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    Thumbs down completely cutting men out of my life

    A huge percentage of the men I have in my life are detrimental to my existence. This breakthrough came after some ugly crying about the latest narcissist that used me. Not trying to play the victim, I realize that I am 100% responsible for putting up with inappropriate and disrespectful behavior from men, either because I wanted the affection or because I was under the insane delusion that they were my "friends." Recent life events have completely disillusioned me to the notion that men are my friends, and I really don't want to deal with any of the men from my past or new men I meet.

    they lie
    they objectify me and try to fuck me
    many of them are sexist
    they distract me from my goals
    most can't handle my passion for stripping
    they put me down in subtle ways
    they don't appreciate me
    they brag to their friends

    I am going to conduct an experiment to see how much better my life can be if I stop talking to men in order to pursue my passions and strengthen my friendships and collaborations with women. I have been giving up way too much to maintain these relationships that are completely worthless to me.

    I feel totally free. There is no reason to deal with men. There is no reason to care what they think.

    I might change my mind in the future, but I already know this is the right decision for me. Not fucking with men unless I have to at work or in a social setting like a family gathering is going to set my spirit free.


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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Congrats on your new life improvement goals. Just keep in mind, it doesn't necessarily have ANYTHING to do with sex. Women can be just as toxic and unhealthy for you, use you and manipulate, back stab out of some rooted jealousy because of your beauty and self confidence. You're just raising your standards in general for the people you let into your life, which is a great thing and can be wonderful for you.
    I say this because easily one of the best people in my life is my long term childhood friend, might as well be my twin brother (we joke about that because our birthdays are 2 weeks apart and we're the same age), never used me for anything (anything more then I used him for like help moving) always listens to my insane rants about whatever it is at the moment - as I do for him... and he's a guy... A bi guy, so maybe that's something to do with it, or because we've known each other forever.... but still a guy. I also see him treat most of the other women he knows, this same way.
    In the end, lots of people are out to use you. Especially in the line of career I'm assuming you're involved in given the site. So you keep up that strict standard for how people treat you and get rid of the trash. It's not your job to fix anyone and you don't owe anyone shit. Much less to take their shit.
    Something tells me this is gonna be a huge stress relief.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I don't think the problem is men, but rather your low parameters. You can't condemn an entire gender. I have plenty of awesome men in my life. You just have to be a good judge of character.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Quote Originally Posted by angel_cakes View Post
    Just keep in mind, it doesn't necessarily have ANYTHING to do with sex. Women can be just as toxic and unhealthy for you, use you and manipulate, back stab out of some rooted jealousy because of your beauty and self confidence
    I agree. OP, good luck with cutting out toxic people in general but gender surely isn't the only factor.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Quit blaming an entire gender for your shitty taste.
    That's a little rough dude. She's hurt right now, so she's venting. Don't personalize it. Also, from the number of thanks she has already received, I'm guessing that others share her feelings to one degree or another. If she is struggling so much with men right now, maybe it is a good idea for her to take a break from them.

    IMHO she is coming to learn what most attractive young women eventually do about their male friends, which is that these so-called "friends" probably wouldn't be hanging around if these ladies were ugly and weighed 250 pounds. Some girls handle this revelation less well than others, especially when they had considered these guys to be people who they could rely upon and then feel betrayed when they come to learn these guys' true motives.


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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Quote Originally Posted by angel_cakes View Post
    Something tells me this is gonna be a huge stress relief.
    I couldn't be happier about it. I can't wait to focus my energy on my passions and not base my self-worth on how assholes are treating me.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Seriously Trem I cannot even quote your post as doing so would perpetuate it even more. Seeing as this is 'life support' what exactly is supportive in that post?

    I would think it odd if any person did not have moments in their life when they had no use for the opposite sex.

    To the OP, you are correct, you are no doubt on the right track. Surround yourself with good people and eventually, hopefully, some of them will be men.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Quit blaming an entire gender for your shitty taste.
    Hi Trem, I understand not all men are like this. But from my personal experience of being a woman, I have experienced what OP is talking about like many other women. I've heard many men say they are swearing off women. Everyone has their reason. Sometimes people need break of one another. That's all. Now please don't be a jerk to OP.





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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    You are at the age when it's common to see that a lot of guys pretend to be your friend your rock and like family even when all they want is to bury the bone. Good for you taking a break to gain discernment. Nothing wrong with it. In dating it's sometimes good to take a step back between relationships. So take all the time you need hun! You'll feel stronger and more in control of your world. I suggest www.baggagereclaim.com and do some reading on narcissistic relationships Lisa Romano is fantastic as is Spartan Life Coach https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaaromano1 https://www.youtube.com/user/SPARTANLIFECOACH
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I'm so sorry about your recent bad experience, but I am happy that you realized your mistake and are trying to fix it. Good luck! Just take the time to focus on you and be happy. Always be selective, never put anyone on a pedestal and never, ever settle or accept bad behavior from anyone. When you respect yourself, others will respect you too.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    ^^Actually, the last time I asked a man for help with my oil, he put 2 quarts more in my engine than it was supposed to take. It promptly freaked out and almost died on the freeway and I had to have it towed back to town. Meanwhile, a friend in another state fixes and spruces up HER own car all the time and said she would teach me how to change my own oil the next time I visit. So yeah... lol

    Anyway, OP, I think almost everyone on this site can relate to your feelings at one point or another. I'm going through it a bit myself right now. I haven't cut out all my guy friends, but a significant amount. The ones I have left are generally guys who have SO's that I'm friends with so there's no weird tension. And I've all but cut out sex aside from work. It's made me feel better and start being more critical about my interactions with everyone I give my time to. I hope it helps you too.
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 05-19-2015 at 12:12 PM.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    OP, I'm honestly considering the same thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    Pussy is truly the great uniter.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I'm worried I'm going to have to do that, soon. Not only did all the men in my graduate program shun me and start shit talking me as soon as I wrote an essay about my experiences stripping, but now my boyfriend is saying that I need to stop stripping in order to save our relationship. I never lied about what I did to him, and he was comfortable with it until he started asking questions. Now he wants me to quit and get a job waitressing or bartending, meanwhile I'm finally able to afford my own apartment and car with some left over to save, and I don't want to give that up.

    I really feel for you, OP, because I'm starting to think I'll never meet a man--even if it's just as a friend--who can accept me for who I am. So much of the time I feel more comfortable around women. My female friends support me and lift me up; the men I know only want to make fun of me and try to force me to change.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Ugh... Ask him if he's gonna cover YOUR bills from now on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    Pussy is truly the great uniter.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    So last night the only man I really wanted to keep in my life as a friend drunkenly told me that I hold a double standard because I want loyalty in a relationship when I'm in the sex industry. It wasn't worth it to argue with him. Bye Felipe.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Exactly Hardfemme, that's not even worth the fight. Especially while they're drinking. There is no win. Or you could explain that your sig other is more then welcome to try their hand in the dance/cam industry. Good luck!

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I'm pretty much feeling this way myself. Had a one night stand the other night with a friend of mine & we've had this little dance going on to where we'll flirt but then the other day after he was all over me in the bar & telling me how he's always wanted me blah blah, he then texts me the following day stating that he isn't ready to be anything more than a friend right now & the sex has to stop. ummm, ok. lol. I told him he was an asshole for taking the fun out of things & he said to me that he was afraid of getting attatched to me if we had only sex casually. I call BS! He told me that he respected me as a woman & that I'm a good friend....LMAO .whatever.

    Guys suck!
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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Since posting this, turns out this male "friend" of mine who's been flirting with me online for years and expressing the desire to hook up in person has had a girlfriend for at least three years of that time, and only told me about her existence now that they're engaged. I felt like he disrespected his future bride and me. So yah they do suck.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    As much as i love playing around with guys , I need to stop having one nighters bc somewhere along the line, esp with the last one , I ended up developing a mini crush(prob coz I couldn't have him) whatever though , it needs to stop.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I still have a handful of men who I am friends with and have a loving boyfriend, but cutting most male relationships out of my life was really helpful from my personal experience.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    OP, I'm so glad you've decided to improve for yourself. I too am going though the same thing. Dealing with regulars who have really caused me some emotional annoyances lately. I was recently "stood up" by 3 of my regs and I hate it when I allow people to fuck with my money. I've been noticing that most men are only after one thing and a woman's mind and pussy are the most powerful possessions (and bargaining tools) she has in this life. Use it to your advantage!




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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I think it's a completely good thing to work on yourself. I think if you keep attracting the same kind of men over and over, the problem is you ...not meaning to be rude.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    I think it's a completely good thing to work on yourself. I think if you keep attracting the same kind of men over and over, the problem is you ...not meaning to be rude.
    Im not relating this to the OP..just saying personally sometimes bc of the way we act outwardly and feel about ourselves we end up attracting men who will prey on weakness. If we lived in a world of less self-driven people maybe it wouldnt be quite so rough. Sometimes we really need to work on ourselves more than we think..I def can agree for me personally there is def room for improvements.

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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I have the same plan as the OP take some time off focus on myself who I am and my career...enjoy the little things get into my hobbies again....it sounds like heaven...and if I meet someone before that time he will have to respect that and wait or get lost
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    Default Re: completely cutting men out of my life

    I did that 4 yrs ago and it's been the best decision I EVER have made in my ENTIRE life... Do I get lonely once in awhile? yes, do I think about being around men? sometimes. But the advantages I have created in my life towards the life I always wanted way out measure having men around to distract me from my dreams and goals, put me down, use me etc etc. The last man I was involved with was ALSO a narcissist. The worst! and he truly just made me say BYE BYE to men.. Haven't wanted to be with one since.. Loving my soon to be life I always dreampt of having. I have made MORE progress on my dreams and goals in the last 4 yrs than in the 25 yrs of being an adult.. I am 42. Men truly brought nothing to the table in my life . Sad but true.. Not a damn thing but anguish, aggravation, frustration, and tears..

    Quote Originally Posted by hardfemme View Post
    A huge percentage of the men I have in my life are detrimental to my existence. This breakthrough came after some ugly crying about the latest narcissist that used me. Not trying to play the victim, I realize that I am 100% responsible for putting up with inappropriate and disrespectful behavior from men, either because I wanted the affection or because I was under the insane delusion that they were my "friends." Recent life events have completely disillusioned me to the notion that men are my friends, and I really don't want to deal with any of the men from my past or new men I meet.

    they lie
    they objectify me and try to fuck me
    many of them are sexist
    they distract me from my goals
    most can't handle my passion for stripping
    they put me down in subtle ways
    they don't appreciate me
    they brag to their friends

    I am going to conduct an experiment to see how much better my life can be if I stop talking to men in order to pursue my passions and strengthen my friendships and collaborations with women. I have been giving up way too much to maintain these relationships that are completely worthless to me.

    I feel totally free. There is no reason to deal with men. There is no reason to care what they think.

    I might change my mind in the future, but I already know this is the right decision for me. Not fucking with men unless I have to at work or in a social setting like a family gathering is going to set my spirit free.

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