Im not sure where to start this since im pretty overwhelmed....i guess to start im in a 5 yr committed relationship. We both love each other & are devoted but cant seem to co exist without constant arguing/conflict. The past year or so has been pretty intense for us. We bought a house together, then got financially screwed by some decisions that he made in hiring someone to work on renovations. I think this created some hostility and a sense i cant rely on him on my part.
I struggled through some bouts of reallly bad depression, which im now managing reasonably well through various measures. We went to couples counseling and i went to private counseling for a bit (around 6 weeks?) Then kinda abruptly stopped since life got in the way. The first 4 yrs of our relationship i was dancing and so didnt worry about $ much. He works a decent steady job where he doesnt make alot but will be able to move up.
We have both wanted to have a family together. Someday. I have had 2 surgical abortions in the past few years. He was very supportive and helped me through it. I quit/took a break from dancing about a yr ago. I just hit 30 and while i didnt think that meant shit to me i realize i wont be able to glide on my youth much longer. I think i could get a few more good yrs out of dancing. I just hit the bottom of my savings and so was planning to go audition again..literally like this week.
My bf and i have been arguing so bad over every little thing (and alota the time it seems we just dont 'click') we have seriously been considering seperating. And now of course- i find out im fucking pregnant. I feel ashamed and irresponsible to have let this happen again. Ive shyed from birth controle because im wary of how hormones would effect my manic depression. Ive avoided iuds and the like because im just afraid of drs and invasive procedures.
My boyfriend was happy i am pregnant and wanted to keep it. To me this just seems more expression of his immaturity/impulsiveness/irresponsibility. Bringing a baby in when our relationship is so fragile we might split seems insane to me.
Ultimately he says he will support an abortion if that is what i choose and it seems like that is what has to happen. I am in conservative no mans land for womens health and there is only one clinic that offers medical and they have awful awful reviews. We cant afford to drive out of state like we did for the surgical. I called the clinic today and the desk person was a bitch. I need to just suck it up now and get on with this.
Im writing all this largely to vent, because i feel really alone. Also because im extra stressed that im already scrapping the bottom of my savings..the pill is gonna drain that even more...and im not sure of recovery time. Anyone with experience of medical abortion please respond! (I already searched it).
I need to make my apt soon. How long after do u think i can realistically go audition? I work in topless clubs but it says u cant wear tampons and still bleed for weeks, i dont imagine that pads for thongs would really be effective. Any insights appreciated!



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