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Thread: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

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    Newbie Roo715x's Avatar
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    Duh should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Hi all, strange title for a strange question I Need advice on.
    I really want to become a dancer -yay!
    I have a current bf who I have been with for the past 2 years.... we moved here together from a different city. So everything we own it has all been split 50/50, he is the most lovely guy (honestly the best guy you could ask for). I am unsure of our future together and i really really do enjoy his company. but I know for a fact that if I tell him that I want to be a dancer he will flip and won't stay with me.
    I have been poling in studio and home for 2 years now and often go to our local strip club with him and our friends. There is only 1 main club here where we live and if I do become a dancer there is no doubt his friends, my ex and him will all see me there. We are all also from the same town so there's a high chance they might run their mouth around my family too.
    I was just wondering if anyone here has been in a position where they have a bf that supports them in dancing or what to do if you were in my shoes!
    All advice welcome and thank you in advance.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    I'm inclined to say it depends on why you want to start dancing. If it's a matter of keeping bills paid & earning $$$ towards getting ahead/investments, I think that's one thing. If it's purely abt pole & exhibitionism (sexual or otherwise) … I'm a little more eeeehhhhhh … I say this bc, altho I agree for the most part that you shouldn't be 'remaining in your place as a woman' in any relationship, I also say that relationships require respect on both sides in order to endure. This is just my first impression based on the very little you've said abt your relationship.

    From what you've said, it sounds like the risk of being outed is one that you can't really minimise, & is a possibility you will have to prepare yourself to handle. I absolutely agree that they would be wrong to out you w/o your permission, but it sounds like you can't put it past them. I was outed to my family as a revenge tactic by a vanilla ex-employer, & my now-ex spilt to his family even after promising to keep it quiet. Sucks majorly but just an occupational hazard

    If it's really mostly or all abt pole, I'd say don't go the stripper route. Pole is one of the very few things I liked abt the job, & while Idk what pole appreciation in the clubs is like where you are, in the US it's pretty rare to find customers who appreciate it & pay accordingly. Poling as a stripper will tear up your body a lot more, for a lot less compensation. Since you have other avenues for pole, I would stick w/ those, & maybe look into competitions if you don't already compete.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    So why do you want to be a stripper? If you both needed the money then I'd say go for and not worry about other people's opinions but it sounds like you just like pole dancing so why not join a class or open your own pole dance studio.

    But if you really want to satisfy a need to strip - perhaps travel and try amateur contest for fun. Traveling to dance is a great way to keep your anonymity and amateur contests are a great way to make money fast. Only drawback is I think the clubs may rig the winnings in favor of dancers who are more likely to commit to working there.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Be honest with him. If he doesn't like it lose his ass.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    yeah a lot of people have this romantic idea that stripping = pole work when that is only a very small part of the job and not even necessary. Many top earners don't even mess with pole dancing. My husband didn't support me dancing at first but we NEEDED the money and I had tried everything else. It was a last resort and I wasn't happy about going against his wishes, but it is what it is. If you really love him and you don't need the $$ you can pole dance in a studio. It sounds like maybe you're not super in love with him though..and in that case just do you.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Dancer.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    No I'm not super in love with him, and i could really use the money which is why I want to dance.
    I do already take classes at the studio but it's becoming very very expensive and can't afford it any longer.
    thanks

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Roo715x View Post
    No I'm not super in love with him, and i could really use the money which is why I want to dance.
    I do already take classes at the studio but it's becoming very very expensive and can't afford it any longer.
    thanks
    Then shake that a$$ - and make sure to get every last drop of cash!
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    I really could use the money and money is the reason why I had first considered it...
    I love pole as it gives me so much confidence as well and do attend studio classes but am unable to afford it now. Travel and dance sounds amazing! Thanks for the suggestion.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    As others have said it sounds like, and you admitted, you're not super in love with him. If you're already having fantasies of dumping him and going off to strip with the newfound freedom - honestly, I think you have your answer right there.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Life is short, girl. There's no worse feeling than regret.

    Usually a significant others' reasons for being anti-dancing are more important than the simple fact that they're anti-dancing. The reasons point to deeper, core issues that tend to be far more problematic than the "no" that lies on the surface. Whether you end up dancing or not is less significant than the reasons for why he would be so against the idea of you dancing, if you know what I mean. Like, even if I weren't a stripper, if I were dating someone who had an issue with dancing, I'd still be very curious to figure out why they wouldn't be cool with it.

    Before you dump the boy, consider working a shift in a club SECRETLY (yessss morality nazis, I'm encouraging the OP to lead a life of deception!!!) to see if you might be a good fit for the job. If you love it, then do what must be done. If you hate it, then you can continue on in your 'meh' relationship until you find something better (horrible, right?), or just go ahead and dump his ass.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Thank you all! I might just go to a club and arrange for a try just to see if it's for me or not, although Im really unsure of him I know he cares for me very deeply which is the reason why he will say no. He is OK with my friends who dances and do just see it as a job, as we go together he's quite used to my friends sitting next to me naked and we are all just having a convo etc. Charlie61 thank you for your above comment I think I do just feel sorry for him? And guilty for choosing to dance over him. But I shouldn't right?!
    If I do like dancing and decide to choose dancing over him I'll feel so bad for leaving him alone in a city that we have moved together to. if it comes down to it, will he move out? Will I? What about the household things we have together? Our 2 kitten Babies? If I do move out he will not be able to pay rent with 1 income and he will struggle to pay for the lifestyle we have built together.
    has anyone here got any advice on maybe moving out?
    (OMG I just realized that I'm actually thinking of what to do when moving out... like I'm actually going to do it and I have my answer) Scary.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    As others have said it sounds like, and you admitted, you're not super in love with him. If you're already having fantasies of dumping him and going off to strip with the newfound freedom - honestly, I think you have your answer right there.
    Thank you, I guess I do already have my answer in my own question without realizing it! Funny that.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Jake wtf? No? Have you ever even been in a relationship at all?

    Dump him if he doesn't like it tbh, your personal happiness is more important than his sad ego.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Ignore the troll - infraction has been issued.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by Roo715x View Post
    If I do like dancing and decide to choose dancing over him I'll feel so bad for leaving him alone in a city that we have moved together to. if it comes down to it, will he move out? Will I? What about the household things we have together? Our 2 kitten Babies? If I do move out he will not be able to pay rent with 1 income and he will struggle to pay for the lifestyle we have built together.
    I can't wrap my head around this paragraph.

    Some time ago, you made the decision to relocate to another city with your BF and build a life together. That's a pretty big leap of faith for two people to make. What I can't understand is if you know he would not approve of the dancing, why move to another city to start a life together? It sounds like dancing is something you have wanted to do for a long time and I understand we all have dreams. Personally, I don't think I could abandon someone who has taken a leap of faith with me if that person has been caring and devoted to me. This is less about "dancing" and more about not being ready for a long term relationship on your part.

    I'm not suggesting you stay with someone you have no intention of having a long term relationship with. On the contrary, please let him go as gently and quickly as possible -- before you dig even deeper into the relationship.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by rickrocker00 View Post
    I can't wrap my head around this paragraph.

    Some time ago, you made the decision to relocate to another city with your BF and build a life together. That's a pretty big leap of faith for two people to make. What I can't understand is if you know he would not approve of the dancing, why move to another city to start a life together? It sounds like dancing is something you have wanted to do for a long time and I understand we all have dreams. Personally, I don't think I could abandon someone who has taken a leap of faith with me if that person has been caring and devoted to me. This is less about "dancing" and more about not being ready for a long term relationship on your part.

    I'm not suggesting you stay with someone you have no intention of having a long term relationship with. On the contrary, please let him go as gently and quickly as possible -- before you dig even deeper into the relationship.
    When we first moved here I did not think about dancing at all and all was good. But since then our financial situation has changed and ofcause we, ourselves have changed as well. if he doesn't approve of what I want to do, I know there will be lot of arguments around this topic so I'd be better for me to move out than having to argue everyday I see him.

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    Default Re: should I keep my boyfriend? or be a dancer?

    If you don't love him, why are you with him? I don't see a point in staying in a relationship if it's just convenient.

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