I had an argument with my mom this evening. She made it seem like my emotions are invalid "because I'm probably high". Which I am NOT. This discussion made me pretty upset and I told her I had to go. "To go get high again?"
Basically she was just adding fuel to my fire. If any of you know what it's like to be clean but be accused of being high because someone mistrusts you, then you know it SUCKS. Especially when it's a challenge to stay clean.
Anyway, I'm getting off topic. I'm 20 years old. And I've been feeling like it's time for me to move onto the next chapter of my life and become independent for a while now. Even though my mom says that it's not an issue that I live with her. I think she wants me to live with her forever.. but the thing is I don't want to fall flat on my face if she dies or something.
I know why she's upset and wants me to stay, but her 'logical' answer to get me to stay is "I want you to go to college first" but I know that's not really why she wants me around. I help out a little bit with my sister, and since she has a personality disorder she has to ride the bus home. The short bus to explain it more easily.. And I told her I'd promise to help with payments on the car but I don't think that really applies anymore, as I may be moving out very soon.
Anyway.. my thing is I don't want to miss out on life and being independent because my mother is upset about it. I love her to death. She is my best friend. But I feel like it's time. I don't want to be here anymore depending on her only. The only way I'll learn about anything in life is to experience it myself and I know that.
Anyone ever been in this kind of situation before? Please tell me I'm not alone.. I understand that it's hard for parents to let their children go, but it's my time. I'm 20 years old... I don't want to be the loser in his (her) mother's basement anymore.



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