Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: medical abortion & a million other stressors

  1. #1
    Senior Member janesays22's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    162
    Thanks
    380
    Thanked 131 Times in 72 Posts

    Default medical abortion & a million other stressors

    Im not sure where to start this since im pretty overwhelmed....i guess to start im in a 5 yr committed relationship. We both love each other & are devoted but cant seem to co exist without constant arguing/conflict. The past year or so has been pretty intense for us. We bought a house together, then got financially screwed by some decisions that he made in hiring someone to work on renovations. I think this created some hostility and a sense i cant rely on him on my part.

    I struggled through some bouts of reallly bad depression, which im now managing reasonably well through various measures. We went to couples counseling and i went to private counseling for a bit (around 6 weeks?) Then kinda abruptly stopped since life got in the way. The first 4 yrs of our relationship i was dancing and so didnt worry about $ much. He works a decent steady job where he doesnt make alot but will be able to move up.

    We have both wanted to have a family together. Someday. I have had 2 surgical abortions in the past few years. He was very supportive and helped me through it. I quit/took a break from dancing about a yr ago. I just hit 30 and while i didnt think that meant shit to me i realize i wont be able to glide on my youth much longer. I think i could get a few more good yrs out of dancing. I just hit the bottom of my savings and so was planning to go audition again..literally like this week.

    My bf and i have been arguing so bad over every little thing (and alota the time it seems we just dont 'click') we have seriously been considering seperating. And now of course- i find out im fucking pregnant. I feel ashamed and irresponsible to have let this happen again. Ive shyed from birth controle because im wary of how hormones would effect my manic depression. Ive avoided iuds and the like because im just afraid of drs and invasive procedures.

    My boyfriend was happy i am pregnant and wanted to keep it. To me this just seems more expression of his immaturity/impulsiveness/irresponsibility. Bringing a baby in when our relationship is so fragile we might split seems insane to me.

    Ultimately he says he will support an abortion if that is what i choose and it seems like that is what has to happen. I am in conservative no mans land for womens health and there is only one clinic that offers medical and they have awful awful reviews. We cant afford to drive out of state like we did for the surgical. I called the clinic today and the desk person was a bitch. I need to just suck it up now and get on with this.

    Im writing all this largely to vent, because i feel really alone. Also because im extra stressed that im already scrapping the bottom of my savings..the pill is gonna drain that even more...and im not sure of recovery time. Anyone with experience of medical abortion please respond! (I already searched it).
    I need to make my apt soon. How long after do u think i can realistically go audition? I work in topless clubs but it says u cant wear tampons and still bleed for weeks, i dont imagine that pads for thongs would really be effective. Any insights appreciated!

  2. #2
    Featured Member kaninchen's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    1,659
    Thanks
    930
    Thanked 5,550 Times in 1,321 Posts

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    First of all, pregnancy happens. Birth control fails, people make mistakes, it happens. Please try to remember that and don't beat yourself up with feelings of shame and irresponsibility. If you now know that you need to make different birth control choices in the future, well, that's that. Lesson learned. You are not a bad person in any way because of this, okay? *hug*

    About dancing after the abortion -- standard advice is nothing inserted into the vagina for 2 weeks. Every woman's body is different, but after I had a medication abortion, I bled heavily for about a week, normally for a few more days, and then had some mild spotting. What really prevented me from working for those two weeks, however, was the fact that I felt terrible. It was like having the flu for 10 days.

    Would it be possible for you to audition now so that you can work and save up until the abortion?

    Finally, you are NOT alone. Not at all, girl. Please PM me for seriously anything, I'd be happy to help you in any way that I can. Hang in there. You will be okay!

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to kaninchen For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    You've already had two surgical abortions & considering a third, but you say you're afraid of drs & invasive procedures??? Seriously … IUD takes 30min from the time you take off your clothes to when you hop out of the stirrups. There is the option of getting an injection of pain meds but I just bit the bullet bc I hate needles -- it hurt for all of abt 15sec just bc of how my plumbing is angled. There is a hormonal & a non-hormonal version as well. You can sit there & chat w/ the dr the entire time if you want to; it's really nothing to be afraid of, & this is not coming from sm1 who loves having strangers mess w/ her junk! the one I got is good for 5yrs -- a month after you get it inserted, you get it checked just to make sure it's all good in there (no shifting or anything) -- done in a few min.

    Honestly, if you're 'racking up' abortions like this then smtg needs to be done differently. I agree that keeping the baby when your relationship is in such an uncertain state would not be good for you or for the baby.

    As for the $$ situation, like making any other kind of appt, you would probably not be able to get in right away; you could have a wk or so b4 they have an opening for you. Use that time, as Kaninchen advised, to get hired & start earning the necessary $$. Give yourself a few days to rest afterward if you need it, or however much time you need. If you go back b4 the 2wks is up (my dr actually told me 6wks when I had mine), keep your thong+ sm boyshorts on & tell ppl you had sm (other kind of) female surgery, maybe cyst removal or smtg of that nature.

  5. #4
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2013
    Location
    Sverige!
    Posts
    651
    Thanks
    717
    Thanked 1,219 Times in 431 Posts

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    So what HAVE you been using to prevent pregnancy? Also, you realise "medical" abortion is worse than surgical, yes? It's more painful, lasts longer and can be traumatic visually. I agree with Aniela, IUDs take all of 10-15mins, mine didn't hurt at all, just ask for misoprostol tablets beforehand and it's a breeze. I'm sorry about your BF, but with the pregnancy thing you really dug your own hole for being irresponsible.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Vackra For This Useful Post:


  7. #5
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16,440
    Thanks
    47,042
    Thanked 34,925 Times in 12,871 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    Sorry to hear your in such a bind.

    Thats great your boyfriend is supportive either way you decide. Your relationship may be fragile but it could be possible a baby would encourage him to act responsible family/ relationship wise? Lots of people change for the better once they become parents. You can also get government assistance quickly if you are pregnant and then get WIC after the baby is born so you wont have to worry too much about the basics / money. So are you certain you want to abort?

    If so, you would want to take it easy. Don't rush to get to the club and sacrifice the healing process just for money. Your body and physical health is more important. Bills can wait - make payment arrangements, borrow from friends, etc.
    “Cook for him like a housewife, fuck him good like a nympho….pay the rent and the car note, he invests in me like crypto”

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to miss.a.p1600 For This Useful Post:


  9. #6
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    1,155
    Thanks
    1,422
    Thanked 2,980 Times in 970 Posts

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    +1 for auditioning now and stacking up a little cash before the procedure. I've had an abortion before, had to wait a few days from when I called to make the appointment, and I made great money during the interim weekend! Also I noticed that guys kept their hands to themselves and just told me how beautiful I was, which is pretty unusual in my high contact neck of the woods. After the abortion I only needed a week off, I had a surgical.

    Is medical the only option in your state? I honestly think surgical is better-it's over faster, far less risk of complication, and much cheaper. In fact even if you do have to drive out of state for it you might still break even compared to the price of the pills for surgical. Medical may not even be a viable option depending on how far along you are.

  10. #7
    Senior Member janesays22's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    162
    Thanks
    380
    Thanked 131 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    Whew...Thank you to each one of you who responded!
    I am in even more of a bizarre situation now. The last few days have been incredibly painful and confusing for me and then wonderful and uplifting. My boyfriend was also working constantly and seemed to be avoiding me. I don't have many close friends in town, which is why I was posting here. My boyfriend basically broke down in front of me and told me he'd been trying to process this and not make it harder because he really wanted to keep it. Things still seemed pretty certain toward abortion because I didn't feel ready. Then I started doing a lot of soul searching and questioning why I don't feel ready etc. I talked to friends with small children. Many of my reasons began to seem somewhat arbitrary. I do believe that there is no 'right time' to have a child. My older sister got pregnant at 15 and left me incredibly wary of motherhood, so I hold no idealizations about the experience. Basically I don't really see how much would really be so different 2 years or so from now (when I would have 'planned' to start having kids..) I won't be able to dance for a while and we'll have to live off my bf's paycheck which will be a bit lean...but as @Miss.a mentioned, there are options within that..I also have some vanilla job alternatives. The more and more I think about it...I just feel..stronger really, that I AM ready for this and would greet the experience with all I've got in me.

    The biggest challenge seems to be me and my bf's relationship. Our main trouble is communication. Thing is we've been together for 5 years now and 4 have been super solid, this past year has been extremely stressful and has lead to some nastly break downs in communication and respect. We've decided we are committed to changing the bad habits and making things better. Neither of us is alright with bringing a child into a home where parents are screaming at each other all the time. The reality is- I am the one screaming. I am the one that is verbally abusive and going to have to unlearn all these crappy patterns of communication I grew up with.

    All the pain and stress of the last few days has lead to a new sense of strength & peace- that I can be strong and face all of this and deal with it like I need to.

    Although my heart/intuition is all gung-ho to have this child now, we are not definetly decided yet. As exciting as it seems, the prospect is also somewhat terrifying and sobering. We're in the land of intense life decision stuff.

    If we do decide to abort, my bf said he has some savings so we can go out of state and have it done surgically (he doesn't trust the pill). Which makes the title of my post moot. @Kaninchen- seriously, thank you so much for chiming in with your personal experience and support. I honestly needed it =)

    ---As goes questions of how I got pregnant..I've already owned my irresponsibility. After my 2nd abortion I had planned to get an IUD, but frankly after reading up on experiences with them it scared the shit out of me and I opted against it. (Thank you though for offering your own experience which counters the things I heard/read!) I decided to track my periods and calculate the time of my ovulation. My bf pulled out most of the month and then the days leading up to and after my ovulation we used condoms. This does appear to have been an effective birth control for the last 2 1/2 years. On that note anyone who decides to go that route needs to obviously me more meticulous than I was. You can take your temperature to figure out your basal body temperature which should help with precisions. There is also a device called the 'lady-comp' (and a whole thread about it somewhere on here if I don't recall?) that also helps you to track ovulation.

    Really thanks to all who weighed in with compassion and thoughtfulness--- this stuff ain't easy!

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to janesays22 For This Useful Post:


  12. #8
    God/dess ScarletKitten's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2013
    Location
    Hyperspace
    Posts
    2,208
    Thanks
    3,162
    Thanked 6,709 Times in 1,895 Posts

    Default Re: medical abortion & a million other stressors

    Janesays, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. If you do plan on aborting, surgical is definitely the better route. It is cheaper and easier on the body. I had a surgical abortion about a decade ago, and it went well. I didn't even have any bleeding afterwards (if I did, it was so light I don't even remember it). Also, I was able to get back to work within a week or less (retail job at the time). It sucks that you have to drive out of state for that, but it may be worth it if you are not 100% sure you want to proceed with the pregnancy.

    I've heard mostly bad things about IUD's. I had a best friend years ago who had an IUD and she constantly had urinary tract infections from it. I've also read things online and on this site from girls who have IUD's and having health problems from them. It's just not worth it IMO. I know your partner wants to have a baby, so I'm not sure if I should suggest a vasectomy for him. My bf had a vasectomy done and it was the easiest thing ever. Also, some or most vasectomies can be reversed whenever you are ready to have a baby. So that is always an option.

    I hope the best for you. Sending you warm, loving vibes...
    Last edited by ScarletKitten; 06-25-2015 at 03:54 PM. Reason: deleted unnecessary content
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to ScarletKitten For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 15
    Last Post: 06-20-2015, 10:48 AM
  2. Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-22-2009, 05:47 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •