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Thread: No longer like him for dumb reason

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    Default No longer like him for dumb reason

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    Last edited by somechick99; 07-19-2018 at 01:30 PM.

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    I don't think it's hypocritical-like you said, there is a huge difference between a no touching club, and nipple sucking in a $20 dance. The lying by omission is a red flag too IMO. Personally I would be really turned off if someone I was dating lied to me about going to a strip club. I'm all for the idea of them having some good clean fun, so to me lying about it is really shady!

    I think your best bet is to sit him down and have an adult conversation about it. But please trust your gut and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. You sound kind of passive and I don't want you to just think you have to go along with whatever this dude wants because you don't want a confrontation.

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    I think it's okay to feel this way. Speaking for myself, when I was much younger things like this could be a deal breaker b/c I had more options for partners/ability to "walk away.". Now that I'm "older" I am less judgmental b/c I have less options if I wish to bail on a guy for cheating-type activity.

    Keep in mind every person is so different so there is no way to know the "right" way to feel about some of these situations.

    I'm sure my post makes not a ton of sense, but in my mind, people evolve in their attitudes. I agree that him not mentioning the strip club visit is a bit fishy.

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    If you don't like someone you don't like someone, it's not like you can force yourself to change that.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    I don't think it would be hypocritical of you to care about it even if he'd had exactly the kind of lap dance you give, because as long as he's not the one giving the lap dance it can't really be compared to what you do.

    Giving lap dances to make money and receiving lap dances to get pleasure or fun out of it, to me they are just two completely different situations.




    And yes it does seem a bit weird that he's not open about it, and of course just the possibility that he could be anything like those fuckers you meet at work can be a total turn off.

    I would probably be feeling something similar in your shoes, wondering why the secrecy, what went on in that brothel/club, what kind of person is he really. I would bring it up casually by saying something like "I heard you went to a strip club on that trip, did you get a hot lap dance?", very casual with a cheeky smile, and see how he reacted to it. And then take it from there. But probably that would be the beginning of the end because I want to be able to trust that people just tell the truth to start with.

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    If you don't like someone you don't like someone, it's not like you can force yourself to change that.
    OP, 100% this IMHO. There is nothing "dumb" about how you feel and vague notions of right or wrong have nothing to do with this. You don't want a guy who is predisposed to visiting strip clubs. Period. IMHO you should trust your instincts and feelings rather than questioning them or trying to talk yourself out of them. There are plenty of guys out there who rarely, if ever, visit strip clubs. You are not crazy for wanting a guy who doesn't enjoy hanging out in them. The fact that you work in one has nothing to do with whether it's ok for your guy to hang out in one for his pleasure.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: No longer like him for dumb reason

    Quote Originally Posted by somechick99 View Post
    Sooo I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months and we are not in a bf/gf relationship. He told me he eventually wants us to become that but we both agreed we should take our time getting to know each other first. LLast week, his friend got married in Vegas and he and one other dude were the only single guys. Obviously he's technically allowed to do what he wants. While there, he mentioned a free drink and limo arrangement he was offered. Being a dancer myself, I instantly knew that arrangement was for a strip club (Vegas has tons of free limos and drinks for tourists specifically for strip clubs). I noticed that it seemed as if he went out of his way not to mention the fact he was at one, which is weird because he knows that I work at one. However, I work in the Pacific Northwest, which is a completely different ballgame than Vegas altogether.

    I honestly didn't care he was going to go, until I later found out the club he went to is basically a brothel. The club I work at doesn't even allow touching, and apparently it's standard for the one he was at to have nipple sucking in even the $20 dances. I have no idea what went on while he was there and it's none of my business, - but I think subconsciously I'm trying to protect myself because I've lost quite a bit of attraction for him upon learning this. He was not there for a bachelor party or anything like that.

    I have no idea why I'm so turned off by a hypocritical thing for me to even care about. I guess it could be insecurity, but I think it's more than that. I think I've mentally grouped him into the category of the douche bags who I see at work every day...and I despise most of those guys.

    Hes a really nice guy and I don't know what to do now. I'll sound ridiculous explaining to someone I'm not dating the actual reason I am turned off. What are your guys thoughts on this?
    First of all: nipple sucking for $20 ?????? - hell naw!!! What is wrong with these extras broads and their bargain basement prices?

    Second of all: How did you find out he really went to the strip club? Did you ask him outright and he admitted it or you found out through some third party? I mean if he did go to the strip club, it could be possible that he did not partake in all the activities or nipple sucking. He could have just went for a beer and to watch the show.

    Third of all: I can feel you on being turned off by all this if in fact it did occur. Simply because although I personally wouldn't mind my partner going to the strip club tipping and looking and paying for company and maybe some mild lap dancing but sucking on nipples is crossing the line into cheating / extras zone. But I guess Im kind of conservative in that aspect. I think you are mainly bothered by him not being honest about his whereabouts. I mean if you can't trust him to be open now - in the beginning stages of the relationship - then what else will he hide / lie about?
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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