget to include our partners in the mix.

    10. Most of us are really bad at loving.(snip)


    Obviously, a lot of these observed points also factor into changes we see in strip clubs / customers ... particularly #1, 2, 4, 6, and 7

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    ^I would dare to go so far as saying third wave feminism has contributed to the hook up culture of today. Modern feminists talk a lot about "rape culture" and "male entitlement" but I think what they're truly describing is hook up culture. Women are supposed to be free to sleep around with whomever without any judgment, yet when men come to expect easy sex, or don't want to commit to a "slut" it's a problem. Personally I wouldn't seriously date or marry a promiscuous man. When it comes to dating I'm "old school" thanks to being raised by my conservative Southern grandparents. Other than my first, toxic relationship/marriage I've had very good experiences dating and getting respect and commitment from my partners.

    As far as the dating culture of today contributing to the strip clubs, my guess is it's a combination of the hook up culture and the economy tanking. I've had conversations with many of my younger (early 20s) co workers about how they will do extras for little to nothing, or date customers behind their boyfriends backs. My old room mate went to work basically shopping for a new boyfriend. It seems like no big deal to them. Also there's probably more girls than ever pursuing sex work since there are few jobs or sucky jobs--more competition---more extras.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    But women who sometimes just want to have fun have no responsibility for he choices of men who decide they never want to commit. That's their individual choice. And they have the right to make that choice..
    I do not judge women who want casual sex and in no way blame them for men who only want casual relationships. However now casual relationships are commonplace I think many women who engage in them would prefer commitment but do not feel entitled to ask for it. I don't think women should feel they are being needy or fear they will be dropped if they want commitment when that is a perfectly reasonable thing to want. I think the culture of easy hook ups promotes the fear of talking about commitment.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    But women who sometimes just want to have fun have no responsibility for he choices of men who decide they never want to commit. That's their individual choice. And they have the right to make that choice..
    I do not judge women who want casual sex and in no way blame them for men who only want casual relationships. However now casual relationships are commonplace I think many women who engage in them would prefer commitment but do not feel entitled to ask for it. I don't think women should feel they are being needy or fear they will be dropped if they want commitment when that is a perfectly reasonable thing to want. I think the culture of easy hook ups promotes the idea that wanting commitment is unreasonable.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    This is part of why I used to go on plenty of first dates, a few second dates, but usually decline anything after that. There is way too much expectation of sex and instant commitment, with someone I've only had a few hours of experience with (texting does. not. count.) The last guy I went on two dates with and spent 5 hours with total, got ragingly angry that I wasn't willing to have sex with him, wouldn't commit to being his girlfriend and went on and on about how he spent enough money and was nice enough to me that he deserved to get a girlfriend out of it. Bear in mind, he knew next to nothing about me. He didn't know last name, about my college education, where I grew up... nothing. That is SO not how relationships are supposed to work, but it seems pretty standard these days, outside of religious communities.

    This is one of the main reasons that I stopped bothering. For some reason "stripper with her shit together" attracts a lot of creeps and users, so I'm incredibly picky about who I'll even bother with. I'm also not looking for a status symbol to post on Facebook to impress people. I'm looking for a solid, stable partnership that's going to be fulfilling, mutually beneficial and long lasting. Skipping steps in the dating process is like building the second floor of a house before you've laid the foundation. It will fail and I see no need to bother with something that's doomed from the beginning.

    I also don't have any desire for casual sex. I'm exposed to the cheapness and sterility of dancing and have to defend my position of not fucking random people that it's taken on a lot more worth and meaning for me. I mean, if sex was meaningless, I wouldn't be so protective and defensive, would I? Hooking up with someone I barely know reminds me too much of fucking in the VIP.

    Besides, there isn't much that a man can do for me that I'm not capable of doing for myself.

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  33. #19
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Every girl I know wants to really be in a relationship. Every single one. But they settle for giving the guy what he wants, they do it to be considered the "Cool Girl", the chick who can hang, you know, the one that can fu*k like a guy and be ok with it with it being causal but really they are just desperate for the guy to commit. They chase that relationship down and then wonder whyyyyy doesn't he like me? I did everything he wanted!! I'm the cool girl! So.clueless.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    ^^ Guys do this too, just in a different way. Everyone seems to feel entitled these days.

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  37. #21
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Wow I'm glad that someone made this post- this is a conversation that we all need to have. I agree with a lot of the grievances about today's hookup culture and the rise of club extras. Both things annoy me to no end, but I'm trying to preserve what energy I have left by not getting upset about it. It is what it is...but that's not to say we can't do our own thing and, in the SC world, adapt so that our business stays good while protecting ourselves.

    As individuals, we simply need to, as the OP said, grow some lady balls. Simply, we shouldn't take anybody's shit, in stripclubs or in the dating world, lower our standards, lose confidence in ourselves, or feel the need to do ANYTHING that we don't like in order to "compete" with other women. We need to find our power, whatever it may be, and let go of the stupid AF idea that we are only capable of having sexual power. We need to take the power away from toxic SC customers by not letting them depress us, kill our libido outside of work, or otherwise get to us mentally.

    As fellow women, we need to build each other up instead of hating each other, especially in clubs. Yes there is competition, but that doesn't mean we can't treat each other in a positive and professional manner.

    Essentially, the best solution I can come up with is being the change that we want to see in society.

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  39. #22
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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Why is this not surprising to hear ... from


    (snip)a report by the Rhode Island Department of Health suggests, perhaps we are sharing just a little too much. Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise in the US, with health officials pointing the finger at casual sex arranged through social media as "the perfect storm." With gonorrhea up 30%, HIV infections up by 33%, and syphilis soaring a shocking 79% in the last year alone, perhaps they have a point.

    The report notes that "new cases of HIV and syphilis continued to increase among gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men at a faster rate than in other populations," adding that "infection rates of all STDs continued to have a greater impact on the African-American, Hispanic, and young adult populations." As RT reports,

    While better testing partly explains the increase, health officials also highlighted “high-risk behaviors that have become more common in recent years,” such as “using social media to arrange casual and often anonymous sexual encounters.”

    Other risky behavior factors were: “Having sex without a condom, having multiple sex partners, and sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.”

    Rhode Island officials say their alarming STD rates are part of a trend throughout the US. Although the latest statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) are from 2013, there have been reports of spikes in HIV and syphilis from New York and Texas to Utah.


    An STD clinic in Salt Lake County, Utah, has started asking patients about specific contact apps. Lynn Beltran, an epidemiologist at the clinic, told ABC she was not surprised to see a rise in STDs.

    “It’s been the perfect storm,” said Beltran. “Our attitude kind of shifted, where it became more acceptable to engage in casual sex.”

    Beltran said she had seen an uptick in syphilis and gonorrhea rates, and that many of the newly diagnosed patients said they were sexually active through dating apps.
    (snip)

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    I agree with most comments, though believe this is a problem with men at all ages. I've had guys on a first date expect sex. I hate to place blame but I do blame society and those women who have casual sex. I'm not talking where everyone involved is on the same level, but those women who meet a guy and right away jump into bed. The economy is part of it, but really like what Melonie mentioned all of the changes in society. I think online dating has made it worse because if a woman won't have sex another women will, especially if he's good looking or well off. I seem to either find men who are promiscuous or men who seem to be asexual. Recently I was talking to a friend about feeling like a prude in this society and he told me he respects that in me. He often complains about people sleeping around. However he doesn't seem interested in dating me or anyone else (though I think he's the most amazing man I know). I can't seem to find men like him who want to date, it's either guys who want sex before a commitment or creepy guys. I don't even bother anymore because I just don't care. I was lucky becao I saw how a real marriage works because my parents have been married almost 47 years. I don't think we'll see many marriages last that long.

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    Default Re: Tinder, Modern Sexual Culture, and the Extras-Dominated Environment of Exotic Dan

    Subscribing
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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