If that title didn't get ur attention, well... If ur reading this, I guess it did. Anyways, enjoy the drama.
This whole Story is taking place in Germany.
Im German, the Girl is South-Eastern European. Ecconomically the relation between our countrys can be compared to the one between the US and Mexico, altho shes here legally.
She doesnt speak German, so her and me chat in English.
She:
Is in her mid-20's and quite smart, has a very realistic worldview. Used to be a Dancer for 7 years, since a few months working as a Mid-level escort (150 €/Hour). Shes quite unhappy with the Escort Job, and as I've learned on our 2nd Appointment... she didnt want to work as a escort (altho she certainly admits its good money.) A Family member of hers ran into trouble with organized crime, had debt... shes working it off now - and she has to share 50% of her income. Prostitution is legal here, Pimping isn't, I've told her that already, offered to help... but shes worried about her familiy at home.
Me:
Untill I was about 25 I was a complete failure with women... recently I've been getting better with stuff like staying calm, flirting, making smalltalk etc... but still... well lets just get to the Point:
I've been a around 30y old male virgin before I've been with her. So, lets just say... im still quite unexperienced with women, not even to mention with women who hustle for a living...
Might have a bit of a Knight in Shining Armor complex going on if I'm honest with myself, tho I try to keep it under control. Turns out thats harder than it sounds and had unexpected consequences.
I've seen 2 other Girls (also escorts) since I've been with her... was fun, good service & smalltalk, but don't got the same connection with them as with her.
The Situation:
Anyways, when her and me met the first time she said shes looking for a Appartement here.
So I've started thinking... in most bigger German Citys its hard as hell to find a Appartement, even if u speak the Language and were born here. And neither applies to her.
But I could help her find one since im a local. There were some misunderstandings at first and we kept chatting about other stuff besides the Appartement thing too... but on our 2nd Appointment, we got some Facts settled.
So... the one Detail that made the whole thing explode in my face was that I asked her for some free dates if I'd find her a appartement.
Now, why I ask for that? Because 1.) As much as I'd love to be more than a client to her, I'm trying to be realistic here... she'll probably see me as a client forever. I dunno if things like finding her a Appartement can change that, but... I'd rather play it safe.
And 2.) Finding a Appartement here is, as I've explained, hard work and time-consuming.
To find something for a foreigner who doesn't speak the Language... waw. Daunting task, honestly.
Her friends haven't offered the same thing to her.
So when I mentioned it, she at first said that, Yes, she knew I wanted something back... she was slightly annoyed, but still accepting. We negotiated back and forth a bit about how often, etc... then I had to go, her next client coming in, etc. That day her and me still said good night to each other over text, everything normal. The next day I text her that I could start the appartement hunt now (actually had been on it for a few hours already) but would like to clear out that last Detail. What I got in reply was "Look, about the flat... I'll see what happens. I will resolve my problems myself. Thank you anyways..."
Immedately I fall into a "Omg I did something terrible to her" Frame. To be honest: I think she really was hurt. She may be a escort girl and a ex-dancer... doesn't mean she can't be hurt, mmh?
And maybe there are Girls who fall in love with Knight in Shining Armor persona types (don't think I've ever met one, but..)
On the other Hand, maybe she just was annoyed that I wouldn't work completely for free for her.
But I don't think I was offering her something exploitative or unfair.
1.) For a girl that has 15-30 guys a week... does one more really make a difference? Especially if that one is a guy u actually like?
2.) If I work 20 or more hours on this appartement thing... - Plus anything that comes after that (help her setup things, etc) - is it unfair of me to ask to see her for free a few times?
I've already done a few things for free for her (i.e. writing her a very positive review, racking my brains about how exactly to get her a Appartement, telling her when they (the „management“) - against her wishes - uploaded face pictures of her on her escort profile, offering her my help to get out of this being "managed" situation... so, ya.
Anyways... I've apologized a few times, she sent me sad smileys back... I've tried to switch topic after a while (rather clumsily..) and then she blocked me on whatsapp. Not a good way to make repeat clients in general I guess, so either she read me perfectly and knew that I'd try to see her again - imo, thats very unlikely, high risk gamble... or I've really hurt her with this, made her feel like shes only good for sex, etc.
A few days later... I've visited her again. She was teary-eyed, apparently just was on the phone because of some trouble with her family. Talk about bad timing.
Ended up paying 100 bucks for 30 minutes of hearing her talk about how her and me don't really know each other (true dat, but when do u really know someone?), life is shit, im just a client to her, im not the first one to try to use her (I just paid 100 for 30 minutes of talking, whos using who?!?)... in the end she unblocked me. The appartement thing is still off, she wants to stay 1-2 more months and then go somewhere else.
Got her to promise me to contact me before she leaves... Imma be honest, I'd really like to let her know that she was my first girl.
And maybe she'd like to know too, etc. But honestly, I'd rather not tell her while things are like that...
Anyways... the current situation: Shes still not really talking to me and the whole "I tried to USE her" thing is really starting to annoy me, cuz it simply ain't true. I don't use people. Goes against everything I believe in. Maybe shes been cheated on so often, she doesn't know whats fair anymore.
I DO understand her being pissed at me, if I had to guess - I probably managed to make her feel like a Sexbot and shes a Human being - and she doesn't like her Job very much.
Imo - if I leave things as they are - so "Im just another man that tried to use her" - her and me might never again have a normal relationship to each other. Not even a regular client-escort relationship. And I'd really like to see her again before she leaves, even if „just“ as a client.
So... the question is should I
A) Try to clear things up (over whatsapp – ugh) maybe make clear that I already did lots of stuff for free for her, that calling me a people-abuser is absolutely uncalled for and that the proposed idea of "I'll find u a appartement for a few free dates" really wasn't that unfair - AKA: A bit of a wakeup call for her.
B) Just leave it be, not contact her for a few weeks/months, etc. Would solidify the whole „Ah, the guy that tried to use me!“ frame of hers tho. Really don't like that option.
C) Leave it be for a week or so, then talk about it with her.
D) Run like hell cuz im being played (call me paranoid - but just like her, im also trying to protect myself here.)
Once its clear to her that actually was not being unfair or abusive towards her – and I'll regain some trust – maybe I can help her get her out of that whole „being managed“ crap too. I hope.
I know this falls a bit outside of the usual frame of this Forum... but eh. Shes a ex-dancer / currently escort, most of u Girls in this forum are Dancers, a few are Escorts... u have a better idea of her Mindset than me. Any help and advice would be appreciated.


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